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The Forgotten Wings

Tác giả: Yogurt_Garcia
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Tóm tắt

His unknown goal, unknown origin, unknown power. His true form is different from others. Who is he? What is he?

Thẻ
5 thẻ
Chapter 1Sword

In a lonely dorm restroom, an alarm was ringing at 4:43 am.

A shadow appeared from the bathtub. A blacked-haired figured male, humming music.

The floor creaked as he approached the door.

Walking toward the wooden wardrobe. Putting on the academy uniform.

A few hours passed as I sat waiting for my clock to reach 8:10 am.

"Tick-Tock Tick-Tock"

Opening the door heading outside. People whizzed past me fluttering their wings.

While walking to the academy gates. "Where is your student ID? You know you can't enter without an ID" the guard said while looking at me. I reached into my pocket pulling it out. "You are as annoying as always," I thought to myself, rolling my eyes at the guard.

Sitting by a charger plug charging my phone. Waiting for the time to reach 8:40 when my first class started.

"Start heading to your class now!!" The principal was screaming at the students to rush to class.

Entering the basic learning ability class. "Today we will be learning basic spells, Open your textbook to page 154, most of you students were told that all spells required a casting circle but that's incorrect" Mr. Sowen was explaining.

My mind drifting into my imagination until suddenly the teacher called out my name.

"Yoguui, come demonstrate the basic spell since you seem to know it already!!," Mr. Sowen screamed at me. Walking down the stairs leading to the front of the class, smiling at the teacher.

"Basic spells aren't challenging, all you have to do is clear your mind," Saying while proceeding to sing a song. Using my singing to cast the spell. A small sword appeared in my hands. It was clean, music notes appeared and disappeared from the sword.

Walking up the stairs and sat back down on my desk. "Good job, Yoguui," Mr. Sowen said while applauding me. I started working on his other class assignments while humming ignoring the teacher's words.

[Yoguui wasn't always this confident. Being abandoned at birth, living in poverty until a family raised him as their own.

He couldn't use magic like normal kids. The only way to use a spell was by singing. His song was unique, no one who listened to it could understand it. Other than Yoguui himself.]

"Ding Dong"

I stood up from my desk, leaving the room.

Walking into the large outdoor cafeteria.

"What should I eat today, maybe some cupcakes?" Lining up in the lunch line grapping a marble plate. Waiting for 10 minutes "May I get a hamburger with no vegetables only the meat and chess, Thanks" I said while reaching for vanilla with pink frost cream and putting it on my plate.

Sitting down on my classic seat, located in a beautiful garden covered in white roses. "I am back roses," I said while lying down next to them.

When I got done eating. I put my plate in the washing tray. Then I returned to the garden. I started to wander off to slumber.

Waking up a few hours later. "Dame it, I fell asleep again," I said while making my way to the gate. The gate was locked, "How am I going to get out of here, I sure hope my hole wasn't packed up" I thought to myself.

Suddenly, I tripped over a large vine. "Don't tell me a rose got awakened, just my luck!" I screamed then started singing.

Summoning two shiny sharp swords. I started wandering around looking for the rose. A cracking noise came from the large green bush.

"The queen rose must be there" Launching myself to the sky almost hitting my head on the barrier. "I am sorry poor rose but it's either me or you," I said while cutting the white rose.

I then rushed to a hole I had made before. Luckily it wasn't covered up.

Entering my dorm, undressing, putting on sleeping boxers. "Today was such a tiring day, time to sleep," I said while slowly closing my eyes.

"Poor Flowers...Life isn't fair"

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globmand
globmandLv1

first of all, I want to make it clear that I think the story has potential there are, however, a couple of problems. now, the largest problem is honestly the writing, good thing is, writing is one of the easier aspects to improve. So, first of all, I advise you to scrap the whole *insert place* method, it takes the reader out of the flow of the story and is pretty easy to change. all you need to do is write something along the lines of, for example, "I was standing in the kitchen when I heard cracking noises from the stairs" instead of *kitchen* cracking noises were coming from the stairs. secondly, your story is allowed to meander a bit. now, I'm not saying that you should get into the habit of padding the text out with useless things people skip over. You can, however, make conversations a bit longer, not just by using more words, as that gets very boring very fast, but by taking your time to get to the goal of the conversation, this would also allow you to establish characters more clearly as you could allow them to bounce off each other for longer. thirdly, use the location you set yourself up to your advantage what I mean is, your character is in a school, the perfect setting for an exposition dump, so instead of giving your readers a wall of text to go through in the first chapter, just have a teacher give his class a lecture on history. fourth, readers don't need to know everything immediately, for example, you could just tell the readers the human side of Yogui's story in class as I advised earlier, and then have him find out about his own past later. it'll be more emotional for the readers as we have had the chance to connect with Yogui more, and it'll add an undertone of mystery to who his real parents could be if we find out early that he is adopted but without knowing where he is from. either way, that's just what I think. good luck with the writing. and like I said at the beginning, I truly think the story has potential, I'll check back in at some point and revise my review.

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