WE MADE IT ON OUR OWN

I had broken successfully the time barrier and I was again in 2020. I was lying on my bed and dragged over and over again my nose searching in vain that masculine smell around me. Masculine and delicate all at once. There wasn't the slightest trace of it not even on my skin after the contact with his robe. My nose looked really bad, I checked looking at the mirror. I didn't look good in general although I slept quite a while. I wiped out rheum around my eyes and searched my green lime Ipod Shuffle vintage filled with Queen music. The song Jealousy fitted me just fine. The opening piano made me come back to those fingers.

Look at me now

Jealousy you got me somehow

You gave me no warning

Took me by surprise.

Thirtysomething Freddie grieving over love spoke up with thrilling accuracy how I felt at the moment.

Life is much too short

To while away with tears

If only you could see

Just what you do to me

I refolded a few minutes in fetal position on my bed letting myself swept as usual around his voice. We were kindred spirits with our own vulnerabilities and I felt close to him in spite of all. But I couldn't help thinking that in 2020, Freddie was dead a whooping 29 years ago.

But now it matters not

If i should live or die

‚cause i'm only left with my own jealousy.

I felt jealous of whoever stayed in 1984 and could enjoy that excessive but yet adorable and caring Freddie, with that skill to make you feel special. No matter if I got the feeling of failure all the time, he pushed me to a different plane.

I was in 1984 less than one day and looking at my watch checked in 2020 it's been just fifteen minutes. It was amazing.

The flat was empty. Not a trace of Alex. I grabbed my phone and decided getting in touch with Fooling and inform him about everything broadly speaking.

- The mission was a failure. I landed in 1984 -I tried to resume.

How could I tell him I considered it a failure because I was not with him anymore and missed him with each one of my beatings? It sounded exotic even for me.

Fooling had a clear head and he was perfect for me right then. He told me to send him by email a detailed report of the mission.

- We're talking later. You aren't fit to reason now. You've been put into extreme emotions.

I tried not missing out each detail I had lived. I had them very fresh on my mind. In truth it happened to me too many things in less than 24 hours and I didn't feel proud of most of all.

I hold onto Fooling for almost half an hour. He was always so comforting. He seemed understand everything with no need to explain again.

- What a report you have sent me, Black...

- You have chosen very badly this mission mole. Besides it was a waste of time...

- Don't even joke. You had met our man. We have more chances.

- I cannot. There's people more able than me. Isn't it better chosing a boy?

- I think you've been perfect just because it has been a failed mission.

- Perfect? Prenter slapped my face, I couldn't interview Freddie, I almost stabbed his boyfriend, I got drunk...

- And nothing stopped Freddie from falling under your spell. How do you explain he took you his home, taking his own house a journalist? Bah, I can't imagine you with a post Bohemian Rhapsody Freddie.

- No, please. Don't send me with that Freddie. Are you mad? He still lived with Mary.

- And with Minns, darling.

- That would make it worse. What am I doing in such a dangerous triangle? You know my mind. The perfect period is 1977. Just before New York mess. We musn't stray, our goal mission is saving his life.

- You know in our team there are more voices who think Freddie might be infected in 1982.

- Because that stupid book without foundation? Come on, Freddie making all kind of sexual excesses at his reach with no infection till 5 years later. The common sense must lead us to 1977.

- Or 1975.

- You are very stubborn, aren't you? I can't compete with two forces of nature inside his heart like Mary and Minns. Just thinking of the songs which he wrote for them, give me goosebumps.

- So do I. But he might write some song to you, don't you think?

- I thought we hadn't permission to change the history.

- Well, Black, we have to change something to getting Freddie not infected, don't you think?

- I'm confused, Fooling. I want this mission being successfull but if I'm travelling again I'm not sure.

- You need a week to recover yourself a little and that nose looking again so beautiful as earlier on -he touched it loving and delicately-. Then I want you focused and with your mind clear. We need you. Everybody. Will you be able?

👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑

Fooling was right. I needed at least a week to recover from barely 24 hours. I was a wreck, not only for running away from that poisonous snake but leaving Freddie there. What would he think when he'd return home with Phoebe and found out I was gone disobeying him? I had left his beautiful card lying there on the washbasin but in fact I would love to bring it back home to frame it in silver. I had even not left him a note apologizing for leaving. What kind of explanations would the coward Prenter gave him? He ended up looking like an incompetent without question in "his dear friend" Freddie's eyes for let me run away, and that was my only secret triumph. Probably Freddie would reward him with a huge disdain for days and Prenter would have to crawling at his feet apologizing while he tried to find out how that girl had vanished from that bathroom without a trace.

I couldn't bear thinking en 1984 Freddie with his virus swimming helplessly in his blood. After the two first days in 2020 I started to feel my second withdrawal syndrome in my life. And this time it didn't have to do with drugs and alcohol. Proof against my most depressive moments, I grabbed my phone and decided brash that I needed come back to 1984. But at the last second I pondered on it coldly and concluded it could be dangerous and still worst, futile.

- Don't overthink it, Ash -Alex tried to cheer me up.

- It's easy to say. You were not there. You didn't see what I saw.

Put that way, I seemed to be a war reporter and I was describing some slaughter's horrors.

- Forget about Prenter. You already have your nose just as lovely as before -he said kissing its tip lovingly.

- It's Freddie what I'm thinking, Alex. I can't bear he considered me someone who I'm not. I'm just thinking of that beautiful note and the drawing he made of me.

- He's such a special man, as we imagined, isn't he?

- And more. He's a lot of things. He is everything.

- Oh, Ash, come here. I can't see you like this. Try to cheer up and recover. We need you in that. You are our heroine.

- Alex, if only you were with me. Everything would work out fine and I wouldn't be that bundle of nerves and that useless and inefficient person.

- Shut your mouth up. You did it great. You failed in only one thing, kneeding that swine of Prenter his balls. Apart from that you've been divine.

- Did you miss me those fifteen minutes when I was away? -I looked up at him with my crying eyes while he wiped away my tears with a smile.

- Always.