Three

I was exploring one of the forbidden wings today, and I think I may have found the princess's old nursery. It is incredibly dusty and dirty, but the old gas lights still worked when I flipped the switch. An old, but delicate and beautiful crib still sat in the middle of the room. I'm in awe of the talent, time and skill that was poured into this crib. The princess was so loved. It's evident in every line of the carved wooden frame, in every stitch of the stuffed toys that are still sitting on the old mattress. They are sitting, just waiting for the princess to come back to play with them once again. A tiny white bear, a soft brindle wolf, and what appears to be a crocheted plush blue pig. I wonder, who thought a pig was a good idea? For being a pig, it's a beautiful toy. It's obvious that whoever made it put a lot of time, effort and love into it. It kinda reminds me of my mum. She has a weird obsession with pigs, Especially blue pigs. They are literally everywhere in our quarters.

One thing is unusual, aside from the room being abandoned. There's no pictures or empty frames anywhere in the room. Not even any discolored spaces in the wallpaper. I know pictures of Princess Loralina exist. They were printed in the national newspaper. Were the personal pictures removed and stored, or did Queen Viola not take any? I wonder if I can find them in storage somewhere…

Shit! I gotta run!

-The light attracted a guard, did it? Use a candle to avoid notice when not many people are allowed in an area. Was it truly a guard though? Or maybe someone else was snooping?-

A guard saw the lights on in the nursery. At least, I think it was a guard. Certainly looked like one. They had on a similar outfit, but I couldn't tell for sure in the dark. I wonder how they'll justify this to the Queen… Anyways, I think that I got the light off fast enough, but I'll have to be more careful from now on. Maybe I should make use of a candle while I'm exploring? I don't know what the Queen would do if I had been caught in Princess Loralina's nursery. Why was it abandoned? It seemed like nothing had been taken. It's almost like, overnight, it stopped being used and was forgotten about. Abandoned.

Get your head in the game Laura! If the Queen catches you snooping, off with my head! I don't want to lose my head, especially not to Queen Viola. She seems to hate me. Truly hate me, more so than any of the other look-alikes. Is it because I am playing her missing daughter, or because it's necessary for me to play the missing (and honestly, probably dead) princess? No, otherwise she would have hated the other look-alikes just as much. Did I do something to piss her off? I don't know. Maybe the Queen will tell me before she kills me. I think that's enough exploring for today. I need to get to my lessons. Talk later, my dear reader. Stay safe and keep yourself hidden, wherever you are.

-The Queen does hate you, but not for anything that you've done, or will do. More along the lines of your existence. Well, maybe she hates some of the things you will do. You do take away her power, after all.-

It's been a few days since I've been able to get away and write. I think my tutors are honestly trying to kill me through overwork. Twenty-nine essays all due on the same day, all on different subjects. They gave me less than a week to write them all! Are they doing this on the Queen's orders? Does she know that I've been exploring the forbidden wing in my free time? Is this her way of saying don't explore? Don't bite off more trouble than I can chew? If it is, then I'll need to be more cautious, subtle, quiet, and sneaky. Unfortunately, I'm not two of those things. To be fair to the tutors, I don't think that most of them have realized that their predecessors had given me essays to complete as well. Most of them did get switched out on rather short notice.

-That's not quite true my dear. Your tutors aren't trying to kill you, they are merely trying to prepare you as best as they can. They don't talk with each other about planned lessons. The number of essays is merely a strange, if unfortunate, coincidence. Them getting switched around definitely doesn't help matters. None of them keep very accurate notes of what you have already been taught.-

Between lessons, my new responsibilities, exploring the forbidden areas, and "mandatory" meetings with the Queen, I hardly have time to think, let alone do any of the massive homework assignments. I think I'll just not do some of them and explain what's going on to my tutors. I'm not a robot, I do have other duties and responsibilities that have been heaped on me. Part of my new duties is overseeing meals being made for the Queen and her advisors. Honestly, most of the food makes my want to drool, but I'm not stupid enough to attemt to sneak a plate of it. The jealous stares continue, especially as they watch me "laze about'' while they have to work. I don't think they would be jealous if they were in my shoes, but what can one do? No seriously, the staring is starting to get to me. What can I do to make them stop?

-Confront them. Gather the maids together and confront them on their behavior. That shouldn't be tolerated and you should have done something about it. Too little, too late now though. I'm sure this happened months ago at this point. I found this journal shortly before you Princess Loralina was crowned Queen.-

Spending time with the Queen. Yay. She seems to prefer interaction at meals, less the need to look at my face, I suppose. Her "requests" have been getting more frequent in the last week. She had me attend breakfast with her this morning, and tomorrow she is insisting that my mum and I join her for a light supper. I don't know what her problem is, but I feel for what the other look-alikes went through. Spending any amount of time in her presence makes me want to vomit. Beautiful the Queen may look, but her personality and actions are anything but.

On another note, my tutors have been switched out again. That's the third time so far. I wonder what's been happening to the old ones? Are they being killed? Or does Queen Viola have them on a rotating schedule? They never seem to stay for more than a few days each. Hopefully, I can learn most of what I need to know in time for the ball. The ball is just over three weeks away. Fun times. Not. If there was a way to reverse time, I would… Well, I'm not sure what I'd do.

-Your tutors weren't killed. They were switched at random to trip you up, and to prevent them from realizing a pattern in the queen's behavior. Quite devious, but then Queen Viola is, when it suits her to be. Don't let her get to you. A nice side effect (From Queen Viola's perspective) of the rapid switches was you getting overworked and overwhelmed.-

So, I've decided to have a little chat with the jealous maids. I made sure that Queen Vola's lunch order was done before rounding up the younger palace maids. There is a medium sized room off to the side of the kitchens that's commonly used by the heads of staff for meetings. The maids were reluctant to listen to me, but playing princess certainly has some perks. Even if those perks come with a massive side of probably gonna die. Anyways. Moving on to other, less morbid topics need to be discussed. The maids gathered in the meeting room, and I had to pull together all of my dignity and confidence to face the thirty-five jealous faces staring at me. Luckily, I had the forethought to plan what I wanted to say to them. Mostly. I had a bit of spare time in between my lessons today.

In my speech to the maids, I said "I have seen many of you look at me with envy in your eyes. I have heard the snide remarks that many of you have made. I gathered you here today to say No More. No more envious looks, No more snide remarks. No more giggling behind my back. I did not choose this. Our Queen, Queen Viola, decided that this year, I am the one that doesn't matter. That I am the one that's going to be sacrificed for her goals. The reality of the matter is, that once the month is out, I'm not going to be here anymore. Look around you. Have any of the other Princess Loralina look-alikes ever returned? No. Not a single one has returned. All of them have disappeared after playing the princess. This position is not one to be envious of. The short term perks do not balance the long term cost. The cost being your life. This is not a position to strive for. This is one to avoid at all costs. I don't want to see any more jealousy. I have enough responsibilities without having to clean up after a bunch of jealous maids." Most of them seemed to understand. Many had horror written across their faces as they realized the truth of my words. But, (hopefully) the problem has been dealt with. Goal achieved. One less thing to be paranoid about. Now I just have to make it through supper with my mother and Queen Viola. Joy.

-Well said. You truly are a marvelous public speaker. I'm sure that with just a bit of fine-tuning, you would be able to unleash your fire and passion in your words. People would flock to hear you speak. I'm glad you decided to confront them.-

That vile, evil hag! Urgh! I cannot stand her! She insisted that my mum and I attend supper with her so that she could honestly tell the noble court that she had spent time with 'the princess' recently. She spent the entire time ranting, raving, berating, belittling and bullying my mum. My mum is quite literally the sweetest and kindest person in this castle, and the Queen is too much of a vile, pompous, gold digging scumbag to see it! Everybody but the Queen loves her (platonically, I'm sure). What is the Queens' problem with my mum! Seriously! I just want to get a personality mirror and shove her (metaphorically) fat, wrinkled face into it sometimes! Maybe then she'll see herself as she is and not her obviously delusional fantasy. Or does she know and just not care?

-It doesn't work that way, I'm afraid. Its a nice thought though. I'm sure many others have wished to do much worse. The Queen is a truly vile, evil person. Rotten to the core. I still think that she should have had worse punishment happen to her, no matter how fitting the one she received is. I know I'm not the only one with that opinion. Then again, she hasn't had her trial yet.-

Calm. I'm calm. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rant at you. The way the Queen behaves riles my anger sometimes. Especially when she attacks and abuses my mum. I should work on better control. My mum is a bit of a defensive point for me. One that I need to learn to conceal better, given the sharks that I'm about to be surrounded by. Anyways. In my anger I decided to explore some more. To work out some of the frustration that was clouding my senses. I probably wasn't as cautious as I should have been, considering what happened just a few days ago, but, oh well. In another room of the forbidden wing I'd already started exploring, I found some papers. They look important, and well loved. I didn't have a chance to look at them earlier, but I do now.

-Worry not, none of the sharks find your weak spot.-

Are you safe my dear reader? Hidden somewhere secure? I found something quite disturbing. Are you ready? Mayhaps sitting down? The Queen killed the King because he was having an affair. To be fair, cheating on your spouse is a disgusting thing to do, but the Queen was apparently quite vile even back then. One of the papers I found was an unsent letter from King Elijah to someone he calls his Little Teacup. Why being called a little pig was endearing, I have no clue. He obviously loved this mysterious woman quite a lot. He even referenced that they had, or were going to have, a child together. Is it possible that Princess Loralina is NOT the daughter of the Queen, but the daughter of this mysterious woman, the Kings 'Little Teacup'? That would explain why she was pulled from public view after the king died. Why she went "missing" as it were.

-That it would. You were lucky to find that. Queen Viola doesn't typically leave such critical evidence behind. And what you found? It explains more than you know.-

I haven't been able to explore a lot the past few days, my time has been packed full of lessons, dress fittings and other "princessly duties". Because of that, no new information on Miss Teacup just yet. I did question the older staff in between duties. None of the staff seemed to know that the King had an affair, but most were not surprised. I didn't mention that the princess may have been born a bastard. I get enough flack for that, the princess doesn't need (or deserve) it. On a side note, my mum is still refusing to name my father. I know that she knows who he is. She's clearly in love with him, and grieving. Did he die unexpectedly? Am I hurting her by bringing it up? But don't I deserve to know? What do you think my dear reader? Was I too harsh on her? Or should I keep pushing for the truth? But what if she is doing this to protect me? No, that doesn't make much sense. I'll be dead by the end of the month. I won't make it to eighteen. I won't be able to drive a carriage legally (not that I ever go anywhere), or be able to have a slumber party with a hot guy. There's a lot I won't get to do, I guess.

Sorry for the maudlin train of thought. I thought I had accepted my marriage to the pale rider, but I guess not. Lessons are tough. Life progresses. Mysteries keep their secrets. The Queen continues to be a vile hag. How have you been recently, my dear reader? Keeping along alright? Is the Queen dead yet, do you know? Mayhap I'm just imagining things, but I swear I heard a faint whispering just now. Indistinct murmurs, the barest whisper of sound. Nothing that I could make out. Do ghosts exist? Are they like the warlocks? Have they retreated from our view? Is there another plane all but invisible to this one? Where do our souls go when we die? Do you have an answer my dear reader?

Can you tell me if I'm still alive? Do I make it through this?

-You Live to the end Laura. Don't give up just yet. You don't know it yet, but I am with you. Always. Continue your story, my darling firebird. You won't be disappointed.-