Trying to gain trust back

After that big lie she tried gaining her moms trust back but it was hard. Even her family friend was not speaking to her. Was he mad? Was he disappointed in me? These thoughts were always in her head. One day she she was laying on her bed pondering. ' why should I even live? No one wants me, no one trusts me. Enough let's end it.' Before she could get up from her bed though her cat came on there and started snuggling with her. ' is miku trying to comfort me?' She smiled softly and looked at her cat. 'Let's hold off on the suicide for now.' She thought.

Over the course of a few days she had contemplated suicide enough where she even wrote a suicide note. It read, 'thank you for everything. Thank you for caring, but in the end I can no longer bear this torment. I'm sorry for being a burden, it wasn't my intention. Mama thank you for doing everything you could do for me. [insert name here] thank you for caring even though you didn't have to. I'm sorry for breaking our promise. And finally brother, even after all the things you did to me thank you for giving me advice on life and thank you for being your funny self. Please take care of miku. May you all be happy without me. Don't be sad don't be mad, don't be regretful because I don't blame anyone. I simply died because I was too weak.'

After she wrote that note she grabbed the thing she was going to consume and drank it. Her throat felt like it was burning. She started coughing and then her cat came over. Miku came and meowed. Was miku trying to say don't do it? Her face started to look regretful and she ran out of the house. She came across her family friend and told him that her throat was burning. Her mom came a little later and figured out that she had poisoned herself. They called poison control and said that if she hadn't drank a lot she would be fine after drinking some water. She quickly drank the water and was fine after a bit, but later she started throwing up.

After that whole suicide attempt things calmed down a bit. People stoped mentioning the lie so she felt less guilty. After that whole incident she was feeling better. She hadn't self harmed in 2 weeks but then she had an intake with a program called kick start. It was a program that deals with people who experience psychosis symptoms. The intake didn't go very well though. They weren't being transparent which she didn't like and they were really fake. Things started to go downhill from there. At school she walked out of class and walked off campus. To say the teachers were shocked was an understatement. She wasn't like thing so what was going on in her head?

'Do it. Just walk out the door. No one can stop you so do it.' These were the voices in her head telling her to walk out that door, but the scary part was that she felt like she couldn't control her body. As she walked out she did have a desire to do it but she knew that under normal circumstances she would never do that.

As she walked out of the door the people trying to reason with her called out to her but their voices just faded away. It was like she was in a different world. They called her mom and she came. Her mom looked at her facial expression and looked shocked or maybe even scared. That's because she didn't look like she usually does. She almost looked like a different person, and it alarmed her mom. Her mom knew something was up so after they convinced her to get in the car she started crying. Her cat was there in her bag, miku looked like she wanted to comfort her. And she was honestly really scared, what if this happens again and I hurt someone? She was so overwhelmed and scared she wanted to go home and eat some comforting so she did.

After that she didn't go to school for a while.