Monster

*Girls pov*

Why am I a monster? Why do people hate me? Why am I unusual? Why am I not normal? I always ask myself these questions. Im trying okay. I'm trying to not make people worry. So why? I'm trying my best, to make people smile. So why do they look at me with resentment? Why do they look at me with such disgust when they see my true self. My sister saw that side of me and is disgusted with me. So is that one friend I had.

I'm not a monster. Or at least that's what I like to tell myself. 'I'll be there for you' they always say that, but they never are when it matters. I'm here sitting in my room, crying. Trying to find reason to live, but I can't. I might as well end it, then my cat comes to my face and licks my tears. 'Why do you care about me?' I think. I'm clearly a monster so why aren't you scared of me? I'm not worthy of your love. I just wish I could disappear.

I pick up my razor and go to the bathroom. I slowly slice my skin. Blood drips from the fresh cuts. Am I a monster? Or am I what they call human? What people did to me was horrible. The things that I have experienced are hurtful. All those things may have turned me into a monster. What do you think? Am I a monster? I think so. Someone once said to me, 'why are you so weird and unusual?' What does that mean; I ask myself. Does that mean I'm not human? I'm a greedy ungrateful monster as well.

I wrote something in my diary today it read 'I'm so lonely even though I'm surrounded my people who love me. Am I being greedy? I mean I keep wanting more and more. Maybe it's because I'm scared. I want someone to tell me it's going to be okay, to tell me they will stay with me until the end. I want to know they won't abandon me. I want someone to hold when I'm crying. You know, I wish I could die. I prayed to god that I could die soon but then I remembered something my mom told me. His won't grant anything that's harmful to you. When will I have the luck to commit suicide? I don't tell anyone that I'm in pain, that I'm suffering. I'm scared. Scared they won't care. That they'll just walk away, shrug it off or say 'that's not my problem.

I think I'm weak for crying. 'Can't you bear more?' I tell myself. I just want to escape from this awful world. This world, this earth is too imperfect. I can't stand it. All these fairy tales are just not real. There so unrealistic. Does happiness even exist? Does love exist? I don't want to love. I want to escape. I want to die.

*end of girls pov*