‘The control’

After a while, I closed the door, came back into the hall, and collapsed on the sofa. My brain was still trying to make me come back into the right wits. Everything happened so unexpectedly that I was not sure how to behave. I so wanted to talk to Neha at that time. I wished I could tell her everything right at the moment; I somehow knew that she would understand. I checked the time on my phone; it was showing twenty minutes to four p.m. There was a long wait I had to do before releasing that burden. I thought of sleeping for a while. I wanted my mind to stop thinking of the same thing over and over again. I went to my room and lay down on my bed. Sneha’s face flashed in front of my eyes as soon as I closed them. I could see her smiling face; I could see her eyes on me, seeing through me. I opened my eyes abruptly and sat straight on the bed. I knew she was not going to let me sleep, at least not for some time, so I decided even not to try. I was sitting like that when I heard my phone beeped. I took it out from my pocket and checked; it was Sneha’s text.

“What are you doing? Are you thinking of me?”

“Don’t you dare lie to me,” even before could I reply to the previous one, she had sent me another text. I was not intentionally thinking of her, but I could not say that to her. I was holding the phone in my hand, still staring at her text, and it started ringing. I was not sure what to do, whether to pick her call or not. I still was in my befuddled state when the call got disconnected. I sighed and was going to place the phone aside when it started ringing again, this time I picked it.

“Hello,” I said.

“You didn’t reply again. May I know why?” she inquired in return.

“I was not thinking of you; I was just going to sleep,” I replied.

“I told you not to lie; you are still lying,” she said confidently.

“Why would I lie?” I asked.

“Because you don’t want to admit that also you like me,” she said. Is she right? Do I like her and not getting it, or am I not courageous enough to accept it, but why would I do that? I thought.

“Neha, I told you it’s not that easy for me to like a girl so soon; I need to talk to her first, I need to know her first,” I replied.

“My name is Sneha, not Neha. By the way, who is Neha?” she asked. Oh shit, I called the wrong name but would it be right to tell her about Neha now; I questioned myself. I didn’t think it would be as I knew nothing about Sneha’s behavior, that how she would react.

“Sorry, it was just a mistake,” I decided not to tell her about Neha.

“It better be. You don’t want to have another girl in your life when I am here, do you?” she asked. I could feel that same smirk appearing on her face even when I could not see her. Was she trying to threaten me? Was she trying to be dominating? What did she mean by those words?

“What do you mean by this?” I asked her.

“I will not let anyone come near you, virtually or physically,” she replied. She was out of her mind. How could she control my life like that when I haven’t given her any privilege of such kind?

“It doesn’t matter what you want or not. It is my life, Sneha. You can’t control it; you can’t make me live like the way you want,” I replied while getting a bit hyper.

“I don’t want to control your life; I want to control you,” she replied while chuckling. She is really crazy and eccentric too, but she was wrong even if she was thinking like that.

“No, you can’t, and I’m telling you this last time that you can’t just dominate me or my life,” I said coldly,” now if you will please excuse me, I want to sleep,” I further said.

“So, you are saying that you don’t like me,” she ignored me and asked.

“I don’t like the way you are behaving. You want me to like you, act normally, talk sensibly. You can’t control every person you want. I’m not your toy with which you want to play accordingly,” I replied. I got my nerves back. She didn’t say anything for some time. I looked at my phone to check if she was on the call or not; she was there.

“I want you to feel affection for me, Sid,” her tone got changed,” what should I do to get your fondness?” she asked in quite a calm manner, which made me serene too.

“You don’t have to do anything special for this; you need to leave it on time. Let us start knowing each other from something basic and make each other more comfortable,” I replied.

“I can do that, but I want to talk to you while sitting beside you. I cannot do that on-call,” she said. I thought of today’s meeting, the things she was doing while being with me. I didn’t want to cope up with all those things again.

“I think we better start with the phone conversation only. Once we get comfortable, we can also meet,” I replied.

“Okay, but I need one promise from your side,” she said.

“What is that?” I asked.

“You won’t talk to any girl except me,” she replied. That was completely wrong for her to say; she still was trying to control my life when I told her not to do so.

“I can’t promise you that,” I said.

“Why can’t you?” she asked. Because I do talk to a girl and moreover, I started talking to her even before you came into my life, I wanted to say it to her, but I did not. What could I say to her? I could not tell her about Neha, and I wanted to continue my conversation with Neha as the way it was. So, I stayed silent.

“You haven’t answered Sid,” she said again.

“Why you don’t want me to talk to another girl?” I asked her.

“You don’t want to know,” she replied.

“Yes, I do want to know,” I answered.

“You would think I’m weird,” she replied. As if I’m not thinking now, I thought while smiling.

“No, I won’t, tell me,” I asked again.

“I think the thought of another girl can make me outrageous, and I might kill that girl,” she replied. Her imprudent made me laugh. She didn’t know what she was talking or might be I was the one who was too foolish to take her seriously.