Chapter 7: You put yourself here.

"Oh, Amber!" Aliah says.

I ignore her and attempt to walk out, but she grabs ahold of my arm.

I slap her across the face, "Don't ever touch me again!"

My heart racing as my pupils widen and my blood rises. Who did she think she was placing her hands on me? She was too shocked to me. I left the bathroom and walked back to class.

As I headed back into class, it felt like they were all staring at me. They think I'm a loser, don't they?

…

Lunch came by and Nicole and I sat in the library, approached by Trevor, who squeezed my shoulders as she came up from behind me.

"Don't touch me!" I say as I slap his hand off my shoulder.

"Let's go." He says.

"Go where?"

"I don't know, let's just go somewhere and do something."

"Like what?"

"Like have s-"

"NO!" I scream.

"Jesus, I was joking… didn't think you thought I was that bad."

"Whatever you think that I think of you, trust me when I say it's much worse."

He furrows his brows, but quickly undoes it and laughs.

"You're a comedian, do you know that?"

"Yes. I have some knee slapping jokes here and there, don't I?" I ask turning my head to Nicole.

"Nicole?"

"Mhm" She says not bothering to lift her eyes from her phone.

Trevor and I get up to leave.

"Let me take you out." He says.

"What?"

"It doesn't have to be a date, just something, so we can get to know each other."

"I don't want to get to know you..."

"We can go out for lunch, is tomorrow fine?"

"I have work."

He rolls his eyes in annoyance, "Stop being a drama queen." I say

"Get your shift covered."

"Will you be paying for my shift then?"

"Uhh.. I'll be paying for lunch."

"Fine, we'll see.."

…

*buzz*, I unlock my phone to find a message from Trevor, 'did you get it covered?'

I texted him back, 'yes, relax psycho'.

'Psycho?'

I left him on read.

'PSYCHO?'

I couldn't help but chuckle, his personality made it easy to talk to him. It was good to have someone to talk to, it's not like I had a best friend I could confide in.. but this was good enough, I guess.

But then again, here was my chance to fill the void that Ruben left.. This was my chance to get over him, after all, he had moved on so why couldn't I do the same?

'See you tomorrow :)" I texted Trevor.

'See you babe' he texted back.

He was such an idiot, but I couldn't help myself when it came to the attention that he gave me.

...

I threw on some jeans a sweater, a little bit of makeup would be good too, my hair? I'll leave it down despite how thin and disgusting it looks right now.

I walk up to him watching as he's sitting on a bench outside the restaurant scrolling through his phone, probably texting one of his many girls…

"Hey.." I say, approaching him.

"No way! You actually showed up…"

"I shouldn't have? Okay, I'll just turn around then."

He grabs my arm and from my arm around my shoulders, "Don't be like that, Amber. We're on a date because we both want to be here right now."

"I'm here for the free food."

He looks me up and down, "You don't look too good, everything been okay?".

"Trevor… let's go inside." I say.

We get to our table and he rushes over to my side, pulling the chair open for me.

"Thank you." I say, watching him as he walks back to the other side and sits on his chair.

"You're making me nervous.." He says.

"NERVOUS? YOU?" I laugh.

"Yes, me. You're glaring right through my soul, so of course I'm going to be nervous."

"Good one."

"Yeah, I know. I never get nervous."

And he doesn't. I don't know anybody more confident than him, or with more of an ego...

The waitress came and took our orders, the food arriving after a while.

I didn't have an appetite, I struggled to swallow each piece of pasta.

"It's okay if you can't finish it, Amanda."

"I can."

"Amanda, I just want to know where you've been these last few weeks."

"Trevor, we're having a good time. Don't ruin it."

He sighed.

But that didn't make it awkward, not a moment with Trevor was awkward or quiet as we both always had something to say. We mostly joked around and there throwing insults at one another, discussing who was more superior and all that.

After we ate, we walked to a nearby park. We took a seat on a bench and admired the view of a fountain.

"You're beautiful, I have to admit that." Trevor said.

Was he making a joke out of me? I felt as though I was being made fun of…

"I know, everybody knows."

He chuckles and wraps his arms around me, I sigh and sink into his chest.

"I can tell you really needed this." He whispers in my ear.

I did, I really did.

"Amber, you know you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you, right? I'm your friend, I'm here for you if you need me."

Friend… Why did I think that someone like him could ever like someone like me. He can get with any girl her wants, I doubt he'd bother getting with someone such as myself, I couldn't even keep Ruben, what on earth makes me think that I'd even be able to get Trevor?

I needed to get myself together, so I pulled away from the warmth of his hug.

If I was going to get over Ruben, I was going to use Trevor to do so. This was, nobody gets hurt as long as I do this the right way and don't fall for Trevor. But I couldn't, not even if I wanted to because Ruben was the only guy that I'd ever be able to love.

There was a slight brush of wind, sending shivers down my spine. Trevor, noticing pulls me into him trying to bring me warmth with his arms.

"I should've worn a shirt underneath.."

"What?"

"Underneath my jumper.."

"You're not wearing anything underneath?"

"Only a bra."

"What? Are you crazy, Amber?"

"Yes, I'm insane. Please throw me in an asylum."

He chuckles.

"Have you ever gone skinny dipping?"

"Ew, no! That's only for dirty people."

"How?"

"Because people get naked and get into the same lake that's probably infested with leeches or something."

"Leeches? Amber, I'm amazed at how you always have something stupid to say. You know, before we became friends you seemed so quiet and shy."

"Shy? When have you seen me act shy?"

"Well, maybe not shy.. but you're an introvert."

"You're an extrovert." I say.

"Yeah, if it wasn't for me then we wouldn't be friends right now. Thank me please."

"No, I should make you my enemy now."

"What? Say that again, go ahead." He says, pulling his arm away from my shoulder and instead now on me and he's tickling me and I'm begging him to stop.

"I like this side of you, I want to see it more." Trevor admits.

"I don't care what you like, you're irrelevant."

"Wow, rude."

I chuckle as I forget all about Ruben for a moment, but that moment only lasts up until Trevor and I part ways for the rest of the weekend, because then there I am, me and my thoughts left all alone.

I didn't feel like going home just yet, but I didn't want to be alone either. Ahh, the benefits of having so many friends, which is never being alone. Can't relate. I have three, maybe four friends, I'm honestly not even sure who is and isn't my friend anymore, I haven't spoken to anybody in weeks, or has it been months? I've lost track since my entire life has gone downhill.

I kick a rock, following it as it moves along the trail each time I catch up to it.

"A bunny!" Why did I say that out loud, what is wrong with me? I must think that I'm the main character or something.

I follow the bunny, myself more out of breath than the small creature itself. But that's what I get for the lack of self care I've been providing towards myself as of lately, right?

I felt like Alice, from Alice in Wonderland following the rabbit around, but what better did I have to do?

The sun was beginning to set, but I didn't feel like going home, not now.

I didn't feel like having a screaming match with my mom about why I wouldn't leave my room, or why I wouldn't eat or even why I don't want to wash the dishes. I don't want to fold the pile of clothes she's left in my room for me to fold, I want to go to bed and sleep.

I felt ashamed, I felt like a traitor once the realisation of what I had done hit me.

I didn't think of him once, I didn't think of Ruben even one time while I was with Trevor. What is wrong with me? I can't be going around with other guys, how would that make Ruben feel?

But I'm not with Ruben, he left me. He left me for another girl, so why do I feel guilty for going out with a guy that wasn't him? Why do I feel guilty for letting another guy touch me even if it wasn't in an intimate way?

Just as my thoughts were beginning to consume me, my phone began vibrating.

I pulled it out of my pocket, *Mom*. I press answer, "Hello?"

"Where are you?"

Sheesh, someone sounded mad. "I'm coming back now, why?"

"Hurry up!" She said harshly.

What had her so worked up?