I messed up

Man, how many days has it been since the last time I saw my face? Maybe a month or two. I don't know. Well, it doesn't matter now. I don't have a thing to say. I might have been an asshole, an idiot, a make-believer. It all started five years ago, times were good. Attending some private school, having fun. Scratch that, fun wasn't even an inclusion. There, I saw my friends. True friends that I trust so much that I even gave them my password. Man, it was great to be there. But the thing is, one of my friend was going far away, away into the rising sun. He was the first one to come and go. A fellow comrade, a friend, a brother. It was a sad experience though it is what it is. Things happen for a reason. Fast forward a year, I met another one. A fellow artisan, an intellectual, a friend. What glorious it has been for me. He made me a true nerd. Well, not just him but as well as a brother, an idiot as well. Probably the longest friend from all of them. But things striked, intellectual power was a bitch. A fake, a hypocrit, an enemy. He turned like the waves of June. Not that it matters now. Another year flew by, I fell in love with my long-time crush. An angel, a savior, a place where I belong. Love is a concept of our brain that tells us that you have to keep her, cherish her, be one with her.

Yet another misconception has been always a part of my life, so far. She turned, forgotten, broken through. I wasn't even aware that she already left the room without me. True horror to love your bestest friend at that time. But one stayed, my brother, my guide, the soul purpose why I am writing this. He stayed yet I left and went on a different path. Purely innocent, left the side of the country, pursued the land of different intentions. Studied for a year, learned the concept of bad habit that soon after swallowed my healthy life. Smoke until I fell down the hole of the endless pit of sorrow. I was desperate, lonely, yearning for the love that I've never reclaimed. Went back for the dose of happiness, left with a message in my head, "I was wrong." I came back, catch up with folks, found out that I messed up again. Golly had already dated three times since we were there, friend, he was out there, learning and surviving the life of a different breed. Nothing really matters now. All I knew that I was following my bestest. Being a dog, a follower, a call-on-duty type of guy. It does not matter, as long as I am making everyone happy. I don't really care for myself. A year after, went ahead for some time. A childhood dream that woke up, my oldest mate. A friend for another, he was diving right into the pool of unknown uncertainty. I was with him, protecting him, being a loyal friend. Not unless he snucked away, so distant from me for a girl that made a liking to him. Yet again, I was alone. Alone with the thoughts of how nice it would have been if it was me in the first place. Man, I have to get back up my feet. Friend oh friend, how nice I came back. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. Back at being a dog, a fellow idiot, I was until the time as I speak. I followed his ways, became a family to me as him as well. I can't imagine how but here I am. I owe him, not just my life but my skills and ability that I personally chose to become a better person. But messing up is a thing or two. Fame, money, guts, he was the man of every girl. Like I would care, as long as I am by his side. I chose this life, I earned it. It was expected. It was inevitable. It was guided by the stars and the skies up above. But man, I fucking envied them.