687. Chapter 687

“You don’t have to come, babe,” Alex tells her, kissing the back of her neck as they hold each other close enough to fit on the dorm room’s twin-sized mattress. Which works just fine for them; except when Maggie tries to turn around at Alex’s words, just barely missing nailing her girlfriend in the face with an errant elbow.

“Of course I’m coming, Danvers,” Maggie argues when they’ve readjusted to meld together on the small mattress, chest to chest and nose to nose this time. Maggie tucks a stray bit of red hair behind Alex’s ear and kisses her lips. “You’re graduating with all kinds of honors and shit. You think I’m not proud to walk around being like, ‘that’s my girlfriend?’“

She grins lopsidedly and Alex knows it’s true. Knows how proud Maggie is of her.

But she knows, too, that tomorrow’s going to be tough for her.

Because she and Alex entered college the same year, but Alex is the only one graduating today.

“I know you’re proud of me, Mags, and I appreciate it. I do. But you don’t have to act all tough right now. It’s just you and me. You can talk to me. I love you,” Alex tells her, like it will fix everything, like the sincerity in her voice, in her eyes, will finally sink into Maggie’s bones and help her love herself as much as Alex loves her.

“I love you too,” Maggie whispers, and for a moment, there is no graduation looming, no prospect of watching all her classmates in their caps and robes, while she’s in jeans and a flannel because she’s not good enough, not fast enough, not put together enough, not normal enough, to finish with the rest of them.

For a moment, it’s just two young women, in bed and in each other’s arms and wildly, wildly, in love.

Maggie absorbs it like it’s medicine, because really, that’s what it feels like.

But then she remembers.

Tomorrow.

“Listen, Danvers, it’s fine. You know? Lots of people take five, six years to graduate. I’m just taking the long way around, focusing on other things, I’m not – “

“Babe,” Alex interrupts gently. “It’s me. I don’t need the lines you give your advisors or assholes trying to tell you you’re less than me because you’re not graduating yet. I need your feelings. Your real feelings. I need you, Mags.”

Tears burn her eyes and she huffs and flips over onto her back, staring at the ceiling as Alex shifts to be half on top of her. The slight pressure of Alex’s weight on her body feels good, feels safe. Feels right.

“I just… what if they’re all right, you know? I mean, I know plenty of people who’ve gotten kicked out when they were kids, and obviously lots of people who are graduating on time have mental health stuff. You. Luthor. Hell, Luthor’s younger than me and she’s… So what if everyone’s right? That I’m just lazy, or not as smart, or weak, or making excuses? What if they’re right, Al? And like… I know we’ve talked it to death already, but what if… what if you graduate tomorrow, right, and then you’re embarrassed to be dating some college kid? Or, okay, fine, don’t give me that face. What if it just doesn’t work out? Logistically? You know?”

Alex waits a beat to make sure Maggie’s talked out. It’s not a lot, what she said. But it’s more than she usually does, and Alex is grateful for her trust.

“I do know, babe. But I also know that I love you. More than I’ve ever thought it was possible to love someone. And even more importantly? Maggie, you are the smartest person I’ve ever met. The way you negotiated your way through those simulations in forensics? That’s a kind of smart, a kind of calm and restraint and quick thinking and… and empathy, god, Mags… that none of the rest of us have. You’re creative and you’re sharp and you are not weak or lazy or making excuses. You know what you’re doing?”

Maggie shrugs, letting a single tear fall down her face as she listens to Alex. It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation, and it probably won’t be the last, but god, is it comforting to here her talk like this.

“You’re being brave. You’re making your own way. You’re prioritizing taking care of yourself, like you did when we were sophomores and you took spring term off to make sure your health was alright. And you’re making sure you don’t burn out, spreading all your classes out like that. Mags, you wanna be a cop: not burning out is the smartest thing you could possibly do for yourself. You know?”

“More?” Maggie asks, her voice small, and Alex leans down to kiss her mouth, a soft smile forming on her own lips as she nods and kisses Maggie’s face while she continues.

“You were the only one who was able to prove that Winn wasn’t responsible when his father got out of prison and tried to make him hurt those people. You, Maggie. And you were the one who had to explain organic chem to me: you weren’t even taking it, that was the term you were only taking psych, remember? And you love me. You love me so damn well. And you love my sister so well. You were the only one who knew what to say to Lena about Lex, and you’re just full of life and love and god, it doesn’t hurt that you look this good.”

She gets a chuckle out of her girlfriend, then, and they snuggle somehow even closer.

“You’re amazing, Maggie Sawyer. And I’m proud that you’re my girlfriend. I’m proud of it today, and I’ll be proud of it tomorrow, and I’ll be proud of it the day after. Okay? You’re amazing. The four years is arbitrary: you’re not. Okay?”

Maggie stares and gulps and nods, more to herself than to Alex, until she finally bites her lip with a soft grin. “What were you saying about how good I look, Danvers?” she asks, and Alex’s eyes sparkle.

“Let me show you, Sawyer,” she rasps, and god, she does.