Prince Tullin

"I need you to sue me," Prince Tullin calmly explained to the terrified merchant he was speaking to. He towered over the merchant as he sat upon his golden stallion, donning his fabulous gold and silver breastplate.

"M—My liege, p—please," the merchant stammered, falling to his knees and pleading.

"Stand up, good Sir Merchant," Tullin said. The merchant forced himself to his feet, wiping away his sweat and tears. "Let me explain the situation to you, good sir, so you might understand there's nothing to fear from me. Alright?"

"Y—Yes, my l—liege," the merchant stuttered.

"Would you not agree that the laws of this land are fair and uphold the rights of all men?" Tullin asked as he rested his hand upon the handle of his gorgeous decorative bastard sword, which was also gold and silver.

"Yes, my liege. The laws of this land are fair to the rights of all men," the merchant echoed.

"And would you not agree that I have ruled over the City of Irrus justly and fairly?"

"Yes, my liege. You have lorded over us all with fairness and justice."

"And you have seen that I treat all men fairly, regardless of their status in society, whether they be of noble or common birth?"

"Yes, my liege. You lord over the rich as you do the poor."

"I have wronged you, Sir Merchant," Tullin said grievingly, hanging his head in shame. "I came to your store yesterday to buy the finest fabrics this side of the Kaspician Sea. Upon inspecting the purchases, which I made during yesterday's shopping spree, I realized you have been underpaid, so I must ask you again, Sir Merchant, to sue me, for no one is above the law, not even I."

"My liege, you may reimburse me now and I will take no offense," the merchant said.

"Are you deaf, sir?" One of Tullin's guards yelled. "Your liege is only trying to do what's right, and you're trying to stop him?"

"Oh, n—no! No, my liege," the merchant yelped defensively. "We may settle this matter now, my liege, rather than bringing the issue to court. All I ask is you reimburse me now. Pay what you owe my store and this issue will be settled, my liege, please. Please, just pay."

"No," Tullin sighed dramatically. "No, good sir. I have broken the law and I must pay the price. I must be brought to justice!"

"Ten percent!" The merchant pleaded. "Pay me now plus ten percent for the trouble. Then the issue shall be considered settled. Here, let me write up a contract—"

"Ten percent?" Tullin's guard mused. "That's awfully high. It's only been one day."

"Five percent, then!" The merchant cried as he pulled out a feather and paper. "Please, just let this matter be settled."

"I don't understand why Lord Tullin would have to pay any interest at all," the guard said. "He is trying to right his wrongs, you see."

"Fine! No interest! Here, I've written out the receipt already. See? You pay your debt to me now, and it shall be settled. Please, my liege, just sign it," the merchant begged.

"Good sir," Tullin said and shook his head. "Clearly, you cannot be made to see reason. I cannot bring you to see why it is so important that I ensure our law is upheld at all costs. Therefore, I hereby order you to sue me and settle this matter in court."

"My liege, please," the merchant fell to his knees again and kissed Tullin's feet. "I have a wife and daughter. Please, don't make me sue you. I take no offense. You are forgiven! Yes, your debt is absolved. I pardon you!"

"How dare you disobey a direct order?" Tullin's guard barked. "Soldiers, arrest this man for insubordination."

Just as Tullin's soldiers grabbed the merchant, he threw up his hand and shouted, "Wait!"

His soldiers paused in their tracks and everyone turned to Tullin. "I give you one more chance to rescind your position. Now, do you sue me?"

The merchant thought for a moment, then shouted in frustration, "Yes, my liege, I'll sue you! I'll sue you so hard you won't be able to stand for a week." Then he pointed his finger at Tullin and gave the order, "Guards, arrest this man!"

"How dare you?" Tullin gasped as his own soldiers arrested him. "Do you have any idea who I am? I shall see you in court, good sir!"

Prince Tullin won the case with ease. After all, he did come and try to right his wrongs. The merchant spent a month in prison, leaving his wife and fourteen-year-old son to run the shop alone. They accumulated so much debt that when the merchant was finally released, he had to sell all his goods and leave the city. Among his merchandise was a beautiful blue-footed booby.

"No one will buy the booby," the merchant's wife told him the day before they had to leave the city. "What should we do with it?"

"I'll give it to some charity downtown. They'll find someone in need of an exotic seabird," the merchant responded.

"Can't we keep it?" The merchant's son asked.

"No, my boy," the merchant said. "The famine might not be so bad here in Irrus, but other towns have it worse. A bird like this will be more trouble than it's worth."

On their way out of the city, the merchant dropped the bird off at one of the offices of a local charity. He walked into the stone building with his bird in a wooden cage. The middle-aged clerk at the counter looked up at him with her glasses resting low on the ridge of her nose. "I can't take care of this bird anymore," the merchant said as he placed the large cage on the counter.

"We'll find a loving home for it," she said. "There's plenty of victims of the war and famine in Vanaham who could use a comfort pet."

"Oh," the merchant wondered. "Wouldn't it be a bad idea to give a high-maintenance animal to a hungry and desperate family?"

"Do you want us to take the bird or not?" The clerk snapped.

"Please, take it."