108 Rebels

"Rebels", Stellan clenched his jaw as he remember a memory that stabs him deeper each time he talk about it. "It was raining so hard, almost like a storm, when a faction of rebellious insurgents arrived uphill…. forcefully welcomed themselves in our hut and scared the wits out of me and Evandrus", he said as he observe a moth fly over the bonfire. "They threatened to kill me for being frightened so much that I peed in my trousers. However, Evandrus fearlessly stepped up and offered himself in exchange for my life. They agreed and took him. I went home alone, unable to speak for days.", Stellan kept a little sensitive detail as he watch the moth burn and die. "My father blamed me for that. We had so many sleepless nights, rough days, missed dinners and silent treatments… Then one day, he found comfort in calling me Evandrus. And so, I let him, which eventually became the greatest regret of my life.", he said as the light of the fire glisten in his eyes. "With everyone calling me Evandrus, my father's smiles slowly returned. My mother started knitting again. She went back to gardening until her peonies bloom. We began to talk anew, planned together for the future and restored the times lost in our filial relationship. And finally, the castle found life after the loss of their favorite son", he said with a straight face.

"If you felt happier with them calling you Evandrus, why do you regret it?", Haelan asked.

"I later realized, that it's better to be hated for who I really am, than to be loved for who I am not. Only Alesso and Vesta saw my true colors beyond a stranger's name. That's the reason why everyone recognized me as Stellan, except for my family and the imperial palace of course", Stellan said as he leaned back with one knee bent.. "I wanted to be seen as me. But then, No matter what I do, in my family's eyes… I'll always be Evandrus, the lost son", Stellan breathe deeply as he look up in the night sky. "It's my fault anyway", Stellan said with pensive sadness as his eyes. For years, Stellan played the role of his brother for the pleasure of his parents. He became the perfect son who obeys and never complain, and turns his head even when called a different name.

"You sound like you blame yourself for the loss of your brother", Haelan said as she gaze at the sad eyes of the paladin. To her, she thought Stellan is showing her his soft spot by opening up his tough shell. Considering it is such a difficult thing to do, she accepted it as an apology for his brooding ill humor.

"In every drop of the rain", Stellan answered as he meet Haelan's eyes of gray as if he's talking to Helena's soul. "So Haelan, call me Stellan… raccoon, or whatever you want. Just not Evandrus.. Not you", he said with a half smile as he look back to the fires. "You asked me if I hate you..", Stellan said as he breathe some more courage. "No, never… not as much as I hate myself for letting my brother go up in that Cedar Hill and letting my family call me Evandrus to this day.", he said as he brush his hair back.

"You know what I think?", Haelan smacked her lips as she turn her head to the fire, resting her chin on her knees. "If you're worried about pretending to be someone else than being yourself. Well, you aren't", Haelan said as Stellan creased his brows listening closely. "You've gained the reputation of Stellan as the paladin knight. You brought honor to the House of Hesam, led an army and won battles, killed beasts and saved the kingdom… Evandrus didn't do that. It was all you. You brought honor to yourself not even the real Evandrus could do. And if ever the real Evandrus comes back, I'm sure he can't do the things you did. That's all you, Black Knight", Haelan said as she smile at Stellan. "Despite you're being called Evandrus, Raccoon or whatever names you'd ever be called… it doesn't really matter. What matters most is you're genuine and true in all that you do", she said. Actually, it's what she does when she soul travels and own that body she travels into. She was never afraid to be herself under the flesh of a stranger. "So stop blaming yourself, and learn to dance in the rain", she added as she extended her palms towards the fire.

Stellan sensed like he heard those words before. "You really do remind me of someone", he tried to look away but he cannot take his eyes off Haelan. She resembles someone he met when he was younger. A girl, with spritely smiles and words of wisdom, who uplifted his rock-bottomed spirits and brightened his darkest skies. She was his dandelion in a sea of grass who gave him an ounce of hope as he wear the mask of Evandrus.

"Is that why you're so indifferent towards me?", Haelan chuckled dryly.

"Haelan", Stellan leaned forward as he brush Haelan's hair gently.

Haelan smiled as she nod. "Sir Stellan, I don't mind if you don't like me. I'm a man, after all. Besides, you're getting married to the most beautiful girl of Vierme.", Haelan said as she accept her defeat to have Stellan's heart in all sincerity. Apart from that, she's leaving Nether anytime soon realizing that she shouldn't tangle herself in any romantic affairs that would make her departure more difficult.

"Listen", Stellan clenched his jaw and closed his eyes as if he tasted something bitter in his mouth while he clench his hand in a fist in the air. What plays over and over in his head is the fact that he doesn't want to make another mistake that he would regret in his entire life. "I don't care what or who you are. You are one mystery I'm dying to unravel

and I'm too much of a coward to face the truth that what I see in you is not just a mere curiosity, but something more than an inexplicable desire I've never had for anyone", Stellan said bravely as he admit not only to himself but to Haelan the confusion crashing in his body. The knighthood gave him a thick skin hardened by sharp tongues, toughened by rough relations, steeled by blood battles in achieving his personal glory. Following that, the paladinship made him stoic and reserved, with dutiful kindness in the service of the palace extending it to its people giving him a glitter blinding to everyone's eyes, and at the same time, making him courtly unreachable of anyone's aim. And now, a single person effortlessly pierced her way through his softest spot with a notable pair of striking gray eyes.

"A…are you saying…", Haelan confusedly stuttered as she could hardly understand what Stellan just said. Seemingly that tides have changed, she wondered what made Stellan drift his mind.

"I've always been certain with the things that I want.. You know, that kind of stubborness made myself get called Evandrus", Stellan said. "But with you, my clear head became clouded with a certain kind of uncertainty and yearning that is hard to ignore", he said earnestly with no shame.

"Stell.. I..", Haelan dropped her jaw at Stellan's honesty. He said it naturally like he knew the exact words he needed to say, as if it was a speech that he prepared for a long time. It sounded so beautifully that she wanted to hear it again. Haelan clutched on Stellan's coat over her as she found gentleness in his words no matter how direct it was. It was warmer than the fire in the pit, lovelier than the winged things flying over the fire's glow. Then, she wondered, what kind of light in her did Stellan found attracting.

"I know it's a lot to take in after what I've said last time. But I know what I'm saying now. I would love to know more about you.", Stellan said as he stare at Haelan's open mouth. "You don't have to say anything. I'm traditional, and I take things slow. We have all the time to figure out everything about each other. And that marriage? Pfft", Stellan shook his head as he roll his eyes. Stellan refuses marriage when his father arranges one for him. He may be an obedient son in all ways however, he made one rule with himself. He wanted to choose the person he'll sped the rest of his life with. He ranaway from the first, the wedding with Lady Vesta. A disgrace that took him a dragon to kill before it was forgotten. And now, with a mission to Caluso ordered by the King, he could break free from his betrothal to Princess Eirah without tainting his name.

"Looks like someone's not marriage material", Haelan teased.

"I don't want to talk about it", Stellan said as he pout his lips.

"Ha! I thought Princess Eirah fits you well", Haelan continued to poke fun at Stellan. Then, she leaned back on the tree as she straightened her legs under the thick coat of Stellan. She couldn't take her smile off her face as the whirlwind of happiness glide through her head.

"Sure", Stellan smirked threw a tiny pebble at Haelan.

The two owned the rest of night with their fingers intertwined. The time seemed to stand still as they feel other's touch at their fingertips. Haelan couldn't believe the possibility of getting this way with the paladin knight, while Stellan felt like all of his prayers were answered in every shooting star he wished upon.

With her eyes closed, Haelan fondled Stellan's hand with tenderness. She memorized all the lines in his palm, each callous in his fingers and every scar in his knuckles. Stellan took her hand and placed it on his chest. He caressed her hand gently, that made Haelan sleepy.

"Haelan?", Stellan break the silence as he called her name.

"Hmm?", Haelan answered with her eyes still closed.

"Can I ask a question", he said.

"Hmm", she sleeply replied.

Stellan stared at Haelan for a while before he chose his question that would end all his speculations about Haelan. He hoped he was never wrong. And with the perfect timing that he's caught in, he could finally utter the question he's meaning to ask. "Are you.. are you Helena?", Stellan asked as he hold his breath for Haelan's answer.