Chapter 50 - A Dog On A Leash

Back at the base, Bernadette was searching for Raphael as some doctors still needs to check up on him. Then at the hall way, she finds Raphael's vice platoon commander, Felix which is the 5th strongest fighter in the special infantry troop. "Felix, have you seen your commander anywhere?"

"Err, I've been searching for him too."

"How's progress?"

Felix slightly shakes his head.

"Damn it. Just keep searching and bring him to the doctor right away." She ordered and continued to track Raphael down.

It's been days since Raphael had discovered that Claire have gone missing. And he's been crazy about her absence ever since. He even contacted Captain Wright for permission to return to the battlefield so that he can go and search for her himself, but his request have been declined.

After getting his first request declined, he demanded Captain Wright to be the one to search for Claire instead. His second ridiculous request haven't been declined, but their call was cut right there.

The next thing they know is that Captain Zahi have returned to the base by Captain Wright's request and made Raphael wear a restrictive bracelet that'll explode if he dares to escape from the base like last time during the battle at the north western territory.

This was all to keep him safe and sound at the E.D.L. military base, even though it makes Raphael upset more than he ever was. Now he's been gone missing all morning to rebel about his situation, and Bernadette was forced to search for him at such a huge place with no clue to where he might be.

"Ughh... that jerk acting like a brat because of a woman." Bernadette groaned. And after searching for hours, she finds Raphael on his own at the building's rooftop.

"Raph!! So this is where you've been all this time!" She had her hands curled up into a fist, wanting to give Raphael a hit on the head. But as she saw him just silently staring onto nothingness with a devastated look on his face, she felt a little sorry for the guy.

Bernadette sighed and sat down near him. "What is it with you?... acting like this over some woman that's already gone."

"...she's not just some woman." He replied.

"Right, but she's gone. And there's nothing you can do about it."

"She's not gone!! She's not... yet..."

Bernadette looked at him pathetically. "Just face the truth already Raph. Everyone knows that those who never makes it back are considered dead."

Still, Raphael remained in denial of the possibility. "No!!... that can't—that can't be it... there's gotta be some proof first if she died—"

"Don't be ridiculous Raph!! We're all at war here, you think we still got the time to recover dead bodies of our allies when we can barely escape the battlefield!?"

Her harsh words made Raphael fall into a moment of silence. He can no longer bear the possible fact that Claire have died. He looks away from Bernadette and looks down on the floor, his vision blurs as tears threatens to escape his eyes.

"I don't want to lose her." He muttered.

"Of course you do..." Bernadette stares up to the sky as she recalls losing someone that was just as important to her before. "...I've lost someone important once."

"Don't give me that talk."

"I haven't even started yet." Bernadette sighs again. "The point is, sooner or later, even the people you care about the most will leave or get taken away from you. So you have to be strong enough to face a new reality without them. That's how it's been for me."

"...to continue living in this world will be meaningless without her." He pressed.

His cheesy line made Bernadette roll her eyes, who knew Raphael was quite the romantic. "Sure, believe what you want. Do as you please... as for me, I've already put my life on the line so I'll keep on fighting."

"What's even the point in that if you lost all that ever mattered to you!?"

"Because I don't want others to experience the grief that I've suffered!!... it's terrible... it hurts so much even if it's been such a long time already!"

"..."

"That's why I vowed to become stronger, even stronger than you so I can protect other people!—" she stopped as Raphael stood so suddenly.

"That is utter bullshit, you want to get stronger and fight heroicly for others!? Fight to protect complete strangers that doesn't even know who the fuck you are!? Strength means no shit if you can't use it to protect something important to you when it's already dead!!—" Raphael lashed out after hearing her empty words, though he wasn't done quite yet.

"—and when you fucking fight on that battlefield, you also kill other people!! People that must've been an important someone to other people! You're nothing but a fool and a hypocrite with that fucking reasons to live for!"

Then as their eyes met, he was stunned for a minute seeing her dead eyes. "...you're right, Raph. I am a hypocrite... I'm just using that as an excuse to keep on living because... I'm afraid to die a meaningless death."

He looked at her with disgust as he continues. "...I keep working hard to become the strongest so I can make the world a more comfortable place for her to live in. If Claire's ever gone, then to hell with everybody else!!"

"Raph..."

"But I can feel that Claire might still be out there, alive!! So if it's someone like you who tells me that she's probably dead by now, if it's someone like you who failed to protect what they had and have very little reason to live—" he clenched his fist at Bernadette. "—then why should I fucking listen to someone worthless like you?"

Finding it meaningless to talk with someone like her, he spoke harshly. "Get out of my sight before I beat the shit out of you." He demanded.

Without complaint, Bernadette walks away. And after reaching a distance away from Raphael, her tears kept rolling down on her face. In the end, it was herself that she was trying to console through Raphael all along.

Then a few days have passed when Platoon's I and III of the special infantry troop have been summoned to take the place of those that were currently deployed in the battlefield. Captain Zahi releases Raphael from the restrictive bracelet that stops him from any attempt on leaving the base.

"Congratulations on your release." Zahi jested, though Raphael didn't even find it funny as his mind was focused on one thing now that he's returning to the battlefield:

To find Claire Duvent.