28 Talk

I watch Jackson's eyes dilate, his nostrils flare, and his body tense. Our eyes don't leave each others as he slides off the bed onto his knees and gets between my legs. 

"So edging is off the table. Can I make earlier up to you, Melita?" His husky voice and clear intent in his eyes has my core clenching. His eyes stray to in between my legs, noticing the movement. 

"What do you mean? Edging?" I don't think I had ever heard of that before.

Jackson quirks a brow at me, "It's when you are brought close to having an orgasm but are denied one."

The lightbulb clicks on in my head and sighing I nod, "Ok. Yes, that was very cruel. As long as you promise not to do it again, I'll let you make it up to me." 

He chuckles, "I'll make it up to you, if you pull that stick out of your ass first." He stands up and looks down at me, arms crossed.

My jaw drops and he just cocks a brow at me. "I'm not going to kiss your ass every time I do something you don't like that pisses you off. If you can't tell me what the problem is without throwing a fit and just walking away, we can go back to being friends until you're ready to have a real relationship with me. We are adults after all."

I close my mouth and think about what he just said and stand up. "Very well." I walk into the bathroom and shut the door for a moment of privacy. Was I really acting like a stuck up princess earlier? 

After going over the situation in my mind and replaying it from his point of view, I start to feel ashamed. He's right. We are adults and I need to start acting like one and tell him when there is a problem. I look into the mirror and the thought runs through my mind.

He deserves someone better than me. Maybe I should have him take me home and we can just be friends? 

The thought hurts, it's like I was shot by an arrow right in my heart. I try to calm myself, feeling my chest tighten making it harder to breathe. I need to be calm when I walk out and tell him we should go back to being just friends. I can't seem broken about it. I need him to see that I'm okay with my decision. The more I think about it though, the more it hurts. I know we can't go back to being just friends. There's no way. Why does it hurt this much after just a few days? I don't know if I can do this... Maybe I'm getting too far ahead of myself? He did just say we would be friends until I was ready to have a relationship. So what does that even mean?

A gentle knock on the door has me glancing at it and then back in the mirror. My eyes are red from suppressed tears and I don't know how I should go about this. There's a second knock and I take a deep breath.

"I'm coming out." I turn the water on and wash my hands before I open the door to find him standing there next to it. He looks concerned and I can see the wheels in his head turning in thought.

"We should talk about us." He says quietly and I have to nod in agreement.

He takes my hand and guides me to the bed, setting me down. My ass doesn't hurt quite as bad right now, but I still lean to the side. He takes on the same pose staring into my eyes, contemplating something. 

"How many relationships have you been in Melita?" He finally breaks the awkward silence that was filling the room.

"Um... Four." I say quietly.

He nods, "How long did they last?"

I groan trying to think, "Well, my first one lasted about eight months. The next one last three months, then one month and the last one was five months. What about you?" 

Jackson sighs, "I've been in a few more than that but my longest lasted two years and the shortest was a few weeks."

My eyes widen, "Two years? What happened?" I ask curious.

Jackson lets out a heavy breath, looking away from my eyes for a moment before returning, "In all honesty, she was not who I was looking for. She was who my uncle felt would be right for me. We got along, but there was no chemistry. After I ended things with her, I found out she had been sleeping with someone else the whole time anyways. So it's a good thing we never progressed."

"What a bitch." I mutter, making Jackson laugh.

"You have no idea..." 

"Did you two sleep together?" 

Jackson sighs, "Yes. A few times, but I could never really get into it. I had to be pretty drunk for her to take advantage of my lowered inhibitions."

I'm offended for him as I exclaim, "That's disgusting of her! Plus she was sleeping with someone else! That's just ... ew. I'm sorry." I tell him honestly.

He shrugs, "It's in the past now. So tell me about Mr. Eight Months."

I bite my bottom lip in thought, "It was back in college. He was a really nice guy in one of my study groups. It started out as him tutoring me extra after group to help keep my grades up, but it slowly turned into something more. He asked me out after he took me to see a movie and I said yes." I pause thinking back to when this all took place.

"So what happened? The way you describe him, seems like he was an alright guy?" Jackson asks, placing his hand on the bed in between us.

I study his hand as I continue, "He was. I lost my virginity to him about six months into us dating and he was extremely patient, kind, and considerate throughout the whole of our relationship. It was me that was the problem. I would get jealous over him helping out the other girls in study group, even though I was right there with him and could see nothing was going on. After two months of it, we got into a fight and he told me he cared for me, but couldn't deal with my insecurities and the way I was treating him anymore." 

It was painful to remember that fight. How it broke his heart, breaking mine, but he was right. He didn't deserve how I was treating him and I just couldn't see past my own insecurities and jealousy. 

"Sounds like that one still hurts you." Jackson comments, moving his hand closer to me but not touching me.

"It does but it's more guilt now. I realized I was cruel and unfair to him about all of it. However, you should be somewhat grateful it happened. I might have married him if we had stayed together and worked things out." I shrug, giving him a light smile that I know doesn't match my eyes.

"So what happened with your other relationships?" Jackson asks quietly.

"In the end, no one wanted me. I am just too messed up in the head." I smile grimly and find the courage to say what's going through my mind. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be with anyone. I can not even talk to you about something that bothers me like I should. That's always been my problem with my other relationships. If something happens that bothers me, I wouldn't talk about it. I would just start fighting about it. You deserve better than me, Jacks. I'm just going to end up breaking both of our hearts if we continue this." 

I'm such a coward, I can't even hold my eyes open saying those words. I keep them closed and try to take some deep breaths, attempting to keep myself calm. I feel him move on the bed and I hear him sigh before the warmth of his hand is placed on top of mine.

"Melita. Stop trying to push me away. I'm still going to be here, forever waiting if I have to, for you. I don't want anyone else." He pulls my hand to his lips and places a soft kiss on it before sighing, "I think you should consider seeing a therapist though. To help you work through your trauma. It could help you." 

My eyes pop open as I scoff, "Why so they can write me a prescription and send me on my way? I'm not going to be a legal addict."

Jackson shakes his head, "There are therapists who will only prescribe something if they feel it's worth it to try. No one will force you to take anything, Lita."

I roll my eyes and try to keep the tears at bay, "See though? I am fucked up in the head. At least enough that you think I need a therapist."

"Melita." Jackson says my name firmly, "I went to therapy for two years."

That causes me to pause, "Oh." He went to therapy? 

"It doesn't hurt to get help if you need it. Please think about it." He shifts closer to me on the bed, "I'm serious though, Lita." Jackson runs a hand over my arm and down to my waist, resting it there.

"Serious about what? Me getting therapy?" I inquire a bit grimly.

He shakes his head with a chagrined smile on his lips, "Yes, but no." He grips my waist firmly, pulling our bodies closer together, until I place a hand on his chest, "I'm serious about not wanting anyone else but you. I will wait no matter how long it takes until you are ready."

"Why?" I ask bewildered.

He leans closer to me, "Because I know you're worth it."