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Trash of the Royal Castle

Prince Blueblood is many things. He's a Unicorn, He's royalty, He's a stallion, He's entitled, He's high-class, And most importantly he's not here right now. If Blueblood isn't here right now, then who's that? Well, That's Blueblood, the new Blueblood that is, a human in the body of Blueblood. What will follow the actions of the new prince can be nothing short of disastrous. ---------------------------------------- Warning, this story contains Talking Animals, Magic, Politics, Mentions of Gore and Sex, and a lot of violence. You have been warned.

Netapel · Tranh châm biếm
Không đủ số lượng người đọc
123 Chs
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Chapter 110: A Canterlot Wedding 1

For a bit over two weeks, Canterlot Castle's greatest asset has been lying in wait, preparing for the moment that the one who took the body of Prince Blueblood made themselves vulnerable.

It made no sounds, as it watched the imposter masquerade in the form of the Prince, it made no sound as it watched it banish the Pink Princess into a place unknown, it made no sounds as it switched places with the pink one, bringing forth a replacement Imposter that will take the form of the Prince.

It made no sounds as the new Imposter entered the shower, prepared to use the privileges which were not theirs to have.

It made no sounds as it released a cloud of sleeping gas into the shower, the Imposter not noticing a thing as the steam from the Prince's hot shower camouflaged its entrance.

It made no sounds as the Imposter fell unconscious, their hideous disguise coming undone.

It made no sounds as it grabbed the body by the neck with its long golden tail, and started to constrict.

It made no sounds as the Imposter woke up and started to resist, clawing and scratching at its body in a vain attempt to release itself.

It made no sounds as the imposter finally stopped breathing, lifting its strangled body by the neck as it slammed it back onto the porcelain floor.

It made no sounds as the green liquid splashed out of its body, like a pear being squeezed until the juice came out.

It made no sounds as it dropped the body, used its tail to turn on the shower, and cleaned the liquid off its body.

It made no sounds as it turned the water off, climbed out of the shower, shook its body to fling the remaining water off, before it soundlessly closed the door behind itself and returned to hiding in wait beneath the Prince's bed.

Her name was Comet, and she was Prince Blueblood's most loyal asset.

He just didn't know it yet.

And so she returned to waiting.

Surely the guards will realize something was wrong soon, they can't all be that incompetent.

...Who was she kidding, Comet knew that the only people she could rely on were herself and her Prince.

All she had to do was wait for the Prince to return.

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"Feeding time," Princess Mi Amore Cadenza tiredly opened her eyes, watching two small bowls of rice and a pair of water bottles materialize inside of the crystal prison she was trapped in.

She looked up at the crystal, watching a projection of the Changeling Queen look down at her from above, "You know, I will give you more food if you promise to marry me and love me and care for me and kill for me and become my adorable little slave, you know that right Bloobloo?" Cadance hid her gag at the sound of the nickname leaving the Changeling's mouth, A cute nickname like that was something only shared between mother and son, or husband and wife! And she will not let her cousin be entrapped in a loveless marriage with this- this- This Bitch!

Cadance paused as those words passed through her mind, she turned to look at her cousin, perhaps he and Cosmos were rubbing off on her a bit too much, she never called any pony in her life such a hurtful word.

"If you call me Bloobloo one more time I'm going to shoot you in the head, I won't even announce my presence and make it a part of some blood-pumping fight, I'm just going to snipe you from afar, don't tempt me, I will do it," Her cousin said as he levitated the bowl of rice towards him, frowned at it still being partially hard, but ate it anyway.

"Ooh, you trying to assassinate me? That means you think I'm dangerous enough to warrant you not enjoying yourself, that means I'm special, ah, I love you too, I'll break your bones after I free you, I can let you both watch as I turn Celestia into a donut, just punch a hole in her chest, It takes a lot of force to do that, It's really impressive, You'll be amazed how hard it is to clean all the blood off afterward, I really do think we have something special Bloobloo, you know what? After I'm done with marrying this stupid guard captain, I'll marry you, and Cady can be the Bridesmaid, but on the groom's side, and then we can go to the Crystal Empire and finally finish It's dream, I want six, no, seven children, and Cadance will be able to name at least two of them, They'll be called Jerry, Terry, Larry, Gary, Harry, and the two that Cadance will name, Pinky and Stinky, You're going to hate them, I'll probably kill them a month after giving birth, they'll make these adorable little crunching sounds you'll fall in love with me immediately after hearing them I-" Cadance was thankful for the Illusion Blueblood cast over the projection, hiding the manic Changeling Queen and muting her sound.

"What's with her obsession with you?" She asked her cousin, her face cringing as she had to bite on the barely cooked rice.

"Fuck if I know," Blueblood said before he took a heavy swig of his water bottle, "She's insane, I don't understand what she's thinking at all," He stopped to drink some more water, "At first I assumed she was simply trying to take my place in order to get closer to Celestia, then she started talking about some weird slave-play she's into, and now she's kidnapping me for the sole purpose of beating me up and throwing me into a dungeon, I'm personally more confused about why you're here,"

Cadance took a deep breath and tried to comb through her mind, "I don't know." Was the only answer she could give, "If she only wanted to reach Celestia, she could have easily just taken the place of a random guard," Cadance thought back to what she said to her before she brought her here a few days ago.

"I- I think It's something to do with Princess Amore," Cadance concluded, "I remember she said that I was [i]Its[/i] daughter and more than that, she said she wanted to help," Cadance stopped to let those words swim in her mind for a moment, "I... I don't think she's being malicious,"

"...Not being malicious? Cadance she's tried to kill me multiple times, she's trapped the two of us here in an underground prison, she has repeatedly stated that she was going to Kill Celestia, how is she not malicious?!" Blueblood exclaimed loudly at her, angrily throwing the empty rice bowl at the crystal walls that surrounded them, throwing as it simply bounced off the wall as if made of rubber instead of breaking apart like he wished it did.

"That's not what I mean," Cadance shook her head before she turned to look at the crystal walls, and at the spot where the Changeling Queen was previously projected, "I mean, she definitely is doing horrible things, she is a monster, don't get me wrong, but I don't think she's doing them with the intent of being malicious..." Cadance tried to think of a way to explain it, "I think... I think she's doing this because she thinks it's the right thing to do, even if she's wrong,"

"...And why would she think that anything that she's doing right now is somehow the right thing to do?" Blueblood asked her, and luckily for her, Cadance already had the answer.

"Because of Princess Amore," she told him. Those four words were all the explanation she needed.

"Princess Amore? Your ancestor that is the reason you're an Alicorn right now, she's the reason?" Blueblood raised an eyebrow at that.

"She's not an ancestor," Cadance shook her head, "I think I figured it out while we visited the Deer, Princess Amore isn't an Ancestor, she's my Mother. Gaia Everfree acted as if I was there when she died, which wouldn't make sense seeing as I'm only two years older than you, not over one thousand. But it would somehow explain why Celestia treats me like I'm Amore's very distant descendant, despite Amore having no known offspring, which clashes with both Gaia and Chrysalis's statements that she does have, and how all the rulers we met from that time call me her daughter, instead of her descendant,"

"And how would that be possible? You're theory falls flat here Cadance, You can't be her daughter, She died over one thousand years ago, and unlike with Platinum, she didn't have multiple offsprings who could have hidden and survived till this day," Blueblood pointed at a hole in her theory, and Cadance quickly explained her reasoning.

"King Aspen said that Bramble was Gaia Everfree's son, which also wouldn't make sense if we use that same logic, unless, of course, we think a bit outside of the box... We can assume that Gaia and Amore knew each other, and Chrysalis definitely has something with Amore, therefore all three of them would know if Amore had any children. Gaia had Bramble, but Bramble is only what? Thirteen? He's definitely too young to be her son, unless of course, he simply skipped one thousand years forwards-" Cadance was interrupted as Blueblood cleared his throat and pointed a hoof at her.

"Time travel?" He cleared his throat once more, less as a way of actually clearing it and more just to make that sound, "You're saying that the reason why Bramble, and subsequently you, are not over one thousand years old, is because you, and Bramble, were sent one thousand years into the future, and you have no memory of it,"

"...When you say it like that it sounds less believable than it-" Cadance tried to defend her reasoning.

"Nah, I believe you," Blueblood waved her off, "It would also explain why you're older than Bramble, if we use the time between the Crystal Empire disappearing and Gaia Everfree's supposed death when House Platinum disappeared, it gives us around twenty years, which explains the age gap between you two,"

"Yes- YES! EXACTLY!" Cadance yelled in excitement, "And the reason none of us remember any of it is that we were babies when it happened! We haven't reached the age where we could start storing memories yet, and- and it would explain why nobody knows Amore had any offspring! She had me, but I was basically a newborn, and she kept me secret, and then I got sent to the future before anyone could figure it out, except for Gaia, who only knew about me because she had something to do with the Crystal Empire disappearing! And was also the only other person who sent her offspring into the future! It explains so much!"

"Okay, New question, how does Chrysalis fit into any of this?" Blueblood asked.

"I have no Idea!" Cadance yelled with a smile as she flapped her wings and flew into her cousin, pulling him into a hug as she spun in the air.

"Don't be happy!" She ignored his yelling in her ears, "You went on this entire cockamamie rant about how you are actually Princess Amore's daughter who got sent into the future as a toddler, which doesn't actually answer any of our questions because it doesn't matter! We still have no idea what Gaia Everfree's deal is, we still have no idea what Tirek's deal is, we still have no idea who the Pony of Shadow's true identity is, we still have no idea how Cosmos fits into this, and Chrysalis is nowhere near connected to your theory besides the notion that she might have something to do with princess Amore! We've gone two steps forward one step back and we still don't have anything! What does it matter if you're Amore's real daughter?! it changes nothing! You're still an Alicorn of Equestria! You're still my cousin! And you're still going to be late for your wedding with your fool of a husband!"

"Hey! Only I'm allowed to call Shining a fool! It's one of my privileges!" Cadance defended the honor of her fiance.

"I'll call him whatever I want!" Blueblood yelled as he struggled in the hug of a Princess with the strength of an Earth Pony, "He's the captain of the royal guard, who provides security so incompetent they still haven't noticed that both of us have been replaced!"

"You keep talking about him like that and I'll send you one thousand years into the future!" She yelled at her cousin, laughing at him all the while.

"I'd like to see you try! You can barely cast a basic Illusion spell! I'll die of old age before you manage to send me to the future!" Blueblood laughed back at her, making fun of her lack of magical talent.

"Not if I die of magic exhaustion before I can even finish that spell!" And so the two royals went back and forth, laughing and yelling at each other as if they had nothing better in the world to do.

And seeing as the only thing they had to do was wait for Blueblood's magic to recover, doing nothing might as well have been the best thing to do.

And underneath all the yells and laughs, the two ponies had a simple thought crossing their mind.

"I'm so glad I'm not here alone,"

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Spike the Dragon was running outside on the grass, a pair of paper scrolls magically nesting in his gullet as he made his way toward his older sister and her friends.

"Twi- Twilight!" He called out to her, breathing heavily as he moved his short legs as fast as he could as he ran towards the small picnic the girls were having.

"Spike?" Twilight turned to look at him, watching as he ran through the rest of the friend group and stopped in front of her.

"I- I have- Lemme' just," He managed to breathe out before he gagged and fell onto his stomach, a small burst of green flames escaping his mouth as one of the messages materialized through his Dragonfire.

Twilight Sparkle lifted the rolled scroll of paper and read aloud its contents, "Dear Twilight, I am sure you are as excited as I am about the upcoming wedding in Canterlot." She turned to look at her other friends, "Wedding?" She returned to the letter.

"I will be presiding over the ceremony, but would very much like you and your friends to help with the preparations for this wonderful occasion. Fluttershy, I would like you and your songbird choir to provide the music." She turned to look at the Yellow Pegasus who smiled at being addressed in the letter.

"Oh my goodness! what an honor!" Fluttershy said with a soft yet excited smile on her face.

Twilight turned to look at the next friend being addressed in the letter, "Pinkie Pie, I can think of no one more qualified than you to host the reception."

Pinkie Pie smiled widely as she stood up, "Hip," She jumped into the air, "Hip," she did a flip in the air, "Hooray!" She exclaimed as she did a perfect four-point standing landing.

"Applejack, you will be in charge of the catering for the reception" Twilight told her next friend as she continued reading the letter.

"Well, color me pleased as punch!" Applejack said with a smile as she joined Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie in being excited at the prospect of helping organize a wedding.

"Rainbow Dash–" Twilight read the next part of the letter, The pony in question yawning into her own hoof, trying her best to act as if she wasn't as excited as the rest of her friends, "-I would very much appreciate it if you could perform a sonic rainboom as the bride and groom complete their "I do"'s"

It seems the mere mention of performing a sonic rainboom was enough for Rainbow Dash to drop the act as she flew into the air and did a spin, cheering with excitement as she joined the rest of her friends.

Twilight kept reading, "Rarity, you will be responsible for designing the dresses for the bride and her bridesmaids."

"Princess Celestia wants me to-" Rarity stumbled over her words as she quickly started fanning herself "-A wedding dress, for a Canterlot wedding..." Her body started to swing side to side as the excitement caused her blood to rush to her head, leaving her knees weak, "Ah, Ahah, Hooo~" She fell onto her back, a wide and excited smile on her face as she giggled in excitement at all the different dress designs coursing through her mind.

"And as for you, Twilight, you will be playing the most important role of all: Making sure that everything goes as planned.

See you all very soon.

Yours, Princess Celestia." Twilight finished reading the letter, her eyes going over it one more time as she searched for details she couldn't find.

She read the letter again, flipped it upside down, read the back of it, and even pointed it at the sun in case there was some invisible ink.

"But... I don't understand." Twilight lowered the letter before her eyes could get hurt, "Who's getting married?"

"Oh, Wait," Spike rubbed the back of his head, "I was probably supposed to give you this one first," He slammed a closed fist on his stomach, a burp of green fire escaping him as a second letter appeared, "Hehe, sorry~"

Twilight picked up the second letter and started to read as her friends moved to stand behind her in order to get a glimpse of the letter themselves, "Princess Celestia cordially invites you to the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and..." Twilight gasped at the name of the groom, "My Brother?!"