SO SAD IT ENDS AS IT BEGAN

The plane took off from Heathrow at 3 p.m. We still had more than 6 hours in front of us to arrive New York JFK.

I've never flown in the seventies but soon I would find out it was an unforgettable experience. At that time a plane was a very comfortable and warm place. In spite of the band still travelled in economy class at that time, the aisles and seats were bigger, nothing compare to our discomforts in XXI century. With those seats looking like beds, I spent all my flight in a deep sleep.

We arrived New York at four in the afternoon with the 5 hours time difference. From there we took other flight bound to Denver which it lasted three hours and a half.

There was a surprise that Roger brought me with him to that tour. Each one with their personalities and diverse natures spoke it up in a different way. Brian still didn't trust me so his glance was disdainful, Deacon gave me a little hug which it almost made me cry and Freddie... the persian devil wasn't satisfied only with his expressive look.

- Did you put your PhD thesis off? -he whispered at my ear as though he was telling the most filthy thing in the world.

- It's just a few days.

- Darling, hadn't Roger told you? We'll be here till june.

- We didn't talk about that.

- I bet you didn't. There's no doubt.

- What do you mean?

- Are you telling me with that innocent and childish face there wasn't anything? I know Roger's freshly-banged face by heart, honey.

- It's not of your business, Fred.

- Roger is going to be my business as long as I live. If you hurt him you'll have me to deal with.

- What if he hurt me?

- Darling, you are stuck into a rock band's tour. You won't make up your own rules.

Freddie always astonished me. When he opened his mouth he took my breath away most of the time. Whatever he said. The long journey didn't suit him fine and a plane awaited us. Soon the jetlag would leave our bodys knackered. I had to wait until his mood was better to see me with other eyes, I guess.

- Is everything alright, baby? -Roger wanted to know holding my shoulders, protective.

I took his waist tightly while I nodded to not worried him.

Panting and our hearts beating one on another, he whispered me again he would stop to breathe if I stayed and he left. I left his passionate postcoitals words, spoken out wildly, would keep its course through my thicked self-esteem. I had barely experience with men and with rock stars, null. My intuition told me it was going to be a steep downhill and there wouldn't be any way to brake. And that certainty lurking it wouldn't be long to come true.

- I wanted to tell you something, Rog. Would you promise me you won't get upset?

- Oh oh, so I'll get very upset.

- Ok, I'll take my chance.

- What's up?

- I want my own room during the tour.

- What? What the hell are you talking about?

- Shhh... don't shout, please. I need my own space and you need yours.

- What kind of shitty space are you talking about? Have you kept an eye on other man? Isn't that so?

- Oh, Rog. Don't be so childish. The only thing I did since I flew away London is sleeping. I had no time to keep an eye on anyone and anything, ok?

- You are mine, alright? I hope that's clear to you.

- We can argue that later and quietly.

- We'll argue my way.

- Well, your way.

- That's better. Come here and stop pissing me off.

Roger wanted to posess me with his mouth and not giving a damn that half airport would staring at us, he opened his mouth over mine. He wanted let everybody know that I was his.

My independence request was a topic of further discussion in Denver, Kansas and Saint Louis. When we got to Oklahoma we were the talk of the whole Queen entourage.

That tour supporting Mott the Hoople was going to be their initial contact with the american audience. It seemed to me a dream watching the first show of Queen in America. I was there as a witness. With my life becoming such a drama, sometimes forgot that little privileges reserved as time traveller. Being witness of the band's first show in american soil. And it was made on the hall of Regis college, a private, catholic and jesuit one. That was the joy of every day. Attending their show and vibrating with them. Singing along their songs out loud and dancing uninhibited and happy for almost an hour. It seemed to me weird attending a show where they weren't the stars, only the supporting act but they were brilliant. That was the real thing, it was the shot I needed every day to keep going the next one.

Men are a human race specially gossip and tattletale and the band's roadies were the greatest. You could regard it as normal. They spent three months far away from home, some far away from their wifes and children. Inside an unreal and speeding microcosm. Each new juicy gossip was celebrated till to its paroxysm.

- Tesli, would you like some chew gum?

The bus was our second home after the hotel. From town to town we travelled by it and to not getting sick, I filled my bags with anti travel sickness pills.

- Ratty, leave me alone, will you? I need to sleep.

- I thought you had your own room to do that.

- Why don't you mind your own business?

- Ratty, bring me a drink, will you?

John sat beside me with such a smile I'd end up adoring. The most healing smile on earth.

- I've just won Freddie to chess the seventh time in a row. When I say checkmate I use to vanish at the other end of the bus.

- You are the most intelligent of the band, I knew that.

- How are you doing on tour?

- You just played in Denver. We've just started off.

- Do you regret coming?

- Why did you say that?

- A lot of testosterone, a lot of stress, egos, the technical difficulties...

- Alcohol, drugs, sex...

- Well, it's a tour. We have a little of everything.

- I would love getting to know the new towns which we are visiting. I didn't travel so much outside my country.

- Which places did you know?

- Just Viena and Berlin.

- What about your PhD thesis?

- Slow -I smiled wrinkling my soaring forehead.

- I wonder how you can find time for that. Women are unbelievable. You are such unique human beings.

- Do I thank you? Is that a flattery?

- Don't rush. You can be unsufferable depends on the day.

- And you such a swines without feelings.

- Ouuuuchhh. That's hurt. Is Roger behaving badly?

- I don't want to talk about Roger. He would be a subject to a PhD thesis.

Deacon burst into laughter and I did too. That prodigious bass player had taken away my headache. He grabbed his cup from Ratty's hand.

- Thanks, pretty.

- You go and get it the next time, ok? I'm only in charge of your bass, I'm not your servant.

- I'm sorry, the success had already gone to my head Would you forgive me?

- Freddie has told me he's recovered. He challenge you another game.

- Fucking crazy. He's a real masochist.

- Go with him. He needs you not to get bored. Let yourself win.

- Never.

The long hours in the bus made him nervous and he needed doing things all the time. The bus was a condemnation to me but funnily enough the only place where I could relax because Freddie was saved. His only dangerous vices were the table games. The worst came before and after the shows. My priority was he and therefore I used to keep naturally around his field. I must to be skillful he wouldn't feel he was under my quiet surveillance. He was too insightful. If he suspect I was trying to nose into his things, he would be relentless.

Roger was my other open front. He was no doubt the needed step to get into this tour and most of the time he was adorable. Mostly when he got his sex ration when he felt like it. After the shows the adrenaline made him chatting, smoking and drinking all the time. He didn't use to get drunk till losing his control. He reached to an euphoria point and if there was any more stimulation or he didn't feel like tasting anymore, he took my hand and disappeared inside his room. Sometimes that attitude seemed to me sexy and I came with him overexcited. Sometimes I regarded it as an insultant chauvinism and I refused to go with him. And he sparked off in a terrible tantrum and threated to fuck any of the girls out there who were dying for him.

- Rog, you are late. Put out your real I, come on. Fuck the redhead with green eyes.

- Are you challenging me?

- No, shit. I'm telling you do whatever you like. I'm not your fucking girlfriend.

- Fuck you, bitch.

We were so rude to each other that we found harder and harder to forgive us. The tour started with six shows in a row. I didn't know what it meant that number of gigs in a row till I suffered them first hand. The sixth when they finished his St Bernard Parish show in New Orleans, there was such an enormous amount of stored up stress, wild parties with sleepless nights and the hangovers barely purged, that the atmosphere of negative particles was unbearable.

- Open up the fucking door or I'm breaking down!

Roger was very nervous that night. The frenzied rhythm of the tour took its toll in everybody. After each show the parties prolonged till well into the morning. The exhausting travelling between towns used to last 7 hours. So the bus was the place where you can sleep at best. Without respite they arrived to their destiny with just time to leave the bags in the hotel and make the soundcheck. It was exhausting.

- What do you want now? -I opened up, in rage.

- I don't like my room. It looks very ugly now.

- Roger, leave me alone. You are drunk. I'm not allowing you sleep it off here.

- But did you listen to yourself, shitty uptight stupid? You are nobody to allow or not allow me anything.

- Excuse me, I am someone. I am a woman with personality, discernment and feelings. You won't destroy all that with your rude words.

- Nahh, you are just a pussy.

- SON OF A BITCH, GET OUT OF MY ROOM! I SAID GET OUT!

They were such deafening shouts and things flying everywhere, at the end Freddie came to the room to try to make peace.

- Rog, I beg you -he split us-. Leave it right now.

- I've already left that bitch.

- Don't treat her so. She's your friend.

- You too with those nonsense? She was my fucking girlfriend, as far as I know.

- I've never been your girlfriend. Never!

- That's happen to me getting a crush on a groupie. What was I thinking?

- That's what I'm thinking. How did I end up with a filthy male chauvinist who only thinks with his willy?

- Fuck, won't you stop screaming? If you are not going to make up with a good shag go on different ways.

- I'm calm. He started first.

- Rog? Are you going to stop destroying things?

- I'm fine.

- I hope so because if I'm hearing you again I'm kicking you out of here. You know that I will.

Once Freddie was gone, I looked the mess of my room with pity. Pictures and vases all shattered, one window glass broken with all the wind and rain getting into the room.

- I'm sorry, I was just getting insane without you.

- Rog, we must finish with this now. I'm getting insane too. I don't want this in my life...

- You are right, as usual.

He lifted me on his arms naturally while he kissed me. As we landed on the uncovered mattress, all my bed linen was piled on the floor, we got undressed and finished the fight.

- Are you listening to me now? -I asked him gently against his ear finishing my second cigarette.

- I wanna hear you out -he answered with fatalistic tone.

- It's over. I want to keep sane.

- Don't blame on me. The tours are like a madhouse and you are a part of it.

- Do you agree being friends with no sex?

- Could you do without it? -he guided my hand over his dick with a mischievous smile.

- It's for our own sake, Roger. Please...

Our pseudo relationship ended as it began. With a shag.