Prologue

"How long has it been since the war? A year, two, five years? At times these events completely disappeared from my memory. It was as if life had stopped there, in the heat of battle. The war... It changed everyone who witnessed that massacre with Shinju, Obito, Madara, Kaguya, and the Akatsuki in general.... And yet we were able to prevail back then..."

Such thoughts tormented me every day. "I became a Hero of the Shinobi world, a savior," I involuntarily snorted at the mention of my status - I was disgusted.

"I can't live a normal life anymore. My life was left there, on the battlefield.... Once again, I was kidding myself. On the battlefield remained those whom I truly loved: friends, a couple of shinobi among our sensei, a girl who loved me blindly, wholeheartedly. I had been on my way to this long-awaited world all my life; I wanted to become a Kage, I wanted honor, recognition, I wanted to have a family... And what did I get?! I gave up the position of village Kage, and a second "savior", Sasuke Uchiha, was placed there, who began to accumulate the village's fighting power and rebuild his clan through a harem, with Sakura and then Karin becoming one of the concubines. My first love, Sakura, still comes to me in tears, sometimes in the middle of the night, and starts complaining about how Sasuke turned out to be such a shit; "well yeah, it hasn't been long enough to ... hell, how long has it been?" Everyone "survived" those years in their own way. Of my teachers, Kakashi was the only one left alive, and he was hardly even chipper. The fight with Obito took a heavy toll on him, but he continued to teach the younger generation. Tsunade retired and became an advisor until she died in her sleep. I was glad she didn't suffer, didn't suffer, just quietly left... Now she's with Navaki, Dan, and Jiraya. Those who survived that massacre, and there are only a few of them: Rok Lee, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Ten-Ten Takahashi, Ino Yamanaka - that's all, started having families. Tenzo died, Mitarashi Anko soon passed away as Orochimaru's resurrection sucked most of the life force out of her. Maito Gai died after the Eighth Gate was opened. Gaara didn't survive either. My acquaintances could be counted on the fingers of... one hand."

I pulled out my last cigarette. I began to look like Kakashi in my youth and youth-the places where you could find me: the cemetery. There I stuck out hopelessly in front of the grave of my parents, Hinata, Tsunade, or Jiraiya, or the abandoned range #44, the Forest of Death, where I trained. The rest of my time was spent on missions.

...

A long-smoked cigarette lay next to me. I had been sitting by her grave for more than three hours.

"The survivors tried to get on with their lives: they started families, got involved in village life, became sensei, some joined the NSA. But I just existed, I wouldn't call it life... I just gave up. I'm sick and tired of fighting for a pipe dream after what I've seen. There can be no peace, man exists as long as he can tear his neighbor's throat out... People love war - it's their nature. They like to sing about carnage and write poems about it. Two years later the local skirmishes began. After another year, the War between Iwa and Kumo in the territory of Taki no Kuni ("Land of the Falls"). Я... My "investigation" into the Uzumaki clan again undermined my faith, but this time in the people around me... It was unpleasant to realize that I was a shinobi of the village that had participated in the destruction of my clan.

There was no point in having a family, I simply could not. Fear, an overwhelming, animal, panicked fear enveloped me. I was afraid of putting my family in danger, afraid of losing them. And the memory of Hinata kept me awake; every night I saw that war in my nightmares. I'm proud of myself, I don't even wake up in a cold sweat, I'm so used to it. I see people dying, I remember the smell of war: charred bodies, the smell of decaying flesh, the acrid smell of fresh blood. I remember Ino screaming hysterically over Shikamaru and Choji's bodies; I remember Lee carrying Neji's body and laying it in the coffin himself; I remember Hiashi Hyuga's face when he brought dead Hinata, my beloved Hinata, to her father..."

- Stop it, Naruto! Stop it, you're making yourself sick," Kurama whimpered in my subconscious.

- You're right, Kurama, I can't bring them back. Even with your father's power, I can't bring them back. Shall we go home? - The fox stepped out of his cage and formed himself next to me. He nodded, and we moved toward my shinobi dorm apartment.

***

"You don't understand! These people you call friends ..."

"Ten-tailed!"

"NARUTO!"

"We can do it! Together! My friends are in my heart, and you can't take that away! I feel their pain!"

"NO!"

"Enough!"

"No! No! No! Hee-na-ta, my daughter ... HINATA!"

- Ah-ah-ah, ow!" I jumped up. "That dream again." Putting my hand to my forehead, I felt cold. "A cold sweat... Wow, I haven't had that in a long time. It looked very colorful this time."

- Sometimes it amazes me how you haven't lost your mind. And even though I shielded your brain from that part of your memory while you were asleep," a sleepy voice came from the corner of the room.

- "You don't have to worry about it, Kurama. I'm used to it now. It's just a dream," I muttered on my way to the kitchen.

- A dream?!

- Well, not a nightmare. I'm just used to it. Do you want meat?!

The nine-tailed fox crawled out of his sleeping basket and into the kitchen, licking and munching. I grinned.

***

After training, I sat in the cemetery in front of Hinata's grave again. Rikudo's strength, all the Biju, Sennin Modo, Rinnegan, Kekkei Genkai from the Biju, my father's techniques all stayed with me after 'winning'. I didn't want to lose my grip, so I hung out at the range or the library a lot. I had to make up for lost time at the Academy, because people started whispering about my "shallowness" when I first joined the ANBU. I had to refresh my brain with knowledge so I wouldn't embarrass myself.

- Kurama, can you feel it? - I asked out loud, though I didn't have to, when I felt a fleeting surge I hadn't felt since the massacre.

- Yes ... father.

I sank into my subconscious.