Trepidation

THREE YEARS AGO today, the busy Nairobi streets were flooded with people from all walks of life, cars zoomed past us with speed, it was 6pm and that meant one thing, rush hour hence the need for speed. It was Friday and I had been invited to a birthday party of someone I never knew, by some old mates from high school, just a year after we had sat for our final national exam. Jamic, now in business college had 'borrowed' his older cousin's Mercedes and was making extraordinarily careful overtakes past 'nganya' or public transport for a 33-seater bus. He was both a genius when it came to school and girls, his specialty.

He was held with great respect by his peers and whenever he showed up, he commanded the presence. I was beside the driver's seat listening to a traumatic experience narrated by 'his-sexelency'about how he snatched a girl from me, I was still a kid in Primary school. I had not talked to him about it since then but now listening to his madness made us all laugh. It was the way he said it, he has his charms. Two girls in the back, also mates from same school. Mary Jane and Mary Ann, popular girls to date, always want to be in the scene and for Jamic these ones will make the party louder. I narrowed at the girls from the mirror and caught them whispering loudly, they never know when to shut up those holes in their face. We had not been great friends except that they knew Jamic from multiple meetings I'm sure.

I glanced outside and my eyes opened to the super highway heading to the venue in Juja. Along the way, Kenyatta University, popular for science advancement was beheld. A big flame statue and school motto welded on the big white and blue gate. "Elimu ni Nguvu" meaning education is strength, but who cares anyway, as long as you have proper connections and paperwork, you are good to go. This is Africa to be precise the capital of Kenya. Without Jamic I wouldn't be in this free ride to a totally free party, with these cool kids. Now you get it.

Buildings with apartments where students reside, the school hostels are full, they rent outside as regular tenants, it has been a trend and investors have taken notice of this, building more precious apartments to the student league with installed hot shower and WiFi. Who wouldn't want to be in one? We took a turn and halted a few meters from the road, waiting for someone, within seconds a car flicked its lights from behind us twice, and just parked and got out.

"Is that the birthday boy?" Mary Ann popped up the question and started squealing and both of them were suddenly into a frenzy. Inaudible words, buy I was sure it was pure fantasy. Mary Jane composed herself, plopped her braids back, tapping on my head rest, and smiled, i felt a funny feeling and smiled back, took out my phone and dialed first two digits, handed it to her, she took it punched her number and saved it herself as MJ.

I texted her immediately, it was a blank text because I couldn't think of anything to say. I didn't want to spoil the mood in my defence.

Jamic bounced back in the seat, shut the door and said, "That guy will take us to the party." No more words came from him afterwards, just followed and music boomed, The Chainsmokers, Don't Let Me Down was playing, I loved the song, a girl I knew sent it to me while in school, we had met in a science fair, she was both pretty and with brains. I love being around brainy girls, they attract me. Her name was Krystal, tall, brown skin, just the way I like them. But this one was different, we were not in love but sent each other all the signals but we remained best friends in the long run, we were both not ready to lose each other. She was more like me in likes and dislikes, ventures both in art and music, we have similar interests. That song threw me way back and opened whatsapp, skimmed through the chats and found Krystal's, smiled at the nonsense and locked my phone.

To cut the long story short, MJ and I were together for a day or two before we called it quits, albeit I would call it hooking up, at least she emptied my balls. For the few hours we were together, she showed me the world although I was too drunk to notice how much she would have meant to me if I'd have paid attention to her. Shit happens.

The party flowed throughout the night till around 2 AM when my eyes started to play sleepy games with me. Broken glasses were lying on the corridor floor. Girls sitting on the laps of boys and other girls sitti g on girls drinking, passing cigarettes and playing Truth Or Dare. I overheard a dare. A brown skinny boy dared a girl to give him a lap dance, the girl was heavily built, but just the right size. People cheered them as they enjoyed the moments. Happy people.

"I have been looking for youu..." hiccups struggling to escape her throat, MJ slurring was something I did not expect. I liked her already but I can't say. I led her outside to cool her off, outside it was a bit

nippy.

"How much did you drink?" I said snatching that red cup from her hand and placed her on the couch outside the terrace.

"Suicide if you want to let go.." she slurred.

My mind raced. Probably all this happened while I was sleepwalking, nothing in my head was real, and I'd tell myself that just not to scare myself that it was actually happening. Suicide? Why?

She was a girl I had just met, I was already instigating plans on making her somebody I used to know, hut it was no remedy for what was unfolding before my ears. Had she fallen for me so hard already? Hold up. Someone explain to me why there is a half naked girl in my arms. Was this what I wanted, to babysit a wasted girl whom I was sure was an advocate for bad omen. This was not me, the caring type, but something was pulling me closer and closer to her with each passing second, every time I peered into her closing eyes it became harder to stop caring. I was now in some kind of trance.

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