‘The heartbeat’

I moved slightly backward in jumpiness as she came closer to me. I tried to go further away from her, but the kitchen slab stopped me from behind. She was looking directly into my eyes and smirking at me. How could she be that fearless, and on the other hand, I was such a spineless guy? As soon as she approached more close to me, my heart started throbbing, and I guessed she could also hear my heartbeat even through my sweater.

“Relax, Sid,” she said while putting her hand on my chest, “I don’t want to give you any heart attack,” she said while smiling continuously. Her hand was still there on my chest, and my heart was yet beating fast.

“Have you made the tea?” she asked while looking at the tea pan.

“Yes, and if you go back in the hall, I will pour it and bring it there for you,” I replied while calming myself down.

“No, I am standing here; you do your work,” she replied. I turned back and started pouring the tea into two cups. My hands were a bit shaky; I was hoping she couldn’t see it. Then suddenly I felt something cold on my nape, it was her hand, she started moving her soft fingers on the back of my neck. I almost spilled out the tea as the same lightheadedness started washing my senses. I closed my eyes to get composed, and at the same time, tried to feel the sensations in my body, which were caused by her touch. I grabbed her hand and turned back to face her; she was still smiling.

“What are you doing, Sneha?” I asked while holding her hand. I didn’t want to let her hand go. I was not ready for any more surprises.

“What am I doing, Sid?” she asked in the same playful way.

“You know what I’m trying to say here; you do understand quite well, don’t you?” I asked.

“I told you I like you. I can’t help it. Just say it to me if you feel it’s bothering you,” she said. I couldn’t understand what to say to her. Was she bothering me, or was I actually enjoying her doings? What could I say to her when I was not sure about anything? I stayed silent, and that same smile came back to her face.

“Tea is getting cold, Sid,” she said. I almost forgot about the tea. I released her hand, picked one cup, and gave it to her. She went back to the hall while holding it, and I picked another one and went after her.

She sat on the couch and started sipping the tea, and I sat in front of her. She was not looking at me anymore, but I was staring at her. We were drinking our tea while sitting in silence. Suddenly she gazed at me, and I turned my eyes away. She knew I was looking at her because the next time I looked back at her, she still was staring at me, and there was a smile on her face. She finished her tea and put the cup on the table. I couldn’t get a chance so far to notice her apparel, but now I did. She was wearing a black zipper jacket with light blue faded denim jeans and black shoes. Even though it was quite regular attire she was wearing still, it was enticing for me, or might be it was her shape, which was more tempting. I also finished my tea, but I still was holding the cup in my hand because I didn’t know what else to do or what she was going to do next. She got up from her seat, came to me, took the cup from my hand, and placed it on the table. I was simply looking at her doing that. She again sat beside me, so close that her thigh was touching mine. She was looking at me, and I was looking at the floor, unable to understand where else to look.

“Look at me, Sid,” she said softly in my ears. Again a shiver went through my whole body. I raised my head and looked at her; her face was enough closer to mine that I could feel the warmth of her breath on it. She moved her face a bit closer and touched my lips with hers. My whole body shuddered at once. I was not ready for anything she was doing since she came in, but it was something I couldn’t even envisage in my dreams. I moved my face backward in swiftness. I was looking into her eyes, begging for an answer which could make me understand the heck that was going around.

“Don’t think much, Sid, otherwise it would just get more complicated for you to understand,” she read my mind. It was easy for her to say, but it could not be easy for a guy like me to do who had never talked to any girl before.

“Sneha, I need some time to take in all of this. You need to understand it’s not that simple for me to react quite normally in this situation when everything that is happening around is so unexpected,” I tried to make her understand my condition.

“How much time do you need?” she inquired.

“I don’t know. I told you I have never given any thought to us. I don’t know anything about you, and I can’t fall for some girl if I don’t know her,” I replied.

“You want to take your time, okay, do that but don’t ever call me some girl. I am not any random girl you can come across. You should feel ecstatic that I am attracted to you, that it is you who I want,” she replied. The color of her face changed as she started looking at me with those desiring eyes. I didn’t respond. I was trying to understand the meaning of those words. What does she mean that she wants me? What is the purpose of all these attempts of touching me repeatedly and kissing me without my consent? Does she think I can fall for her just like some other guys? I thought. She was wrong if she was thinking like that. I was a guy who believed in knowing a girl, first mentally, then emotionally, and at last, physically. She could grab my attention by all those efforts, but she could never make me fall for her like that. I thought about Neha; I felt more close to her than Sneha even when the former was not present with me. I smiled for the first time; I felt more composed than before. She looked at me and got confused.

“Why are you smiling?” she asked.

“No reason,” I replied in irony. I could see the frown on her face; it was my turn to enjoy now. But she was not the type of person who could easily give up.

“You are thinking that you can’t fall for me because you are more like an emotional guy and what I’m doing here is opposite to what you see in or want from a girl, isn’t it?” she asked while changing back her expression. What the hell, she too can read the mind like Neha, I thought. I didn’t say anything.

“You don’t know me yet, Sid. So take your time and first get to know me before reaching any assumption. I will text you and maybe again visit you very soon,” she said, got up from the sofa, and started walking toward the door. She was leaving. I also got up and went after her. She stopped by the door and turned back to look at me. By the time I too reached the door. She looked into my eyes, came closer to me, and softly kissed my cheek, opened the door, and left. I stood there in silence for quite some time to understand what just had happened.