Chapter 6: Healing isn't Linear.

There he was, sitting in the food court. He seemed not to have a worry in the world, whereas here I was right across him standing like an idiot struggling to breathe properly.

Nicole was speaking to me, but I couldn't hear a word she was saying. I couldn't hear anything in this busy shopping centre.

I could only hear my heartbeat as my chest began to hurt. My baby, he was right there, right in front of me and I couldn't even go to him, because… he was no longer mine.

Not mine to hold, not mine to kiss, not mine.

"Amber!" Nicole said shaking my shoulders, "Are you deaf?".

I opened my mouth but not a word came out of it, I couldn't speak.

I moved my gaze back to Ruben, resisting the urge to run to him as my heart was yearning for his love. But then he lifted his head, staring straight through my soul with no reaction, not even a little surprised to see me.

My heart was racing but my head was hurting, I needed to get out of here.

"We need to leave." I say, grabbing Nicole's arm and walking out the opposite direction.

"Amber, why are you acting weird?" She asks, "What's wrong?"

"I don't feel good.."

"You don't feel good?" She questioned.

"Yes, Nicole. I don-" before being able to finish my sentence, I threw up all over the sidewalk.

"Oh my god, Amber!" Nicole shrieks, holding my hair back with one hand and the other on my forehead for support.

"Amber.."

"I'm okay, don't worry. It must have been what we ate, you know I'm not too big of a fan of meat."

"I'll call my mom, she can drop you off home."

"No, it's okay" I insisted, "My mom can come pick me up."

…

The car ride home was quiet, I wasn't about to break the silence. I didn't feel like talking anyway.

"What's been going on with you?" my mom asks me.

"I don't know.." I mumble.

"What was that?" She asks.

"Nothing!" I lash out.

"Amber, do not speak to me like that!" She yells at me, "I'm not one of your little friends from school. You just keep this attitude up, you'll see how many more times I'll let you out with your friends."

I turn my gaze to the road, tears running down my cheeks as every part of my soul aches.

There was no going back now, because really, he always left me. Each time he had left me he'd come running right back after a month, but not this time. This time he really was gone, for good.

I laid in bed, unable to open my textbook and study for an upcoming test, unable to move.

I needed to pee, so desperately, but a bladder infection sounded better than leaving my bed right now.

"What are you doing?" Kennedy asks me as she walks into the room, catching me staring at the ceiling.

"Nothing." I say.

"Mom was just talking about how much of a FREAK you've become."

"Oh yeah? She and I were just talking about how she wished she never grabbed you out that garbage can all those years ago."

Whatever she said after that went unheard as I pressed play and blasted the music through my earphones, ignoring her ignorant comments towards me during a low point in my life.

…

I walk into school the next day and head straight into the bathroom, staring at myself through the mirror the bags underneath my eyes were the first thing I spotted, my school uniform had even gotten larger and my hair was thinning.

I needed him. I needed Ruben.

The bell had rung five minutes ago and I still hadn't made it to my first class of the day, I couldn't get myself to go. Instead, I headed to the library, sitting on a chair and laying my head onto the arm rest as I shut my eyes. Who cares about missing one maths class, right?

Wrong. One maths class turned into two, then three, and four, and so on.

…

"It's not looking good for you right now, Amber. I can't even lie to you, if you don't pull it together as of right now.. you may not pass your last year of high school, and nursing? You can forget about that, you may as well start looking for a job at McDonald's."

"I already have a job.." I mumble

"Speak up, Amber!" Mount says, slightly raising his voice.

"I already have a job."

"Amber, do you not care about your future?"

"No, as of right now? I couldn't care less about anything."

"You haven't been to school in almost three weeks, this is unacceptable!"

"Unless you have something important to tell me, hang up please."

"If you're not back here by tomorrow, there's nothing I can do to help you get up to track."

I hung up the phone and turned over to a more comfortable side of my bed.. before my mom slammed the door open of course.

"That's it!" She says pulling the sheets off my cold body.

"Mom, please!" I plead in a dry, croaky voice.

"No, enough is enough! Go take a shower and meet me downstairs, you have ONE hour."

I roll my eyes and get up.

These last three weeks revolved around me getting up only to brush my teeth, shower and occasionally eat.

The steam from the boiling water felt like a slap to my back, causing me to screech in pain as I adjust the temperature. With my back against the wall I slide down, my face cupped in my hands as I struggle to keep my eyes open. I had no hope, no will to live. Every second that I was awake haunted me with the thought of him. Every second that I spent alive, he had to somehow affect me.

I'm not sure how much I can keep going at this point, because I won't even lie, I can't see a future without him.

I walk out of the bathroom and head back into the my bedroom.

My school clothes were laid neatly across my bed, but there was no way I was going back there. I was

a joke, a loser, I'm pathetic.

But I had to, because maybe he'd eventually want me again, and if he does then I need to have a future ready.

What the hell was I doing? I need to go back to school, my grades… Oh god, my grades!

I throw on my school clothes and pack my bag running straight downstairs.

My mom looks at me surprised, "That was much easier than I thought it would be.." She said.

I didn't have the energy to say anything, not even a sarcastic comment.

I headed out the door and into the car, I checked the time on my phone to see that I had only missed out on one class, maths… I hate that class.

I head into my English class, only a few heads turned as I walked into the class.

"Amber! Lovely to see you again, take a seat please." My teacher says.

The only seat available was the one next to Trevor…

I take a seat, opening up my book and pulling the pencil out of my pocket, but something, there was just something that was wrong… the vibe felt.. off.

He's staring at me, isn't he?

I turn my head to him, making eye contact with this weirdo.

"What?" I ask him.

"Where have you been? I've been texting you for weeks, so has Nicole."

"Why are you and Nicole talking about me?"

"Well, I don't know who your other friends are…"

"And how do you know that she's my friend?" I question.

"I saw you two hanging out after school a few weeks ago."

The day that I saw Ruben...

"Ok, now stop talking to me."

He slams his hand on my paper, causing the quiet class to turn their heads towards the two of us.

I glare at him, and he takes the signal that he's better off removing his his hand from my book.

"I was so worried about you."

"Ew, what's wrong with you?"

"Are you serious, is this how you treat all your friends?" He asks.

I roll my eyes and look towards the board, ignoring him for the remainder of the lesson.

By my fourth class I was fast asleep, drooling all over my desk.

"Amber!" My teacher yells.

"Huh.." I say lifting my head up and noticing that I'm still in school. My classmates either giving me a weird look, giggling or in their own world.

"Sorry.." I say, "Can I go to the bathroom, please?"

"You have five minutes, be quick!"

I get up from my seat, the room darkening for a few seconds before I regain my consciousness.

I get into the bathroom and go into the stall, somebody else then walks in, no.. two girls walk in.

"Haha! Yeah, she's really weird when she walks like that."

"And the way she wears her hair? Don't even get me started."

Were they talking about me? Of course they were, look at me. A mess.

I had to make my presence known, I couldn't stand to hear anymore slander against me, I didn't have it in me to take anymore of it.

I grabbed onto the toilet paper, pulling it tight enough to make noise.

"Shh, someone's in here!" One of the girls say.

"Oh shi- let's get out of here!" And so they head out.

I walk out and wash my hands, but the dead look on my face was too compelling not to look away. There was so much misery and pain, so much of it was noticeable. I felt embarrassed. No wonder those girls were making fun of me, I look like a loser.

Foot steps approach the bathroom, one after the other…