ch 68

Anna's POV:

Slowly waking up from my semi-conscious state I felt like a sledgehammer had hit me head on with full force. I groaned as I stirred and noticed that something was inside my nose.

Immediately my eyes shot open in panic.

"Shhhhhh…..it's OK, love, that's just an oxygen nasal cannula. You are hooked up to a respirator," Edward's voice calmed me instantly.

He was lying right next to me. His dark honey pools were looking down at me in utmost concern as one of his hands was located above my head playing with my hair in a comforting way while the other was slowly and softly stroking my cheek before his lips place a loving kiss against my temple.

"What happened?" I croaked out and noticed that I had an IV in my left arm.

My eyes snapped to the object of my disdain and I grimaced.

"But how did you get the needle into my arm? Not even the sharpest knife can break my skin anymore."

"The custom made scalpels with the diamond blade that we had ordered in Germany had been delivered yesterday. The blade is sharp enough to cut even through my skin." He offered me a small smile.

Just then my mind kicked into gear and I remembered that Carlisle had ordered them for the C-section since my skin was still relatively soft to the touch but at the same time durable.

I pinched my eyes shut and shook my head to organise my thoughts. When I opened them again I looked directly into Edward's still worried but also slightly bemused face.

"Back to my first question: what happened?"

His face grew serious.

"You suffered a circulatory collapse. I was able to draw some of your blood and test it. You had an electrolyte imbalance and your other results were also rather dissatisfying," he told me before his eyes focused on the IV.

"I alerted the substitute blood and you are currently getting it in it's concentrated mode."

"And this?" I asked as I touched the oxygen-tube with my free hand since Edward removed his hand from my face to intertwine his fingers with mine.

"Your blood was also lacking oxygen." He answered simply.

I nodded. Carlisle had warned us that he thought that at some point baby Cullen would need to consume more from my body then I would be able to compensate.

Huilen told us that Pire always felt better after consuming blood and that she didn't remember any incidences but I was partly Vampire, a hybrid. The venom in me was feeding off my blood and with the little one inside of me I suddenly had to provide two beings with the needed nutrition.

And the bigger baby Cullen got the more he or she needed.

"You should feel better in a few hours." He said in a grave voice and the look in his dark depths told me that he was far away.

"How did the meeting with Jake's sister go and when will the others be back?" I decided to distract him instead of trying to assure him that I would be alright. His body language told me that he was not ready or in anyway willing to hear anything in that direction.

"Jacob's sister is quite….. quite something….." He told me about what he found out about Jake's grandfather, the alpha command, how the pack was trying to deal with Gene and his gang and also about Billy's Alzheimer.

"Carlisle called a few hours ago. They are doing the MRI today and will be operating tomorrow. If nothing unforeseen turns up Brady will need two further operations while Carlisle and Batiste are guessing three to four more for Jacob. The MRI will show if they are right."

"That would mean that day after tomorrow they will be back." I nodded to myself.

"Missing them already?" He teased.

"I don't know. The house seems so silent and empty without them." My hormones were all over the place and I wanted my family close to me for some reason.

Since I couldn't have my mom with me I wanted everybody else close.

0~0~X~0~0

"OK, that was the last one. Great work ladies," Nathalie the Pilates coach said as she ended the course.

Alice had made an appointment for me at the wellness centre in town claming that I should at least try it out though she forgot to mention that she also made an appointment for Yoga and some pregnancy approved fitness training.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes at it at first but then thought that I could at least try it.

I rolled my mat up while I was exchanging some pleasantries with a young woman named Cassey who was also expecting her first child. She and I were the youngest in the group that contained seven women.

"Till Friday then?" She asked me with a hopeful gleam in her eyes after we had changed out of our sport clothes and were about to leave the wellness centre.

"Yeah, till Friday," I nodded at her.

She smiled at me, satisfied with my answer and happily skipped out of the building waving goodbye.

I waved back as I suddenly felt strong arms encircle my waist and belly from behind. Edward slung his arms securely over my slightly swollen stomach. He seemed less cautious about touching that part of my body in the past few days.

"Nothing pinched?" He chuckled amused.

"No," I pouted and turned around in his embrace to roll my eyes at him.

Edward started to laugh at my expression before he placed a tiny kiss on the tip of my nose as my belly pressed lightly into his body.

I was four months pregnant and had three more to go but I was relatively small, still. Carlisle's theory was that thanks to my venom improved body (the venom drilled my body to perfection) and my genes, since my mom also had a relatively flat stomach for the most time of her two pregnancies, I would not go apart like a yeast dumpling for about another month. Hopefully.

"You are maybe the only person on the planet who manages to pinch a never while trying to relax," he chuckled again.

"What? Yoga and I just don't mix." I huffed.

Last week I had participated in the Yoga course from hell and I didn't like it the moment it began. I should have listened to my gut feeling and just leave but I wanted to give it a shot.

Lying on the ground on a mat and with a weird pillow under my head was anything but comfortable. The voice of the guy that was rambling about some nonsense made me want to roll over on my side and sleep through the course and then when he wanted us to do some light exercise while thinking of the sea, of the beach, rainbows or whatever he talked about I managed to get a never in my shoulder pinched.

To make a long speech short I didn't like Yoga at all.

Edward smiled warmly down at me, shook his head and placed a chastised kiss on my forehead. At least the whole Yoga debacle had one good thing; Edward gave me a heavenly massage afterwards that led to a workout which I rather greatly enjoyed.

My husband's lips placed feather light kisses against my skin while he tightened his hold on me, pulling my body closer to his before he softly pressed his mouth on mine for a slow and tender kiss.

"Alright, guys you can continue that later at home," Alice's voice broke us apart.

A week had gone by since she and the others had returned from La Push. Carlisle and Edward or Rose would have to visit the wolves three more times to operate Jake who needed three more surgeries and Brady who was in need of just another one.

Both guys were not allowed to phase until they got the OK from Carlisle what annoyed them greatly according to Seth. The wolves were not able to get hold of the monads that attacked them what caused a tense and frustrated atmosphere within the pack.

I cranked my neck to look at the pixie standing in the doorway that led to the beauty section of the wellness centre.

"The mani/pedi is waiting for us and then we are going to get our hair done." Alice chirped happily while she skipped to our side and grabbed my arm while a brilliant smile graced her china doll like face.

Edward sighed and glared at her but Alice ignored him, looking impatiently at me, demanding silently of me to move.

The corners of my lips twitched upwards as an idea struck me. I looked up at Edward who just swayed his gaze from Alice to me and was looking with a slightly puzzled expression at me.

"You know you could come with us and get a mani/pedi yourself." Edward's eyebrows rammed into his hairline in disbelieve.

"The football player David Backham also gets his nails painted," my Vampire looked at me as if I lost my mind.

"What so you think is his colour Alice?" I cranked my neck to look at her with excitement vibrating form as I asked her.

"Oh, I know he should….."

"Have fun and take your time doing girls stuff," Edward interjected, successfully interrupting Alice.

He stole a quick and hard kiss from my lips before he let go of me.

"I'll go and take a look at the car dealership down the street if you should need me," he smiled while he was backing away from Alice and me.

"Sure have fun, honey," I smiled sweetly at him and waved as he flew out of the automatic font door.

I knew I would be "punished" for that one as soon as we were back home. My body hummed in anticipation and I had to bite down on my bottom lip to keep the stupid smile off my face.

"Couldn't have done it better," Alice nodded proudly at me, breaking me out of my naughty stupor.

"What can I say? I learned from the best," I giggled and we went inside the beauty shop.

0~0~X~0~0

Ralph Laurnen, Dior and even Armani. I shook my head as I was looking through the onesies and other stuff that Alice, Rose, Esme and I had bought for baby Cullen.

We stored the stuff for the little one in a room that was in the hallway that led to Edward's and mine bedroom. It was a little room but since we still didn't know if we would stay in Riverfront or move back to Alaska we haven't started with the nursery for baby Cullen yet.

Well that was not exactly true Esme had already placed orders to have the furniture custom made since nothing seemed to be quite it and good enough for her grandchild. Which is why she and Alice had designed the bassinette and everything else themselves.

They showed me the sketches and I have to say they outdone themselves.

A sun ray fell through the small window in front of me into the tiny room and prisms of the most brilliant rainbow colours were suddenly dancing through the space and bouncing off the cream coloured walls.

I turned around to find my husband watching me with a thoughtful expression on his face.

I titled my head to my side and gazed questioningly at him.

His golden shadowed pools narrowed a little at my puzzled and demanding expression before he let out a heavy sigh and his gaze fell off me and on the ground.

I put the tiny shoes I was holding in my hand back into the box and left a strong body cruel around my frame before familiar lips brushed against the sensitive skin just below my ear.

"Edward?" I asked and cranked my neck to look at him while his arms were encircling me in a desperate but loving embrace.

"It had always been one of my greatest regrets that I would never be able to be a father," he said looking straight ahead at the boxes that were filled with baby supplies.

Edward's chin rested on my shoulder and he was snuggling further into my body.

"To be honest I do not believe that my human self was ever thinking about being a father but once Carlisle informed me about what I had become and the consequences of it," his voice died in his throat and he swallowed hard.

"I do believe…..," he started but suddenly shook his head.

"No, I know that I would have been completely over the moon getting to know that you were expecting my child if I were human."

"Edward," I sighed and rolled my head away from him.

I was pushing against his embrace wanting to break away from him but he wouldn't let me instead his arms tightened around my body and he pulled me even further into him, engulfing me with his frame.

"I know that everyone is happy about this, your pregnancy, and I know that I should also be…." He sighed.

"Sometimes I let my mind wander and I see this picture of you and me in a big garden and a little child that is laughing and running towards us."

I turned my head back around and looked at him while I kept my face as neutral as possible.

Edward looked deep into my eyes and his honey pool seemed watery and conflicted with opposite emotions before he closed the distance between our mouths and pressed a tender kiss on my lips.

When he broke the kiss and pulled away his sad depths were pleading for understanding.

"But as nice as this picture is….you have to believe me on some level I want this child…..but in the end my fear of losing you win out."

I slid my hand down my round middle and covered his hand with mine, intertwining our fingers.

"I can't take away your fear but I promise you that I will do everything I can to make this work." I vowed and nuzzled my face into his neck.

My Vampire sighed and held me close to him while the both of us were basking in the presence of the other.

0~0~X~0~0

xxX**Lemonade**Xxx- xxX**Lemonade**Xxx- xxX**Lemonade**Xxx- xxX**Lemonade**Xxx- xxX**Lemonade**Xxx

I was swaying my hips to "One Republic's - All the right moves" while I was sorting through the amounts of make-up products I had. Some of the jars were empty and needed to be removed from my collection.

During the time in Kingsten I had bought a lot of make-up though I was an eyeliner-mascara-and-lips-gloss type of girl the parties we attended were the perfect excuse for Alice to go wild and live herself out to her heart desire where make-up and fashion were concerned.

In a strange way it was kind of amazing how many make-up products were needed to create a look as if one wore barely any make-up at all. I shook my head.

Everything was spread out in front of me on the desk while I was rocking my body slightly to me music fully aware that Edward was watching my every move from across the room.

I heard a loud and heavy sigh and could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head.

"Is something bothering you?" I asked not bothering to turn around to look at him, because I knew exactly what was bothering him.

"You could say that." He whispered in a strained voice after a while.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked while a victorious smile stretched my lips.

He didn't answer even after a long while. I put the eyeliner I had in my hand in the box with the other to-keep-things and finally turned around to face him. He sat rigidly on the big love seat while his fingers bored hols into the book he was holding.

"That's also a way to express your dislike for the story." I commented while I leaned back against the desk.

He shook his head then and looked startled and surprised at me.

"What?"

"The book in your hands." I pointed out.

He looked down and his eyes widened when he saw what was left of the book.

"Oh?" He breathed slightly sidetracked.

"What's wrong Edward?"

He narrowed his eyes at me and I could practically hear the wheels in his head turning.

"The way you move…" He began as he moved the book away from his lap and placed it on the little table besides the love seat.

Just then I caught a first glimpse of his rather huge predicament.

A smile formed on my lips and I crossed my arms over my round arch (my belly had grown quite a lot in the past two weeks) while my body relaxed completely.

"So what are we going to do about it?" I asked in an amused voice.

My Vampire narrowed his eyes further at me.

"Help me out." He offered in a quiet whisper.

"Hmmm…" I hummed while pushing myself away from the desk and started slowly to walk in his direction.

"You want me to put you out of your misery?" I asked for clarification, not that I needed any.

"Yes," he breathed huskily.

I stopped my movements and heard him groan before he let his head fall back. His fits were clenched tightly on his thighs.

"You are killing me Anna." He growled at me when his head snapped forward.

"I just wanted to ask you how you want me to put you of your misery?" I said innocently, biting my bottom lip, knowing exactly what it did to him.

Edward didn't disappoint of course, he sucked in a deep breath and his amber pools darkened further. He swallowed hard before he was able to answer.

"Sit down on my lap." His voice was a shaky whisper.

I moved over to the love seat until I stood directly in front of him. His hardness was plainly visible through his black dress pants. I could feel my panties dampen. My eyes snapped up and I looked at him. His pools were hungry and were crying out in need. It was almost painful.

"Please, love, I'm so hard it is uncomfortable." He rasped out while holding his hand out for me.

"Wow I would have never though you would say something like that." I giggled.

"I never though I would either before I met you." He admitted breathlessly.

I smiled at him and pushed my mini skirt up at little. He groaned when he saw the flesh of my thighs. I took his hand and placed both of my leg on either side of his lap, straddling him but still not touching while his hands gripped my hips carefully.

"Love…" he was breathing hard but before he was able to utter another word I leaned in to him and brushed my lips gently over his.

His hands left my hips and came to either side of my face as he pressed his lips firmly against mine.

"Please no teasing. I can't." He begged against my mouth.

"O.K." I promised and eased myself on his rock hard but covered length.

Edward hissed and his eyes rolled back as my centre made contact with his throbbing hardness while I moaned at the sensation. I stilled in my movements when I felt Edward's hands back on my hips gently trying to hold me in place.

"I can feel how wet you are even through the fabrics." He murmured while his eyes were still clenched shut.

The only thing between my wetness and his member were my laced light blue boy shorts from Victoria Secrets and his dress pants and boxer briefs.

"I'm always wet for you." I told him breathing hard while I brushed my finger over his cheek.

His eyes snapped open then just as he bucked off the love seat and into me.

"You can't say something like that to me in a situation like this." He nearly growled.

"Why?" I challenged.

"Love, I'm too far gone and if you say something like that….." He couldn't finish the sentence instead he pushed into me again. We both moaned at the delicious friction that resulted from his action.

His hands moved from my hips to my thighs where he inched further down my flesh. His fingertips were lightly running over my skin causing goose flesh to arise.

I gasped and put my hands on his chest. I loved it to feel his hard muscles move under my touch. That was also the moment where I decided that his blue bottom down was in the way.

I moved my hips slowly up and down. My centre was pressed directly against his masculinity rubbing against him with each move. He was breathing hard and couldn't help but to thrust into me while gently holding my hips, guiding me how he needed me.

I pressed my mouth on his while unbuttoning his shirt as fast as I could. Pushing it apart my mouth left his and I placed little soft kisses down his jaw, along his neck until I was finally placing open mouthed kisses on his chest.

Edward moaned when I licked his flawless skin and I felt his arousal grow even hard underneath me. His hands left my hips, cradled my face and guided my lips to his.

This kiss was hungry and greedy. His mouth on mine in this way, being able to feel his need for me his lust was almost too much for me to bear. I pulled away from him, sitting straight on his lap still moving my hips against his.

I was gasping for air and my chest was moving franticly up and down with each intake of air. Suddenly I felt Edward's hands between my breasts as he grabbed the fabrics of my tight shirt that underlined my breast nicely and ripped it apart.

I could hear the buttons hitting the ground and roll away into the space while some of the fabrics tore with his raw force and he hissed.

"Is Alice trying to kill me putting you into such clothes?"

I giggled. He seemed to like the dark blue top from Agent Provocateur.

"Who said it was Alice?"

His eyes snapped to mine and he looked curiously at me in his lust daze.

"I knew that this short plaid skirt would get your attention." I admitted. Luckily I found one that fit me.

"Jesus…Anna." He moaned and thrust into me once again.

I gasped in surprise at the intensity of his thrust and ground my hips back down, rubbing more firmly against his member, causing him to groan.

His thumbs stroked the underside of my breasts before he slid his hands down to my hips and started to guide my movements, pushing and pulling me harder against him.

We both cried out at the feel of his hardness and my wetness moving against each other while being separated by a thin layer of fabrics. The friction and his throbbing member made sure that my panties were soaked through.

"This feels…soo….good.." He moaned while pushing out ragged breaths.

"Hmm…" Words were lost on me in that moment.

My lips found his, pressing themselves against his cool, velvet flesh, moving against them, moving with them while his hands slid slowly over my hips to my backside.

As we were kissing his hands massaged my bum until he squeezed me and started to knead my flesh softly. I pulled back from the kiss to get some much needed oxygen but didn't have the chance to pull away from him completely since his hands found their way back to my hips holding me pressed against him.

My, in fine lace covered, chest was now rubbing against his exposed one while down south the friction caused the coil in my stomach to grow. Edward buried his face in my neck and I felt his heavy breaths on my skin.

His cool breath on my overheated flesh made me gasp and press down into his throbbing hardness Edward responded with thrusts that were fiercer than before.

Suddenly I felt his hands on my sides and his finger hooked under the lace of my boy short before he ripped them apart and removed the expensive fabrics completely from my boy.

"I need to be inside you," he panted breathlessly.

I was breathing heavily when I pulled away from him and lifted my hips a little so I could move my hands between us to unbutton and unzip his pants. I couldn't help but to giggle as he eagerly tried to help me free him.

His hooded black pools tried to glare at me as he struggled with his trousers and his boxer briefs what I found amusing despite the ache between my legs.

"That's not funny," he grumped as his trembling hands finally managed to push the layers that covered his throbbing masculinity down his thighs.

Immediately he grabbed my hips and positioned me over his raging predicament but before he had the chance to join us my hand wandered between us and I grabbed his hardness.

"Anna," he hissed and threw his head back while he pinched his eyes shut as a pained expression masked his face.

I giggled before I began to tease us both a little by rubbing his swollen head over the length of my wetness from the opening to my aching nub.

All the muscles in my body were tense with torturous pleasure. I could see colours and stars in front of my eyes as his skilled and throbbing tool was brushing my delicate flesh.

"Please, please," he was begging. His eyes were still closed tightly while his hands were trembling as they held me.

Unable to deny us both what we so desperately wanted I guided his length to my opening and in the second he was in position Edward thrust his hips up and entered me sharply.

I cried out at the mind blowing sensation that rocked through my entire body the second we were joined together while Edward groaned in relief.

Whimpers of pleasure, moans, grunts and cries of ecstasy were falling from our lips while they were brushing against each other as we moved with one another.

When I gyrated my hips against his, his hands let go of their hold on me and I felt them fall to his sides. I knew that he had his fists clenched and was close to his release.

He was hitting all the right places inside of me while I felt his stiff hardness grow bigger, stretching me further. Our pace quickened and became frantic as the both of us sought our release.

I held onto his board shoulders as no coherent thought was left my mind and my body was filled with pleasure and ecstasy while the coil in the pit of my stomach was ready to burst.

"Fuck….Anna…..I…I'm….." He murmured breathlessly while his member rubbed harder and faster against my lady parts.

"I….know….Me too." I pushed out between my heavy pants.

I braced my hands against his chest lying down on him, feeling his skin flush against mine and pressed myself as hard as I could into him what set him off and I felt his body go rigid as his orgasm hit.

He groaned loudly while he was releasing inside of me and his climax rocked through his.

I wasn't far behind. Two more firm strokes of his twitching hardness and my own waves of pleasure overtook my body.

We moved together riding our waves of ecstasy out. His hips thrust into me, his head fallen back on the love seat while my face was buried in his neck as my hands slid from his chest back to his shoulder where I held on for dear life.

"That was…that…" he rasped as I collapsed against his board chest.

I wasn't able to make any sounds besides the gasps for breath that escaped my lips. Edward locked his arms around my frame and I could feel him place a soft kiss on the top of my head.

We were both lying there for a while recovering from our release, snuggled together. When my heart beat and my breathing returned to normal my Vampire moved his hand up to my face, put his finger under my chin and lifted my face up so I would look into his beautiful light golden depths.

His sunny pools swam with love and adoration. We gazed into each others eyes for a long while before Edward smiled lazily and bent his head down to press his lips on mine.

xxX**Lemonade**Xxx- xxX**Lemonade**Xxx- xxX**Lemonade**Xxx- xxX**Lemonade**Xxx- xxX**Lemonade**Xxx

0~0~X~0~0

Groaning, I woke from my slumber being ripped out of sleep by the dull ach in my lower back. It was the same kind of pain I always felt when I had my period only this time I was not so lucky to have that pain go away after two to three days.

I sucked in a lung full of air before I sighed heavily and dragged my eyes open that were clouded by sleep. I could detect a blurry shape in front of me but had to blink a few times and rub the sleep out of my eyes with my right hand before I could see clearly.

Edward was lying braced on his arm next to me and had a look of utter awe on his face. I kneaded my eyebrows together in confusion before I followed his line of sight and to my immense surprise he was gazing adoringly at my uncomfortably big belly.

"Everything alright?" I asked him unsure of what was going on.

In the past weeks he ignored my stomach and the condition I was in as good as he could and now he was lovingly staring at my round arch.

My question snapped him out of the stupor he was in and he looked at me as if he didn't even notice that I had already woken up.

Concern raged through me like a wild fire.

"What's wrong Edward?" I asked with an edge in my voice.

"I can hear the baby," he whispered and a little content smile graced his mouth before his eyes focused on my belly again.

A huge smile broke out on my face as happiness and excitement filled me and my hand immediately went to my round arch, stroking it softly.

"What is baby Cullen thinking? Is it a boy or a girl?" I asked him not being able to contain myself, lifting myself a little off the mattress.

Suddenly a slight frown appeared on his face.

"What?" I exclaimed worryingly before I took my hand off my belly and pushed his shoulder.

"You are killing me here." I told him when he looked with his wide ripped open golden pools at me.

"He…"

"It's a boy!" I interrupted him. A huge smile was plastered on my face and I heard a loud "Yes!" boom through the house out of the direction of Rose's and Emmett's bedroom. The family was listening in.

I was giggling and happily patting my round stomach before I looked up at Edward and saw a deep frown on his beautiful face.

"Edward?"

He huffed before he looked at me.

"He seems to have inherited your ability," Edward informed me somewhat reproachful.

"Aww…." I teased him when I pushed his shoulder lightly and he rolled his eyes at me.

"So what was he thinking when you were able to hear him," I laughed while he pouted.

"It's not like he can actually think already." Edward mumbled looking in awe at my belly.

"There are some lights and sounds replaying in his mind but mostly there are only basic feelings roaming around in his thoughts."

"Is he happy and content?" I asked him seriously.

"Very." Edward nodded and kissed the tip of my nose.

When he pulled back and stared at my stomach his hand reached out to touch my round arch but suddenly halted and he looked up into my eyes silently asking for permission.

"May I?" His voice sounded tiny and pleading.

"Edward, of course! You don't have to ask."

"It's just because," he bowed his head in shame.

I sighed.

"I already told you once that I knew who I was marrying," I smiled and reached my hand out to lift his chin so that he would look at me.

"I do not expect you to be perfect Edward. I know that you make mistakes. I do too. No one of us is perfect but we are trying our best and no one can ask more of us."

His golden pools softened and he nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck, brushing his lips over my skin.

"I love you." He murmured.

"I love you too."

We smiled at one another when he pulled away and then we looked down at my round belly where our son was.

"Jason Masen Cullen."

"Jason?" My husband looked curious at me.

"I always liked the name besides I think that the little one should have his own name not something that's mixed together. I mean the poor child has to live with his name for the rest of his life." How Bella could name her daughter Reneesme I will never understand.

"We can think about a third name as well," I shrugged.

"What would have been the name for a girl?" He asked me curiously.

"No idea to be honest. There are so many names I like. I would have had a horrible time deciding." I sighed and Edward chuckled before he looked back down at my belly.

Carefully he stretched his hand out and swallowed hard.

I smiled as I watched him place his hand on the expanded skin of my stomach and look at it in awe.

Suddenly he gasped as baby Cullen moved.

Edward looked at me with wide open eyes.

"Did that hurt?" He asked concerned.

"No," I shook my head, "not yet maybe it will never hurt. I'm a hybrid after all. My body is able to take more than a human one."

My husband nodded at me and drew me closer to into his body before placing a kiss against my temple.

I smiled but when I looked up into his golden pools I saw conflict emotions raging in them.

I couldn't imagine how beautiful it must have been for him to be able to see and hear the mind of his son, to get to know the little one for the first time but his worry for my life had an ever present place in the forefront of his mind and overshadowed that unique moment.