CHAPTER 04: ROSE

The world was ending—there must've been an apocalypse outside, I forgot to watch the news today so it must've been it—or I must've been dreaming because what I just heard leave Ryan's lips could not be true.

𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘮𝘦.. 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦.

The words echoed in my head, especially my date part. We've attended some events together as a couple but we stopped after few events. After that he never asked me to accompany and I never asked him. I usually spent those nights watching movies, reading, spending time with my friends or Sarah.

I wasn't upset, I liked being alone and hanging out with my friends besides me and Ryan didn't make any conversation except exchanging few sentences but he shocked me tonight at dinner by asking me about my day. Ryan was respectful towards me, he has always helped me but we never talked like friends—or couples—it almost felt like we were business partners, he always talked to me in his professional voice, I tried so hard trying to find the 'inside Ryan' but I always failed but maybe one day I'll succeed and—

"Rose?" the firm deep voice brought me out of my thoughts and soon I realized I haven't answered in a while. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺? What was I suppose to say? Probably 'yes, I would love to accompany you' but somehow those words weren't coming out my mouth.

The only thing that did came out of my mouth was gibberish which made Ryan frown trying to figure what I just said. I cleared my throat and stood straight before saying "I mean, I would love to accompany you," I gave him a small smile hoping for a smile in return but he only nodded. Of course he would.

"I'll come home early tomorrow. The event starts at 6:30, the drive there is almost of 30 minutes so we need to leave at 6. Sharp." He said

I nodded "How should I dress?"

"however you want," a pause before he added "you look beautiful in everything you wear."

His words warmed my cheeks, I swear he saw pink in my cheeks because I saw the side of lips curl into an almost mocking smile. He soon left and the room felt empty without his presence.

I was going to attend another event with him after months. He wasn't usually in the city, he took business trips every month and left for days so I was alone at home most of the time. There were few events we attended together which were after we got married.

As far as I remembered, we attended 2 of his business events. One being an opening ceremony of one of his buildings in a new city and other being a meetup of all business-rich-looking people.

We spent both of those separately, I talked to some of his business' friends' wives or fiancé while he talked business with his business friends. Our night always ended good, we never got too drunk to do anything stupid and even if we did, we knew how to handle ourselves—although, I didn't trust myself so I tried my best not to get drunk whenever possible.

I cleaned the dining table and washed the dirty dishes before turning off all the lights downstairs and heading upstairs to my bedroom.

I walked in the empty bedroom. Ryan worked after having dinner so I had time to do my skin care and change into my PJs.

I walked to my dressing table and took off my jewelry—rings, bracelet, earrings—I liked dressing up, it was my favorite part of the day, I used to play dress up with my mom when I was younger. She would buy me dresses and jewelries, we'd do each other's hair—she would do a better job every time—we'd wear dresses, show it to my dad and he'd compliment us.

"𝘋𝘢𝘥! 𝘓𝘰𝘰𝘬! 𝘔𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴!" 𝘐'𝘥 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘴.

𝘋𝘢𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘦 "𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭, 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵." 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘮, 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴.

Their love was the kind I read about in books and watched in movies. Without saying a word, dad would make mom smile, their stare would be so full of love, nobody dared to interrupt them.

A weak smile touched my lips at the memory of my parents being in love. I placed down my bracelet carefully on the table—the bracelet my mom gifted me when I turned 13, the last birthday I celebrated with her before she died…

Tears stuck at the back of my throat at the memory my dad came home that night from the hospital.

𝘔𝘰𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦, 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘏𝘦 𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭. 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 2 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥? 𝘞𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘮 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺? 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘮? 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳… 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯?

𝘛𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘵, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮, 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮, 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘮.

𝘔𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘫𝘦𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘣 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯. 𝘋𝘢𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯… 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮… 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨… 𝘏𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦, 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳 "𝘋𝘢𝘥?" 𝘮𝘺 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 "𝘸-𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘮?" 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦.

"𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺…" 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱, 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵. 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘣𝘴, 𝘐 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘦𝘥. 𝘋𝘢𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘴. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦… 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳…

"Rose!" the deep voice startled me, I came back to reality to find emerald eyes watching full with worry, panic. How long was I zoned out for? "I've been calling your name for the past 20 minutes, why weren't you answering?" his voice was gentle but I could see I scared him.

"sorry" I whispered, that was the only word which came out of my mouth. He released his grip of my shoulders

"what happened?" his voice was calm, soft. I shook my head

"nothing. I just…" a pause "I just remembered something.." I never zoned out in Ryan's presence, he didn't know about my sudden zone out sessions and he was never present in the room when I did zone out. "Are you done with your work?" I looked around the room to find something he might've forgotten that's why he came in the room.

"yes," he sighed "are you sure you're okay?"

I turned my head towards to find those same emerald eyes watching me with worry. I never saw him like that, he never showed any emotion towards anyone.

I nodded "yes, I'm okay, don't worry" I watched as his shoulders relaxed. We stood there in silence till I decided to move and take my clothes and head to the bathroom.

What I saw moments ago was… unbelievable. I never saw Ryan show any emotion towards anyone but the way the heat in his eyes told that he was worried about me because I didn't answer him…

Something unsettling set in my stomach. No, it couldn't be. He cared about me had nothing do with any of his feelings towards me… we didn't have feelings towards each other and I've gotten tired trying to make a lovable relationship between us. Ryan wasn't interested in me… I should stop hoping he would.