CHAPTER 7❤️ HER HEART

"Hey, Listen, keep this crushed paper and don't show it to anyone" Milan said when they both were crossing the road.

He handed her a crushed paper which was obviously pulled out from a notebook.

Falguni's heartbeats always raised to an extreme level whenever she was around Milan. So this was the time of the day when her heartbeats used to peak because they used to stand very close to each other while crossing roads.

Now at this point, her heartbeats were already at their highest point, and after he gave her that crushed paper, her heart was hammering against her chest, wanting to actually come out. They were in 6th standard ,still she was feeling such strong actions. Her body was reacting to these moments with Milan in strange ways which she definitely could never imagine.

She took the crushed paper and all she could do was say 'okay' with a smile , nod and cross that road.

As soon as she entered the gate of her society, she opened that crushed paper and she was stunned. She couldn't imagine that she would ever see those words on a paper given to her by milan. She blinked her eyes twice, rubbed them and then read that paper again. The words which she had always wanted to hear from him, the words she had always wanted him to feel for her, the words which she thought would some day bind them together were written on that paper.

                I LOVE YOU FALGUNI💘

          From- milan

She was in utter shock. She had no idea how to react now. She was standing there for 15 mins looking at those words with her heartbeat rising to the maximum and her heart hammering against her chest. She even turned back to see if he was if he was still standing there. But he was already gone with his brother and grandfather.

After gaining her conscious again, she walked towards the lift. Suddenly her mind started thinking that what will happen if anyone at home found this letter in her or anywhere near her.

All she could think was about what will happen to him if her parents found this letter with her. She was found her heart racing again. As much as she wanted to keep that letter and frame it and keep it forever and extremely close to her heart, she was afraid that it may get him into trouble.

In a haste she tore that paper into the smallest bits and pieces. She was crying while doing that but she couldn't think of anything else. She was too shocked and too young to react to this situation.

Little did she know that she was doing the stupidest thing her life which she is gonna regret later.

She had just read the first half of that paper, the second half of the paper had that information which if she had read would have saved her her heart from crying later.

It took everything in her to tear it into the smallest bits of pieces and throw it.

She wanted to give an answer to Milan. She wanted him to know that she felt the exact same or even more.

She started writing a letter which started with her pouring her feelings out. But she always had that feeling to confirm everything that happens in her life. She took that paper , crushed it, pulled out a new one and wrote-

Dear milan

Would you please write whatever you wrote on that paper again please because I couldn't read it.     

From- falguni

    And do you remember I used to call  

    Million Dollar in 3rd ?  

That was all she wrote. And it took her 3 months to do so. She never had the courage to go upto him and give him that letter herself.

After taking 3 months to write it and then another 2 weeks to figure out a way to give it to him, she finally approached a common friend of theirs to give it to him.

As soon as she gave it, falguni was eagerly waiting to know what he replied while taking it. So she went back to her friend and asked her to which she said

"he said that if she sends me any kinds of letters ever again, I ll straight away go to the class teacher or the coordinator".

She was surprised and reactionless this time. She didn't know what to expect. Her happiness was just short lived. She didn't know what to do. For her, this thing going to the teacher was something really big. She had always made a great impression in front of her teachers, she was an extremely bright student and all the teachers always had amazing things to say about her.

She was extremely scared that if this thing goes to the teachers then it will impact her time in school and her parents will know about it. She was very very scared.

She decided that now she wouldn't disturb him and never talk to him. Maybe it was their childishness or whatever but falguni decided to stay away from him though she always believed that some day again maybe he ll send something to her.

She even invited him on her birthday in the hope that maybe he will come. But no, he didn't show up. Throughout her birthday party, she was hanging in her balcony and watching the gate to see if he came. But no, he didn't come. This left her absolutely heartbroken and did leave a mark in her life.

In 8th standard she did try to find out as to what that letter situation basically was. She asked a very close friend of hers to speak to him and find out. To her utter surprise Milan told him that he had given it to her on April fools Day and it meant nothing more than an April fools prank.

When she got to know about this, the only thing that she regretted was not reading the full letter in excitement and panic. Now his every action seemed to be justified, everything.

Milan admitted on a chat with falguni's friend that he may have had a crush on her in 6th standard but present day 8th standard, he felt nothing for her, absolutely nothing. He added that it was mere childishness and now they had grown up. Now he feels nothing.

Now that's the bitter truth she had to live with, for her entire life. Her first love, her first crush, her first everything felt nothing for her.

The more problematic thing was despite her amazing memory and despite her knowing each and every past moments they spent, falguni just couldn't remember one thing, which was so important. She couldn't remember when he game that letter to her, was it really in April or when was it.

Though she has this vague vision of him giving it to her in November, but she isn't really sure about it.

This thing still suffocates her. She still closes her eyes some days to remember what month or what day it was when he gave that letter to her.

Her heart still clenches, still regrets not reading the whole letter and not remembering which month it was. Though she couldn't really do anything even after knowing but still it pains.

Even today, she still goes to that spot sometimes, where she threw those pieces, in the hope that maybe she ll find them and get the whole paper back. Whenever she goes there, she still feels those tingling sensations and goosebumps erupt on her body.

If she could rewind her life, she would like to rewind it to that day when she received that letter from him. She wants to read it fully and keep it with her.

All this has made her repellent towards guys who tell her that they like her, there are many. She doesn't believe single one of them.

She believes that all this attraction they feel towards her is just for a little time, then they will forget who she is and stop feeling like that for her. She thinks that it's all temporary, they tell her that it was their childishness and she isn't good enough for them.

She has been waiting 11 years for a guy, people in her life can't even wait for 11 days.

All this definitely had an impact on her and now she is a commitment phobic and insecure girl who believes that someone she will like (if in future) , will fall out of love and she will again lose her faith in love.

Milan did leave a deep impact on her heart which will take more time to heal.

          ****************************

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