22~ Love Lost

[Celia's POV]

Somewhere in between, Lucian had taken the lead as he guided her out.

"Shouldn't we inform the duke?" Celia asked, trying to not ruin the relationship between the two brothers any more than it already had.

They came to a halt with Lucian tensed back to her. They were outside, Lucian having taken her through a corridor that was less used but led to the back garden from where they traversed and came to the front of the palace. She had not overlooked the state of the back garden. Despite the dim lights, it was apparent that all the plants had wilted and it was just a back garden in the name. It was a playground for the weeds to grow unobstructed. She had wondered if the duke appointed anyone to occasionally take care of the garden.

"Do you want to?" Lucian asked, glancing over his shoulder. Celia gulped nervously because she did not know if she should say what was right or speak her mind. So she chose the latter and shook her head silently.

"Good. We are leaving and the duke would be busy anyway. I will deal with him if he says anything," he said, and this time, Celia could detect the protectiveness and a hint of possessiveness in his tone. Her heart fluttered.

She nodded and then let Lucian take her towards their carriage. She turned to look at the foreboding palace, standing like a silhouette against the backdrop of the night sky. The front lawn was beautifully decorated, and yet again Celia wondered if that was deliberate.

Once she was inside the carriage and it had begun moving, she felt herself let out a sigh of relief. Her gaze flickered to Lucian who sat silently for a moment before he asked, "Why were you there? Did someone ask you to follow them?"

She opened and closed her mouth, not knowing what to say because she did not know if he would believe her. The duke did not reveal if he believed her.

"I… think I got curious while standing alone and um… sort of got lost," she replied lamely. Lucian's eyebrows quirked up, giving her the impression that he did not quite believe her. But she averted her gaze.

"Thank you for finding me," she murmured.

"The duke informed me," he said, but it sounded more petulant than thankful. The rest of the journey went without another word being uttered by other of them.

When Celia returned to her room and changed back to her usual gown, she couldn't help but think if this would be the last time she would be attending an event like that. She decided to sell off the dress, as it had served its purpose. She carefully kept the necklace inside the box and decided to give it back to Lucian. She smiled at the thought of him giving it to her, specifically, not due to her not having any jewelry or that she would look shabby in front of others, but because he wanted to give it to her.

Her gaze suddenly fell on the pocketwatch that she had kept on the dresser, and her eyes widened as she saw the time. It was just about to be midnight.

The mere thought sent a jolt down her spine. How could she be so ignorant of her condition? How could she even entertain those thoughts, of admiring someone? Of having loving someone? Who would accept her like this?

She felt that sharp as if on cue, which she did last night. She fell to the floor and heard the cracking of her bones, and felt the sprouting of furs. She bit her lips until she could taste her blood. Tears sprung in her eyes. She stared at her arms, which were now covered with gray fur, her hands sported claws now, that could kill a person if she struck.

Why?

Why did she change into this creature again? Why couldn't she transform into something less garish, a form she could hide? She felt the pain lance through her body, making her whimper and whine. The animalistic sound scared her to bits. She tried to walk, away from the dresser towards her bed, but her legs felt weak. She stumbled and landed on her belly. She did not move after that. She closed her eyes instead, unwillingly accepting her fate, cursing her fate, and vowing to stop herself from falling for the doctor who cared for her too much.

In the morning, she felt much more sober, although to prove that last night's transformation was not a dream, she could still feel the ache in her bones. She had woken up on the floor, in the same position she had slept, but unlike other times, her dress was torn this time even her petticoat.

The first thing she did was seek out Lucian with the box containing the necklace in her hand. She found him in the back garden, tending to some of the herbs, the harmless ones.

"Doctor O'Neil," she greeted, thankful that her voice wasn't shaky. The said man turned to look at her and bestowed her with a brilliant smile. Her heart fluttered painfully. She mirrored his smile with a small, wry smile of hers. She was tired after last night anyway. Lucian's smile dimmed.

"Miss Heart, you seem a bit down today. Did anything happen?" He asked as he stood up to walk up to her.

Celia clutched the box tightly, not yet ready to part with it. She pressed her lips, contemplating her decision once again.

"Celia?" He called softly and that… that made something in her stutter and stop. Her heart lurched at the way his voice mellowed down and became gentle and concerned. She peered at him before lowering her gaze, making sure that he did not see how her eyes were glistening.

"I… I wanted to give back this…" she trailed off, her voice hitching slightly at the tail end. She thrust the box towards him, keeping her gaze lowered.

There was silence for some time and Celia feared for what was about to come. She glanced at him when he slowly took the box from her hand.

"Why?" He asked as soon as their gazes met. Celia swallowed thickly. She could hear the emotions in his voice, the hurt that he did not bother to hide.

"Because… because this is not mine. We are not…" she shook her head, unable to frame her sentences. How can a woman in her position say things that she wants to?

"Did he ask you to do this?" He asked suddenly, and Celia saw the hurt turn into rage. She furrowed her eyebrows before it dawned upon her what he was asking. He must be referring to the conversation that Lucian thought she had with the duke last evening.

Her eyes widened and she shook her head again, vigorously this time.

"No… I did not…no one told me. I just…" she trailed off again, feeling helpless. How had she thought it would be less difficult?

Lucian's frown deepened. His expression turned blank. "I refuse. What I have given you is yours. You can keep it or throw it away." He paused and then averted his gaze. "You know my feelings towards you."

Celia nodded, but her vision turned blurry. "But…"

Lucian stepped forward, closing the gap between them. "I hope you will consider. Please." There was a strange plea in his voice and a look in his eyes that made Celia weak. She was reminded of the duke's words.

"Okay," she whispered… her tone garbled. But the truth was, she wouldn't even if she wanted to.