Chapter 14

In the end, Harry convinced Draco not to burn all bridges with her parents and asked them for time, so Lucius invited them both for (a mandatory) tea in the Manor later.

Draco talked with McGonagall, and the Headmistress gave her a bunch of official forms to sign and arranged for Draco to be able to attend her classes immediately, even though she was supposed to wait until they were cleared. Draco could get that part of her life back, even if now the NEWT certificate she would receive was going to be for the name Draco (blank), as she was no longer a Malfoy.

The illusion of normalcy didn't mean that Draco came out of the argument unscathed, and the worst damage was done to their relationship with Harry.

He would hold her just a little bit closer while they were intimate, and hug her just a little bit tighter during the night, his nightmares getting worse. As if either worried that Draco would be taken away from him, or fearing that she would leave him on her own.

While Draco hated to have such an effect on him. Harry should have to guess how long they would last as a couple when he gave their relationship at all and was nothing but caring, patient, and kind. And that was on Draco, but also she shouldn't have to decide whether she wanted to spend their lives together after just a few months of dating either.

"I hear there might be some congratulations in order soon?" Ginny asked her one morning. "If you decide so?"

"Harry told you," Draco was a bit taken aback because Harry didn't utter a word about the whole ordeal to any of their friends.

"He wanted a witch's perspective," Ginny said. "So... what do you want me to tell him? After all, I never said it was going to be mine, so it might as well be yours."

"I don't know," Draco honestly felt clueless. The more she thought about it, the less she knew what she was supposed to do.

"Or, you know exactly, but can't accept the truth?" Ginny said, and when Draco stared at her, she added. "Look, you don't have to tell me. But maybe, don't lie to yourself. And get back to me if there's anything you can't directly tell him, and I'll help you?"

"Wait," Draco said before Ginny would leave. "I think… I could use somebody to talk to, but I'd prefer if you didn't tell him about it?"

"Merlin, marry him now," Ginny joked. "You must really love him if you'd take advice from me."

"I wouldn't be the only one," Draco pointed out, because Ginny was often very direct when giving advice to others, but also a good listener, which gave her a unique no-nonsense kind of perspective.

"And he already changed you so much you might as well get it over with," Ginny smiled.

"I surely haven't changed that much," Draco had been actively trying to make changes happen in her life, but it only made her feel like no matter how hard she worked, someday it might just all come down and bury her like an avalanche.

"No offense to the Slytherins, but they aren't known for brutal honesty about their personal lives and feelings. For one," Ginny said.

"I suppose you're right, in a sense that…" Draco thought about it. "Harry makes me happy, so whenever my doubts crept in, I told myself that no matter how insecure I felt, no crisis was worth losing him. So I could push myself further than I ever thought I could."

"I see that," the young Weasley said. "But?"

"But?" Draco was confused.

"You used the past tense," Ginny pointed out. "Something had changed, or now you don't think you can do it anymore?"

"I guess, what he wants might be…" Draco admitted.

"Too far out?" Ginny suggested.

"Yes," Draco sighed. It took just one word to say she was right but felt as intimidating as a hundred thousand other words she could have said. "It's as if we were racing on brooms. I want to match Harry's momentum, but whenever I barely manage to catch up, life throws another seemingly impossible obstacle in my way, and I'm not sure I can keep up just dodging them at this speed, before…something breaks."

Ginny looked at her contemplating. "You could always ask Harry to slow down."

"He had already done that and more," Draco added. "I mean he has already saved the wizarding world, but whenever he sees anyone struggling, he just assumes it's his role to fix it, so a lot of people depend on him."

"It's how he copes," Ginny said. "But he's also changing, you know."

"Maybe he thinks he still needs to be useful or otherwise people wouldn't love him," Draco had thought about this a thousand times.

"I always assumed he likes to busy himself with other people's problems - even if nobody asked him to - because he can't face his own," Ginny said.

"Yeah, so maybe it makes sense why he likes me so much," Draco let out an unamused chuckle. "There's plenty in me for him to fix, even on a good day."

"It's not what I was trying to suggest," Ginny said.

"But it's also true," Draco shrugged. "And that's why the last thing he needs is to be a mediator between me and my parents. But I put him in that position."

"Are you sure he didn't volunteer himself?"

"And now even if I marry him, he'll be forever stuck in between them and me," Draco shook her head because what Ginny suggested was just the icing on the cake. "And I can only blame myself, just as much as I do for dating him when I know he could do so much better."

"You're kind of in it together," Ginny suggested. "You didn't hold him at wand point so he'd talk to your parents, nor forced him into a relationship."

"No, but at the end of the day, does it matter? And to be clear, I'm not even talking about marriage," Draco tried to collect her thoughts. "Maybe we shouldn't even date if it only makes us both miserable."

"You aren't miserable or it would be easy for you to just get out and leave. And Harry certainly isn't," Ginny said.

"He always wants more. And that's a relationship by definition, so I understand," Draco noted in a small voice. "And I love him so much that I thought it didn't matter. But now I hate myself for not being able to give it to him. And even if he makes me happier than I ever was…"

"I get what you're trying to say," Ginny said when Draco couldn't finish that particular line of thought. "And if you ask me, the problem isn't Harry."

"So you think I should be alone," Draco didn't want to break up with Harry, but if Ginny suggested it, she must have had a reason, and Draco was listening, no matter how shattering of a blow was about to come.

"No, no, that's the last thing you should do," Ginny quickly went on. "In fact, I think you need more friends, not a breakup with your boyfriend."

"I always had… but: why?" Draco started saying she had friends, but couldn't quite grasp what their relationship had to do with Harry to that particular point.

"Yes, you always had people following you around, but maybe deep down you always thought it was because of your name, money, or status, not you," Ginny pointed out. "So no wonder you have no self-confidence, and even if Harry would tell you how much you mean to him, you can't believe him."

"I believe him," Draco said. "But it's different if I know how he doesn't see my faults because he loves me."

"Yeah, no, you can't believe him," Ginny repeated firmer this time. "And for the record, all the lions you hang around these days? We aren't your friends either. Don't get me wrong, I think we get along just fine, and the best you could do is to apologize at the beginning of the term."

"But?" it was Draco's turn to ask.

"But it created a delicate agreement between all of us, that I think everyone's trying their best to keep, just as you do, but that's not friendship either," Ginny thought about it. "And you aren't stupid, you must know this too."

"Thanks," Draco could only huff.

"My consultation fee is 1 Galleon an hour," Ginny said.

"Can I get a discount?" Draco asked. "All the money I have is what I have in my pocket, and it's supposed to last until I get a job next year."

"I don't feel sorry for you," Ginny simply stated. "And not because I'm heartless. You're better off."

"We'll see," Draco sighed.

"And not simply because you cut off some toxic parts of your life either," Ginny went on with a smile as if she enjoyed telling Draco that, and who could blame her? "But because while you worry over how Harry doesn't know what you're capable of and you fear he's overestimating you, the truth is, you don't know what you're capable of either."

"Agree to disagree," Draco's mind flashed back to all the horrible moments in the war. There were so many situations that showed her what she could do even though she never wanted, or what she couldn't do even when she knew it was the right thing.

"You always had your parents' help, even if you just take money, for instance, that's a privilege," Ginny said. "But, everything has a price, even that money. So you might be both worse and better off."

"Meaning, I'm in the same place?" Draco found that funny.

"When it comes to relationships, you should be better off," Ginny said. "Not that I think your life is going to be any easier, but if I know you as much as I do, that's more important to you than anything else, so no. You aren't standing still. With some work, you could be in a completely different league, and still win."

"Not to contradict you," Draco started, trying to not get emotional hearing that. "But what you've just said could be construed as something a friend would say, even though you said we weren't?"

"Don't push it," Ginny laughed. "Maybe I'm just giving you advice because I want what's best for Harry, who is. A friend."

"In that case, can you bill him, instead?" Draco suggested.

"Nah," Ginny said. "But I let you pay me back once you get married. With interest, though."

"Even if I had 100 friends I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to marry Harry," Draco said with a certain embarrassment.

It was one thing that Ginny had a point and Draco no longer had to fear certain repercussions in her life, but yet another how that would change their relationship with Harry, if at all.

"I was talking in general," Ginny said. "You can marry anyone, and pay."

"Oh, great," Draco said, and then the next topic Ginny brought up was trivial enough so both of them could just pretend as if their conversation never even happened, but…

At night, when Draco brewed with - the luckily mostly recovered - Snape, even when Harry didn't join her, rather spending his time with Andromeda and Teddy, after talking with Ginny, Draco could see how Harry was also right, and just because Teddy existed and Harry was close to him, it didn't have to necessarily push Draco to care for the infant any more or less than she would otherwise.

In fact, it took her a couple of days until she realized that just because Harry bought some time with her parents, it didn't mean that they'd have to ever marry if Draco could sit Harry down and explain how her decision wasn't a "no" to Harry, but a "no" to an unduly commitment.

"You seem different," Harry kissed her on their way back.

"Yeah, I'm almost great," Draco said.

"Just 'almost'?" Harry teased.

"I don't want to limit myself in case my new life as NOT a Malfoy could turn out even better," Draco told him. "But I've had help."

"Yeah?"

"Ginny."

"Oh no," Harry said. "You can't take her advice. She'll just tell you I'm horrible and it's not that I blame her, because I secretly am, but I would prefer if you hadn't figured it out so soon. At least not before we get married."

"I can't believe you just brought marriage up SO casually," Draco sardonically noted. "And for the record, Ginny was great."

"Never said she wasn't."

"Good."

"So, is that a no, still?" Harry asked.

"Since the last time we've talked about it, less than 24 hours ago?" Draco reminded him.

"I'm not against using your good mood and whatever Ginny might have told you to further my goals if I can," Harry declared, and it wasn't just that, but he stopped, and also got handsy with Draco - as if trying to persuade her.

It was dark already, meaning they weren't going to be seen from the castle, so Draco might have kissed him then, which eventually meant that Harry couldn't lead her back to her dorm fast enough until they reached her bed.

And it's not like they ever had a problem with chemistry, so soon Harry could have asked her to do almost anything, and she only would have said yes to him.

Even in the morning, Harry was less tense and more smiles, as if Draco letting go of her fretting also put him in a good mood, so Draco decided it was as good an opportunity as any to tell him.

"I've decided."

"Why do I feel like if you wanted to marry me, it would have taken you longer?" Harry asked, but then just listened.

"I don't want to lose you," Draco started.

"But?"

"So I may have to eventually marry you," Draco went on.

"How eventually?"

"But, even if I do, I don't want to be a Malfoy anymore. So whatever we decide, or wherever we're in our relationship, I'm going to tell Lucius Malfoy where he can shove his money," Draco said.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked.

"What, were you going to marry me for the Malfoy fortune?" Draco asked.

"No," Harry said, but when Draco only made a dubious face at him, he added. "In fact, if you need money, I can always give you some."

"I'm good, thanks."

"But just because you don't need as much as the entire Malfoy inheritance, it's also very different to have none," Harry explained.

"I don't need it for school," Draco said. "And then, I'll even do any Muggle job if I have to, but I'll be just fine."

"List three types of Muggle jobs, then," Harry challenged.

"Carpenter? Taxi driver. And! Lawyer," Draco confidently said, before admitting to a cheat. "Just… don't ask specifics about what either of them does, sometimes I mix up the details."

"Because they are so similar?" Harry was laughing at her.

"Because they are a bunch of foreign concepts with strange names, and I don't even have the luxury as Pansy to relate them to all with the dramas she likes to watch."

"I'll buy you a phone, anytime, if it helps. You could even charge it in the Muggle Studies classroom," Harry offered with a grin, but he didn't know what Draco knew about phones from Pansy.

"I hear they are also great for hooking up with Muggles," Draco said. "A lot of men would send these pictures that don't move about themselves to basically anyone—"

"No, I've changed my mind, you aren't allowed to have one," Harry went back on that offer so quickly, it was almost like magic.

"Are you sure? I wouldn't like to disappoint you with my superficial knowledge of Muggle pop culture."

"You could never disappoint me," Harry said.

"And now you're just trying to use your charm to make me forget that you were laughing at me just seconds ago."

"Is it working?" Harry asked, moving closer.

"I wonder," Draco gave him a challenging smile, but when Harry tried to "persuade" her, she stopped him. "You know…"

"Hmm?"

"It's always you saving the world. Running around, helping people."

"Draco…" Harry sighed.

"No, no, let me finish. You're always there to save the day, whether anyone asked you to do it or not. You…"

"That's an almost mean thing to say," Harry tried to stop her.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Draco stopped herself. "Point is, you do so much. But who is helping you?"

"This is my best school year yet," Harry was quick to say. "So I really don't need—"

"I can't just marry a wizard who's unable to open up to anyone if he's struggling with something, so…"

"So?" Harry had no idea what was coming, and it was written all over his face, and Draco had to keep herself from kissing him, or she'd never finish her line of thought.

"Let me do something for you, once. For almost 2 months, you took care of me, but never once complained or asked me anything," Draco went from joking to serious in seconds.

"You're already helping me with Snape."

"I can't help it if I'm his favorite student," Draco said. "That has hardly anything to do with you."

"Yeah," Harry said with a small laugh. "But I'm not struggling with anything."

"Maybe struggling isn't the right word then," Draco said. "But there's also more going on with you than you let on, and anytime I ask, you just say you're happy to be with me."

"Because it's true?" Harry suggested. "And I wouldn't like to invent problems because you think I'm too healthy."

"Don't," Draco said. "But your nightmares are getting worse."

That made all the difference. One second Harry was there with her, and in a blink, hearing that, he had all his walls up.

"And maybe I'm not the right person to help," Draco added, hoping she could get to him still. "But even if you went to see a healer about it, for instance, we could discuss the fact that you did, not what you've told them. It doesn't even have to be a long talk either, half a sentence is fine, but I'd like to know where your mind really is, at least sometimes."

Harry uncharacteristically turned away from her, so Draco didn't push further, considering how she might have already said too much, but only hugged him, being Harry's big spoon for once, and it was reassuring that Harry held into her hands, even if not saying anything for the longest time.

"I'm not seeing anyone," he finally said. "And even if I did… there are some secrets Dumbledore and Voldemort - hell, even Snape - kept that I can't really tell anyone who doesn't already know, and only my friends know, and they have enough on their plates already."

"Healers take an oath," Draco reminded him.

"Even if that's the case, I'm not sure where I'd start," Harry said.

"I imagine wherever you wanted," Draco told him, but she also felt guilty for ruining his mood so effectively so fast, so she didn't say more than that, and when Harry didn't either, they slept back, and when she woke, Harry was back to his usual self again - for better or worse.

Until the afternoon, when he ignored McGonagall's class - of all the possible classes! talking about Gryff bravery - and asked Draco.

"If I asked… forget it."

Draco just gave him a look. "Do you need to copy my essay that's due tomorrow or something?"

"What? I was unaware we had any homework for tomorrow," Harry said and skillfully pretended to only care for school subjects of all a sudden.

"Harry," Draco stopped him.

"Fine," Harry gave up. "If I asked - if you really meant what you've said - would you…?"

"Harry?" Draco had to prompt when Harry could have been a petrified statue for a minute, not being able to finish his question.

"Go on a Muggle date with me? In London," Harry said.

"Sure, but that wasn't what you were going to ask," Draco saw through it.

"If we left school, you could move in with me."

"And?"

"Adopt Teddy with me," Harry finally said. "I know I said I didn't want you to be involved, and it's not like he doesn't have a whole village raising him already, but… if you wanted to do something for me…"

"You're asking me to - presumably - help someone else," Draco pointed out. "I'm not saying I wouldn't, but it's not exactly what I meant."

"I worry about Teddy way more than about anyone or anything else," Harry said. "And if you could also take care of him sometimes, I'd have significantly less to stress about."

"Not necessarily true," Draco noted, but as she also tried to not get killed by McGonagall for talking during her lesson, she feigned some interest for a few seconds, but soon she reluctantly added. "But if that's what you want, I suppose we could talk with Andromeda, and we can sometimes give her a day off on Sunday and see if he tolerates me."

"Why wouldn't he?" Harry said. "It's a date."

"There's no such thing as a babysitting date," Draco said.

"If there's such a thing as a library date, I'm pretty sure there has to be."

"And it would be only… I mean I wouldn't…. not that - I'd just help you out, sometimes, and if Teddy was to ever ask, I'm just a distant relative, not…"

"Her parent?" Harry handled that part so much better than Draco expected. "Yeah, that's just fine."

"Is it?" Draco had to ask.

"I mean, he's too perfect," Harry said.

"What does it have to do with anything?" Draco secretly also wondered how an infant could be "perfect".

"He'll make you love him so much soon you wouldn't even want to spend time with me at all," Harry promised. "Or share the time you spend with him with anyone else, even me."

"That's what happened to you," Draco guessed.

"Pretty much. When summer ended and I had to return to school, so I wouldn't see him every single day, I was devastated."

"Well, I'm not Harry Potter."

"You could be Draco Potter."

"Would you stop?" Draco warned a bit loud, because the Headmistress stopped teaching, and gave them a look, so Draco had to wait at least ten minutes until she could add. "I'm not marrying you, even if Teddy is cute."

"And you don't have money."

"You can always earn some money, but can't get another life."

"Ouch," Harry said, but he was smiling, so Draco added.

"I mean," Draco explained. "When I offered, I thought you were going to ask me for something fun like favors in bed or something, 'helping you relax', but then you had to pick something like co-parenting that's probably going to put at least one of us to an early grave, so…"

"What kind of favors?" Harry asked so loud that some students' heads turned in their direction, and Draco was sure he had to know how she'd blush furiously hearing that, so she didn't even look at him, now suddenly keen on taking notes. "Is it too late to change my answer telling Teddy how he'll always have a single parent, or can I get both?"

"Too bad," Draco said and steeled her nerves for what she was going to say because payback was non-negotiable. Harry made her blush like a Gryff flag, so she had to. "It's not like I can suck your cock in front of a kid."

"I can't believe you'd say something like that to me in the middle of a class," Harry gaped at her.

"What? I didn't go to details, or list any number of similar activities we could also perform," Draco said. "I just provided an example."

"Conveniently when we can't try it," Harry noted.

"You brought this on yourself. Conveniently asking me about Teddy when I couldn't run away."

"You're right," Harry said. "Our deal is void. Let's renegotiate it later - and I'm definitely going to need some details on your proposal, if not a demonstration."

Unfortunately, the topic was a double-edged sword, because Draco was more distracted by that request than Harry, who could go back to the lesson as if nothing happened, while Draco probably looked just hot thinking about the possibilities as she felt.

She barely managed to get through the last 20 minutes, and when the lesson was finally over, she wanted to disappear, when McGonagall told her to stay behind.

"Miss M— Draco," she started, now oddly familiar that Draco didn't choose another name yet. "I appreciate how much you get along with your classmates, especially Mr. Potter, and this is just an extra year for you all, so I didn't want to take points."

"I'm sorry, Headmistress, it won't happen again."

"That you get along well with everyone?" she asked. "If you'd let me finish my line of thought, perhaps…"

"Yes, I'm sorry…"

"So, I didn't wish to take points because you're all adults in this class, but. In the future, if you could perhaps refrain from discussing—"

"Private matters?" Draco said. "Yes."

"How should I put it?" McGonagall looked at her unfazed. "Spicy details of what you were going to do in the bedroom during my class, that would be probably for the best for everyone present."

Draco was so horrified that she forgot to breathe and speak for a minute.

"Or maybe it's too much to ask?" the Professor wondered.

"No, no, it's perfectly clear. I won't," Draco wished the floor would swallow her whole.

"I'll also talk with Mr. Potter, of course," McGonagall dismissed her, and when Draco was almost out on the door, she added. "If he needs babysitters for Teddy he should have just asked me."

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, handing Draco her bag, who barely what he was doing, still in shock. If she never wished to be caught by Snape for any improper conduct during his classes, McGonagall mentioning "spicy bedroom activities" suddenly felt just as mortifying, and she felt like she couldn't attend any more Transfiguration classes ever again - but she also couldn't possibly submit a request to drop it because such forms had to be submitted to the Headmistress in person…

"I thought you used a spell so we wouldn't be overheard," she told Harry.

"I did. Nobody heard anything - at least anything legible."

"Well, the Headmistress heard everything," Draco said. "Because she mentioned Teddy, but also 'spicy activities between the sheets'."

"Is that what she calls it?" Harry had the audacity to burst out laughing. "Or, what were her exact words?"

"I have to adopt Teddy, Merlin," Draco joked. "I realize now I can't let you of all people parent him alone."

"It's true, you should," Harry said without missing a beat. "But I'm not laughing at McGonagall's dated vocabulary, I'm laughing because I can picture your face when she told you off of discussing it during her classes."

"Yeah, no blow jobs for you today, Potter," Draco couldn't believe him, laughing at how embarrassed she got.

"I can wait 'till tomorrow morning," Harry said.

"Or longer," Draco replied likewise.

"Maybe," Harry stopped teasing her, but only for a little while. "But I also have my way to maybe make you forgive me, if I wanted."

"No, you don't!" Draco was sure. "Due to my upbringing, I'm immune to threats and manipulation."

"Yes I do, and it has nothing to do with either," Harry said overly confident, in fact just as confident as Draco was that he didn't, so they were both competitively defiant the whole day, until… Harry turned out to be right, and Draco had to admit undignified defeat.