XI. Taking Courage

Raven and Hayden had added one more thing to their routine; Walking around the park after school.

They'd walk past the blonde-haired man and his small, playful dog, past the girl in ponytails who always played at the swing, into the rich, green grass and past the little bench where the old gardener slept.

It was quiet around the park when they closed, and they liked it that way.

Gave them time to revel in the ambience of the place.

Raven probably loved it more than Hayden did.

While Hayden loved their moments in seclusion, in the library where he wouldn't feel like everyone was secretly taunting Raven for being with him, Raven loved the possibility of someone, and by someone she meant Hilda, walking into them and catching them together.

So the girl would let the ugly green beast in her loose, staking it's dominance. In a picture of perfect casualty, she'd slide her palm into Hayden's larger ones, pretending she couldn't see how flustered and out of his element he was.

She would link her fingers in his, everyday until he was comfortable maintaining contact with her.

The girl couldn't explain how delirious she felt, having his warm hands tighten against hers, slowly squeezing with a hesitance that showed Raven that he'd never connected with any other person on that level like he had, her.

Of course, she wasn't immune to these gestures. She'd quickly found that her pulse and heart rate couldn't help but skyrocketed each time Hayden came close to her.

It was almost normal now, having her heart beat in that unusual pattern, and Raven wouldn't have it any other way.

If there was one thing that bothered her, it was Hayden.

There was so much hesitance on his part, so much shyness that the girl couldn't help but feel like she was forcing him into something he wasn't comfortable with.

So that day, Raven had decided.

They'd make their rounds around the park as normal, and complete their little, sacred ritual as normal, but this time, she wouldn't lace her fingers around his.

And as much as the thought caused something to shrivel up within her, she knew she had to deprive herself of Hayden's warmth.

She couldn't live with the knowledge that she was probably pushing him beyond limits he wasn't willing to cross.

Of course, Hayden was utterly oblivious to her plans.

And so, he stood beside her as they strolled through the park, his heart thudding against his chest as always.

In a flurry of anxiety, pure undiluted happiness, and the slightest bit of anticipation.

He couldn't describe the cloud of ecstacy that swept him away each time Raven would slowly bring her fingers close to his, her pinkie brushing his slightly in a way that had his breath seizing and his heart throbbing.

Then she'd link her pinkie through the space in between his pinkie and ring finger, her ring finger between his ring finger and middle finger......, until her palms rested against his, sending him into overdrive.

Hayden was positive she could hear the sharpness in his inhale everytime, because try as he may, he couldn't quite control the effect her touch had on him.

And so, on that day, Hayden waited,.....waited, waited.

It wasn't until they passed the little hedge near the blonde-haired man that he let himself give into the thought that something was wrong.

Hayden didn't speak, but his thoughts were screaming.

He couldn't help the thoughts that flooded his head.

Perhaps, Raven had finally realized that she was wasting her time by being with him?

How couldn't she?.

Their disparity was clear as day, he had nothing to offer her except himself. And even that, he couldn't offer her properly.

He was too scared, of her rejection, of the contempt he would see in her eyes when the reality of their situation hit her.

And Hayden couldn't bear it.

He would break, he was sure he would; And he wouldn't break into a few pieces,......no.

He would shatter, into as many pieces as it took for something to become completely irreparable.

Every moment he spent with Raven, he took a step closer to that point, and though he might convince himself that he hadn't quite gotten there, something in him knew he'd completely crossed the stage where he could back out.

He couldn't, and frankly, despite all he stood to lose, he wouldn't.

And now, there was no greater pain he felt than not being able to feel Raven's skin against his.

There really, truly wasn't.

His heart ached, and his breath was heavy, and his brain only screamed one command.

And Hayden obeyed for once. He let his own instincts lead him.

His eyes were focused on the space between them, eyeing the distance between their hands. His heart wasn't any better, the foolish organ kept thudding against his chest, his breath faltering.

Hayden forced himself to relax, inhaling deeply even as his eyes kept their focus on the space between them.

And then his littlest finger moved, just an inch of a distance that seemed like miles.

Hayden inhaled shakily as he made contact.

He felt Raven jerk next to him, but he was done caring about the consequences.

He thrust each finger slowly, tortorously between hers, his gaze set ahead of him, even as her palm finally rested in his.

He could feel her gaze on his face, her eyes flickering across the entirety of it, assessing, looking, scanning.

Hayden fought the urge to let his gaze drop to the floor, instead forcing his eyes to hold Raven's.

Raven trembled in that moment, her knees suddenly too weak to hold her up.

She could feel the intensity in Hayden's gaze.

See the vulnerability in them, the strength in them. She could see his fear, his hope,...... his determination.

And right there and then, Raven had never, never, felt as fierce an emotion in her entire life as she felt in that moment.

She hadn't realized when they'd stopped walking, only that they had.

Her body was turned to face him, locking his gaze against hers in a more intense battle.

Her hands suddenly felt shaky, wobbly almost, with the need to possess him.

One of them shot to his face, resting at the side of his face.

As much as Hayden was taller than she was, she could still see every emotion painted on his face.

She could see the tears that had pooled in his eyes before he shut them, his nostrils flaring just the tiniest bit as he inhaled shakily.

Her eyes travelled to his neck, seeing his apple bob, down to the ever-rapid rise of his chest.

Raven found herself inching closer to him, an inch long movement that drained the strength out of her.

'Their hands were still linked together' She thought, a small smile playing at her lips.

Her hands flickered up to his eyes, which remained closed, mischief blazing in them.

She brought her second hand to his, linking her fingers through his as she watched his eyes move under his lids.

His breath faltered again, a breath escaping his lips.

Raven smiled.

"Hayden?" She called, her voice light.

The part of the garden they were in was quite secluded, with the closest sight being the sleeping gardener who was quite far from where they were.

Raven couldn't help her shamelessness, she never could with Hayden.

His chest was in her direct line of sight, and if she looked up slightly, she would be face to face with the skin of his throat.

She struggled, she really did, to contain the madness in her, but she never could win against anything Hayden-induced.

Her eyes locked onto the skin of his throat. And if not that she'd seen recordings of her mother carrying her in the labour room, hours after she'd been born, Raven would have doubted her humanity in that moment.

The tendencies she was having that moment were quite...... Vampiric.

Raven inched slowly towards Hayden, her lips resting at the crook of his neck.

Hayden's eyes flew open.

His hands were locked against hers, and he felt weak suddenly.

"Raven" He whispered.

The girl ignored him for a full minute, just holding her lips to the skin of his neck.

Hayden was mad.

He didn't know what to do.

His thoughts warred with his instincts, the former warning him that he wouldn't be able to hold back himself if they continued down that lane and the later screaming at him to pursue what he wanted so badly.

Fortunately, he didn't have to make a decision, because Raven pulled away from him, just enough to stare at his eyes.

"Hayden", she breathed, her eyes holding a ferality he had never seen in them.

She was serious, all traces of mirth wiped off from her face.

"I've never craved a thing more than I crave you".

Hayden. Couldn't. Breathe.

His breath came out in short puffs, not quite exhales but somewhat close.

There was a large knot in his throat, and a tingling sensation behind his eyes.

He just stared at Raven, dumbstruck.

It was only when the sight of her became blurry, and something warm rolled of the skin of his cheek that Hayden managed to let out his breath.

His hands reached out before he could stop them, one cradling the back of Raven's hair and the other wrapping the small of her back.

He held her there for a while, his teary browns intense as he locked her greens, and then, he smiled.

It was a smile that he could feel in his heart, in his limbs, in his soul.

"Raven, I'm beyond taken by you", he started, watching through his tears, how her eyes began to water.

He continued, "And I can't exactly promise you the world and all it contains. And I'm almost sure you'll realize some day, in the not too distant future, that you could do so much better".

Raven looked horrified, "I won--", but Hayden stopped her before she could complete her sentence.

A slight smile playing along his lips as he held his fingers to the skin of her lips, a gesture meant to stop her from speaking, but apparently one that could stop him from breathing.

Raven had half the mind to swipe her tongue on the inside of his palm playfully, but the seriousness in Hayden's eyes confirmed to her that it wasn't the right time.

"Don't" Hayden said. And Raven would have thought him psychic, and speculated that he heard her thoughts, if not for the fact that he had a painful expression on his face.

He was talking about something else.

"Don't promise me things, Raven" he said, holding her gaze.

"... Don't give me hope" He said again, sighing lightly.

His hands were swift in their motion, pulling the girl close to him in a hug.

It was Raven's turn to lose her wits.

Her breath got knocked out of her, her stance rigid and eyes wide in shock.

Behind her, a rougish smile appeared on Hayden face, his hold against her tightening ever slightly.

"I just might believe you".

His words came out, tickling Raven's ear.

The girl shuddered, her body relaxing against him.

How could she make him believe he didn't need to worry, that she was beginning forget who she'd been before he'd forced his entry into her heart, shyly, innocently.

That she didn't think she could, even if she wanted to, let go of him.

For now, the dark haired girl wouldn't speak, for just a little while, she'd savour the scent of his clothes against her skin and treasure the warmth of him against her.

She could talk later. Right now, there was nothing else she'd rather do than stay right where she was.

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