YOUR OWN PERSON

[LENA]

It was late afternoon.

I was crouched in front of a rose bush in the palace gardens, carefully selecting a bunch of the prettiest white roses I could find. Today was my mother's birthday, exactly a month after mine, and every year on this day, I would bring her flowers.

"Ouch!" I stuck my bleeding thumb in my mouth and winced in pain. I was pricked by a thorn.

Luca was immediately beside me. He gently took my hand and wrapped my thumb in a handkerchief he produced from his pocket. "Be careful," he said. "Here, let me do it."

He continued picking the roses for me, hacking away the thorns with a knife. Then he tied their stems together with a silk ribbon before handing them to me.

"Thank you, Luca."

Clutching the bouquet in my hand, I started walking in the direction of the hill behind the palace, near the edge of the forest. I walked past the faded memorial stones on the grassy slope and made my way to the very top of the hill, where a single weeping willow tree stood, its flowing leaves swaying gently in the wind.

I knelt beneath the tree and laid the bouquet of white roses in front of a white marble tombstone embossed with flowering vines.

"Hello, Mother," I said quietly, touching the cold stone. "Happy birthday."

My mother passed away when I was just three years old. She lost to an illness that even the physicians in the kingdom couldn't cure.

They say I was a splitting image of my mother — straight black hair, pale ivory skin, and striking blue eyes. I've only seen paintings of her. I can barely remember her, but I still have hazy memories of her warmth and gentle smile.

Queen Liliana Lavien, the true Queen and monarch of Ephemere.

The royal family bloodline runs on my mother's side. My father became the King Consort after their marriage; he even took my mother's last name.

But my grandmother, who was my mother's mother, strongly insisted that the throne be passed over to me — the last heir carrying the royal blood — as soon as possible.

If it was up to me, I'd rather have my father remain the king forever and leave me out of the cursed royal duties. I made myself believe that it was still far off in the future, but time was quickly passing by and it was giving me anxiety, realizing that it wasn't that far off after all.

In the next two to three years, when they deem me ready, I will be crowned queen.

And to add to my dreadful future, there's also the issue of my betrothal and marriage, which is a requirement before I ascend the throne. My grandmother had always stressed the urgency of producing legitimate heirs to extend the royal bloodline.

I was not ready at all. I haven't been taking my studies seriously. I just wasn't interested. I wasn't responsible enough. I knew in my heart that I wasn't born to be a leader. How am I supposed to run an entire kingdom?

"Mother, are you disappointed in me?" I whispered, trying to imagine her face in place of the tombstone marking her grave.

If she was here right now, I wondered what she would tell me. Was she like my grandmother, strict and uncompromising? Or was she like my father, benevolent and understanding? I believed she was the latter.

Mother, I miss you.

I began talking to her in my mind, telling her about my worries, as I sat comfortably on the grass with my legs folded beneath me. Even though she couldn't talk back, I knew she was listening. It made me feel better.

Luca, who had accompanied me, gave me space, not saying a single word, knowing it was what I wanted at that moment.

When the sun was high up in the sky and the tree's shade couldn't protect me anymore, I stood up. Luca finally came over to pay his respects to my mother's grave, touching the stone and kneeling with his head lowered.

"You knew her, didn't you?" I asked him.

"Yes. I was young then," he replied softly.

"Tell me about her." I've asked him the same thing numerous times before, but still, he obliged.

"She was very kind and graceful. She was always smiling. And beautiful."

I smiled. "I've been told I look like her," I said proudly. "So that makes me beautiful too."

Luca's brows knitted together as he looked down at me. Through the years, I, unfortunately, haven't gained much height. He still towered over me.

"Hmm, I don't know," he said, pretending to study me. "Maybe if you grow up and start acting your age, you'll begin to resemble her. A bit."

"I've grown up. I'm a lady," I muttered, sticking my tongue out in annoyance.

"Sure. That's a very… lady-like behavior."

I scowled at him and turned to face my mother's tombstone.

"Mother, Luca's bullying me again," I whined.

Luca faced the tombstone and gave a polite bow. "My Queen, I assure you, I wasn't bullying your lovely daughter—" He paused to give me a slight smirk. "I have protected her and will continue to protect her. With my life. As I'd promised you."

"Why can't you show me that same respect, huh?" I grumbled.

He faced me and bowed. "Your Highness."

"You could at least mean it."

"I do."

"Whatever. Someday, you'll respect me, too. I'll be a kind and graceful queen like my mother," I said. They were just empty words. We both knew I would never be capable of being like her, but Luca responded quickly before I could overthink more.

"I believe that."

I looked at him in surprise. Then my expression turned to suspicion, not trusting his sincerity. "You do?"

"Yes, I do," he said simply, no trace of teasing on his face. "You don't have to be like the late Queen in every way or compare yourself to her. You can be your own person and you will still be a great queen. I believe in you."

Subconsciously, I held onto his words and kept them in a special place in my heart to give me confidence whenever I needed it. Luca knew the right things to say; what I needed to hear. Despite appearing indifferent, I know he cares about me.

"And you will still be there with me? When that time comes?" I asked hopefully, feeling a lot lighter.

"Always." He placed a hand on top of my head and ruffled my hair fondly, like he always did. "Now, shall we go before you'll be late for your lessons, Little Lena?"

It was a silly nickname he'd given me when I was still, well, little. It isn't very fitting now, but he still sometimes calls me by that.

"Fine. And I'm not little anymore."

My sociology and governance lessons left me drained. By the end of it, I could tell that my governess, the royal tutor, had reached the limit of her patience. I tried to pay attention, but it was so boring. Everything just seemed to pass over my head. I was a hopeless case.

I escaped to the pavilion, nestled in the middle of the pond in the gardens. It had a view of the flowering plants and trees beyond the still waters of the pond dotted with water lilies.

I heard my mother used to come here all the time. I understand why. It was a good place to unwind.

A servant came over and set down a ceramic teapot and a tray of sugared snacks on the table in front of me. I absently nibbled on a biscuit as I stared off into space, having glum thoughts about my future.

I spotted Luca standing at the foot of the bridge that led to the pavilion. Like the dutiful bodyguard that he was.

I waved for him to come over. I needed someone to talk to.

"You okay?" he asked me.

"Sit with me," I told him.

"I'm supposed to be on guard duty, you know."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "You can still do your duty while sitting down, you know," I said, mimicking his tone.

Raising an eyebrow, he took a seat on the stone bench opposite me, and with my orders, a maid poured another cup of tea for Luca. He accepted it gratefully and took a sip of the steaming tea.

"Luca, have you ever had a lover?" I asked.

He choked on his tea.

"I'm sorry, what?"

I heard suppressed giggles coming from my maids-in-waiting, who were standing nearby. I gave them a look that made them instantly fall silent, but they were still smiling and stealing excited glances at Luca. I wondered if there was anything wrong with my question.

"Have you ever been in love?" I rephrased.

"Why are you suddenly asking me this?" he asked, his tall frame hunching over the table, his dark eyes disappearing beneath his hair as he lowered his face, looking uneasy and… was that embarrassment?

"Why are you embarrassed?" I demanded, totally clueless. "It's a simple question. I mean, you should be at marrying age, right? I'll be married by the time I reach your age. Isn't that how it works?"

I was greeted with another round of excited giggles from the maids. Luca looked even more embarrassed, so I ordered the maids to leave us. They left, almost unwillingly, all the while throwing hopeful looks at Luca.

"What is up with them?" I muttered, confused.