Chapter.8 Have I fallen for you after all?

Sitting in front of the fire, Kazuha tilted his head, dodging an incoming snowball as he sipped his tea, feeling the liquid warm his throat on the way down. Thoma sat across from the swordsman, cooking some fish over the fire while the others engaged in a snowball war.

"I'm surprised you didn't go with him," The blonde said, meeting the swordsman's crimson gaze.

The swordsman arched his brow. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"It's just that, I always see the two of you together, so I figured you would have gone with him to see his family" The blonde explained, preparing small bowls of miso soup to compliment the fire roasted fish.

The team was currently visiting Monstadt since their commissions had brought them towards the border of Liyue, and it was perfect since Razor had wanted to see his Lupical back in Wolvendom and Aether wanted to take Thoma back to see his homeland. Kazuha seemed fine with letting the feral boy go… but Razor seemed a bit hesitant to leave the swordsman's side, almost as if wishing for Kazuha to go with him... It had already been three days since his departure and Aether honestly wasn't sure when he was going to come back.

"I doubt the wolves would feel comfortable with me around," Kazuha answered, taking another sip of his tea, watching as the heat that rose from his cup dissipated into a white fog.

Snowballs continued to fly as laughter filled the air, but once the food was finished, the war was soon forgotten and everyone sat down together around the fire to enjoy their dinner…but while Aether and the others were digging in and conversing with each other, Kazuha didn't seem to hold much of an appetite and kept mostly to himself, only speaking when spoken to, and that was if he even noticed you talking to him.

Aether worried and wanted to ask him about it, but Thoma advised against it, saying that it would be best to wait for the two of them to be alone to talk, as Kazuha seemed a lot more reserved with his feelings when in a big crowd. Aether nodded and waited till everyone finished their meals, retreating to their rooms inside the inn, and once everyone was settled inside, Aether seized his chance and headed for the swordsman's room.

Kazuha was sitting in the dark on the small bed looking out the open window with a forlorn look on his face. Aether could instantly feel the cool air chilling his skin as he walked in, and knew the swordsman was already aware of his presence, so he didn't bother saying anything until he was sitting beside him on the bed.

"You didn't eat much," Aether said, with worry evident in his face.

"I wasn't hungry," Kazuha answered, pulling his gaze away from the stars to face the young traveler with a soft smile, hoping to ease his troubles. This seemed to work a little bit, but the traveler wasn't fully convinced.

"Kazuha…" Aether started, hoping he wouldn't be speaking out of line or making a huge assumption, not wanting to make the swordsman angry with him.

"Is it because Razor's gone?" He finally asked. Kazuha had never really thought about it…but now that the question passes through the traveler's lips…the question finally dawns on him. His gaze becomes shy as he looks away, looking back at the stars.

"I'm a wanderer, I'm used to being on my own…" Kazuha's smile became stained with defeat, feeling so hopeless. It's not like Razor was his only friend amongst the Traveler and the others, so what was causing him to feel so lonely? It was stupid, childish even…and yet, that night Razor had been injured in the head, he remembered feeling just as lonely sitting outside by himself… Had he become so accustomed to the boy's presence that he couldn't eat without him? Or perhaps it was fear, afraid that something would happen to the feral boy again while he was away… just like Tomo…

Razor was strong and could handle himself, but so was Tomo, and although there weren't any enemies as strong as the Raiden shogun in wolvendom, there was still the chance the Abyss order or Fatui could try to harm him, to take him away... to kill him.

"You should go see him," Aether said, breaking the swordsman from his thoughts.

"I shouldn't. I don't want to disturb the wolves" Kazuha said, giving the traveler the best smile he could muster, but it was clear he was losing any strength he had left.

"If it were me, I would go see Xiao…" Where Aether's final words before giving him his regards, patting him gently on the shoulder before leaving the room to retire for the night.

Kazuha let out a sigh, unable to shake the conviction in the traveler's words. Of course, Aether would go if it were the Yaksha because he loved Xiao. The comparisons were completely different, he and the wolven boy weren't lovers, they were just friends… he didn't love- Blood quickly rushed to the swordsman's face, feeling his heart beating anxiously in his chest at the word "Love." He didn't love Razor, it was just hormonal reactions happening between them…nothing more… So then why did it feel like he was lying to himself...?

Suddenly ripped away from his thoughts, Kazuha's trained ears could hear the howls of wolves echo through the night air…but among those howls, he could hear him, he could hear the feral boy howling amongst the rest of the pack, and that causes his heart to flutter, the heat in his cheeks growing. "Razor" He whispered before finally willing himself off the bed. He stared out into the cold night sky before he jumped down from the window, silently and swiftly moving through the town's darkened streets like the wind before finally making it to the city gate. Crossing the bridge, he ran across the endless cold white snow that blanketed the land, making his way to Wolvendom.

It was freezing and with the snow reaching past his ankles, his feet were slowly numbing to the harsh cold, his joints protesting every movement... but he wanted to see the feral boy, he wanted to hear him speak what little words he knew, he wanted to watch the stars together like they did every night, he wanted to see him scrunch his nose any time he ate a leaf or two, to sit together and feel the wind, to nap on a sunbathed rock together, to fight beside each other again... So much he used to do with Tomo he now did with Razor, not because he was filling a void, but because he and Razor naturally came to love doing these things together, enjoying each other's company... and now that he had been without the feral boy for three days, his heart ached like when he had to accept the death of Tomo all over again... to feel the weight of his loneliness slowly drowning him once more...

"Razor...!" So he kept running, no matter the cold or the pain in his feet, he would keep going and see Razor again. Even if he knew the boy would be back by sunrise, even if Tomo told him to stop, he would keep going, he would brace the harsh winter and see him.

The smell of wolf was becoming strong, and the tall trees nearly blocked out most of the moonlight, but Kazuha was adapted to being able to move around in the dark, as being a wanderer had brought about many journeys and battles under the night sky. Once he reached what would be considered the entrance to Wolvendom, he slowed his pace and walked through as silently as the snow would allow him to. He could feel his body shivering and he couldn't help but spite Tomo and the wolven boy for being able to handle the cold so well, wishing he had been a Pyro user instead of Anemo.

Standing atop one of the hills, Razor watched over the pack with some of the other wolves. Together they would look out for any danger or a rival pack attempting to attack. Looking up at the sky, Razor watched the stars, wishing the swordsman were beside him... He only meant to be gone for a day, but he truly missed being amongst the wolves, and since he had been having strange and conflicting feelings regarding the swordsman lately, he figured it would be best to stay home for a while. He was surprised though, as he hadn't expected to see so many new puppies amongst the pack, but it was a nice surprise to come home to... but there was a particular white one that was especially cute.

Feeling the cool air chill his face, his nose suddenly caught the scent of maple, making his heart nearly leap out of his chest. "Kazuha...?" He knew the other wolves had caught the smell, but he reassured them before jumping down from his ledge and heading off alone to chase after the smell. He ran down the mountain, smelling the sweet maple coming closer and closer until he could finally see the young swordsman heading towards him, and their crimson eyes met.

"Kazuha!" With no hesitation, Razor sprinted towards the swordsman, nearly tackling him as they tumbled to the ground as the snow fluttered over them. Razor wrapped his arms firmly around the swordsman's smaller shoulders, nuzzling their cheeks together. Kazuha blushed and couldn't stop his laughter as he held onto the boy with trembling hands. He was cold for sure, but Razor was so warm and the fact that Razor seemed to have missed him so dearly, warmed his heart.

"Razor, I came to see if you were okay" Kazuha asked once his laughter had finally subsided, sitting up from the cold snow to sit beside the wolven boy.

"I fine. Lupical fin too" Razor answered, nodding his head... but now that he was sitting and had a clear view of the swordsman, he could see the painful shivering in his body, even if he had been masking it with a smile. Had Kazuha been so worried that he walked through the snow just to see him? Thinking back on it, it seemed like Kazuha had even stayed up all night watching over him that time he had been injured... Kazuha was always so kind to him, and this made him happy, his cheeks turning a shade of pink.

"That's good... I guess I was a bit worried for nothing" With a harsh wind, his shivering intensified and he nearly wanted to curl into a ball, but before he could even consider the idea, he was pulled against Razor's chest as his warm arms wrapped around him protectively. His eyes widen at this and felt heat rising to his cheeks... but he couldn't fight it, he couldn't protest the touch... because despite what he had believed all this time... despite thinking Tomo was the only man he could ever love... it was clear that his heart had already moved on. With what little movent this position allowed him, he reached his arms around and clung to the thick silver locks of the feral boy's hair, leaning into his hold, feeling the warmth that radiated from him warm his cold skin.

A bit surprised by the swordsman returning the gesture, Razor tightened his hold, taking in his sweet scent as he dug his muzzle in the gap of Kazuha's neck, letting the warmth warm his cold nose. It felt so long ago since he had been able to hold the swordsman in his arms like this... but he wanted to be able to hold him more, to sniff every corner of his body for that sweet smell, to lick every inch of his soft skin, to bite the most sensitive parts of his flesh until the swordsman would call out his name oozing with heat... But there was that heat pulling in his groin again, and the reminder that Kazuha didn't seem to like being bitten... so for now, he would ignore the heat in his groin and enjoy the swordsman's company as he kept him warm.

Kazuha couldn't stop the blush in his cheeks as he felt the feral boy's lips press against his skin as he sniffed his neck, feeling the boy's much warmer body warm his own. His shivering soon stopped but he couldn't bear to let go and wondered how long Razor would keep his hold on him. It was relieving that the wolven boy was safe but Kazuha couldn't help but think back to his earlier thoughts before he had come to the boy... wandering if perhaps...had he...fallen in love with him...

"Razor...?" He whispered, holding onto the silver hair tightly, but without making much sound, he knew he caught the other boy's attention.

"mm?" Razor responded, still enjoying the swordsman's sweet scent that brought comfort to his heart.

"m...mm..." He felt his chest clench up and thought for a moment his lungs were tightening. How did Razor feel towards him? What was he to Razor? If he told Razor that he might have....fallen for him, would he feel the same way? Would he even consider him to be an option since they wouldn't be able to bear children? Once before he tried to confess his feelings to Tomo, but he let himself imagine so many awful rejections that he couldn't muster a single confession... and now was no different.