Chapter 80 — Heart-to-heart Talk

Although they had spoken about this project, she had not seen it before, so today was a new experience for her.

He took her hand and led her deeper into the grounds, going to his favorite place. They strolled for about fifteen minutes, going along a hidden path that was hard to spot on first look. When they got there, Pei Yueran was really impressed.

In the fading light, she could see a natural enclosure formed by densely packed trees. In the clearing was a small lake with stone benches scattered around it. It was quiet, save a few chirps here and there from crickets. She could also hear the hoot of a bird in the distance.

Looking up, she could see that the trees grew almost uniformly to form a circle, but did not blot out the sky. From her vantage point, she could see some stars beginning to adorn the night sky.

The atmosphere was picturesque.

She sighed contentedly as she settled on a bench. "This is so beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it. I found this place the very first day I came for an inspection alone. The environment is very soothing, and it helps when you have a lot to think about."

"You're right." The two of them spent long moments just sitting there and drinking in the cool night air. Then out of nowhere, Pei Yueran broke the silence.

"It's been quite a while since I thought about my late husband. These days, my thoughts are filled with you. But that night in the study, his face just appeared in my mind. It brought such a sense of overwhelming guilt and fear that I cooled down almost instantly."

Li Chuanmo could sense her distress and he held her hand tightly, giving her the strength she needed to go on.

"Rationally, I know I'm not doing anything wrong. Loving someone else and trying to start over is not blameworthy. Han Lei would have wanted me to move on and be happy. I know all these, but it doesn't help the way I feel.

"That night, I had a nightmare, the same one I've had numerous times since I lost him. But this time, he seemed to turn and look regretfully at me. It was like I had hurt him somehow.

I don't know if it is just my imagination or something, but it really scares me. What if I keep feeling this way forever? What if I can't focus on you?

Even now, I'm still wondering if this is what I should be doing. Before, if I had anything troubling me, I would go to Han Lei's resting place and talk to him. But now, I think of you first if I want to talk about anything.

But I don't know how long it would last. I wanted to tell you this because you deserve so much better. You do not deserve a divided heart." She choked out, trying to control her emotions.

Li Chuanmo hugged her and patted her back to calm her down.

"Look at me." He said gently.

Pei Yueran lifted up her eyes that were bright with tears to his.

"Do you know when I first started to like you?"

When Pei Yueran shook her head, he continued, "I'm not sure when exactly it happened myself, but the first time I understood that what I felt for you was more than friendship and appreciation, was the day Jiang Philip told me he thought you were my girlfriend.

"Do you remember that period we were in a cold war? It was due to the realization that I was liking you in a romantic way.

"Even when our relationship took a better turn and you came to live at my place, I didn't confess immediately. It was because I was plagued by what ifs. I did not know what I would do if we didn't work out or if you didn't feel the same way.

"But then, Li Yuchen helped me to see that if I do not try, how would I know? Nothing ventured is nothing gained, that's how the saying goes.

"Now let me ask, do you love me?"

Pei Yueran nodded, then thinking it wasn't enough, she spoke, "Yes. Yes I do."

Li Chuanmo smiled and continued, "We're both people with deep wounds, and I don't think my wounds are deeper than yours.

"We both need to heal, but here's what I think: as long as we continue loving each other and are honest with each other, we can overcome any and every hurdle, together.

"I'm very glad you shared this with me, that we're intentional about our love. Let's work on this together. You're not alone in this, and neither am I.

"So we are not in a race against time, neither are we competing with anybody for anything. Let's go at our own pace. Maybe someday, if you're comfortable with that, we could even go and visit Han Lei together."

Pei Yueran nodded, too overcome with emotions to speak. She felt much better after letting everything out and hearing Li Chuanmo speak.

She was ready to face whatever came. She would deal with the demons and find peace.

Both of them spent some more time just looking at the stars without speaking, until Pei Yueran's stomach rumbled. She blushed, while Li Chuanmo grinned. Pei Yueran shoved him lightly with a smile.

"Don't laugh at me la. I didn't eat breakfast and I was too nervous to eat well at the restaurant earlier, so I've not eaten properly today."

"No wonder. I wondered why you ate so little. Now that we've talked things out, let's go and grab a late night snack."

Both of them stood up, holding hands. "I'm suddenly craving hotpot."

"Hotpot it is then, though I doubt that is a snack."

"Chuan, are you mocking me right now?"

Li Chuanmo raised his hands in mock surrender. "No my lady. Forgive my impudence."

Both of them kept laughing as they walked into the night, hand in hand.