All The "Sorry"'s I Never Said (7)

The mood was still somber when FYP called Song Chunghee to sit in the 15th place. Even the usually all-smiles Song Chunghee had a visibly fake smile as he took his seat in the large number 15 chair. 

The eliminated contestants were all taken backstage, but not far away enough from the main stage to get away from the ranking announcements. Really, Joon-woo thought, wasn't that humiliating? Listening to your friends who made it to the top 15 while you were whisked away for elimination interviews. 

Ryeo Hyun slightly poked at Joon-woo's shoulder. "Don't look too upset. Cameras."

Joon-woo nodded. Clapping along as rank 14 and 13 took their own seats in the proper ranking chairs. 

"In 12th place… Ryeo Hyun!" FYP called. 

Joon-woo cracked a small smile as Ryeo Hyun stood and walked up the stairs of unlit ranking chairs, to the lit top 15 chairs. He took his seat in 12th with his blank expression somehow blank-er..?

Remaining in the Team One booth was Joon-woo, Baek Du-Ho, and Reggie. It was tense with a small sense of guilt, tense with the need to act as if their friend hadn't had their career ended. The cameras blinked at them like it was waiting, waiting for them to break with a wrong expression that could be used to twist a narrative. 

"In 7th place… Baek Du-Ho!" 

Joon-woo and Reggie patted Baek Du-Ho excitedly on the back as he stood and began towards the stairs. A good image was necessary. A good image was even more so necessary for them. They were the most popular, they got the most screen time, them. Them. 

Reggie and Joon-woo shifted next to each other, the booth of Team One only containing them now. They were confirmed to be in the top 6. 

"Top 6…" Reggie muttered, like a place as such was godly. 

"We worked hard for it." Joon-woo spoke, about to pat Reggie on the back before stopping. Did he have to follow Producer Jang-Soo's rule anymore? He didn't really want to, but even being a little touchy with Reggie– he had gotten used to. 

Reggie noticed the shift in Joon-woo's movement, looking to the cameras pointing their way. He then scooted closer to Joon-woo and slung his arm around Joon-woo's shoulders. Joon-woo stiffened, but ultimately relaxed after a moment. The cameras were watching. The cameras were catching. 

"In 6th place… Reggie Lee!" 

Reggie shot up, his face in a slight daze. Joon-woo gave the still-standing Reggie a push out of the booth. "You got this..!" Joon-woo muttered. 

Reggie nodded, making a fist for Joon-woo to see, before he walked up the stairs past all the ones unlit under 15. He took a seat in a grand rank 6 seat. He looked a fake-typa happy, but a small, real smile crossed his face. 

Joon-woo leaned back, alone in the Team One booth. The only people left were Jung Hyun-Ok and Mi Yong of Team Three and one member each of Team Six and Team Four. He wondered where he placed among them. Definitely not 1st or 2nd. Based on his popularity he thought himself to be 5th, maybe 4th at best.

But when the straggling Team Six and Four members got called to cover those positions, Joon-woo froze. The staggering members stood and took their seats ranking 5th and 4th with ease. They seemed to carry that same happy– but guilty expression. 

Joon-woo gulped, pursing at his lips. He didn't deserve any of the remaining spots, yet he belonged to one. What was Producer Jang-Soo doing? Had he not rigged the votes? Joon-woo genuinely couldn't tell. Some ranks seemed tweaked, but most– they seemed real. It enraged him. 

Joon-woo looked to Mi Yong and Jung Hyun-Ok. They sat in the Team Three booth and waved to Joon-woo with expressions equally defeated. 

FYP cleared his throat, "Coming in 3rd, with 54 votes…" Joon-woo was convinced it was him. It was him. Surely. Surely. "Jung Hyun-Ok! Please take your seat in 3rd place." 

Joon-woo was too frozen to even congratulate Jung Hyun-Ok. Him and Mi Yong? Mi Yong and he? How could Joon-woo ever compare to Mi Yong? Mi Yong could dance well, sing well, hell– his looks were good too. What was Joon-woo? A pretty face that could sing? In his eyes, he was barely pretty enough to be an idol– too pretty for a guy. 

"Contestant Mi Yong and Contestant Joon-woo, please come up on stage…" FYP requested, his mysteriously and borderline spooky dressing becoming all too clear in that moment.

Mi Yong and Joon-woo stood, listening to the staff in one of them coming on stage from the left set of stairs and the other, the right. They were both tense– but hid it well to the naked eye. They stood, one on each side of FYP. 

Thanks to FYP's taller and idol-standard height– Mi Yong and Joon-woo were slightly towered over, Joon-woo more so. Really, 5'8' for Mi Yong and 5'6' for Joon-woo wouldn't do them well.

They both looked forward. The scene of the ranking chairs becoming clear. The originally 50 lit and grand chairs had now been shrunk to just 15. The chairs below the 15th were all dark and with no contestant sitting on it. Chairs 15 to 3 were sat on and filled with the bodies of nervous contestants. 

The 2 and 1 chairs were free. Joon-woo belonged to one of those chairs, the idea made him dizzy. 

He locked eye contact with Reggie, who sent him a thumbs up with a smile that seemed more real than any of his had in the last few minutes. It slightly warmed at Joon-woo's heart.

"There was a vote gap of two votes, between these two." FYP informed. "But– with a close two point lead…" FYP suddenly took Joon-woo and Mi Yong's closest-to-him hand. Like a WWE match.

FYP raised Joon-woo's hand. Joon-woo's hand– his hand..! "Joon-woo. With 75 points– has ranked 1st!" He announced. 

Joon-woo's whole body stiffened at the announcement. He? He who wouldn't debut? He with looks far too girly– far too Ha-rin-like? He whose dance was as unworthy as a rock? He squatted and covered his face with his hands.

Damn it– he felt guilty. Why couldn't Bo Jaesang be in his place? Why wasn't it Mi Yong or Reggie or–? Why was it him? Producer Jang-Soo had made it clear he wouldn't debut, so why was he playing with Joon-woo like this? 

He didn't deserve this. He didn't and he never would. He was a cheater. He was a cheater who had nine years of idol experience prior. He was a cheater– really, why couldn't anyone see that? 

Mi Yong, who had been clapping prior, got to Joon-woo's level and pried Joon-woo's hands off his own face. Joon-woo was forced to face the contestants, the staff, the make-up artists in particular were clapping quite hard. The whole room was clapping, whooping, cheering. 

The sight confused Joon-woo. Hadn't many of the contestants hated him? Most of the claps had to be fake. But it seemed too real. Really, why could only he see himself as the real phony he was? 

The make-up artists that would rave about his easy-ness to work on and his looks wore smiles so real– too real. Reggie was standing. Why was he standing? Ryeo Hyun was too and Jung Hyun-Ok and Baek Du-Ho and most contestants were… 

Joon-woo slowly stood, FYP shoving a microphone in his hand. "What words do you have for the viewers?" He asked. 

Joon-woo pursed his lips, "Um…" What was there to say? Thank you? "Thank you– a lot to those who voted and supported me… I will continue to try my best to debut, thank you." The words felt fake off his tongue. He wouldn't debut. He was a phony. He was a liar and he was lying so hard he felt as if his tongue should be burned off. 

The room clapped as if they believed it. 

"Contestant Mi Yong and Contestant Joon-woo, take your seats." FYP dismissed. 

Mi Yong and Joon-woo walked off the stage the same way they had entered it, separately. Side-by-side, as instructed by staff, they walked up the stairs. They only split to take their seats. 

The Rank One chair was larger than the others. Joon-woo looked about ten times shorter than he was when he sat on it and it felt wrong. His feet couldn't touch the ground on the chair and he felt as if a million eyes were piercing him. He felt like an unfit king. 

"Okay, cut!" Producer Jang-Soo yelled. "Anyone not in the top five may return to dorms! Make-up artists touch up the top five's make-up!" He yelled instructions with his calm and deadpan demeanor. Joon-woo hated it. He wanted to curl up and die and die. 

Quickly, the ten contestants that hadn't made top five stood and exited the stage room in an orderly manner. They had let their expressions drop and the mood was dim. They were visibly uncomfortable as, one by one, they disappeared through the doors. Ryeo Hyun in particular seemed defeated. 

The make-up artists rushed to the top five. Again, they practically raced to Joon-woo, who simply let himself be directed with brushes brushing against his cheeks and under his eyes. 

Mi Yong hummed as he too, got his make-up retouched. "Congrats Joon-woo-ah." He spoke, seemingly genuinely happy. 

Jung Hyun-Ok nodded, "Yeah, you deserve it. We can dwell on Bo Jaesang's elimination later– if that's what has you all blue." He spoke quietly, but sympathy still rang in the make-up artist's eyes. 

"My sister came to the live shows yesterday– I made her vote for you!" The make-up artist working on Joon-woo spoke. 

Joon-woo nodded, a bit surprised. "Ah, did she? Tell her I said thank you, then." 

The make-up artist slightly blushed at Joon-woo's expression. "Yes, yes, I will."

Really, Joon-woo thought as the make-up artists finished their jobs and rushed back to their posts per the producer's rushing, how many people would he disappoint when he was revealed not to debut?

He sat back on his Rank One chair with an inevitable frown.