Chapter 10 Confessions

The night was dark, long and unbearable in the Roy Chowdhury mansion. Sadness loomed in every corner of this giant-sized Haweli. Awnirudh had made it very clear that being Vandita's sole guardian, he was legally permitted and obligated to take decisions in favour of Vandita's bright future and wellbeing. He was absolutely not prepared to hear any objections or suggestions from anyone in the house, specialy his uncle.

"Awnirudh," Kaka Babu slowly entered his room. "I know you must have had some grave reason to take such a harsh decision and I'm not here to question you on that." Kaka Babu paused.

"But have you ever thought what would happen to you? You are not growing any yonger and given your behaviour I don't think you would marry again..."

"No Kaka, I'll not marry again. I'm against child marriage but I do believe in the constitution of marriage. I have already married once. Never would I ever marry again." Awnirudh calmly replied.

"So, don't you think it's a bad idea to let your wife live away from you for so many years? Who knows what time can do!

And what if Vandita refuses to accept you when she grows up?" Kaka Babu sighed, "I know all about your child marriage abolition petetion."

Awnirudh thought for a moment. Pain was clearly visible on his face. He finally replied, "Kaka, the petetion, once made official, would nullify our marriage. Once Vandita is 18, she would get to decide the fate of our relationship... and..and she might not choose me kaka.. I'm completely aware. But right now, it's more important for her to stay away from me in order to build a successful future."

"You are a foolish person Awnirudh. Even a lunatic understands his own good...

Touch your heart and tell me that you don't love her.. " Kaka demanded.

"I do Kaka.. I do." Awnirudh sat down on his bed. "It's my love for her that wants her to succeed in life.. And if my love is true and pure, Vandita will come back to me."

Kaka Babu touched Awnirudh's head with love and left the room slowly hiding his tears.

Awnirudh, however, was not in a mood to hide his emotions tonight. Tears rolled down and drenched his heart.

Awnirudh couldn't help but recall the day when he had married a semi-conscious Vandita who amidst all the heat and tension was constantly smiling at him with droopy eyes.

The first conversation they had was when 9 years old Vandita asked him if he was her prince! If he had come to rescue her! And in response Awnirudh had just said a simple 'Yes'.

Swallowing down his tears, Awnirudh stood up... No, he can't let Vandita leave with so many unanswered questions in her head. He would never her be traumatized by all these incidents. He realised how overwhelming all these would be for Vandita.

He wrapped his night coat around before heading towards Vandita's room.

.....

The door was closed, not latched. Awnirudh knocked slowly.

"Vandita... Are you awake? I need to speak to you Vandita..."

"I'm awake." A faint voice echoed from the room.

Awnirudh pushed open the door and entered the dimly lit room.

"Koeli hadn't lit the room properly... I'll ask her at once..."

Vandita interjected before Awnirudh could complete his sentence.

"I asked her not to." Vandita said calmly.

"How will I see you properly Vandita?" Awnirudh tried to joke.

"You don't need to see me anymore Barrister Babu. I'll be gone tomorrow.." Vandita's replies were sharp enough to cut Awnirudh's heart into pieces.

"Please don't be mad at me sona." Awnirudh sat beside her on her bed.

He was aware of the dangerous territory he was invading, but this was necessary. He needs to make Vandita aware of his situation as well.

Awnirudh held Vandita's hand gently.

" Please don't be mad. I know I have hurt you and I'm here to beg your forgiveness." Awnirudh was eager.

"Tell me what you feel Vandita... Please don't be quiet. Your silence is killing me."

Vandita slowly looked up. Her swollen red eyelids, red nose and puffed face is a clear indication of what she had been doing all this while.

She slowly started to speak. " I don't know what I feel anymore Barrister babu. You embarrassed me infront of every one." She paused. " I am not a famous barrister like you, and I'm definitely no expect in differentiating different kinds of kisses like you, but I know what I felt last night... And today you made me feel like a fool." Tears rolled down her cheeks with her last words.

" I'm sorry. I'm sorry a thousand times" Awnirudh held his ears in apology.

"I'm sorry it had to be this way... But I can't let you get distracted from your mission Vandita. And it seems that me along with the marital norms set by the society is clearly a distraction for you."

Vandita thought for a while.

"I don't understand such tough words Barrister Babu. But I do realise what my mission is. I will have to study and be successful in life. I want to be a barrister like you." Vandita said calmly.

"But why do I have to be away from you barrister babu?"

Awnirudh held Bondita close.

Searching for the right words he spoke again.

"Vandita I know what you are going through. I know how you feel for me. And I don't want these feelings to destroy your future. I lost my mother too soon, I can't afford to lose you."

..........

Awnirudh hung his head low hiding his tears.

" I lost my mother too soon, I can't afford to lose you Vandita."

His words filled the room with a strange melancholy.

"What had happened to her?... Your mother?" Vandita asked gently.

"She died."

There was a long pause before Awnirudh spoke again.

"She too was a victim of child marriage like you. She was too young when she gave birth to me. Her body was not prepared. She fell ill. And by the time Batuk was born, we lost her."

Awnirudh looked up. He tried to fathom the expression on Vandita's face.

"Vandita can you tell me how plants are born?" Awnirudh tried to sound a little cheerful.

"From seeds" she promptly replied.

"And the seeds come from?" Awnirudh asked.

"Fruits. And Fruits develop from flowers." Vandita promptly replied.

"Bravo Vandita. Now tell me what would happen if you break a flower before it could bloom properly?" Awnirudh was cautious with the question.

"It would... No fruits... Barrister babu, your mother was the blooming flower!!"

Awnirudh nodded. "And you as well Shona. I couldn't save my mother. But won't let anyone harm you." Awnirudh patted her head as she leaned onto his shoulders.

" Everything has time. And when time comes you are free to love anybody. You are free to choose anyone with whom you would love to spend your life. There should be no obligation." Awnirudh explained.

"Can I choose you?" Vandita promptly asked.

A smiling Awnirudh nodded in affirmation.

"I'm not mad at you anymore Barrister babu. I think I understand now why you took this decision. Although not entirely but I'm sure it's for my own good. I trust you Barrister babu."

"And I trust you too Vandita Roy Chowdhury." Awnirudh looked at her, pleased with this apparent change in her behaviour.

"Write me letters Vandita, I'll write to you too."

Awnirudh stood up to leave. He walked towards the door but stopped before leaving the room. He turned towards Vandita one last time to see her face... This face is all he would carry in his heart for the next 4 years.

"Vandita, my friend, Lenny, with whom I had studied in London, runs the convent. Her parents are trustees and she helped me to get your admission confirmed. I have already shared your current academic grade cards and reports to her and she said she would be more than happy to enroll you as a student."

Awnirudh paused.

"It's a British convent, learn well. But don't forget your roots, your cultural." Awnirudh concluded.

Bidding her goodnight Awnirudh returned to his room, contented.

And Vandita was filled with a new kind of excitement, a new kind of challenge... She felt thrilled and drifted off to sleep thinking about her upcoming life.