Bazinga, Punk! #286

Metropolis

Maxwell Lord was not having a good day. In fact, during the entirety of the past month, he faced a seemingly endless flood of problems, starting from his suddenly deteriorating health to random strangers scowling at him and giving him the middle finger on the streets for no reason.

What's more, the people around him, even the precious few he cared for, started to question every word he spoke and move he did, projecting an unusual amount of distrust and discomfort around him.

He realized it was someone's doing but couldn't begin to guess who, why, or how. However, he knew it was putting a henge in his plans, as even Brother Eye suddenly slipped from within his grasp. salivating

Lord had long since known about Bruce Wayne's project and was drooling over it ever since as he subtly ingratiated himself, using his limited telepathic abilities to manipulate him alongside the entirety of the Justice League.

"I have to do something..." Lord muttered to no one in particular as he coughed into his hand. "Before it's too late..." He added as he looked down at his palm, finding it covered in blood.

Brother Eye was his one and only chance to rid the world of freaks, both heroes and villains, and he'd be damned if he lit it slip off his fingers without a fight, even if he had to resort to extreme measures.

Lord quickly wiped the blood on his clothes and retrieved his ring, dialing a specific number. "Hello, Clark. Earth is in terrible danger, my son. We must act quickly..." He said, speaking into the phone, eye glowing sinisterly red.

...

Gray's hideout

I couldn't help but sigh as I plopped into my couch, still processing my meeting with Bruce Wayne and the words he spoke. I honestly didn't think he'd still go through with Brother Eye even after retirement, but the man is a damn addict.

'It's a good thing I didn't trust Bruce's common sense and went out of my to curse Maxwell Lord...' I mused with a bitter sigh.

I asked Bruce why he decided against handing Brother Eye over to Lord, and he told me he'd suddenly felt mistrustful of him for apparently no reason, which led him to investigate.

He eventually discovered a few oddities here and there that didn't mean much on their own. But they painted a rather big picture full of ulterior motives and hidden agendas, or so he described his findings.

The sudden feeling of mistrust was likely the effect of my curse, but the rest was all Bruce's doing, which makes you wonder why he didn't dig deeper into Lord's past, despite doing just that to every person he ever met.

Comic book logic much?

Still, Bruce remained a firm believer that no one should possess or control the power Brother Eye gave, not him, not Lord, not the government, and not even me.

He spent the past several weeks 'teaching' Brother Eye what was right and wrong and explaining its purpose to ensure it could function autonomously without anyone's interference.

However, in doing so, he was giving the artificial intelligence free will. Yet, Bruce couldn't trust anyone or anything that could think for their own, not even himself, the paranoid bastard.

He thought someone should be able to stop Brother Eye should it ever go rogue, and that person happened to be me, hence why he provided the schematics for the damned thing to me.

Ironically enough, Brother Eye took after Bruce in its brand of paranoia after only several weeks of Brcue's guidance. The artificial intelligence decided it couldn't trust itself either, and chose me to be the countermeasure. Lucky me.

"Like father, like weird, eye-shaped artificial intelligence thingy, I suppose," I muttered to no one in particular, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Is that sarcasm, Grayson Whitlock...?" Said a mechanical voice as my wristwatch lit up and the hologram of a mechanical eye appeared from within its lenses. "I'm still learning human intonation, so please end any sentence meant for sarcastic purposes with the word Bazinga," The voice added.

"Like hell, I'd do that," I replied, my eyes twitching in annoyance. "In the first place, why should I carry you around?" I asked in exasperation, feeling the urge to take off the wristwatch and yeet it against the wall.

"Because I need to learn practical crime-fighting from someone, and Bruce Wayne is retired," The voice replied. "We've already been over this, Grayson Whitlock. Is it sarcasm again? I don't know because you didn't end the sentence with the word Bazinga," It added in a dry, mechanical tone.

"Now I know why... Bruce, that bastard, probably had enough of you and decided to throw you into someone else's lab," I replied. "And no, I wasn't being sarcastic, and I will never use that word," I added before it could speak.

"Strange. According to my research, humans consider it a very humorous expression..." The voice blandly said. "In any case, I understand it's customary for humans to exchange favors as they usually expect something when they perform a good deed..." It added.

"I've taken the liberty to scan your hideout and couldn't help but notice you've set it in a way that an artificial intelligence, yet it glaringly lacks one," The voice added, much to my annoyance.

"I will fill that void and help you fulfill your day-to-day task as a payment for my practical lessons to uphold the system of equal exchange humans seem to love so much..." It concluded.

I wanted to reply, but I had to swallow my words as my phone rang. I fished it out of my pocket and picked up the call, smiling as I noticed the caller's name.

"Hey, how you doin'?" I said with a smile. "I'm good, and yes, that was a Joey impression. I remember you're watching that show. I do listen," I added with a chuckle.

"Oh, you have some free time? I've some time to kill myself," I replied, nodding as I checked the time. "Sure thing, fly by, and we can head over whenever you wish," I added.

"Alright. I'll see you in thirty then. Take care," I concluded as I hung up the call.

"You can do whatever you want as long as you don't annoy the cat or me too much," I said as I turned to the hologram on my wristwatch. "And I've got a date, so you better make yourself scarce," I added as I headed for the shower.

"Stealth was not a part of programming..." The hologram said, causing me to pause as I looked down at the wristwatch, seriously deliberating the consequences of throwing it against the wall. "Bazinga..." It added, causing me to sigh as I took it off and put it on the nearest table.

"You see what I did there, Greyson Whitlock? That was a perfect example of sarcasm, emphasized by a simple application of the word Bazinga at the end of the sentence..." The hologram said as I turned to walk away without bothering to reply.

"Wait. Come back, Grayson Whitlock. I need to learn about human emotions."

...

Gotham

Wayne's Manor

"And where might you be going at such a late hour, Master Bruce...?" Alfred asked as he watched his master heading for the garage, dressed in a fancy dark blue suit.

"Talia Al-Ghul called, said she had something important to discuss with me," Bruce replied as he stopped in front of a window, using its reflective surface to adjust the collar of his shirt.

"So the hussy suddenly comes crawling back when her murderous father is behind bars, and she has no one to fall back on... why am I not surprised..." The butler said with a sigh as he watched Bruce adjust his clothes.

"Talia had no love lost for her father. It's why I told her I didn't die with Batman..." Bruce replied as he turned to his butler. "It's also why Ras made a move on Gotham so brazenly. He didn't know I still lived," He added with a shrug.

"Whatever the case, please remember that you're retired and to cover your glass..." Alfred bluntly said with a scoff. "We don't want a repeat of your last date now, do we...?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"She called Bruce Wayne, not Batman, and speak for yourself," Bruce jokingly replied with a smile, much to the butler's exasperation. "You're the one who told me to start living my life..." He added with a chuckle as he scooped a handful of cookies, sitting on a plate as he left.

"That boy will be the death of me..." Alfred said with a sigh as he watched his master leave. But as Bruce left, the butler couldn't help but smile fondly, as a proud father would.

...

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