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The Phoenix Overwhelms the World

In her past life, she was the perfect substitute for a noble lady, discarded in the most cruel manner once she had outlived her usefulness. In this life, she is a woman of unparalleled status, renowned across the world, both cunning and carefree, yet feared by all in the martial world. At the age of four, standing in the grand hall, to protect her weak but dearly beloved brother, she stained her hands with blood and swore to the heavens, "I will shoulder the responsibilities of this world for him, and I will bear the calamities of this world for him!" Ten years later, a woman dressed in plain clothes like the snow under the moon, of breathtaking beauty, emerged in the martial world, beyond the reach of imperial power. "What I desire, what I set my eyes on, shall be mine." In the royal capital of Pan City, at the Martial Arts Assembly, heroes gathered from all corners of the land. Upon the high platform, with just one stunning glance and a casual smile, she captured the hearts of countless admirers and stirred the envy of others. As chaos and war swept the land, as the imperial star faded and warlords rose, the Princess of the Cheng Dynasty drew her sword, abandoning the freedom of the martial world to take to the battlefield. With her sword gleaming in battle and her spirit unyielding, can she protect her country and its people, and uphold the vows she made? Watch as she, a woman from another world, captures the hearts of both men and women, shines in this tumultuous age of heroes, and writes her own legend! Self-introduction: Feng Xianyue: “There is something in this world that surpasses love and freedom, something worth sacrificing everything to protect. I am Feng Xianyue, the Xihe Princess of Feng Nation. They are my responsibility and duty!” Lan Yixuan: “What I desire most in life is perhaps to get a good night’s sleep, to forget everything and live in peace. Your arrival was unexpected, and my desire is no longer just to take lives without bloodshed, but to—have you!” Xuanyuan Hao: “I want both the throne and the woman, but if I must choose one day, I will choose the throne. As for her, I will cherish her in my heart for the rest of my life—no regrets.” Bai Zhanfeng: “Only a woman who can match me in battle is worthy of my affection. Xianyue, is it? I declare that from this day on, you are my woman.” Jun Pinyu: “With my skilled hands, I can cure all ailments and relieve the most bizarre poisons, but who can cure this lovesickness that afflicts me?” Feng Jiulan: “Yue'er, I only wish for you to live a simple life as the most ordinary of people. It’s my fault as your brother that you have suffered.” The heroine is powerful, with both strength and influence, and the story is one of everlasting love between one man and one woman.

DaoistSmIuyR · Kỳ huyễn
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234 Chs

Journey to Pan City

Xianyue gave Jun Pinyu a reassuring glance before striding forward, confidently seizing the bow from the hands of the young attendant. It was the very bow that Xuanyuan Hao had just used, and standing on equal ground, victory or defeat would be accepted by all with grace. 

"Bring me three arrows," she commanded, pointing to the rack. 

The attendant stood frozen, staring blankly at Xianyue, immobilized by her presence. She lightly patted his shoulder, adopting a firmer tone: "Why are you standing there? Go fetch the arrows." 

Her innate authority radiated from her, and the boy, slightly startled, hurried in the direction of her指. 

This was hardly surprising; after all, the legendary archer was a man of immense strength, and the people of Xuanyuan were far more open-minded and robust than those from other nations, especially regarding policies towards women. As such, there were a handful of female officials in the court, and during the monthly archery contests, numerous women gathered below to catch a glimpse of the champion. However, no woman had ever competed on stage, especially given that the previous contestant's archery skills had been unmatched. Coming forth now would only invite humiliation—unless she aimed to attract the attention of that esteemed young man. 

Xianyue accepted the arrows handed to her by the attendant, ignoring his complicated gaze and smiling gently in response. 

The women in the crowd erupted in cheers; the Xuanyuan valued martial prowess, and they were naturally drawn to courageous figures. Xuanyuan Hao's striking appearance and commanding presence rendered him incomparable to any other on the field—except perhaps the legendary archer himself. It was no wonder the women were abuzz with excitement. 

As Xianyue passed by Jun Pinyu, she noticed his dazed expression and gently poked him with the arrow in her hand. He snapped back to reality, his gaze meeting hers, a haze of confusion slowly dissipating under her steady gaze. 

"What were you thinking? You seemed so lost in thought." 

He seemed an unlikely candidate for daydreaming, especially amidst the cacophony of the lively crowd, where the noise could shatter eardrums. How could he be so distracted? 

Observing his demeanor, she was reminded of Fu Bo's condition, and an involuntary wave of worry washed over her. 

Even for someone accustomed to the trials of life and death, the pain of parting could never be truly dispelled. 

Xianyue returned the arrows to him and smiled: "Don't worry, I will win." 

With her head held high and a sense of purpose, Xianyue strode past Xuanyuan Hao, stopping at the very spot where he had just stood. 

Xuanyuan Hao watched as the girl boldly walked by, recalling her reaction upon hearing her name. Did she truly not know his identity? 

In the Zhou Dynasty, who could be unaware of Xuanyuan Hao? Especially in Xuanyuan's own Zhaoan City? 

As the cheers subsided, the crowd's eyes fell on the slender figure, and many erupted into jeers. They admired the brave, yet that bravery required a certain level of self-awareness. 

Xuanyuan Hao approached Xianyue, observing her squinting thoughtfully at the arrow-target he had just pierced, his brown eyes filled with admiration and wonder. 

He gestured toward the small hole created by his arrow: "If you can shoot through that hole with your arrow, you will win." 

For a woman, achieving this would be an extraordinary feat. 

Had it been another competitive spirit, they might have shot him a disdainful glare and shouted, "How dare you underestimate women!" 

But Xianyue was different; for her, winning was paramount. If he could lower his standards, why should she allow a hint of pride to distance her from success? Moreover, there was no hint of scorn in his eyes. 

Compared to other women of the Zhou Dynasty, Xianyue, standing at 1.6 meters, was far from short. Yet beside the tall and sturdy Xuanyuan Hao, who towered at 1.8 meters, she appeared delicate and petite. 

Xianyue tilted her head and smiled at Xuanyuan Hao: "If I can get one arrow through that small hole with three attempts, does that mean I win?" 

Xuanyuan Hao looked at her, his voice carrying a promise, "Very well!" 

He then stepped back. 

Amid the chorus of boos and mocking laughter, Xianyue remained unfazed, focusing on the target. Her slender frame stood tall, the steel-tipped arrows glimmering coldly in the moonlight and the lanterns' glow. The small hole in front of her seemed to magnify, aligning perfectly into a straight line. Xianyue held her breath, steadying her aim, and drew back the other two arrows in unison. 

Below, gasps filled the air, followed by a barrage of ridicule and scorn. Standing beside her, Xuanyuan Hao's eyes widened in astonishment, observing her with a fresh perspective. 

As long as one arrow struck its mark, she would emerge victorious. 

Some say life is like a gamble; with her years of training on Pear Blossom Mountain, she could shoot with her eyes closed, and it wouldn't pose a challenge—she was not gambling; she merely needed to get three arrows through the small hole. 

Shoot forth, let the three arrows pierce the target. Xianyue aimed to excel, to make that person proud with her success. 

"Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh." 

The three arrows were released simultaneously, slicing through the air with a sound akin to thunder, igniting the surrounding atmosphere. The wind whipped Xuanyuan Hao's hair, concealing his look of astonishment. 

As long as one arrow made it through, he hadn't anticipated her employing such a technique. 

The silver tips of the arrows darted toward the target with an unfathomable speed, blurring the lines of vision. Narrowing his eyes, he sensed that the three arrows released simultaneously were striking different positions. Yet, moments later, he dismissed his thoughts—how could one person's arrows not strike the same position? 

"Bang." 

The foremost arrow, propelled by a force reminiscent of thunder, landed precisely where Xuanyuan Hao's arrow had struck. It lacked the strength to lift the previous arrow from the ground, but the quivering white feathers at the arrow's tail sent a shiver down the spine. 

"Bang." 

"Bang." 

With two subsequent sounds, the following arrows passed through the minuscule hole and landed closely beside the first. 

Xianyue refrained from peering through the hole, dashing over to the other side of the target to behold the three arrows, their tails still quivering violently. Clenching her fists, she broke into a radiant smile. 

A profound silence enveloped the crowd, a silence so intense it sent chills through them. All eyes were fixated on Xianyue, wide in disbelief—what they witnessed was astonishing, beyond comprehension. Even their breaths were measured and cautious. 

They would never forget this day, when a girl clad in simple attire stood on the stage, releasing three arrows simultaneously, each finding their mark in the size of a copper coin. In that moment, it felt as though they were witnessing a girl donned in battle armor, commanding the battlefield, her petite yet upright figure embodying the chaos of their era. 

They could not comprehend why such thoughts surfaced in their minds, yet at that instant, the scene unfolded without warning before their eyes. 

From this day forward, at every monthly archery contest, women would grace the stage, yet none would surpass Xianyue. 

With a bow in hand, standing beside the pierced target, Xianyue offered Jun Pinyu a soft smile. The night breeze stirred her hair, momentarily veiling her delicate features, leaving only her bright, radiant eyes, sparkling more brilliantly than the stars in the night sky. 

She turned to face the approaching Xuanyuan Hao, whose gray-brown eyes mirrored shock yet brimmed with admiration. 

Xuanyuan Hao regarded Xianyue, her presence like a heavy mountain pressing upon him, a weighty authority. 

He had not expected, not in the slightest, that such a woman could exist in this world—calm, composed, and capable of evoking awe with mere words. She lacked the usual arrogance, affectation, or coyness typical of women, instead embodying a carefree spirit, unrestrained and freely navigating life, leaving even a man of his stature in deep admiration. 

He was drawn to such women, who were not swayed by their abilities, exuding confidence. The three arrows released in unison, though at different speeds, all pierced that small hole—a feat of precision that left him in awe; it was not mere coincidence. 

Xianyue smiled serenely, stepping forward and tossing her bow to the nearby attendant, raising an eyebrow at Xuanyuan Hao as he approached her. 

"How was that?" 

She clapped her hands, awakening the crowd from their stupor, who erupted into applause, cheers, and shouts, a cacophony of encouragement. 

In their eyes, whether male or female, any brave soul deserved admiration. 

Earlier, they had merely been startled, shaken by the striking realization of a seemingly frail girl wielding such strength. They felt a twinge of guilt for their previous dismissive thoughts; anyone who dared to stand on that stage deserved their cheers. 

This delicate girl bore an indomitable spirit. 

"Heartfelt admiration," 

They felt not only for her archery skills but also for her composure—he lost to her

The crescent moon beamed with a laughter that radiated pure joy. Her happiness was not solely derived from winning the competition but from conquering herself.

In the past, during her time on Pear Blossom Mountain, she had attempted this feat several times, yet each time all three arrows failed to pass through the tiny hole no larger than a fist. On her best attempt, only two arrows had succeeded, with the third resting just above the bullseye.

Below, the deafening roar of the crowd had yet to subside, each wave of excitement crashing into the next. Groups of people gathered, pointing at the crescent moon, engrossed in conversation, their expressions reflecting fascination, awe, and admiration in their dark, expressive eyes.

She approached Jun Pinyu, nudging him from his reverie. "Jun Pinyu, wake up."

Though her voice was not soft, it was completely drowned out by the enthusiastic cheers and shouts of the crowd.

Xuan Yuanhao trailed behind her, observing intently. "Your name?"

It was a command that brooked no refusal.

"Xian Yue, the string of the bow," she replied, gesturing towards the bow she had flung to someone else, then tilting her head to gaze at the full moon above. "And the moon of the bright night."

"I am Jun Pinyu," he introduced himself with a slight nod to Xuan Yuanhao, his demeanor cool and detached.

"So it is the renowned divine doctor of the Jianghu, a pleasure to meet you, Xuan Yuanhao." Jun Pinyu regarded Xuan Yuanhao with a steady gaze, uttering not another word.

As Xian Yue observed the exchange between them, she sensed something amiss about Jun Pinyu today. She smiled, shaking off her conjectures, and stepped between the two, addressing Jun Pinyu directly. "Jun Pinyu, go offer a prayer for Uncle Fu."

She didn't truly believe in such matters, but at least engaging in the act would bring her some comfort, knowing she had made an effort.

Jun Pinyu turned, still able to catch glimpses of the excited faces below, pushing forward with fervor. However, by the rules, the spectators were forbidden from stepping onto the stage without the main host's permission.

He lowered his gaze, a faint smile gracing his lips, visible only to the moonlight, which revealed the profound sorrow beneath his upturned mouth.

Time passed—though it was merely a fleeting moment—before he turned to Xian Yue, his expression regaining its usual calmness and detachment, and smiled gently at her. That smile traversed countless rivers and mountains, enigmatic yet tinged with sadness under the surrounding brilliance.

"Will you not pray for your brother?" 

Without a moment's thought, Xian Yue shook her head, raising her gaze to the radiant moon, her expression resolute—an unwavering determination that not even the collapse of heaven and earth could shake: "Brother, having me to protect you is enough."

She had never placed her faith in the absurd notions of gods and spirits. If deities truly existed, the sheer volume of daily prayers and wishes would render them unable to attend to so many souls. She only believed in herself; she, Feng Xian Yue, was the guardian of Feng Jiu Lan.

Her smile dazzled under the kaleidoscope of lights, prompting Jun Pinyu to hastily avert his gaze.

"I'll accompany you," he offered.

In the upper right corner of the arena stood a small table, where designated individuals relayed the wishes of the spectators to the archers. Requests varied from gold and jewels to fame and fortune, with some yearning to make their mark in a chaotic world.

As Xian Yue approached, the person seated at the table quickly grabbed a pen and paper, handing it to her, while another eagerly pulled a chair over for her.

"Go ahead and write," they encouraged.

Xian Yue offered the pen and paper to Jun Pinyu, inviting him to sit while she stood behind him.

"Just wait for me over there," he said, turning to face her.

She nodded, casting a final glance at him before gracefully departing.

She failed to notice the tremor in his hands, one of which held the brush, the other pressing down on the pristine white rice paper. His brow furrowed in a direction Xian Yue would never see, delaying his actions.

"Sir," a bystander called, noticing his pallor and the sheen of cold sweat on his forehead, indicating a struggle with some unseen torment.

Jun Pinyu looked up, his smile wavering like a sapling caught in a storm. He smiled faintly before lowering his gaze, his handwriting sloppy yet precise. At first glance, it seemed carefree, yet a closer look revealed it trapped within its confines, imprisoning him in his own constraints.

How could such a remarkable man wear such a sorrowful expression?

The onlooker stared blankly at the large characters on the white paper, scratching his head in confusion, thinking to himself, "Never hate me."

Who would wish not to hate him? What did that even mean? What kind of wish was that?

Jun Pinyu set the brush down on the inkstone, gently blowing on the paper, his movements tender and cautious, as if those simple characters were not merely ink and paper, but a precious treasure he yearned to hold yet could not grasp.

As he turned, he saw Xian Yue chatting merrily with Xuan Yuanhao, both of them laughing together, a perfect match. His gaze dimmed further, his smile grew increasingly bitter, and he sighed softly, barely audible.

When Xian Yue noticed Jun Pinyu rising, she smiled and waved at him. He stared at her smile, momentarily lost—one moment shrouded in storm clouds, the next bathed in an inexplicable sense of relief, as if a weight had been lifted from him.

"Make sure to tidy up," he instructed those nearby.

Xian Yue bounded over to Jun Pinyu, beaming as she said, "Jun Pinyu, Xuan Yuanhao invited us to Tianxiang Tower for dinner."

Her eyes sparkled with joy.

Xuan Yuanhao's invitation was a chance to forge a bond with Xian Yue, aligning perfectly with her wishes. Tianxiang Tower was famed in Zhao'an for its spiciness and delicious snacks, and after being there for a while, she regretted not having indulged in the local delicacies. This proposal was an opportunity she could hardly resist.

"Did you agree?" 

Observing her excitement, Jun Pinyu knew she had already accepted.

Besides sleeping, the only thing on her mind was food. She would grandly proclaim, "Food is the essence of life," when others criticized her. Such a person could hardly refuse such an invitation.

Xian Yue chuckled, nodding her head. "I happen to be hungry as well."

"Divine doctor, you must join us," she insisted, grasping Jun Pinyu's hand. "Of course!"

Fubao watched them hand in hand, naturally returning together with cheerful hearts. 

As the group descended the stage, the crowd parted to clear a path. 

Once they emerged from the throng, Xianyue suddenly spotted Rongpeng in the street, flailing about like a headless fly. His anxious eyes darted everywhere as he grabbed passersby, asking hurried questions, his expression so distraught that he seemed on the verge of tears. 

"What's wrong?" 

Jun Pinyu gazed at Xianyue, who stood frozen in place, and followed her gaze, his heart racing as his complexion turned ashen. 

Without responding to Jun Pinyu, Xianyue dashed toward Rongpeng, seizing the latter, whose eyes were half-closed and who was crying while searching for someone. 

Rongpeng's eyes widened in surprise as he looked at Xianyue and began to weep openly. 

Xianyue was startled by his reaction, a sense of foreboding creeping into her heart. "Don't panic; speak slowly." 

Rongpeng sniffled, his sobs growing louder. "Fubao… Fubao, he—he's gone." 

Xianyue instinctively released Rongpeng's hand, her gaze darting to Jun Pinyu behind her. The area was brilliantly lit, highlighting Jun Pinyu's pale face, yet he smiled—a smile that conveyed a sense of loss, as if nothing in this world could hold him. 

"Jun Pinyu, we must hurry back." 

Xianyue urgently pulled at the laughing Jun Pinyu, glancing around until she noticed a carriage stopped next to Xuanyuan Hao. Without hesitation, she turned to Xuanyuan Hao and said, "I need to borrow your carriage." 

Then, she yanked the driver down from the vehicle, almost roughly dragging Jun Pinyu into the carriage before snatching the reins from the driver's hands and seating herself. 

"Would you be my woman?" 

Xuanyuan Hao grasped Xianyue's hand, his brown eyes fixed intently on her. 

Xianyue turned to face Xuanyuan Hao, exuding confidence, a man of noble birth and one of the five illustrious sons of the Zhou Dynasty, devoid of any trace of a frivolous playboy. He was the epitome of a man, just as flawless as Lan Lixuan. 

"You are the only one deserving of me, and only I can be worthy of you." 

His assured tone suggested that Xianyue had no choice but to marry him. 

Jun Pinyu, seated at the door, observed the two outside. He heard Xuanyuan Hao's words clearly. 

Wasn't this the expected outcome? Yet, he felt an inexplicable regret. 

"Can you defeat Bai Zhanfeng?" 

Xianyue uttered this seemingly nonsensical question, cracking the whip against the horse's flank and shouting "Giddy up!" The carriage sped away toward the Jun residence. 

She could only hope that this time would suffice. 

Despite their swift return, they arrived too late; by the time they reached the Jun residence, Fubao had already departed. 

According to Xianglan, when the servants discovered him, he was seated on the doorstep, his face resting against the stone slab, a peaceful smile lingering at the corners of his mouth, his breath faint. They helped him back into the room; he mentioned feeling thirsty, drank a cup of water, and then fell asleep. 

Xianyue stood at the bedside, watching Jun Pinyu calmly wipe Fubao's body and change him into clean clothes. His movements were stiff, and that clean, handsome man now resembled a lifeless automaton. 

"Jun Pinyu." 

Xianyue placed her trembling hands on him, her voice quivering uncontrollably, a manifestation of her fear. The terrifying wave of emotion engulfed her, the darkness surrounding her thickening, yet while her body felt frozen, her heart remained alive. 

For the first time, she faced death so starkly; a relatively close individual had vanished from her world entirely. Though she had only known him for a few short days, her heart twisted with pain. 

If the person lying on that bed were her brother, would she be able to adopt Jun Pinyu's indifferent demeanor, wiping him down and dressing him in his favorite clothes? 

No, she couldn't. What if her brother were gone? The mere thought caused her heart to ache, leaving her breathless. How could anyone survive without the light of the sun? 

She yearned to comfort Jun Pinyu, but her mind was a blank, spiraling into thoughts she dared not entertain. Her limbs felt cold; she no longer knew what warmth was. 

After a long moment, Jun Pinyu tossed the towel he had been using into the basin, splashing water everywhere. Suddenly, he turned, his eyes resembling stagnant water frozen in time, fixing on Xianyue's worried and fearful gaze. "Xianyue." 

She snapped back to reality, meeting his gaze. 

"It's my fault Fubao is gone." 

Xianyue flinched, puzzled by his confession. 

In that moment, she felt sympathy for Jun Pinyu, pitying his plight—he was far more unfortunate than she. 

He was deprived of happiness only after knowing its sweetness. Perhaps others saw him as a young man of great promise, revered by those in the martial world, yet such individuals often bear the deepest solitude. Maybe he would willingly exchange everything for a life filled with warmth and security. 

"If you continue like this, Fubao would be heartbroken. He hoped for your happiness." 

If one day someone spoke similar words to her, would she be able to accept them? 

No, probably not; she would be driven to madness, incapable of heeding another's counsel. 

Yet, in that moment, she genuinely believed this. Life and death are unchangeable; Fubao was old and would inevitably pass before Jun Pinyu. But that old man sincerely wished for his master to step out of the shadows of the past and live joyfully. 

Jun Pinyu gazed at Xianyue, lowering his head before embracing her. For twelve years, it was his first time shedding tears. 

He knew it was not just about Fubao's departure, but also the suffocating loneliness, resentment, and frustration he had harbored for twelve long years, and the permanent loss of the woman he held in his arms. 

Did she ever belong to him, or had he pushed her away himself? 

If he had inscribed on rice paper his wishes for Fubao's health and longevity, would he now see him sitting at the door, smiling as he watched Xianyue and himself return hand in hand? Would he still be able to hold his hand, engaging him in heartfelt conversation? 

Xianyue, may you one day understand everything and not hold it against me. 

Three days later, under clear skies, Xianyue accompanied Jun Pinyu to witness Fubao's burial. As a devoted servant, she knew he would be content, just as he had said; he could meet his master and mistress without worry. If not for caring for Jun Pinyu, this loyal steward would not have lived to this day. 

In merely a few days, Jun Pinyu had grown noticeably thinner, yet in public, he still presented himself as the same clean and elegant gentleman he had always been, his demeanor humble and polite, devoid of any hint of despair, though he appeared slightly frail. 

As they walked through the Jun residence, Jun Pinyu stared at the piercing blue sky, lost in silence, while Xianyue quietly followed behind him. 

She wanted to leave, to seek out the spirit herbs he had mentioned and deliver them to her brother. 

She believed Jun Pinyu would soon recover, yet Fubao's passing filled her with increasing dread, each day bringing her more unease. 

At the entrance of the Jun residence, a carriage awaited them. As soon as Xianyue and Jun Pinyu stepped through the door, they spotted Lanxiang and Rongpeng standing with bundles, their expressions caught between hesitation and unspoken words upon seeing Xianyue. 

"Come here." 

Jun Pinyu gestured for Lanxiang and Rongpeng to approach, taking the bundles from them and handing them to Xianyue. "I'm not sure what you like to eat; these are local specialties from Zhao'an. Inside are a few sets of clothes in plain colors, and there are also some silver notes—take them." 

Xianyue glanced down at the two bulging bundles in her hands, then looked up at Jun Pinyu. 

He smiled faintly. "I understand your heart isn't here." 

The moment she saw Fubao lying cold and lifeless in bed, her heart had already drifted far away to the distant Phoenix Kingdom palace. 

Xianyue regarded him, this gentle man who had reminded her of her brother, suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to weep. 

Jun Pinyu was truly an exceptional man, if only— 

Xianyue smiled too, her smile tinged with bitterness; how many ifs could exist in this world? 

"That's called the Divine Herb, cultivated personally by Princess Yunyan." 

Princess Yunyan? The most beloved daughter of King Hui of Zhou. To obtain it, wouldn't she need to visit the palace? Just in time, she needed to go to Pan City. 

Under the sunlight, Xianyue looked at Jun Pinyu, his clear, bright eyes sparkling. She smiled, shouldering the bundle with a serious tone. "Thank you." 

She pointed to the jade bracelet on her left wrist and said, "If you ever want it, just ask me, and I will certainly return it to you." 

Jun Pinyu nodded, "I'll help you into the carriage." 

Xianyue shook her head, "Sending you off for a thousand miles will ultimately lead to parting. At the Pan City grand event, we will meet again." 

With that, she turned, got into the carriage, and let down the curtain, showing no trace of reluctance. 

"Master, why did you let the young lady leave?" 

Rong Peng watched as the carriage gradually disappeared into the distance, standing behind Jun Pinyu, filled with both confusion and dissatisfaction. 

Such a good young mistress, and yet the master didn't try to keep her; instead, he actively sent her away. 

Jun Pinyu paid no attention to Rong Peng. He descended the steps and walked to the middle of the road, watching as the carriage slowly shrank into a dot before finally vanishing. He sighed, "If it's not meant to be yours, no amount of effort will ever make it yours."