1.Imaginary friend

That night I was arguing with myself out loud. It was nothing new, everyone knew about my habit from the first night that it was given me a room in that building. The neighbors were nice, a little bit different but they had not caused me any problems. Mr. Jefferson, who was supposed to be our psychiatrist and at the same time the director of the hospital, sometimes became impatient with his exact theories of how things should work. But he was calm and patient. It seemed to me that no one was waiting for him at home so he slept in his office bed. Legend has it that he was divorced and had his children were out of the country . Now in his old age he was afraid that he would die alone and no one would find him. I really talked to myself, I spoke loudly but when I was escorted to his office I did not utter a word. Not that I was afraid of him, but I did not trust him and did not think he would understand me. Mr. Jefferson put on his round glasses and this time he started talking to me differently from other times. As if asking a child to talk about fairies and imaginary friends, as if this child did not realize that he did not believe in fairies.

"I was told that you were talking in a loud voice to someone, was he your imaginary friend?"

"My imaginary friend?"

"What do you call him, your childhood friend? Were you arguing with him last night?"

"I no longer have an imaginary friend"

"Hmm we are nervous. What happened last night?"

After a few seconds he spoke again.

"Tell me dear, what did you discuss about last night?"

I laughed as he tried to play with my mind.

"Mr. Jefferson, I'm no longer a child."

"Karl , call me Karl. I know, you are a polite and beautiful lady."

I laughed again ironically.

"Mr . Jefferson, if you think you will make me talk with these kind of words you are wrong. I'm the crazy one here, remember?"

"You should not talk like that."

"Then tell me that I am not crazy according to you. I talk to myself, I fight with myself loudly. I was talking to myself last night, there was no imaginary friend. I even believe that you do not want to know why I was talking to myself last night, you are interested in another creature born of my mind. What is happening Mr. Jefferson, are you afraid you will die without discovering who he is?"

Maybe I was harsher than I should have been with him, but that kind of thinking, that kind of mentality he had, it was like he was breathing all my air.

"Do you want me to speak the truth miss?" He put his hands on the table looking me in the eye as if to challenge me.

"Go ahead!"

"Well then, it is not the first time I have a patient who continues to talk to an imaginary childhood friend, but it is the first time a patient doesn't want to talk about it. You have six months and a few days here and every time I mention another creature, even if it is your imaginary friend you become silent, you hide, you run away. I want to know the reason, why?"

I could be evil, maybe curiosity would keep him alive for longer , but maybe I needed to talk about this imaginary friend too. Although Mr.Jefferson with his theories would not understand. I looked out the window, it must have been about 18:00 in the afternoon. I could feel his eyes on me, from outside the closed window.

"Why are you looking out the window?"

"No , in vain, nothing . I was watching how dark it was. Lorin will show me her flower garden, and I promised James we would see the sparklers together."

"Leave Lorin and her imaginary garden. Now it's winter there are no sparklers and you are not allowed to go outside the big gate, you know that."

"Mr. Jefferson, is it true that you and your wife broke up 5 years ago?"

"What has my divorce got to do with it now?"

"The words are true then. Did you break up because love ended?"

"Where are you going with this girl?"

"I asked you a question, if you want me to answer your questions, you must answer my questions too."

"If this is the condition, okay then. But only this one, no other questions. We broke up because we were fighting so hard, we could not go on like this."

"Did you love her?"

He sighed and then spoke in a low voice:

"Yes."

"Did she love you?"

"Exactly because we loved each other I had to let her go, not to hurt each other."

"How can you hurt someone by loving them?"

"You are too young and unexperienced to understand."

"Try to explain it to me."

"Our quarrels were frequent, we both felt bad, we were devastated. Our marriage was coming to an end, we had to save each other from that."

"You had to save yourself, not each other you meant. What happened after the quarrels?"

"I left the house, one night I went home drunk and the other nights I came to sleep here in the office."

"Did you stay any night after the quarrel?"

"Yes , one night, a very long time ago."

"Why didn't you stay the other nights?"

"Because she did not apologize anymore."

"Maybe she was waiting for you to do it."

Mr. Jefferson covered his face with his hands, then shook his head as if to remove the thoughts and continued:

"Enough with questions, your turn now. I'm not the patient here."

"Ughf! You finally admitted that I am among your crazy patients.

"Tell me girl, why are you so silent and isolated, what are you afraid of?"

"You wouldn't understand me."

"Try it, you are in a psychiatric hospital, the fear of going crazy will not change anything."

"Let's say that we all have special abilities, only that we manage to distinguish and understand as much as our physical senses allow.

Mr. Jefferson had squinted his eyes under the round glasses trying to understand me.

"We are so busy with superficial things that we do not understand that reality is not what we perceive."

"What are you saying girl?"

"Have you and your staff ever tried to really listen to those you call patients? To be curious about where all these what you call "mental disorders" come from, rather than listening to determine the diagnosis? Do you think that the medicines you give them will cure them? "

I was laughing shaking my head.

"Do not change the conversation. I don't understand why you avoid my questions."

"Exactly , because you will never understand."

The feeling of his presence became even stronger, but always outside the window. I felt it outside that building. Here I was, staring out the window trying to catch something, even a small sign.