Remembering You

At first, I thought that somehow someone had hacked his account. But the Marriage Bank was still full of our crafting materials and gold. Back then, when the accounts were still hackable, the first thing the intruder would do is to sell everything on the account and move the gold around until it was untraceable.

I wasn't too worried for about a week after he hadn't logged in. Whenever he had real life things to do that kept him away from the game for a few days, he'd let me know and he even logged in from time to time to check in with me. That time, though, he hadn't said anything.

Then, one week turned into a month, and one month turned into three, and I assumed he had stopped playing for good.

I even imagined he had died and scoured Irish news sites for the passing of anyone named Lucas. I spent hours just waiting to hear the ding from the friends list to see when and if he would log in. I erased all the people I had added for different reasons so that he would be the only one there.

When the months turned into years, I had already stopped playing all day and I went to classes. I became a casual player until the flood, when I realized that I could use all the skills I had acquired to make money.

The last message I sent him was: Fuck you, hoping that he'd read it once he logged back in.

But he never returned. Until now, using his marriage teleport to get to where I am.

"What do you want?" I say, without stopping.

"Look, I know you're mad. I… shouldn't have left without saying anything," he says, following me along the beach.

His voice sounds familiar and strange at the same time. Like visiting a place you knew your whole life, as a different person.

"Please delete the marriage bond," I say, not looking back. "I think you can do it in any major city hall."

"Don't you want to hear out why I stopped playing?"

"It's none of my business. I don't care, and I don't have time."

"I've known you for five years and I still don't know your name," he says. That makes me stop and turn to face him.

"What?"

"I asked you that night, remember? I asked you what your real name was, and you refused to tell me."

"I don't give my real name to strangers on the internet."

"I wasn't a stranger."

"Yes, you are. Are you saying that you got mad because I didn't tell you my name, and that made you quit the game? Seriously?"

"No, it wasn't like that. But that was the only reason why I didn't delete my account."

"You should delete it. Or sell it. Why are you paying for it if you haven't used it in ages? There's a long wait list on the 15 million cap. You should let someone else play," I say, and continue to walk again.

The sand, which had been warm and pleasant on my feet, now annoys the hell out of me because I want to put my boots back on. But my feet look like white milanesas, and the sand rubs against my skin.

I'm still at least an hour away from Arauros, and then I'll have to wait for the ferry. With the new reality update, I imagine it isn't magical as it once was, appearing and reappearing in its destination without letting the passengers enjoy the voyage across the sea of Tristura.

"You owe me at least five minutes to let me explain," he says, unrelenting.

"I don't owe you anything, and you don't owe me an explanation. We played together, we stopped. It's fine, and I'm not mad at you. I honestly don't care about what happened to you," I say, turning around one last time. "Please, just go away."

We look at each other, and I try to straighten my face, despite the anger and resentment. He's level 90, which was the level cap from about two years ago. The white cape he's wearing is one I made for him, and back then, he was one of the first people in the game to have it.

So many memories flood into my head. All the times we almost died together. Entire nights we spent in the forest, looking up at the beautiful sky of Amoria. It was all through a screen back then. How different would it have been if I had a Neural X back then?

Even if it was just online, it was all real. Lucas was my only close friend in the virtual world, and he abandoned me. Maybe in the real world, too. In all the worlds.

I am not letting him get close to me again.

"Delete the marriage bond," I say again, and continue walking, leaving him standing on the beach.

"Why didn't you delete it then?!" he screams at me, but I don't answer.

Because I've forgotten you, I say, once I've stopped to catch my breath.

Because at first I hoped you'd return, but then gave up waiting, and then gave up thinking about you.

Because I was ashamed that I had given so much importance to an online friendship when clearly it didn't mean the same to you.

Because maybe it was more than friendship. I owed so many smiles and good moments to you.

Because I had other, more important things on my mind than remembering you.