315. Chapter 315

They haven’t had sex since Alex came out.

Not that Maggie hasn’t wanted to. God, has she wanted to.

And not that Alex hasn’t wanted to. God, have they wanted to.

But their fear’s been outweighing their need, and Maggie reminds them every day that she’s here, that she’s not going anywhere, that Alex is the one she wants, the only one, no matter what – “ride or die doesn’t exclude pronouns, Danvers” – but every time they kiss, Alex feels Maggie holding back.

So every time they kiss, Alex feels like Maggie’s just being nice to them, just sticking around until Alex is secure enough with this whole coming out part two thing to be fine on their own.

“Do you not want me?” they splutter on the couch one night, a week or so into binding – only on some days, only in some moods – a few weeks or so after the haircut, a month or so after starting to come out.

“I… what? Al, what are you – yes, of course I want you, I – ”

“You’ve been holding back. You’ve been… I don’t know, Maggie, I just feel like you’re not into me… physically… since…”

Their jaw sets and they look away and Maggie gasps softly and Maggie curses internally because of course, of course she’s fucked everything up again, of course she has.

“Alex, babe, no, that’s not… I’m sorry. Alex, look at me. Please? Al, I want you. I do. More than I ever have, I’m just… you are going through so much right now, with yourself, with your body, and I wanted to let you take the lead, I wanted to let show me what you want, in case what you want is different now, and it’s okay if it is, but I can’t know unless you tell me, unless you show me, so I held back and when you didn’t go forward, I just thought… I thought you weren’t ready. That you didn’t want to start having sex again yet, that… that you were still figuring things out.”

“So… so you do. Want me.” Their eyes are soft and vulnerable and hopeful, and god, yes, yes, yes, does Maggie want them.

“Alex Danvers, I can’t imagine myself ever not wanting you.”

Alex gulps and runs a hand through their newly shortened hair and takes a deep, long breath, eyes locked into Maggie’s.

“Then let me take you to bed.”

Maggie’s breath hitches and she nods and accepts Alex’s hand and chews on her lip watching Alex walk, watching Alex’s thumb caress the pad of her hand, watching Alex turn at the bed and look at her like they’ve never been quite this starving for anything before.

“Kiss me, Al?” Maggie asks, her voice so small, and Alex obliges with a sureness, a steadiness, that reminds Maggie of their very first kiss; with a sureness, a steadiness, that makes Maggie swoon in a way she wouldn’t allow herself to that first time in the bar.

Alex’s strong arms keep her standing and turn her around, even as they keep kissing her, even as their tongue slips past her open lips and they groan their relief into Maggie’s mouth.

“You wanna lay down for me?” they ask, their voice ragged and needy and everything Maggie wants to hear.

“Yeah,” she breathes and lays back on the bed, smiling when Alex, as always, rushes to make sure her head rests on the softest pillow.

“I missed your body,” Alex whispers, straddling her and staring down at her like she’s got nothing on even though she’s still in her henley and jeans.

“I’ve missed yours,” Maggie answers, and Alex stiffens.

“Al. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant… You tell me what you want, you show me. I’m not gonna ask to touch you wherever or however you don’t wanna be touched. And if you wanna be touched somewhere and then you change your mind, that’s okay. And if what we do tonight is different from what we do tomorrow night, that’s okay, too. I just want you, Alex. I want all of you, whatever you want to give me. And if you’re not sure, we’ll figure it out together. Okay?”

Alex swallows their relieved tears into a searing kiss that has Maggie whining and writhing underneath them, and Alex moans into her mouth, their hands pausing at the hem of Maggie’s shirt.

“Yes, please, please, please,” Maggie begs, and Alex grins as they lean back and tug Maggie into a sitting position, tugging her henley above her head and bringing their fingers to rest on the back of Maggie’s bra.

“Can I?” they ask, and the wrecked raggedness in their voice almost destroys Maggie, and she decides she never wants to be anything but ruined underneath Alex again.

“Yeah,” she husks, and Alex unhooks Maggie’s bra in one go, a shit-eating grin forming on their face.

“Proud of yourself there, Danvers?” Maggie flirts, and Alex pffts.

“I… No. That’s ridiculous, I can diffuse bombs, I’m not proud of myself for… yeah. Yeah, I’m pretty proud of myself.”

“Good, you should be,” Maggie rasps into their ear, and Alex groans and pushes Maggie back down on the bed.

“Okay?”

“Oh yeah.”

Alex grins and kisses their way down Maggie’s collarbone, pausing above her whimpering form to ask with their eyes if they can take her nipple into their mouth. Maggie nods wordlessly, because words won’t form right now, and Alex’s mouth is warm and wet and hot and Alex’s mouth is absolutely perfect.

Maggie grabs at Alex’s short hair and Alex moans and Maggie grabs harder.

“Fuck,” Alex swears into her chest, and it’s Maggie’s turn to be proud of herself, even as she lays writhing under Alex’s tongue, Alex’s teeth, Alex’s lips.

“I want… Al, I… do you want my mouth on you?”

Alex stills and looks up, a combination of lust and confusion in their eyes.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Well, I um… I love what you’re doing to me, and I just kind of… wanted to know if I could return the favor. Maybe… suck you off? If you wanted?”

Alex’s eyes roll into the back of their head and they moan deep from the back of their throat. “Maggie, how – I haven’t gotten a strap-on I like yet – ”

“And I can’t wait for when you do. But um… there’s other ways to suck you off. Sit up. If you want.”

Alex furrows their brow, but they’re curious and god, god, god do they want what Maggie’s suggesting, and god, god, god do they trust the woman licking her lips and looking at Alex – boy haircut and boy tank top and marks from their binder still on their skin under that tank top – like she’s never seen anyone more attractive. More beautiful or more handsome. More desirable.

So Alex sits and Maggie gestures them to the edge of the bed, and Maggie slips off the bed and Maggie kneels and Maggie looks up at them with swollen lips and raw passion in her eyes and Alex nearly passes out because fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Do you trust me?” she asks, and Alex nods because yes, of course, yes, of course they do.

“Do you want to take off your shirt for me? You don’t have to.”

Alex’s heart races and Alex gulps but Maggie’s been helping them with their binder and Maggie’s been perfect and it’s nothing Maggie hasn’t seen and it’s Maggie, it’s Maggie, so yes, Alex slips off their shirt and Maggie grins softly and kisses a trail along the small marks left from the binder they took off when they got home.

And then Alex’s heart really starts racing, because then Maggie leans up from kneeling and runs her tongue along one of Alex’s nipples, and Alex hisses and Maggie stops and Alex shakes their head because they think they know what Maggie’s doing and god, god, god, Maggie is perfect.

And sure enough, she takes Alex into her mouth like she’s going down on them, and her eyes are glued on Alex’s as her lips close around Alex’s nipple, around their chest, and Alex looks down and Maggie’s kneeling for them and Maggie’s respecting them and Maggie’s sucking them off because Maggie doesn’t care what pronouns Alex uses, she just wants to make Alex happy, make Alex feel validated, make Alex feel connected to their body, make Alex feel fucking incredible, and god, fuck, dammit, they do.

“You like it, Al?” she pauses to ask, and Alex doesn’t remember words, so they tangle their fingers into Maggie’s hair and bring her head back toward their body, and Maggie moans happily, eagerly, and continues with her tongue, with her mouth, with her lips, with her eyes.

When Alex can’t take anymore – when the visual, the feeling of pure validation, of Maggie giving them a blowjob on a part of their body that they’d been feeling so confused about and suddenly felt so fucking alive with, but in their own way, is too much, is going to make them pass out from relief, from desire, from intensity – they pull back and offer Maggie their hands, pulling her off of her knees and back onto the bed.

“Can I take your pants off?” they ask clumsily, because right now, all they need is Maggie, and words are getting in the way of that.

Maggie chuckles and brings her pants down herself, her eyes on Alex’s face the entire time.

“Something you want to do to me, Danvers?”

Alex shakes their head, their lust, their need, paused for a moment, because god, Maggie is gorgeous. And they tell her so, and Maggie bites her lip and smiles, suddenly shy, and that shyness makes Alex love her even more somehow.

They slip their tank top back on and Maggie nods softly, making a note in her head, and shrug their jeans off but leave their boxers on, something else that Maggie smiles at faintly and nods softly about.

Alex loves being paid this much attention to, being this heard, but right now? Right now, they want to give all that attention to Maggie.

“Spread your legs for me?” they ask, and Maggie gasps harshly, loudly, and Alex grins as they kiss their way up Maggie’s open thighs, Maggie whimpering and starting to thrash her hips and twist her fingers into the bedsheets to try, in vain, to control her need.

“Al,” she pants, and Alex smiles up at her.

“I’ve missed the way you taste,” they tell her, and Maggie tosses her head back in ecstasy, and it’s all the permission Alex needs to seal their lips over Maggie’s clit and lick slow, hard, solid, steady, until Maggie comes completely undone, until Maggie begs please, please, Al, I need you inside me, Alex, please baby, please, and god, does Alex love fulfilling Maggie’s requests.

They slip their fingers one at a time into Maggie’s soaked opening and Maggie whimpers and screams and keeps begging for more, and Alex gives more, takes more, does more, bringing their lips back down onto Maggie’s clit until she cums, hard and chaotic and loud and perfect, all over Alex’s fingers, all over their eager tongue.

“Alex,” Maggie sighs as she comes down from her high, as Alex crawls back up her body and wraps her up with theirs.

“I got you, babe,” they tell her, and she curls contentedly into their shoulder.

“I wanna get you too,” she tells them, but Alex just grins and kisses her forehead.

“Next time, Maggie. Right now? Right now I wanna hold you.”

Maggie nods and tosses one of her legs over Alex, burrowing onto them completely.

“Don’t let go?” she asks, and Alex kisses her hair for a long moment.

“Never,” they tell her, and they mean it as a promise.