The second I left Zak's office, I ran out of the pack house. I quickly undressed and shifted, racing into the darkness of the night.
I've been running all night, trying to outrace my feelings of betrayal and loss. How could they not tell me? They all knew and hadn't said a word. It's not like Devin and I were in love, we both knew that the other would find their mate soon. But a heads up would have been nice. I was happy for him. He was one of my best friends.
Of course, I hadn't told him about Charlie and Zak asking me into their bed, either. But that's beside the point. I was mad at them.
Or was I? Honestly, I think I just felt left behind and left out. They had all found their mates. Yeah, Charlie, Zak, and I were fucking, but they were mates. They were the ones that were there for each other. When they grew tired of this little experiment, where would that leave me? Alone, while they continued their happy life together. And now Devin was gone, too. Don't get me wrong, Xander seems like a great guy. But now I have no one to understand what I am going through.
No, I wasn't really upset about the Goddess's secret. It kind of gave me hope that whoever my mate was, at least I had the chance that they would be someone I could care about normally and not just forced to love because of the mate bond. I was happy for Devin and Xander. Even with my own issues with secret keeping, I know that if the Goddess had said it, it was law. They had to follow it. I wasn't that unreasonable.
What really upset me was the loss of that connection with my best friends. And the reminder that what was happening with Charlie, Zak, and me has an expiration date. It made me feel unbearably sad and lonely. And the guilt that has been plaguing me since Charlie and Zak mated, since I realized I still wanted them, clawed its way up and around my throat.
I ran through our territory, not even knowing where I was going. I just needed to move. Needed to not think beyond where the next obstacle was in my path. But, eventually, even a wolf has to stop. As the sun crests the horizon, I found a patch of heavy brush in a densely packed part of the forest. I wiggle my way in and curl myself so that my tail covers my nose. I drift into an uneasy, restless sleep.