XLIII ||| December 25th of 2020 (III)

From: A.LF

<alf.weeknd@gmail.com >

To: P.BG

<pbg.prada@gmail.com >

Sent: Friday, 25 Dec 2019, 03:55

Subject: Don't apologize!!!!

Hey, you have nothing to apologize for.

I'm terribly sorry for having brought this up in such a terrible moment. I'm sorry I didn't have the courage or the vision to do this before. I'm sorry I'm not there with you to hug you through this, because more than anything, I am your friend. Your rejection won't change how precious you are to me, P. Not at all.

I can't even phantom how painful this whole thing it's being for you, to lose all of them, while you can't even get to them. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for how inappropriate I was in this moment of your life, if I had any idea, I would've been more mindful.

Don't blame yourself for any of this, darling, you couldn't have done anything to avoid it. It's not your fault. You did all you could, while you could, don't do this to yourself, I beg you, please.

I know how it feels to love somebody you love so bloody much that when they are gone, it's like a part of your heart, of your very soul vanished with them. And I understand your pain, I see your wounds like my own. You doesn't need to go through this alone.

You are not alone.

You have me, darling.

I won't leave you even if you reject me another 1000 times.

I'll be embarrassed as hell, but I won't leave.

We will have a future, even if it's apart.

I won't ever press you on this, never.

Don't feel burdened because of me, P, please.

It's not my first time being rejected by the one I'm in love with, it's the second, and it's alright.

It took me some time to recover from that girl in school, which I now I understand, because I was a kid and she was the untouchable senior Queen of the school, she was older than me, an age gap that back that was ridiculous, and she probably thought I was absolutely ridiculous. I didn't know better. When I learned what I should do around older girls, she had already left for college, and we'll probably never even meet again. She was in a whole different level.

And I got dead embarrassed because I made a cunt move on her in the middle of the whole school, and she massacred me with so much class, it only made me have an even fatter on her.

So, don't beat yourself too much, darling.

It'll break my heart.

You are special to me, don't try anything harsh.

And don't lose yourself in this dark void of grief.

Your grandmother will be looking up at you from above, and she'll keep taking care of you, not physically with you, but as your guardian angel, I'm certain of that.

If you need to talk, about anything, no matter what, you can come to me, no matter the date, and I'll be here for you.

I'm sorry for being so impulsive in such a moment.

We will meet one day, and I'll make up for this.

I hope the 2021 will bring us better blessings.

Yours,

- A 🖤