Day number 1. -Struggles.-

F*ck. I'm late again.

Yes. I'm always late. Even more if it's about going to school. On the very first day.

I'm just about to start my bittersweet high school life, but I mess up everything on the very first day. So like me.

I closed my front door, but as I looked down at my hands, they're shaking.

From what? It's just school right?..

But for starters, I tell you some secrets about myself. I'm kinda an introverted person. I hate school and people. I don't mind studying, but God please don't let anybody notice me. I'm not there, I swear.

So, being introverted is a thing, but to be depressed and have anxiety as well...

My parents are really messed up something.

Oh, but well, what can I do? I'm blaming them even though they're not here anymore.

Life is hard, I guess.

So, I told you a lot of my thoughts, but I'm still hesitating at that very front door.

Okay, I can do it. Let's believe in myself!

I said with a voice below whisper and I left.

By the way, school is not even that far from my home. I'm just overreacting it again...

Mom will scold me.

After all this monolog, I need to tell you that I'm just all talk and no acts. I arrived at school -late though- as they were already in the middle of the school starting ceremony.

I tried to be invisible, but again, I messed up.

I sat down to a chair in the back, but because i'm unlucky and every God and universe hates me, I accidentaly sat next to a blond guy.

I'm quite a good observer, so I know it now.

He is popular.

-You're also in first grade, right?

He said while not even looking at me. I can understand it though. Why would he?

It was just one sentence, but I'm about throw up. What if I say something bad? Or if he will bully me? Or.. Or... Ahh! I don't know anymore!

-Uhh.. Yes.

I'm not him, so I can't avoid looking at him.

He has blonde hair that just says itself that "I'm unique! I'm popular! Handsome! Rich!"

And yes, It's not lying. He really is hansome, has nice clothes, and he must become popular in just a week. Despite this, he has a very dark pair of eyes. No matter how hard I scearch, I can't find the light in it.

I wish he would forget me in this first week.

-Hmm, I see. My name is Dante. Yours?

Uhh.. So he's also French.. Okay, he really is perfect. But how could God be this picky? Making this big of differences between us should be a crime! How is it possible even that in Russia, there are even two foreginers??

Oh yeah.. I didn't even told you that I'm from somewhere else, right? But I don't know from where. My parents lived in germany, but we moved to Russia due to the war. So, they died when I was 1 years old. From then, no one mind to find out anything about me.

But I can't blame them, I also don't care about stuff like this. They only told me that maybe there's some of French, or German, or even Korean blood in me.

If I have too much time one day, I find this out.

-Oh.. Um, my name is Noah.

I said nervously, I think I don't have a choice but to talk to him.. I'm also afraid that he will remember me.. or even if he takes interest in me.. Hell no.

-Wowie, nice to meet ya.

He chukled with a small grin.

It was terrifying. I mean, only for me.

Others would find him cute or beautiful.

But not me. I shudderd as he said that.. Something just tells me that I can't live quietly if he's near to me..

So, I just nodded.

The ceremony went down, and we were in our class now. From here, you know what happens.

The teacher tells us to intruduce ourselves, we awkwardly do it, and here we are. It's his turn.

"It's Dante Cartier. Call me Dante. And yes, I'm French. Next."

Sounds like the cool boy, right? Or the one whose always get in trouble. Maybe he turn out to be like that. For me, It doesn't matter.

I just need to survive this all for 4 years.

Everyone looked at him with amaze. The girls even more. They might fall in love already. But it's disgusting. Everything in this world is so acording to the "normal" made up by our expectations.. Okay, it also doesn't matter. Let's continue where I left off.

Oh yes, he said "next" and of course, it's me.

Okay okay, I just need to stand up, and.. uhh.. Intruduce myself? Sounds easy..

F*ck, my hands are shaking again.

"Uhm...My... My name is.. Noah. Nice to meet you all..."

Ahh, for God's sake!! Why I'm the only one who can't speak properly?! I learnt it too, so why?

I sat down as soon as possible to avoid getting any weirder..

-I hate myself so freaking much.-

"And your surname? We must guess it..? "

The teacher looked at me with and indifferent face.

I think I might die from shame today.

"N..no. It's Noah.. Noah Valentine."

I talk like a kid.. But yes, Valentine is from my parents. No one dared to change it ever since I teared up every paper from my last surname.. Those who wanted to adopt me, changed my name to Noah Averin.

Gross.

It took me three years to be able to change it back properly. Now I feel like I'm me again.

"Thanks."

It is all the answer I got for my hard introduction.

But, I earned something unfortunatly.

Dante's glance.

Even if it was for a moment, I felt it. It was like a glance from a killer to it's prey.

Let's pretend I'm not here. It's always works..

After class -just as I expected- he was surronded with a lo~ts of girls, and even guys too.

For me, I left to a quiter place as quickly as possible.