Stumbled with the coward confession. Perhaps..
A crisp sound coming from the pages as I flipped back and forth the pages of the book, I loaned weeks ago. It was the end of the semester and all the books must be returned. Looking around after getting my card, silence is deafening to the core and only sound from the aircon can be heard. No audible whispers heard that was once the liven the library. Even the librarian and staff were too silent as they organized the catalogue and doing inventory.
I motion towards the shelves of different section. Thinking of those books piled neatly, I scanned them idly and a group of discarded books caught my attention. I drew closer and I signaled the staff if I could read them; they allowed it and I proceed to my agenda. I dust off those torn and worn-out covers of some books which are exceeded its shelf life. The pages were too delicate to flip until the last book pique my interest. It was the most tattered among the pile but captivated me with its nylon stiches that trying to keep them into place. It was a thick leather-bound entitled The History of Mathematics. As I skimmed the succeeding pages, there are some writings on the first page that surprised me. It was written in lead pencil and it was minuscule which began to fade.
"Dearest student librarian, flip to page 12" It was written below the page number. Without closer look, you can think it was just part of the sentences.
Intrigued, I browsed page 12 and looked for the next written conversations This time it is inside the box of illustrations.
"You were this petite yet radiant girl who issued my library card. It was your expressive and sparkling eyes pique my interest today. Looking at you refreshes my day, and I would like to know you more. - 1.3 Number of Recording of the Babylonians under Babylonian Cuneiform Script.
I, an outsider prying like a gossiper and want to know more. I scanned the succeeding pages hoping for other notes yet there were no notes written. It somewhat mentioned Babylon things. It was cliffhanger and challenge me to scan the whole book. I was lost in the labyrinth of confusion, yet I am determined. I scrutinized the topic all about Babylon while being gentle with the torn pages. Could it be that the pages devoured by the bookworms? I was so anxious that I even read about Babylon and their cuneiform script. I relieved to discover the next notes.
"I am eager to simply looked at you every day. I filled myself with excuses and even borrow books that are not references. My heart throbs so fast when you delicately write my name in the logbook. Your colleagues called you Shirley. My name is Robert. How about I will introduce myself next time?" My tongue tied and inaudible sounds were heard from me if I attempt to strike a conversation. It was a cowardly thank you note I give to you today. I wonder if you read my note."-Herman Hankel. pp. 33
Can't he just simply say thank you? I wondered; well old-fashioned people were too timid to confess. Can't he man up for real? I inwardly cried after discovering that didn't have proper conversation with the one, he fancied. "It was too timid of you Robert!" I blurt out openly and it was too late for me to cover my mouth. I looked at the library staff and they too put to halt with my amplified thoughts.
"Sorry." I whispered at them and they continue their tasks as if nothing happened. I just buried my head in embarrassment and continue to unlock this drama. I quickly found the next notes as I browsed the following pages.
"It seems you were a good student as I heard circulating in the campus. You are intelligent and dedicate your time in your studies. I heard you wanted to become a librarian. That suit you well. As I write these, I saw you open the window and the ray of sunlight from the sunset passed through. I saw you trying to catch them, and you smiled. I smiled too. I looked like a fool when our eyes met. You quickly lower your gaze and you returned to your table. I looked away quickly and afraid that you would be uncomfortable. It was preposterous that I needed to feign to be entertained with what I read in times that you caught me staring. Cowardice may engulf me when I had my encounters with you, but I truly liked you. Only this book knows what you are to me." -The Geometrical Discoveries of Thales pp. 83.
Is there a hindrance? Is he too entangled with another person? Is love so strict and uptight? These series of thoughts flood in my mind after reading the 4th note. I felt bad upon reading how suffocating would it be to confess someone. Now a days these feelings often conveyed insincerely just like how my classmates often aired about their lovers and fling.
I read the fifth note. It was written under the quote of Plato. I silently prayed for development. Come on Robert! Be of courage. Strange that an Acacia leaf was bookmarked on that page too written with that student librarian named 'Shirley'.
"I braced myself and gather courage to tell you how I feel. Rejected or not, I am determined to tell you so. It took me months just to write this confession. I grabbed my sister's stationary and wrote all the things I like about you. I plot to accidentally bumped into you under the Acacia trees adjacent to the library you always passed by. I am prepared today. I counted my steps as you stood there as you used to, I estimated it will be 200 long strides to bumped into you. I paced 100 steps and paused. 20 more steps and pause. I froze there and looked up as the winds brush off the Acacia leaves and fall them like gentle rain on the ground. It was the perfect view with you, and you brush off some leaves in your hair. I paced other steps unknowingly and it was 20 more steps to stood in front of you yet." The Alexandrian School: Euclid pp. 141