chapter 2

Some of them died, and I die more every day

  I swallowed my pain as I felt the car stop in front of the door of the house and the sun had set. I looked at Castro and smiled palely and said goodbye to him and got out of the car and I was walking towards the door of the house. With every step I put it on the ground for this house, my soul is screaming at me to return to it. Because of their looks, they love each other except

  I'm the only one who's like this. Damn me. I reached the door and my lips were trembling. I put the key in and opened it. I pushed the door and went inside. I closed it and locked it again with the key and went inside. I swallowed my saliva as I looked at them while they were gathered in the living room. I took a breath. Deeply, I headed to my room, my only refuge.

  Yesenia: Where have you been until now?

  Aloria: It's none of your business

  Yesenia: What are you saying, you damned woman? Speak carefully every time you say something. Grab the door handle and go out. I heard you.

  Allouria: Take care of yourself, Yesenia, and leave me alone. I'm not really free for you

  Yesenia: Speak well, you bastard whore. I gritted my teeth and shouted at her to stop before she finished speaking. I turned to her and my eyes sparkled with tears that were streaming down my cheeks. I saw my damned brothers sitting without moving and the so-called father with them. She was in front of me and talking. I hate this. The nickname is very much because of their thinking

  Damn, they think that I caused the death of my mother. Oh God, please stop. Help me. Thinking about it is killing me. My mother is killing me. In my ears, it causes an unrelenting buzzing in my head as if it is eating away at my bones and crushing them.

  Aloria: Don't say or utter such foolish things

  Yesenia sarcastically: Why aren't you?

  I gritted my teeth as I looked at her, and a tear fell from my eye as I swallowed my saliva. That's why I hate this house and hate entering it, because I know very well that I will be more devastated when...

  Enter him. I walked towards her with wide steps, my lips trembling and my eyes tearing up. Without realizing it, I raised my hand up, brought it down to her cheek, and slapped her hard.

  And I inhale lightly and hear her loud voice that echoed as a result of my slap, and her face is turned to the other side. I just want to make my insides cool because of her words and her exaggeration.

  For things that make the person called Carlos lose his temper and shout at me, damn her, how damned she is. Since she came out, my insides have been burning at her insults towards Castro and me, even though I know what will happen to me as a result of my action, but I just want to make my insides relax.

  Life did not give me options to always choose what was difficult and what I could not bear. It was put in front of me and I could not do anything. I tried to tell them that I am not like that and I am not

  The perpetrator, and since I was young, I have been trying, but to no avail. They accuse me because my mother died, and they did not receive the tenderness of my mother, and they were forced with difficulty to live without her because of me.

  Even my father can't stop them or he doesn't want to. He's just watching. I haven't heard a word from him that calms me down or extinguishes what's inside me. He just watches silently. He kills me and doesn't prevent his children from destroying me. That's why I think he is with them and thinks I'm his killer because the woman he loved died because of me, really. I want to be free from my body. Many times I thought about committing suicide, but...

  It did not work that I am a coward to harm myself, and I know very well that suicide is not and will never be a solution, no matter the suffering. Suicide is the worst thing that must be faced with difficulties and hardships.