4 | Please, remain in my memories.

Everything started when I was 4 years old. As always, Duchess Vierra would lock me up in that cold tower wearing old dirty clothes. Sometimes, my room would be empty whenever I did a mistake. There is no bed nor a lamp to light the night when the moon is at its peak. It was pure torture for a 4-year-old to have yet Duchess Vierra remains heartless.

When I started to slowly obey her, the bed came, lights are finally here yet there was no fire to keep me warm in that cold place. I endured my little body shaking in the cold and countless nights suffering from fever because I couldn't handle the cold very well. There was no one to nurse me, nor someone to take good care of me. I was all alone in that damn place.

When I turned 5, I started to roam the walls of the manor secretly without the eyes of Duchess Vierra. I would sneak into the kitchen to steal food because the servants won't give me decent meals each time. They would always give me stale bread and cold soup and hot water. It's a strange meal for a child to have which made me think to steal food in the kitchen.

I would always steal some hot baked bread or a potato just to eat. I wasn't caught, and for me, it was fun. For months, I would always go to the kitchen sneaking to steal food and the servants found out that a thief was stealing the food of the Aristocrats. To not get caught, I stayed in that cold room again in the tower so Duchess Vierra won't suspect me.

When the suspicion is finally gone, I sneaked out going to the kitchen again. I stole some fresh apples and bananas and while I was strolling in the hallways, I saw a strange door slightly open. My curiosity, I went inside and my eyes sparkled in awe to see millions of different books gathered on each shelf. It was huge and beautiful. I started to roam around and picked up a book that I took an interest in.

"Epee... wee... aaaa..." I started to read out loud. I couldn't read very well, even I can't speak very well because I am still 5 years old. I still read through the pages of the book even though I don't understand a single word in that book. Now, I have two destinations that I would sneak into. To the kitchen, then to the library.

Each day, without the eyes of Duchess Vierra I would sneak out and read books all day and night while stealing food. As days goes by, I started to learn words that I read from the book and I became fluent each day.

"The pairy said to the nutkarker, 'I will wait for you mah lab..." I read out loud again as I read through the pages. I laughed, smiled, was confused, amused, and cried in that book. I slowly understood words and the paragraphs in the book for a week of reading straight.

The next day, as usual, I went to the kitchen to steal another food than on my way to the library. As I walk in these open hallways, I stumbled upon a beautiful garden. There was a huge fountain with a woman statue, a tree, and a veranda surrounded with many grass and beautiful flowers and covered with vines and leaves on it. I sat down in the grass leaning against the wall, feeling the warm air embracing me.

It's been a while since a last bathed under the warm weather. I was always inside the tower, locked and abused by Duchess Vierra.

"Woah, you look so dirty." A young boy came to me with a blank and blunt eye looking at me. It made me feel weird so I ignored him and look away.

"Are you a servant? You're too young to be a servant here..." He continues to speak and I continue to ignore him.

"Do you know how to talk? Are you a slave to in this family?" I turn to look at him with grumpy eyes.

"Pirst of all, I am not a slabe. Second of all, I live here. Third of all, I am not a servant, mister who you are." I answered.

"You can't talk well," he said. I rolled my eyes. Of course, I can't! I'm a baby! We stayed quiet and I looked at him, his clothes adorned with expensive jewels and he looks neat and handsome. What attracted me the most is his red-ruby eyes. It was beautiful — shining under the sun like a fire igniting something.

"I am Thaddeus. What's your name?" He spoke out of blue and I answered, "I'm Arina." I said and it made me freeze. Duchess Vierra told me not to tell anyone about my real name! But I can't turn back now... I can't just tell him I am Aniya.

I look at him again and I was taken aback to see him gently smiling at me.

"Then... Can I call you Rina? Short for Arina." He spoke gently too and I could feel my heart racing and my cheeks burning red. I gently nodded and I heard him chuckle.

"Then, you can call me Chad too! Let's be friends!" He said cheerfully and I had no choice but to nod my head. Since then, we became close friends and played together secretly in that garden the people in the manor wouldn't take care of or use it. We would tend it with ourselves and play.

When I turned 6, I finally had the chance to meet the duke and when Duchess Vierra found out I was playing with Thaddeus, who's a son of a Duke — she was furious and locked me up in the cold tower again with no light and no bed. I cried that night contemplating what I have done wrong when all I wanted to be is for me to be happy and play with Chad together.

Stuck inside the dark and cold place of the tower, with only the moonlight to comfort me, a shadow suddenly appeared right in front of me — reaching its hands towards me. I gaze upon his beautiful red-ruby eyes sparkling in such awe with his sweet smile upon me he said to me, "It's boring to just sit down and do nothing for the rest of your life right? I heard there's a festival going on in the capital, will you accompany me, my Lady?" His words were sweet and my young heart starts to beat.

That night, I realized how beautiful such a person could be. I couldn't stop admiring his eyes gently looking at me and his sweet smile as if he was reassuring me. At such a young age, I fell in love with this beautiful boy.

I accepted his hand, holding it tight as he pushed me into his arms and we both glide outside the window swiftly with his ability to float. He guides me through the air as we walked gracefully and watched the town lights beneath us. I could hear my heart racing — nervous thinking I might fall. But then, I felt his little hands holding mine and whispered in my ears, "Don't worry, I won't let go." He said and I felt comforted.

My expression turned bright when I look up to the sky — the dazzling moonlight accompanied by stars and clouds and the town lights beneath us. It was freedom for me.

After the short trip, we went down and hide our identities using only a brown cloak. He held my hand during all the tours and turns we made at the festival, holding his promise that he will never let me go. I felt happy.

But that happiness doesn't go as always, we wanted it to. My mother found out about the relationship with Chad but she didn't make a move instead, she also used Chad with her desires as her pawn alongside me. Both Chad and I grow together and we became closer which made the other Aristocrats think that Chad could be the next family member of the gracious Duchess Vierra and the Duke.

Chad is always there whenever Duchess Vierra punishes me for the things I never intended to do or the orders I couldn't obey. I was suffering in the dark and he gave me light. All of the sudden, Duchess Vierra wanted me to marry Chad. I was happy that I could finally be with him secretly without the eyes of Duchess Vierra as a mere pawn but as a normal being. I gave my body and love to him every night as we shared our warmth. Every time we did it, I imagined a family with him. A son who looked exactly like him, and a daughter who looked like me playing in the garden with Chad as I watch them from afar content.

He is always there when I always need him.

I wanted to protect him, away from the eyes of Duchess Vierra. I wanted him to stay at Tina's side so he will be safe. I wanted him to stay safe. So, I sacrificed everything just for the hopeful bright future I use to dream of. And for the third time, I failed. I failed to protect a cherished one again. Duchess Vierra planned on killing Chad and I told Tina the truth before everything goes worst. I convinced Chad to leave — breaking his heart in the process of "saving him". Duchess Vierra died in the end, however, the pain we had to endure is still there. And I hope, for the next life that will come, we will be happy again Thaddeus.

****

"It's a surprise for me to know you're learning swordsmanship now," Chad spoke making my train of thought break and came back to the present. After I cried hard, we sat down underneath a tree in the secret garden we took care of.

"It's nothing... I'm just bored." I spoke. I wanted to tell Chad about what happened but I'm scared that he might think I'm crazy. I know that he doesn't think that way but I am still scared. In these times, Duchess Vierra and Thaddeus are close. I don't know what happened as they suddenly got closer to each other. That's why it's risky to just tell Chad about what happened and what will happen in the future.

"Are you sure? You have a weak body, Aniya. You shouldn't overdo your body." He said with worried eyes and I nodded and smiled.

"Thank you, but I can manage. I just wanted to have some fresh air." I said and stood up and picking up the wooden sword from my left.

"If you say so." He answered and we both went silent again. The wind blew gently in between us. I was starting to walk away when I heard his voice calling my name.

"Aniya," he called.

"Yes?" I answered, slightly turning my head to look at him.

"If ever... Duchess Vierra do those things to you again, don't forget to tell me." He spoke with his gentle voice and I finally turn to look at him. I smiled at him — the kind of thing that I haven't done as Aniya ever since I became Duchess Vierra's puppet. I saw him freeze and his eyes widen in shock to see me smile. As if it was a once-in-a-blue moon I smiled.

But at this moment, I will smile always. Because I will protect you, I will protect the things I have lost in the past.

"Thank you, for staying by my side Thaddeus," I said and the wind blew gently again in between us. Silence reign between us again as we both gaze at each other with soft and warm eyes. He later then smiled at me, stood up, held my hand, and kissed the back of my hand he is holding.

"It has been always a pleasure, my Lady." His voice starts to sound hoarse which made it feel weird. It sounds like he was about to cry. We talked a bit more and decided to go back to my room later without my half-brothers and Duchess Vierra knowing that I sneaked out. And it was a success.

******

Thaddeus's Point of View

I vaguely can recall I was in my room signing some papers that Raymond assigned me to do for the next upcoming events for the next three months. As I was signing the papers, I didn't know it was already night but I couldn't let these papers do it tomorrow because I have classes and I will become busy, so I decided to take some more overnight just to finish these when my body feels tired and my eyes feel heavy. I could see my world in a spiral and all of the sudden, it went all black.

I woke up in a familiar place — the bedroom, the ceiling wall paintings, the furniture — the whole place feels familiar. I realized that I went back in time to when I was "Thaddeus" the famous husband of the villainess, Aniya. We both have the same name which makes it difficult to know the similarities and differences because we also look the same. Same red ruby eyes and fair white skin.

Same memories.

I realized I went back in time to when I was only 11 years old. I have no clue what is happening, whether what I am doing here back in the past. While I was going on a stroll to get some memory flashbacks in my head, places that I missed going, my favorite places that I always went with her — I met her again.

This time it felt different. She looks small — like a 9-year-old kid. At the times like these, she would cry in the corner, leaning against the wall, and shed tears silently. And I would appear right in front of her, offering my hand to help her. But this time, I saw her swinging the sword imbued with magic. Her body's frail in the past, yet when I looked at her today, she doesn't look weak. She looks stronger than before.

My eyes couldn't take off the mesmerizing appearance. I felt frozen from my spot as if the world stopped right at that moment, she swiftly cut off her enemy using the sword.

I went into her and tried to talk to her. I even felt more surprised to see the determination in her eyes, the soft eyes crying at me, the way she talked to me like any time I would disappear. I never saw this side of her, not even in the past.

What happened? Is the question kept running in my head? But, if turning back time to make me fall in love with her again and make the same mistakes I have done in the past because I loved her, then I would just say thank you but no. I won't do the same mistakes again which means that I won't fall in love with Aniya again.

I say that, yet I can still feel my hand reaching out to her. Aniya, you have drawn stars around the scars you've made back in the past. You made me fall in love with you many times. In return, you hurt me by choosing another guy and breaking your promise to me.