Chapter 12: Back to Hogwarts

Returning to Hogwarts after the Christmas break was a strange experience for Harry. He had changed so much in just two weeks. He hadn't heard the voices in his mind reminding him of Joseph or Mr. Roberts since he had spoken to Draco. He felt much more confident and happy with himself. Of course, just having a break that he used to relax and have fun would have done something like that, but he had spoken about something that had been bothering him for years. He still was shocked with himself about how much trust he had placed in Draco and Lucius, and that he was actually happy about it.

Harry had entertained Draco and himself on the train ride back by using his new invisibility cloak to prank their other friends. It was really hard not to laugh at Goyle's expression when something he couldn't see pulled his Cauldron Cake out of his hands. Eventually, they got tired of it though and revealed themselves. Harry told everyone how he had gotten it by owl shortly after Christmas, with a note saying it had been his fathers. While everyone was oohing and aahing over it, Theo made what would prove to be an unfortunate comment. Unfortunate at least, that he had been stupid enough to say it while Daphne, Tracey, and Pansy were in the compartment.

"So Harry, you're gonna sneak into the girls' showers?" He had said leering.

The girls in the compartment immediately broke into an uproar while the boys all laughed. After Tracey had thrown her inkwell at Theo, she had made Harry swear never to use the cloak like that. Harry swore, of course, but he was a bit upset at Theo. The thought had never even crossed his mind, and now Tracey was looking at him quite threateningly.

Getting back into the swing of lessons and his timetable took Harry a bit more time than he had been expecting. By the end of the first week back he was totally exhausted, but by the middle of the second week, he was back into his stride.

He wasn't spending much time in the library. Lucius had kindly let him borrow the book he had been so interested in, with the admonishment not to be caught with it, and so he spent a lot of time in his room, with his curtains around his bed closed, reading it.

He was nearly finished it when he was struck by a sudden realization.

' I can use the invisibility cloak to read books in the restricted section! Maybe I can't borrow them, I mean who knows what spells are on them, but I can at least read them!'

It was the third week of term when Granger came up to him in the library. Harry was sitting at a desk, working on a transfiguration essay when he heard her say his name softly.

He looked up to see the bushy-haired girl standing in front of him, shifting her weight from foot to foot nervously.

' Been wondering when this would come. Not surprised the ginger bastard isn't with her, too much of a coward. So much for the house of the brave'

"Can I help you?" He asked, voice icy.

"Um, Harry, I wanted to uh, apologize. What Ron said was wrong, and"

"So where is he? Why are you apologizing for what he did?"

"He wants to, but he's too embarrassed to-"

' More like he doesn't think he was wrong'

"Really? That's not very brave of him, is it? I thought that Gryffindor's had to be brave"

"He really feels bad"

"Thank you, Granger. You can bugger off now"

"I-What?" She asked, scandalized look on her face and confusion in her voice.

"I said, you can bugger off now. You may be bright, but you must also be hard of hearing"

"What's your problem? I'm trying to set things right, and I understand that-" Her voice rising a little. Harry winced, Madam Pince would come running at that.

"You understand nothing," He said, voice just above a hiss. "You think you know everything Granger, but you know nothing. You want to learn something? Here, understand this. I'm tired, Granger. I'm tired of half the world staring at me in awe because I didn't die properly. I'm tired of people like your tosser friend staring at me in fear because guess what? I didn't die properly. I'm tired of people craning to see this" He said, pushing away a curl of hair to let his scar be seen clearly, "And I'm tired of bossy know it all's like you who want the whole world to fit neatly in their expectations"

He looked at her. She had taken a step back during his tirade and was standing there with her hand to her mouth, eyes shimmering with tears.

"Now," he said, taking a breath "Bugger off. I have homework to do"

He watched her flee, feeling quite satisfied with himself.

Over the next few weeks back, Harry fell into a routine with his library time. He would spend some time doing school work and reading, and would then use his invisibility cloak to sneak into the restricted section. His spell arsenal was definitely growing, unfortunately, he couldn't cast most of the spells he tried. Of course, he wasn't trying out the Blood-Boiling or Brain-Melting curses that he had found, but more-innocent spells. There was a spell that would unlock doors even locked against Alohamora, and he couldn't get that to work. Admittedly, he didn't have a door to practice against, but still, it didn't feel like it was working.

The tickling and jelly legs jinxes worked fine though. Draco had even agreed to practice these spells and a few others they had found, although no-one had told them that petrificus totalus actually hurt.

When they told Professor Snape that they wanted to practice jinxes, he let them use one of the empty classrooms near their common-room and even conjured a few dummies for them to practice spells on. Harry was determined to be able to cast a cutting curse by the end of the year. At the moment, his diffindo would make a mark, but wouldn't cut properly. He and Draco were also quite interested in getting the Protego to work for them. It was meant to produce an invisible shield, but they couldn't get it to work.

"I'm sure for these type of things we just need more time" Draco had said one day.

"You're probably right, but I don't want to wait! I just want to be able to do them already" Harry had replied, to which Draco had laughed.

They had found tonnes of spells that they would love to learn, but that they simply needed to leave till later to be able to do properly.

The snow, which came pretty often, really gave the castle a great, fairy-tale feel. It also gave rise to a bunch of impromptu snowball fights, which were particularly interesting once magic got involved. Harry had found a spell in some library book, to shoot objects around, and used it to great effect in the Slytherin-Gryffindor snowball fight. He was particularly satisfied when he hit the ginger bastard hard enough in the face that he was knocked off his feet.

One day in mid-February, Harry had been surprised to receive a letter. The last letter he had gotten had been from Hagrid, attempting to apologize. He had taken great pleasure in tearing it into pieces and trying to set it on fire. He had managed to set it on fire, but he had also almost set the table on fire as well, causing one of the prefects to rush over, put it out, and take five points from Slytherin. This letter though, this looked much smarter than anything the oaf had sent. The owl looked far sleeker, and the letter had an embossed coat of arms on it. The owl had landed in front of Harry and extended its leg. As Harry was untying the letter, Draco told him "Hey, that's Artemis. She's Father's owl. I wonder what he's writing you about"

"Probably what we spoke about over Christmas. I hope it's good news" He said, not wanting to give too much information to the rest of the table who's interest had been piqued by Draco's words.

He gave the owl a nibble of his bacon, and it flew off. He tucked the letter safely into his robes-He wouldn't have a chance to read it until after Defence, then he would find somewhere private, away from everyone else for it.

Defence that day was quite interesting, but Harry found he couldn't concentrate on what Professor Quirrell was saying, even though he wanted to learn more about the effects of multiple spells hitting the same target.

After class, he ran off before anyone could try to start a conversation. He already had to deal with Pansy wanting to know all about what Lucius had sent him, and even though they hadn't said anything, Theo and Blaise had been listening in to that conversation very carefully.

He had to walk very quietly from the first empty classroom he had tried. Peeves was in there, drawing rude pictures on the blackboard and singing. Harry had enough run-ins with the poltergeist to know that if noticed, he would be pelted with bits of chalk. He found another empty classroom a bit further away and settled in to read.

" Harry, I hope this letter finds you well.

I will not go too much into details right now, but as I said over Yule: Formally adopting you at this juncture will prove to be the next thing to impossible. Besides the formidable legal hoops I would have to jump through, Narcissa and I would be required to receive the permission of the head of your orphanage, your head of house, and your headmaster. The orphanage matron and Severus would undoubtedly not prove problematic, but Albus Dumbledore most definitely would.

Not only is he my political enemy, but he is one of those who remain distrustful of me after the last war. I know Draco and you have discussed my position during those terrible days, and that Draco has told you of the rumors my enemies spread of me. Albus Dumbledore is one of the lead causes of those whispers. There are other obstacles, but few as difficult to cross as that.

Once you have sat you OWL's at the end of your fifth year, their permission will no longer be required. I know that must seem a lifetime away, but the time will pass quickly. I do have a piece of good news for you. As I mentioned, informal adoption seems to be proving a possible avenue to pursue. I will discuss this all in greater detail with you over Easter break. I presume you will accept our invitation once again?

Ensure that my book is cared for. I will permit you to take another after Easter if it is in as good condition. If you require assistance with understanding it, speak to your head of house. I trust Severus, and you should as well.

Lucius II, Head of House Malfoy"

Well. That was that. The Malfoy's wouldn't be adopting him any time soon. The informal adoption thing though, that could be good. From what Lucius had said, it basically meant that he would stay with the Malfoy's over the summers. That would be cool. He glanced over the bit about the book again and snorted. Clearly, Lucius had never seen how reverently Harry treated books. The idea of asking Professor Snape for help seemed a good one, hadn't the man said if Harry wanted to discuss Magical Theory with him he should come back after Christmas? Well, it was nearly March! That's definitely after Christmas enough.

"So Mr. Potter, what do you want to ask?" Professor Snape asked

"Well sir, I borrowed this book from Mr. Malfoy" he answered, handing the book in question to his professor, "And I just had a few questions about some of the things it says. Mr. Malfoy said I should ask you if I have any questions"

Professor Snape had opened the book to a random page, and Harry noticed the way his long fingers lovingly stroked the binding.

"Yes? And I hope you have been careful about who has seen you with this book"

"Of course sir, only Draco knows I have it here. Well, it says how the Dark Arts are the 'true magic', and how they are always more powerful than other spells. I was wondering if that was actually the case? And if so, even though they're dangerous, why don't we use them?"

Professor Snape shut the book with a thud and thought for a moment before answering.

"They may be referred to as the true magic, but that is more hyperbole than anything else. With regards to power, you are both correct and incorrect" Snape seemed to be thinking deeply now, his eyes tightly closed "You see, the Dark Arts will provide a far more powerful cutting spell then Diffindo. However, when it comes to an innocuous spell such as Wingardiam Leviosa, the Dark Arts will not help. They are called Dark for a reason Potter. When it comes to causing pain and injury, the Dark Arts are one's closest friends and advisors. When it comes to day to day tasks, not so much"

"Professor Quirrell said that the Dark Arts are powered by negative emotions," Harry said, leading towards a question he wanted to ask

"He is correct, at first at least"

"Sir? What do you mean, at first?" Harry asked, confused.

"Do you remember what you had to do to turn a matchstick into a needle, Potter?"

A bit thrown, Harry stumbled a little "Mutatium? And have in mind how we wanted it to look?"

"And what else?"

"Uh, desire for it to change?"

"Exactly", waving his wand, Snape made a matchstick appear, "Now change this into a needle, as quickly as you can"

"Mutatium," Harry said, giving his wand a wave. Instantly, the match became a needle.

"Tell me, did you have to have as strong a desire for the match to change now as the first few times you did the spell?" Snape asked

"No, sir," Harry said, beginning to understand.

"So too with the Dark Arts. At first, they require conscious 'negative emotions'" Harry fancied he could hear Professor Snape putting quotes around those words "But after practice and much use, they no longer require the caster to consciously feel and think those things"

"Sir? Could you explain that a bit more please?" Harry felt like he was beginning to understand, but not in a way he could put into words yet.

"When first you cast Mutatium, you had to think of multiple things: How you wanted the needle to look, how you wanted the match to change, How you wanted the spell to take magic from you and cause an action to occur. By now, many, if not all, of these thoughts happen on a subconscious level. They still occur, but you are not aware of them"

"Ah," Harry said, nodding, a bright light going off in his head.

"This is why the most intelligent witches and wizards are capable of the best magic. Pure magical power usually does not come into it"

"What do you mean sir? I thought"

"You thought wrong. Ninety percent of witches and wizards have roughly the same amount of magical power. There are exceptions, like Dumbledore and the Dark Lord, who have much more power than the rest of us. There are also squibs, who have much less power than the rest of us. So then, what makes one wizard more capable than another? It is their intelligence, their ability to think of so many different things at a time and translate that from thoughts into reality, while only using subconscious processes to do so."

"So-"

"So, you and Draco will not be able to cast something as complex as the Protego until you have mastered your ability to think while casting. The reason that spell is taught in later years is not due to the power required to cast it, but rather the state of mind required"

"You've seen us practicing? Sir?"

"You think I would allow such promising students as yourselves to cast who-know-what without checking in on you? One day you too will be capable of Disillusionment Charms"

"I have an invisibility cloak for that sir," Harry said cheekily.

' He thinks I show promise! That's awesome!'

"And if I were to take it?" Snape said, giving Harry a sneer, "Reliance on enchanted objects will cripple you"

"Returning to the subject at hand, one who is proficient with the use of the Dark Arts will be able to cast them without consciously focusing on your 'negative emotions', but he will be feeling them subconsciously. Therein lies the danger of the Dark Arts, one who uses them too much will be in an almost constant state of feeling subconscious rage, hate, and the like. This is why the most successful Wizards and Witches are Occlumens"

"What is an Occlumens, sir?"

"Occlumency is a mental art. It is far, far beyond your current level Potter, so you can shut those wise ideas down immediately"

Harry blushed a bit, sometimes it was really like Snape could read his mind.

"In order to master Occlumency, one will master their emotions and mind first. This is obviously something that most wizards are unable to do, however, those who can… Well, it gives them access to abilities that most wizards will not be able to use safely"

"So someone who knows Occlumency can use the Dark Arts, no problem?"

"Not quite. They still will need to be almost constantly monitoring their emotions, watching for changes and controlling those changes"

' This whole conversation is very similar to what Lucius was saying on Yule night'

"Sir? Do you think I'll ever be able to do-Occlumency?"

Snape gave Harry a long, searching look.

"I would not be surprised. You are obviously very eager to learn, and the growth in your magical control, while not unheard of, is still impressive. I believe once you start using non-verbal spells, your control will improve exponentially. I would not be surprised if by your fifth year you would be capable of almost any spell you decide to cast, and capable of casting some of them non-verbally. After that, if you still desire it, you would probably be capable of learning Occlumency"

Harry's heart soared. No-one had ever spoken to him this way before, with belief in him, belief that he could be great.

"Of course, that will only be possible if you continue to expend great efforts and put hard work into yourself. If you do so, you will make great achievements"

"Thank you, sir!"

"Now, off with you. I still have to mark these Hufflepuff's homework."

Harry walked off to the common room with a spring in his step. That conversation had really given him a lot to think about it. And more importantly, it had left him with a really good feeling.

' Professor Snape thinks I can make great achievements. He said so himself!'

The good feeling carried through Harry's whole next week, and then slowly dissipated, as such feelings do. He still pushed himself even more in his classes, and his grades showed it. By the next month, he was in the top in his class, and in the top five of his whole year. This had the unfortunate downside of his friends complaining that he was spending too much time in the library and doing schoolwork and that he really should spend more time with them. He started making a point of spending no more than an hour a day in the library, and they calmed down a bit.

He made plans with Draco to go to the Malfoy's for Easter break, as Lucius had suggested. He was really looking forward to spending the time at Draco, and all his friends had made plans to spend a day together.

"At least the weather's better now, so none of you can complain when I get you to swim" Theo had said, getting everyone to laugh.

"Why do we always meet at Draco's house?" Blaise commented.

"Well, Blaise" Draco drawled, "It's probably because I have the best house out of all of us". There really wasn't much to say to that. From what Harry had gathered, even though some of his other friends were wealthy, it was nothing quite like the Malfoys.

It happened the week before Easter break.

Harry was walking towards the Transfiguration classroom from the library. He was in a pretty deserted stretch of corridor when a jet of red light hit him from behind, knocking him unconscious almost instantly. Harry never heard or saw anything amiss, and was unconscious by the time his attacker had begun siphoning blood from the crook of his elbow.