Chapter 2-Academy Life

"Uh... Uzumaki-san, it's your turn up."

Naruto was now 10, attending academy classes as his 'cover' dictated.

Not that he really paid attention in class.

At the moment, he was working on a 'report for the Hokage' while some kind of henge test was going on.

The Academy teachers kept on trying to boost Naruto up a few grades, just to get him to graduate and get the hell out of their classes. But Naruto refused each time, thinking that no one would ever believe his cover of a 'prankster moron' if he graduated early.

So now they just ignored him, and let him do what he wanted, in hopes that he doesn't kill them.

The only thing they made him do was take part in class tests... and that's only because the Hokage forced them to. It was punishment for the original way they treated him... not that the Hokage ever told them that.

And the instructors had reason to be terrified.

For example, the current test was a henge review.

All the student had to do was transform into whoever the current instructor was.

Being a little young, most of the kids didn't do all that well; but then, that was expected.

Naruto, of course, did it perfectly.

Then he realized he did it perfectly, and that would not fit into his disguise.

So abruptly after doing a perfect henge, Naruto would utilize his 'mangekyo sharingan' to knock the instructor out, and think that that would make them forget what had just happened.

Some of the instructors were on a first name basis with the Kyuubi, by now.

"Haruno-san."

"N-N-Naruto-kun?"

Other things had changed about the class dynamics.

For one, Uchiha Sasuke had not become the class heart-throb. Most of the class actually thought he was some kind of cowardly loser, with the way he reacted around Naruto all of the time.

That, and the adult diapers he had to wear for the first year after the massacre smelled rather awful.

No, the girls had decided to latch onto a different boy.

One who managed to be coolly arrogant, yet oddly polite, about everything.

And who managed to do everything perfectly... Hell, he could even stare the teachers into unconsciousness!

So Naruto was the target of numerous Kunoichi-hopeful's lusts.

Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura being amongst the two biggest.

"I need to borrow a crayon, for my mission- I mean for my coloring. One of mine broke."

The fact that he seemed to be some kind of artist, with the way he was always doing something in that coloring book of his, also helped.

"Here, Naruto-kun."

"Thank you, Haruno-san."

'Sigh... Well, it could have been worse. He could have ended up completely crazy, and just attacked everyone who moves. At least he still respects me...'

The Hokage sat, musing in his office.

Actually, he had quite a bit of free time lately, as most of what he used to have to do was maneuver against his political opponents.

Opponents who had been dying rather sudden deaths of late.

And whose heads, along with a report drawn in various crayon colors, would appear on his desk sometime the next day.

Sometimes the reports also had pictures of Monkeys and Horses on them, which was also a bit disconcerting.

Yes, Sarutobi had a lot of free time lately, with the way things were going.

'Maybe I should spend some more time with Konohamaru? He's getting rather antsy for ninja-training lately. I was going to assign Ebisu to help him... But perhaps I'll have time now to personally do it?'

Sarutobi's biggest worry, really, was how Naruto would react when he found out about the Kyuubi.

'Way back when, when I last talked to the Rokubi, all he could do was bitch about his last container. About how boring, and annoying the little meat bag was.

'Man, did I totally luck out or what?'

The Kyuubi sat, in his Kyuubi Den within the Seal.

A seal that had a constant stream of visitors.

It was Naruto's preferred method of dealing with nuisances. Most of the genjutsu Itachi used relied on the Sharingan some way or other, and that passed onto Naruto as well.

Sure, he could pull of genjutsu that didn't involve his eyes... but it had been drilled into him that that was his preferred method.

And since Naruto didn't actually have special eyes... he just sorta tried to use the Mangekyo while causing his eyes to become red in the only way he knew: By drawing on the Kyuubi's chakra. Not that he knew what exactly he was drawing on... Naruto thought he was just using the Sharingan, after all.

But with his constant focusing of the biju's chakra, the Kyuubi had managed to work out a way to pull people into the seal with him.

And since Naruto did it so often... the Kyuubi never got bored.

'Yup... One day, I'll have to thank the meat bag that screwed with the kid. Life would be so boring otherwise.'

Now, most of you are probably wondering why people don't flee in panic whenever Naruto was around, since he was constantly drawing on the Kyuubi's chakra to create his 'sharingan'.

The answer is that they do. What, are you crazy or something? Would YOU want to hang out around a jinchuriki who has hair trigger violent reactions ingrained into him, that usually involve forcing you to deal with a biju inside his head?

Of course, it mostly just translated to an aura of menace. The older people knew what was causing it, which is what caused them to flee.

The kids, though... it just made him cool. The girls were attracted to it, and the boys didn't fuck with him because of it. It was like meeting an Italian man wearing a pinky ring… you just KNEW he was in the Mafia. In point of fact, the only one who had ever been 'tsukiyomi'd' amongst the kids was Sasuke.

Speaking of Sasuke... at the age of 10, he had managed to overcome most of his fear. He had managed to mentally prep himself, knowing that Naruto wasn't actually Itachi, no matter how much his senses told him otherwise. Or how much Naruto called him "Foolish little Sasuke", and told him to live in an unsightly manner.

After all, Naruto told a LOT of people to live in an unsightly manner... it was just one of his idiosyncrasies.

So Sasuke had manned up, and confronted Naruto.

Unfortunately, Naruto had been in the middle of one his 'mission reports', dealing with some random ninja's 'untimely death'.

'If they had lived in a more unsightly manner, perhaps they could have survived longer.'

With Sasuke bothering him, Naruto merely smacked him away, and proceeded to draw a pretty flower to distract people away from the report he was writing.

Of course, Ino happened to see him drawing the flower, and took that as a sign of his eternal love for her, and her shouts of joy started a cat fight between her and Sakura. Not that Naruto noticed.

No, he was now looking at Sasuke, who had interrupted his 'mission'.

Who was now getting back up from where he had been smacked to.

"Foolish little Sasuke... you clearly do not loathe me enough yet. But you will..."

And with that, Sasuke was drawn into the Kyuubi seal, yet again.

That event, and variants of it, was repeated many times throughout Naruto's academy days.

It directly lead to Sasuke gaining the Sharingan at age 11, after being chased around by the Kyuubi for probably the 13th time.

His body decided he needed it to survive.

"Look, let's just talk to the Hokage. He'll know how to handle class rankings."

"Yeah... Uzumaki won't sic the Kyuubi on him, probably."

The academy instructors, Iruka and Mizuki, were having a dilemma.

See, Naruto was clearly the top of the class.

However, they had received an 'anonymous note' that said that if Naruto's cover of a 'prankster moron' was broken by them, they'd both die horrible deaths.

Naruto should really learn that he's the only one who writes these notes in crayon on coloring books.

And that he's the only one who has random doodles on the page.

So, the instructors were at an impasse. They didn't know how to handle the situation.

Thus, they brought their case to the Hokage.

"... Fine, I'll make the teams."

'Great... Well, I do have the time... Now, which of these kids can actually survive interacting with Naruto out in the field?'

The Hokage had initially intended upon making Naruto a 'special genin' after graduation, to save everyone the trouble of having to deal with him on a team.

Naruto said no.

"If I am made a special genin, then people will see through my cover. No, I must continue to act as I have, Hokage-sama. Assign me to a normal team, and I will maintain my surveillance."

'Hmm... Well, we can't put him with the Uchiha. That'd just be too mean. The Aburame kid's bugs won't get anywhere near Naruto, either, so he's out. That Hyuuga girl always passes out whenever she activates her Byakugan around him... must be because of the demonic aura surrounding him, or something. She's out too.

'The Inuzuka is out for the same reason as the Aburame... that dog of his just cower's in the corner whenever Naruto is around. In fact, out of the remaining class, the only people who actually WANT to be around him are the Haruno and Yamanaka girls...

'Now, out of the sensei's, the only one which has any experience dealing with Itachi is...'

The Academy Graduation Test had been rather easy. Iruka, after he recovered from being sucked into the Kyuubi seal, had given Naruto his Hitei-ate for passing, and told the class to come back later to hear Team Assignments.

Mizuki never once considered approaching anyone to steal the Forbidden Scroll.

He knew firsthand what exactly Naruto did to anyone who displeased the Hokage, and stealing the Forbidden Scroll was right up there with displeasing the Hokage. He was firmly on the straight and narrow path that would let him avoid Naruto for the rest of his life, if he got lucky.

And if that meant not betraying the village... then he was willing to sacrifice such attempts.

And now Mizuki was announcing teams.

"Team 7 is Haruno Sakura, Yamanaka Ino, and Uzumaki Naruto. Your jounin-sensei is Hatake Kakashi.

"Team 8 is Aburame Shino, Inuzuka Kiba, and Hyuuga Hinata. Your jounin-sensei is Yuuhi Kurenai."

Right about now, Ino and Sakura were rather confused. Weren't teams normally 2 boys and 1 girl? And why wasn't the Rookie of the Year announced?

Not that they were complaining about their own team, though. They both were rather overjoyed.

"Team 10 is Uchiha Sasuke, Chouji Akamichi, and Nara Shikamaru. Your jounin-sensei is Sarutobi Asuma. That's all... come back later to meet with your teacher."

Sakura was unable to hold back her question.

"But Sensei... you never announced who the Rookie of the Year was."

At this, Mizuki began to sweat. 'Damn Iruka... I can't believe I lost the coin toss and had to announce teams. I just KNEW someone was going to ask this!'

Of course, it wasn't just a coin toss that had determined that Mizuki would read the team list off.

Naruto had decided the day before that it was time for another 'prank'.

This time, it had involved burning down Iruka's house.

So Iruka was a little busy at the moment, what with the loss of his house, and all. Luckily, most of his possessions were salvageable... But he still needed a new house.

"Well, uhh... there was no Rookie of the Year this year. Now if that's it, every-"

"But Mizuki-sensei... what about Naruto-kun? He was clearly the best in the class."

Ino decided to chime in too, curious as well at why Naruto wasn't being acknowledged.

Mizuki was panicking now, glancing around the room. He accidentally looked over at Naruto, who was busy doing whatever it was he did in his coloring book. Naruto drew his finger across his neck, without even looking up.

Mizuki gulped.

"Uhh... Nope! I don't even know why you'd say that! Now come back later!"

And with that, Mizuki fled the room.

The two girls just looked at each other oddly, and then shrugged.

Naruto began to cross out the report he had just started, with the topic header of "Academy Teacher Mizuki."

"Hokage-sama, you called?"

"Yes, Kakashi... you're to get a genin team again this year."

"... You know I'm just going to fail them, right?"

"You were specially chosen to be this teams sensei... I don't think you could fail them if you tried."

"Specially chosen? What, did I get the Uchiha or something? That's the only... one... Good god, it's not what I'm thinking, is it?"

"It probably is, Kakashi... It probably is. You're the only jounin present at the moment that spent a significant amount of time with Uchiha Itachi before he went psycho. Therefore, you're the best choice to be HIS sensei."

"... God damnit."

'Hmm... Now that I have become a genin, I am at a loss with how I should proceed with my mission.'

Naruto sat outside the Academy Building, waiting for everyone to come back.

'I shall have significantly less time to observe and dispatch the Hokage's enemies...'

He was currently trying to reconcile his 'mission' with everything else going on.

'My sensei is the Copy-Nin... why would they put such a powerful jounin on the same team as me? Is that not redundant?'

His current rationalizations for his actions did not answer the questions... which meant that he had merely to logic out the new correct answer.

'Also, the team formation tradition of 2 men and 1 woman were broken... How do these all relate?'

He was casually munching on a stick of pocky as he thought, something that the grocers of Konoha praised the gods for.

As long as they happened to have Pocky in stock, they were never 'tsukiyomi'd'... If they didn't, Naruto tended to render them unconscious, and then search their backroom for Pocky they might be attempting to hide from him.

'Putting myself and an elite jounin on the same team as two girls... They must somehow be important. This must be some form of guard duty. But why Yamanaka and Haruno? Only Yamanaka has bloodline jutsus... What would there be to protect about Haruno?'

Also, the Pocky sales throughout the city had greatly diminished after Itachi's departure from Konoha... They rose back up, but only after they managed to create a ramen flavored Pocky. Naruto was the only one who bought them... but he had threatened them until they gave in, and made his special pocky. Of course, it couldn't just be sold exclusively to him, as that might compromise his cover... so they had to make enough to stock their shelves with it. Which didn't make any difference, as Naruto was the only one who bought them, anyway.

'Maybe she has an emerging bloodline, characterized by pink hair? That would make sense... Konohagakure has a policy of defending all emerging bloodlines.

'It must be a rather powerful one, then. But why Yamanaka, too? Are the Yamanaka jutsus finally turning into a bloodline limit, as well?'

Once Naruto got it into his head that he knew what was going on... no one would ever be able to change it.

"No way, Ino-pig! I'll be the first to ask Naruto-kun to lunch!"

"Over my dead body, Forehead! I'll be the first one to go out with him!"

As the two girls raced back towards the Academy, after attempting to find where Naruto went (not realizing that he had actually never left), they were surprised by Naruto dropping down in front of them.

"Yamanaka-san, Haruno-san. The time to meet our Sensei is soon."

The two girls looked at each other. One could literally see the lightning flaring up between them, as they seemed to be in some sort of violent competition.

Or so it seemed to Naruto, who merely had Itachi's understanding of people. And, for Itachi, anything that involved competition, especially violent ones, inevitably led to somebody's death.

'That... is no good. I will have failed my mission already if they kill each other.'

And so, before the girls even realized what was going on, Naruto swooped in and swiftly knocked them unconscious.

'Yes, this is much safer.'

With that, he picked them up, and swiftly made his way back to the Academy.

"Is everyone here? Does everyone know their teams?"

Iruka had been unable to find Mizuki since he last saw him, right after his house had burned down.

Mizuki had, after fleeing from Naruto for what he hoped would be the last time in his life that he saw him, promptly went to a bar to celebrate.

He'll be there for next 2 days.

'Ok, just have to avoid provoking Uzumaki... What the? Why are his teammates unconscious?'

Unable to hold himself back, Iruka voiced his question aloud, before realizing what a stupid thing he had just done.

"Does anyone know why Ino and Sakura are unconscious at their desks?"

At least Naruto had been nice enough to sit them in their seats, instead of just leaving them on the floor or something.

"I had to subdue them before they killed one another... I mean, uh, I don't know how it happened, Iruka-sensei. Dattebayo."

'Oh crap.'

And as Iruka was once again sucked into the Kyuubi's seal, because Naruto was attempting to wipe from the teacher's mind what he had just told him, the class ground to a halt.

After a few minutes of the Jounin just standing outside, waiting to be called in, a few walked in to see what the hold up was.

"What the hell? Why is the teacher passed out on the floor?"

Sarutobi Asuma was usually out on missions. Even after his stint of as one of the 12 Guard Ninjas of Fire, he was usually busy. He also never really listened to his father when he tried to tell him all the things he had missed out on, thinking the old man was just rambling.

One of the things he had always ignored is something he'd soon regret.

"He is unconscious because he knew too much. I mean, uh, because he had to take a nap. Dattebayo."

Asuma looked over at the small blond child wearing what looked to be light Anbu armor, and quickly regretted it.

Of course, it would take him about twenty minutes to regain full consciousness... but then, that just meant that the Iruka had a temporary distraction to use to hide from the Kyuubi.

The Kyuubi could never resist going after the new guys to the seal first.

"What the hell? Where am I?"

Asuma looked around, confused at what had just happened to him.

The first he saw was that chuunin Academy Teacher, Iruka. He seemed to be sitting at a desk, desperately filling out what looked to be a huge stack of forms.

"Muwahaha... So, I get someone NEW to play with?"

Asuma stood still, then began to slowly turning around.

'I know I'm gonna regret looking... Oh god, what the hell is going on?'

"I see that you recognize me... Then again, if you didn't, I'd probably just call you an idiot."

"K..K..Kyuubi no Kitsune? What the hell?"

"Yes... my vessel has developed a jutsu that brings people into the seal with me. I get to torture them for a little while before they leave... But hey, it's more then most biju can say."

"Torture? Uh, but what the hell is Iruka doing over there, then?"

"Him? Well, at the moment he's filling out my son's financial aid forms for college, attempting to get him as much money as possible without revealing that he can easily afford college at his own cost. He's been doing my taxes for the last few years, actually."

"... Tax returns? You have a son?"

"Well, they ARE demonic taxes... they tend to be even more of a pain in the ass to fill out then regular taxes.

"And what to do with you... Well, I normally break new people in with a hopelessly impossible task..."

Asuma kept on looking around, hoping to find some kind of exit. He looked over at Iruka, and saw the man literally crying on the forms.

'If normal taxes are bad... I actually feel sorry for the guy.'

But before Asuma could make a move to escape, Kyuubi spoke up.

"Well, I already sent the last newbie to a Turkish Football game, and had him make sure that nobody got killed in a riot... Ooh, I got a good one. You'll play the original ET video game, and not only have to beat the entire thing, but you can't break the controller or the system in the process."

"Well... that doesn't sound that bad... But what's a video game?"

"Oh, you'll see..."

"So, how long do ya think Asuma is gonna lie there twitching?"

"It looks like he's having some kind of terrible nightmare."

A few of the jounin were standing around the front of the classroom, entirely confused at what was going on.

The students were less confused, having seen similar things happen before. They knew it had to do with Naruto... they just didn't have a single clue what he was doing to them.

Luckily, though, Iruka managed to wake up.

"I swear, I'll find the missing W2! Ugh... Thank god, it's over."

"What the hell is going on, Iruka? Why were you and Asuma unconscious?"

Iruka looked up, seeing the jounin surrounding him.

"Oh, sorry, Kurenai-san. I was, uh... taking a nap. Don't worry about Asuma, poor fella... He's, uh, taking a nap too. Someone should probably go take care of him elsewhere, I'll watch his team for him until he wakes up."

With that, Iruka quickly proceeded to list out all the teams, sending out all the genin present.

Except, unfortunately... Kakashi wasn't here yet.

So he was stuck with Team 7 and Team 10, both waiting on missing sensei's. Though to be fair one was merely being tortured in one of the cruelest fashions known to man.

Iruka was seated behind his desk, head held down. He didn't want to make any accidental eye-contact with Naruto, nor do anything to set him off.

Unfortunately, it was getting around to the time that Naruto usually spent training. And he was getting a little antsy.

Team 10 was also a little confused, thinking they got a real loser of a sensei.

"Iruka-sensei... where is our jounin-sensei? Dattebayo."

Iruka twitched.

"Uh, Uzumaki-san... Kakashi, your sensei, is notorious for being late. He'll be here soon."

"Well, what about our sensei? I mean, we actually saw him, and then he passed out, just like all you teachers tend to do."

Chouji spoke up, as he was getting rather hungry, and his teacher 'napping' was interfering with his meal time.

Iruka began to sweat, as Naruto stared directly at him, eyes boring into him.

"Oh, Asuma just, uh, had a long night last night. He's really, uh, tired. Just give him a little bit, and he'll be-"

"OH GOD, THE HORROR! I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING COULD BE THAT INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING!"

"-There he is now, poor man. I'll go get him for you."

As Iruka stepped out of the room, Kakashi stepped in.

"Team 7... Come with me."

Author's Notes: Have any of you ever tried to appease colleges with financial aid forms? It's one of the hardest things on earth. You're always missing multiple forms, which they only let you know about one at a time, and then attempt to screw you over as hard as possible.

And I'm sure everyone here is passingly familiar with ET, the worst video game of all time. So bad, in fact, that some speculate that it is single-handedly responsible for the videogame crash of the 80s.

And if you didn't know, Turkey happens to have the most violent Soccer/Football games of any country in the world, with I think an average of 12 people in the crowd killed per game. If it's not the most violent... Well, it's up there. And it's pretty damn bad.

The plot continues, with more of Naruto/Itachi's personality being shown. It's Itachi with a Naruto twist. Or perhaps Naruto with a rather large Itachi twist. Either works.

Many thanks go out to the good people over at TFF. Ideas on how to improve the Kyuubi's torture are already pouring in... I can't possibly hope to use them all. But there are a lot of good ones.