INTRODUCTION

Man, am so tired!

Hmm... Am losing my mind! It gets so occupied sometimes with cares and fears of life and I just can't understand what's really going on.

My mind alone is like a mighty ocean, a great world of it's own that I am living in. I feel like this world existing inside of me, though seems small, is darker than one could imagine, wider and wilder than the one out there. And the stress I feel right inside sometimes, gets me so exhausted, thinking about how to survive, how my dreams can come true, 'cause it seems like it's really delaying, and most times I could only imagine; it's as if, sometimes, am about to be executed and need to be exculpated by some supernatural being. If it were possible to pour out everything going on in my mind, I think the world wouldn't be enough to contain it.

I just don't know if am the only one having this strong feelings. I feel claustrophobic.

Many a time, when I try to close my eyes to sleep, all I see is the darkness of heartaches and heartbreaks that this world outside brings, and taking them in with me to the world inside my mind, only brings me sleeplessness. And when I stay awake, I just can't find the peace I need to remain that way, 'cause the same demons won't let my mind be, worry and anxiety torment me, so I quietly go back to sleep to face the demons instead. Maybe if am able to defeat the demons inside, then I would wake up sound.

I sometimes wish for so many things which I don't think can ever be, and the thought of it being impossible gets me thinking the more: if I could be given supernatural powers just for a minute, so I could quickly put certain things aright, align them to my satisfaction, then make them alright, maybe life wouldn't be this heartbreaking! I do also wish someone had told me earlier before coming to this world, maybe I would have chosen a better generation to be born or I just might not have to come into this life at all, 'cause I feel like this life sucks.

I've got so many conversations which keep happening on my mind, most times, the noise inside is even louder than that in the market places; it's like I hear so many voices of me talking to me, some are so faint that I can't actually grasp, just voices, and just two of all those voices sound louder which I hear clearly like someone speaking right to my ears. These two voices always talk about same thing but in a contradictory manner, I guess they must be right and wrong speaking to me. And there's this third voice which is my own voice, this voice responds to the two voices, agreeing to one and ignoring the other.

Sometimes my head is on fire! I just can't figure out certain things. My heart gets heavy, so heavy that sometimes I could literally feel it beat hard in panic and pain. Am seriously in need of a safe haven, where me and my mind could go without disturbance or chaos, without the fear of economic meltdown.

I keep imagining things, no matter how hard I try not to, I keep wishing some things in this life never happened, and if only I could go back in time, then, who knows, today might have just been perfect. But who knew it would ever become like this? Even if I changed the past, wouldn't the present become something worse than this?

They say, "The future is bright." And all I could imagine, with the way this world is going, is darkness and dreadness. Every single day that passes, comes with a new form of sorrow, so, how bright can we say this future is? Others say, "Make your bed the way you wanna lie." But how many people have done that, and couldn't find it the way they made it? It's like someone came to mess it up. Each time they spend time to fix the bed, something always comes to destroy it. Could it be that some people are predestined for failure or sorrows in this life?

Now, what if the first man never ate of the forbidden fruit, how would the world become? Would we still be moving about having no clothes? He (the first man) was free among wild beasts and serpents without being harmed, and all of a sudden these beasts grew hatred for him, this hatred has become so strong that man and beast dare not go the same path. But I thought it was only the serpent that enmity was placed! It means then that man's disobedience must have in a way affected even other animals.

Why does it seem like serving God is for the poor and lowly and the needy only? Honestly, sometimes life gets me so confused that I begin to think, what if we got to the gates of heaven just to discover all we ever read were not the truth and we never got the chance to make things right? That's why most times I pray and say, "Lord, I think the best thing is for you to reveal yourself personally to me, 'cause I honestly don't know what or who else to believe anymore! I don't want to keep reading it only or keep hearing it from preachers only, I want you to say it to me, just so I don't get it wrong!"

However, I have also come to realize that I am still the ruler of my mind, except if I allow otherwise.

The mind works in accordance to the heart. And the heart ponders on what the eyes see, what the ears hear, what the skin feels, what the tongue tastes, and what the nose perceives.

Below are some quotations people made concerning the mind, which I will critically be talking about as I move forward in chapters ahead:

I. "If you can believe it, the mind can achieve it."

II. "You may think I'm small, but I have a universe inside my mind."

III. "Control your own mind, and you may never be controlled by the mind of another."

IV. "Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the Romance of the unusual."

V. "We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It's a death trap."

VI. "A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules."