THE NINETEENTH - Metamorphosis

Finally in a moving car, they finally move. The fact that they are moving at all, even though according to Sergei the laws of physics do not apply here, was a good feeling. They were moving. They were going somewhere. At the moment, she couldn't imagine anything worse than stagnation. It was uncomfortable and painful as hell. Dick, better known to her as "the guy who disappeared", drove slowly and cautiously, but the van wobbled and occasionally bounced strangely even though the road looked straight and clear. Some remaining crates in the back, probably speakers and amplifiers, bounced like silent witnesses to their journey. Despite the pain and the uncomfortable position, she couldn't stop thinking about Sergei. Where did he disappear again and why? Was he really a real human being, without any deformities that skillfully hid inside the armor, under the guise of deformity, metamorphosis, to distance from the humans, from people? Dick would occasionally look over his shoulder, ask her if she was okay. Of course she wasn't okay. He didn't believe her, but she knew her body was broken, and if it hadn't been for Sergei, she would have been a sack of pain, tissue, blood, and bone squeezed somewhere between the van window and the seat, or she would have been flattened and ground into a bloody pulp when those who were trying to dismember her would finally figure out how to get to her and her body. Knowing that the man driving the van wouldn't believe her anyway, she mechanically repeated that she was fine. Good? What's even good about any of this?

Everything had changed since the day Sergei first revealed his existence to her by breaking into her bathtub. Did he do it on purpose? She knew now that he was nowhere near as weak and clumsy as he made himself out to be. He could easily get out of a regular, relatively shallow bathtub. He didn't have to make any sound. He has done many things so far that even the most skilled acrobats can hardly do. Then why did he let her hear and see him? If it is true that he lived and survived alone for a couple of hundred years, or as he says "centuries", why did he reveal his presence to her? How long had he watched her, studied her until he was sure? And was he even sure or was he simply taking a risk? Or was she the one taking a risk with him?

"Around this curve, we should already be able to see Mariana's car in the distance," Dick informed her, turning the slightly wobbly steering wheel. His seat was rocking back and forth causing his feet to keep falling off the pedals and he was barely able to maneuver the vehicle. She could see his hair covered with sweat that stuck to his neck, she could see the slight spasms in his back as he struggled to steer the vehicle, she could see his wiry, lean but muscular arms with prominent veins, arms that barely started to show signs of aging. She could see all those so human and imperfect details in him, and that made her strangely fond of him. They passed the curve.

She expected Mariana's car to be gone again, vanished. She didn't know why she expected that, but it seemed logical to her. Like everything about this place, the Vortex, there was no special rule. The car was there, glowing red in the distance, and as they got closer to it, it was more and more obvious that there was no human being around. That was already expected. Bentley and Mariana did not wait for them at the agreed place. Dick stopped the van a few meters from the abandoned car and turned towards Jasmine. His face was full of patience. Then he asked her the question she was most afraid of.

"Where's Pope, Jasmine?" Wasn't he with you?'

"Oh, he's dead. I just let him die so I could save myself."

She almost said that. Instead, she said she didn't know. After all, she didn't know. Perhaps he really had become one of those demons, hapless beings without reason. Perhaps now he is wandering with them somewhere among the trees of some lower level of the Vortex and is looking for her. Maybe there are worse things than death. She felt her body shaking.

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"Before…" she trailed off "before those beings attacked us. I locked myself in the van but he stayed outside and..."

"Those who attacked you, who, as you said, jumped on the seat that fell on you, who were they? Who are these people?'

"Demons. I think they were demons," said Jasmine and was surprised with her own answer. She was not religious, she didn't believe in demons. But it looked like hell. And every hell has its demons.

"Oh," he said shortly. He didn't believe her. He still didn't believe her.

"Is he hurt? Is he... alive?"

"I don't know." this was the truth. She didn't know.

To her great surprise, Dick grabbed his head with both of his hands and screamed so hard that she flinched. He knelt down, slumped forward so that his head fell on the steering wheel.

"I can't take it!" he shouted, still holding his head with his hands, "it won't let me think! My head is a mess. I can't… I can't form a thought!"

He staggered out of the van and meandered toward the abandoned red car. He was still shouting. Very carefully and slowly, Jasmine turned onto her healthier, right side of her body, and then tried to stand up with the help of Sergei's special cane. It was almost impossible. She rolled onto her stomach and raised herself on her elbows. Leaning on her hands was out of the question. With a rather inflexible, painful and tender torso and no ability to lean on her hands to raise herself to her knees, it was impossible to get up. At that moment, she was furious at Dick for leaving her powerless in an extremely vulnerable position, locked in a suffocating van, unable to see what was happening outside. What would happen if those horrible creatures attacked them now? They could grind her into pulp in a couple of blows, and she wouldn't be able to defend herself or escape. She started calling him in a panic.

He didn't respond. She tried to relax, lying on her back like a turtle that has flipped over and now can't get back on its feet, deciding to wait and see what happens next. Bloodcurdling scream was coming from Mariana's car. She rolled over onto her stomach again and as quietly as she could, began to bounce across the floor of the van on her elbows and her good knee to somehow get hold of something stable. There was nothing in the back of the van that was stable enough and the right height to help her up, and the objects scattered around her were more of a hindrance than help. However, if she could manage to get up on her elbows and get on the bench seat Dick has set up, she might have a chance to stand up and see what's going on. Once she is on his feet, it will be easier. She dragged the stick behind her. She won't even be able to walk without it. Everything seemed hopeless. She wanted to give up and just lie down and sleep in the van until she died of hunger and thirst or those creatures found her and tore her apart, freeing her from her torment forever. She could let it all go as soon as she realizes that nothing matters anyway. Why did she cling to life so much? Why did she love her broken body so much? She staggered over some leftover pieces of music instruments. Miraculously, although it was very uncomfortable, it didn't hurt much. When she reached for the seat, she realized that it wasn't stable enough at all. It was moving in all directions and she couldn't rely on it. It's a real miracle how Dick could even drive in such conditions. She tried to lean on the seat with her elbows, but it was too high, and because of her tight painful ribs and injured left hand and right wrist, on which she couldn't lean on, she could not bend her back enough. Even if she succeeded in that, she would have to stay on her knees, because there was not enough space for her to stand up completely. She had to be very slow and careful as well so as not to re-instate one of the freshly set fractures. This was hopeless.

"Sergei!" she screamed, many times. Countless times. She tried to stand up again, using the cane that Sergei had made for her. That contraption was so ingeniously designed and made that despite extremely unfavorable conditions, she almost managed to get up, but the limited and unstable space of the van was not in her favor. If she was outside, she would have succeeded. She laid down helplessly, in a horribly uncomfortable position on the floor of the van. She didn't even feel when she fell asleep from exhaustion. She was lying on her back half asleep when she felt a prickling and tingling sensation along her spine right from the middle of her back, roughly where the immobilizers ended, all the way to the back of her head. The prickling became more intense and uncomfortable and she knew something was happening to her body, but she was so tired that she couldn't even worry about it anymore. The tingles turned into sharp jolts in her spine that tugged the muscles of her back. From the way she was moving away from reality, she knew that she would soon pass out, so with a lot of effort, she turned onto her stomach in order to ease her restless back muscles from jerking and twitching. The twitches of the muscles in her back around her spine grew stronger, until she felt them literally pushing Dick's denim jacket up like little beasts hiding under the skin of her back, trying to get out. The blows were so strong that the jacket soon fell apart into pieces and she tore it off and pushed it aside. She stretched her neck and turned her head back as far as she could, leaning on her upper arms as much as her injuries would allow. She couldn't see anything. Something was moving under the skin on her back, stretching it further and further, to the point of bursting. Perhaps Sergei had given her some of his medicines that generally relieve all pain, because it didn't hurt much, and she was grateful for that, at least. She rested her head on her forearms and waited, realizing with resignation that Vortex was trying to kill her again. And this time, it could succeed.

A very strong, painful jolt from her back made her scream. With a sharp pain and a horrible ripping sound, she felt the skin and part of the tissue on her back tear and dissolve and something soft, silky and warm slid down her back like a silk cloak.

"I'm falling apart. I'm going to bleed to death in a dark, rusty van in some place that doesn't exist, and I can't even be conscious enough to care."

A series of new jolts twisted her body painfully and then finally, she floated away gratefully into the darkness, aware that this time she was leaving for good.

Woke up almost disappointed that death had not yet arrived instead of endless torture. How much can an ordinary human body handle? The last thing she remembered was the feeling of her body being ripped apart, her back spewing, she assumed, blood and tissue out of her. There was no way she could survive that. Unless it was a fever, a nightmare, or a trick of the Vortex. Something soft covered her body, she realized, the same soft, warm, silky thing that flowed out of the exposed flesh on her back. It didn't smell like blood, nor was it thick and sticky. It slid down her body like a silk blanket. She moved her head to the side and saw shimmering flicker behind her shoulder. She had a twisted feeling that she had extra limbs that she could move. Something white, shimmering, soft and silky covered her whole body, and she could feel the unknown substance as if it was a part of her body. She could even move it. She let out a loud yelp of surprise as the silky bedspread rose, spread like a fan, and bumped hard against the van's low ceiling. She grew something like thin, membranous wings, like a bat or a butterfly! Confused, she moved the new body part and her wings spread out, shimmering in a bluish glow, and then ingloriously slammed against the van's ceiling again.

The injuries hurt as well as hitting the van walls with the wings. As far as she could see in the dim light, the wings were huge, probably spanning several meters at full size, but very pliable and very thin and soft and she could gather them up enough to look like a cloak around her body. Sergei said that in the Vortex everything is possible and that physical laws do not apply. Did he mean this? Did he also use the powers of the Vortex to at least temporarily become human again, or could he have done so before entering the Vortex?

Dick's face suddenly appeared on the van's broken-down door. She saw how his eyes widened comically when he saw her. He staggered back, mouth wide open. He looked worse than ever.

"What the hell...?"

Jasmine spread her wings as if defying his confusion, as if she wanted to provoke him even more. He winced, stifling a scream with his fist.

"What are you? You're not human after all, you're another trick of this place, aren't you? You are a new temptation. Like that puzzle. You are of them."

"Help me" she said "I have to get out of here."

"You have wings. You have wings!"

"I don't even know how it's possible, but I can't lie down here anymore. I don't feel well. The wings are too big for this space. I... I have to get out, Ivan... "

He was walking away from her, terrified. If the van had a door, he probably would have slammed it shut. She had to stop him. The vehicle was quite large, and the entire rear section was almost entirely empty, which was good, but the feeling of being powerlessly stuck in a small space was terrible.

"Listen," she said, as calmly as she could, "I'm from Novi Sad, I'm not from here, I don't even know what this place is. I'm human just like you. These wings, or whatever they are, they are an illusion of this place, but I am not. I'm real. Ivan, listen to me. Can't you see I can't move? I cannot get up. It's uncomfortable here, and my bones are broken. It hurts. My legs are tingling. Please."

He hesitated.

He shook his head, though she noticed he was changing his mind after all. "If your bones were really broken, you would be screaming in pain. You are one of the temptations in this place, an illusion."

"This place is not what you think it is." she said slowly and seemingly calmly, though she felt despair rising within her "this is not a place with trials to go through. This is the place where…" she stopped suddenly realizing, finally, what the Vortex was and where they really were.

"This is where we face ourselves. All you're fighting here are your own demons, your own self-destruction. I have already been attacked by my demons several times. They did not attack Boris, even though he was with me, because it was not his demons but mine. These wings are one of the toys of this place, an irony, a joke on me, because I could never break free."

She wasn't sure about the latter, but that didn't matter. It was important to get out of the van. It was getting extremely uncomfortable. She could see that the guy was hesitating. He stood near the door of the van and stared at her. He shook his head a little in a probably unconscious gesture of negation. Finally, he returned to the ajar door itself and looked at it with noticeable hesitation.

"How do I get you out?" he finally asked her.

"Try to grab me under the armpits and pull me slowly towards the door. One of my ribs is broken, but I think it's fixed relatively well now and if you're careful, it won't move. Please be careful.'

Very slowly, like in a dream, he opened the back door of the van and cleared the way for her. There were still some benches, but they were too uncomfortable, unstable, and narrow to serve as a bed for her, if she really was as hurt as she claimed. She turned onto her back and turned her head towards him. She noticed that he was shaking when her wings trembled beneath her. He was pale and sweat trickled down his forehead mixing with the accumulated dirt. His hands were very muddy.

"Good," she said, getting ready. This might hurt "You can try now."

It hurt. The wings were delicate and very fragile and she felt that they had torn in several places when he pulled her. She turned a little to the right, trying to push off a little with her legs, which her wings were interfering with. She didn't expect to feel that new part of her body so much, as if she had always had it, as if she had grown up with it. The first time that guy tried to touch her, he looked like he'd been electrocuted. He pulled back his hands in fright. His look was terrified, but full of fascination, enchanted. His hands were so sweaty that it almost slipped a few times. Finally, they managed to get her out of the tight space together. Leaning on Sergei's staff, she immediately spread her wings in gratitude and was left breathless in amazement. They were huge, bigger than she expected. They didn't look as scary when they were shrunk and shriveled up as they did now when they were shining in all their bizarre size and unnaturalness in the light of the full moon. They were pale and almost completely transparent, shimmering, with innumerable thin, whitish veins that cut through them like the nerves of a leaf. The thin tissue of the wings refracted the light, giving them a pearly appearance that was visible even in the moonlight. Compared to the wings, she seemed tiny. Dick staggered and this time really fell to his knees in front of her. He looked like he was going to die of fright. His T-shirt, which read "I'm too sexy for my shirt", was torn in several places, revealing his tender, slender, boyish body that was resisting the entry into the fourth decade of life.

"Hey, calm down, this is just an illusion. When we get out of here, these wings will surely disappear.''

Who was she saying this to? To him, or to herself? What will happen if they somehow return to the normal world they are used to and she still has these wings? What if they never get out of this place? Could they die of hunger and thirst when finally there is no food left? The boy was still kneeling in front of her, pale as a rag, with huge eyes, as dirty and vulnerable as a small child. He looked like he was a millimeter away from madness. She gathered and relaxed her wings as much as she could. It was just as much a surprise how compact they could be as it was how huge they were. Now it fell down her back like a thick silk cloak. It probably looked just as unnatural, but maybe a little less scary than when they were in full size. She was also afraid to ask herself the final question that was arising in her head. Can she really fly now?