Chapter 17

"Gai, thank you for coming so quickly."

Gai nods to his Hokage, clasping his hands behind his back. He thinks he knows the reason for this meeting, but he's not one to jump to conclusions without any proof, so instead, he waits. He doubts he'll have to wait long.

"I need you to find Kakashi. I don't doubt his will to live if only to find my daughter, but he's been back from his search for two weeks and I haven't been able to find him anywhere." The Hokage stands, going to the window. "Something is different this time, Gai, and I'm more concerned for him than I've been for some time."

"Don't worry, Hokage-Sama. You can count on me!" He puts his hands on his hips, grinning at his Hokage despite the somber mood in the office, and the Fourth Hokage almost cracks a smile. "If I do not find Kakashi within the next hour, I will punish myself by walking five-hundred laps around the village on my hands!"

"Thank you, Gai."

He doesn't waste time searching in the obvious places-he's sure that Minato-Sama has already checked them, as well as a few places that Gai probably won't think to look.

But he knows Kakashi better than anybody else, even if his friend doesn't want to admit it. After all, he's been the one to drag Kakashi home after one too many benders, and he's the one who spends his free time distracting the man when he so clearly needs it.

Perhaps the plummeting moods aren't obvious to everyone, of course, but they've been friends and rivals long enough that Gai can recognize the signs after even a single glimpse of him.

If anybody would have gotten to know Kakashi better than me, it would have been Hokage-Sama's child.

He only has to search two places before he finds Kakashi. It's simple really Gai's not blind, and Kakashi has spent more and more time with Kitsune over the last year. The ANBU is unknowingly endearing to most that meet her, and she's shy, but that hasn't stopped her from latching onto Kakashi like she can see how lonely the man is.

And for some reason, Kakashi has latched on right back.

At one point, he'd broken down and told Gai when he was entirely inebriated on a shared day off that Kitsune thought of Obito as an older brother and Obito had trampled on her trust in some sort of furious fit.

Now, Gai doesn't know Kitsune very well (he's a little suspicious that Kakashi is keeping them apart on purpose), but Kakashi had looked so protective over her at that moment, even as drunk as he was, that Gai couldn't help but start to feel the same way about the teenager.

"Kakashi, open the door!"

He supposes he should be thankful that Kakashi seems to prefer dealing with Gai over anybody else when he's drunk off of his ass. Gai, at least, won't take too much advantage of him.

It's strange, Kitsune doesn't seem like the type to keep such a bare apartment.

"Gai, I found him."

Found… Narumi? "You did, Kakashi?"

"She certainly played me, that's for sure. And Obito-he knew! Knows!" Kakashi flops backward on the sofa, one arm dangling over the side. "She's-she's been right here, all along, and I completely overlooked her because if… If I had missed her for so long, then I was just an idiot, but it's her." There are bottles of sake, empty and full, over most surfaces in the sitting room, and a fair few empty ones scattered across the wooden flooring. And between the scattered alcohol sit random collections of trach from instant ramen and a handful of dirty dishes. At least he's eating. "You should have seen her, Gai, she fights like-like she was trained by ANBU. She is ANBU!"

"Kitsune is Narumi?"

Kakashi's head lolls until their eyes meet. "Kitsune is Narumi," he confirms, and the pain is bright and present in his voice, would be glaringly obvious to even the most unobservant genin. "Kitsune is Narumi and she knows who she is and she doesn't want me to know." He pushes himself up, swaying from the alcohol and the effort. "Why… why would she work so hard to avoid me, Gai? Hell, she told Obito, and I can understand why Obito kept his secret-he owed Narumi his life. Which is… another thing altogether." He growls, scrubbing a hand through his hair, and Gai feels something protective in him rising up like a tidal wave.

Kakashi is hurting. He's hurting, and this time, Gai doesn't think he can do anything to help. How do you console someone whose entire world has been actively avoiding him for twelve years?

Because Gai knows. Kakashi has loved Narumi more than his own life since the moment he laid eyes on her. And nothing in the world will change that, not even this. And his heart breaks all over again for his oldest friend.

"Kakashi-"

"Kushina-san knows. So does Sarutobi-Sama, and Deer and Leopard, and Itachi, and Shisui-san-they all know." He slouches, resting his elbows on his knees to support himself from falling too far forward, and Gai fights the urge to hug him. Even after years, Kakashi doesn't like to be touched. Even if Gai doesn't fully understand it, he respects his friend and respects his boundaries. "They all knew, and they didn't tell me." His breath hitches in his chest, voice catching. Gai sits down beside him, leaving enough room between them to keep Kakashi's peace of mind.

"If Narumi is only avoiding you, why doesn't Minato-Sama know about him?"

A moment passes, and Gai suppresses a sigh of relief that he hasn't said the wrong thing. You never can be sure, when it comes to Kakashi.

"Well… knowing Itachi, he probably figured it out on his own… And from what I understand, there was a period of time where Shisui was trying to court her, so… I can understand why Itachi would want to stop him and therefore risked telling him the truth…"

Here he is. I knew he couldn't stay sad for long, not when his mind is wired for logic.

"And if somebody accidentally left the right clues, I can see where Kushina-san would put the pieces together, but what I don't understand is why she didn't tell us." He leans back, meeting Gai's gaze again with his own bloodshot eye. "And the Sarutobi-Sama? Even though he's known for years, he never dropped any hints… I can understand the ANBU. They're loyal and if they were ordered not to tell, they wouldn't break that. And I think they're extremely loyal to Narumi, as well."

So are you, Kakashi.

"Forgetting for a moment that they're the same person, what do you know about Kitsune? Surely she's told you things that you can use to judge her character, yes?"

Kakashi hums, reaching for an open bottle and taking a sip. "She's mentioned multiple times that she wants to protect her family and that she's afraid of herself. She's…" He looks away, leaning back into the couch. "She's the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki. She told me once that she was taken away from the people she loved to keep them safe, so I don't think she left of her own volition." His fingers drum against the bottle in his hand, thoughts running ahead of him. "Clearly, somebody convinced her well enough to stay away until she could control her abilities. And they knew that only Jounin level shinobi willingly go into the Forest of Death because that's where they took her."

Jounin level shinobi, who could handle themselves well enough in a fight if she lost control around them.

"I asked her once if she ever thought to leave something for her loved ones so they knew she was okay. She took my words to heart because not even a month later, I found something from Narumi in my apartment."

"What was it?"

"A dreamcatcher." His cheeks are already pink from the alcohol-at least what Gai can see of them-, but they darken slightly at the admission.

Gai doesn't think Narumi wants to stay away from Kakashi. She latched onto the man the moment she got a decent opening, after returning from some training trip. Probably to get the Kyuubi under her control, now that I think about it.

His posture straightens. "I overheard her telling Obito once that she knows what happens when she loses control because it happened. I didn't get to hear the details, but she'd sounded haunted."

"And did it ever occur to you that she hasn't come forward to you specifically because she's afraid you'll turn her away after all this time?"

"Why would I turn her away?! She's still Narumi, she's still more precious to me than anyone!"

Gai doesn't think he needs to say anything else, but he does anyway. "Then instead of sulking, you should find a way to make her feel that security, don't you think? It sounds like she's afraid of being turned away again, after what you say happened with Obito." He rises to his feet, remembering for the first time that he's in a near stranger's home.

Kakashi sags in defeat, heaving a sigh. "First things first… I need to tell Minato-sensei."

That's more like it! Welcome back, Kakashi!

His friend is going to be okay. After all, his search is over, and that alone is a significant weight off his shoulders.

Gai only hopes the two of them can reconcile with fewer hurts between them.

Kakashi Pov

Gai is a treasure. Not… that Kakashi will ever admit it out loud, of course. But his friend has always been able to point out the bright side of any situation, and the truth is, Kakashi is far better off because of him.

Kakashi doesn't want to be hurt anymore. He's been hurt for twelve years, and he thinks Narumi has, too, so now it's time to get angry. Angry at the one who took Narumi away, angry at the one who sealed the demon fox inside her, angry at Narumi for not coming forward after she gained control of the fox, and angry at himself for denying the truth for so, so long.

Angry at Kushina-san for keeping her a secret despite there being a good period of time where she was positive she was dead.

Although, that may explain why she's adamant about keeping her secret.

After he cleans up his disaster in Narumi's apartment and drags himself into the shower, Kakashi locks the door behind himself and takes off toward Hokage Tower. He doubts his former sensei has left for lunch, not if he sent Gai after Kakashi, but he won't be surprised if Kushina-san is in the office with him.

At least he won't have to talk to them separately.

The journey to the office had dulled his anger quite a bit, and he feels ten times calmer than he has in days when he finally gets there. They turn to him the second he slips through the open window, posture rigid and hands buried in his pockets. A part of him wants to ask for a mission and pretend the last two weeks never happened, but then he catches sight of Kushina's curious gaze and he's pissed all over again.

He doesn't give his Hokage time to ask him where he's been.

"I found her."

He refuses to look in Kushina's direction. Not even a glance.

He doesn't want to see what emotion will reflect in her face." Found who?" the Fourth Hokage asks, blinking confusedly. Kakashi waits a moment, hoping the implication will sink in, relieved when it does. "N-Narumi? You found my daughter?" He pushes himself to his feet, reaching for Kakashi's shoulders like he doesn't know if he wants to hug him or shake the details out of him.

"Sensei, she's been here all along." Kakashi attempts to ignore his inner eleven years old, who just wants a hug. "We've all spoken to her. Had meals with her, gone on missions with her, been saved by her." His voice breaks but he carries on anyway. "She was inducted into ANBU at age eight. Hiruzen-Sama knew who she was and chose to keep it a secret."

His sensei stares into his visible eye, trying to comprehend the things he's saying.

"Kitsune is Narumi, Sensei." He shoots a glare at Kushina, anger and hurt and relief warring in him all over again. "Isn't that right, Kushina-san?"

Minato-sensei turns to look at her, too, releasing Kakashi's shoulders. "This? This is what you couldn't tell me? Our daughter was right here and you couldn't tell me?!"

But there are tears pouring down her cheeks while she bites her lip, searching for something to say. "I… Obito's betrayal broke her! I didn't want to hurt her by betraying her trust, it's not that I didn't want to tell you!"

Kakashi wants to scream, but on the outside, he feels deadly calm. "Telling us she was here is not the same as telling her she's the reason you nearly died!" he hisses, and then he can no longer hold himself up. His knees hit the floor and it's all he can do just to breathe.

She didn't know what Obito said to Narumi. It's obvious now, Naruto wouldn't have told her. She wouldn't have told Kakashi, either, if Kakashi hadn't asked. Because Obito had only said so much, and Kakashi had been so concerned for the teen.

She didn't know, but that doesn't mean she was right in her decision. Whether she wanted her to come to them on her own time, or she was waiting for permission, first and foremost, she's her mother.

But Kakashi's the one who's spent the last twelve years searching for Narumi in every country on the continent. Kakashi's the one who blamed himself when Narumi disappeared. Kakashi's the one who burdened himself with the weight of her disappearance every single day since it happened.

She may be Narumi's mother, but Narumi is the first person Kakashi ever wanted to live for.

So of course, she wouldn't understand how betrayed Kakashi feels.

This time, his Sensei really does hug him, kneeling beside him on the worn rug. He takes comfort in the gesture, reminded of hunting the pair of them down in the hospital in the days after Narumi was taken from them. Kakashi has the feeling he's not the only one crying between them, and he doesn't bother attempting to stop.

Until Sensei jumps to his feet. "I sent my daughter to fight the Akatsuki!"

Truthfully, though, Kakashi's not worried about that. He'd only witnessed a part of the battle before Narumi revealed her face, but the three of them had held their own quite well. Honestly, he thinks the Akatsuki they were fighting at the time were well outmatched. He pushes himself up, drained and raw, and fights the temptation to put on his spare mask because his current mask is wet with tears. "If anything, I'm willing to bet that she's going to succeed in her mission, Sensei. She came out unscathed after her first fight with them."

She really is talented. I wish I could have kept her for this life, but she seems to love protecting her home.

"I got a letter from her this morning." Kushina stands, relinquishing said letter to her husband without protest. Kakashi won't say anything, because it's not his place, but he's not blind to the tension between them. "She wanted to know if she's still engaged."

Something in Kakashi's chest seizes.

Oh, God, she was engaged to me. She was engaged to me, and I made it clear that she could break it if she wanted to…

He doesn't want Narumi to break the engagement. He may be hurt and angry, and the last time he spoke to Narumi as Narumi, she was barely four years old, but Kakashi has also gotten to know her as a mature not-quite-teenager. Knowing they're the same person, Kakashi can't help but be just a little smitten on top of all of the other feelings he holds for his Sensei's daughter. Because Narumi has always, always, evoked something in him that nobody else could.

The Hokage skims over the letter, glancing up at Kakashi after a moment. He looks mildly amused if a little sad. "She's hoping that if you can eventually forgive her, you'll still be open to the idea."

Eh?

Kakashi straightens, meeting Minato's gaze. He feels like he's being given a test. "My answer has not changed."

The letter is passed to his hands.

Dear Mom,

How is everybody? Is Dad overworking himself? Has Kakashi made it back yet? Is he okay?

We're all okay! Ero-Sennin is letting me and Obi-nii do all the planning, but I think it's just because he wants to spend his time doing his 'research' and working on his manuscript. That's okay, though, because we're all working really well together.

I kinda wish Kakashi was here, though.

Speaking of Kakashi, I just found out before we left that I was betrothed to her! Is that still true? Are we still engaged? Because even though I know he might never forgive me, I can't help but hope he's still open to the idea. I want him to understand my decision more than anybody else, and I want him to be able to forgive me when I'm done with my mission and come forward.

The truth is this: when I was six, I leveled a small village on the outskirts of the Land of Wolves. There were no fatalities, but several people were injured, including a few children. When I woke up afterward, an old man was tending to my wounds. He was kind to me, even after what I did, but I never forgot the horrified looks of the villagers.

What if that had happened at home? What if I had hurt one of our villagers? Or one of you?

The man who sealed the fox in me knew that I would be stronger, but you don't know how sad he was when he took me away. And I promised him I would save everyone.

I know that I should have come forward a lot sooner, and I'm more sorry than I could ever say, but that doesn't change anything.

Anyway, uh, I'm sorry that this letter took a really dark turn.

Even if you can't give everybody my love, I'm sending it anyway.

Love.