Goodbye Friend

The eerie silence of loneliness.

Marta wasn't sure if it would ever end. Every night, when she went to bed, it was like the angel on her shoulder was screeching into her ear. Sleep never came easy to her. It was always heavy. On top of that, opening her eyes and getting up, the aftermath, was a struggle.

Marta lay in bed. Alone. Alone. Alone. From the corner of the room, a shadow appeared. The shadow approached her shyly.

"Hey," Sun-young greeted. There was a seat directly touching Marta's bed. She didn't take it and instead stood awkwardly. Marta eyed her and immediately sensed something had changed. The way she carried herself was with a depth of power she did not understand. It was the same with Kazi.

Marta's guts twisted. While they were out there getting stronger, she was stuck in bed.

"Hey," Marta muttered, staring at her lap. Her left and right arm were linked together. She couldn't feel the touch even though she could see it was happening. It was the strangest sensation yet. Knowing she was doing something yet her nerves couldn't feel it. How in the world was she going to learn magic? How was she going to be able to do anything anymore?

Sun-young struggled to speak. "I…never mind."

"What?" Marta turned to look at her. "What is it?"

Sun-young inhaled. Whatever she was able to tell, she was torn over it. "It's…about me."

"Okay."

Sun-young breathed again. "I'm going to join the Templars."

"Oh." Marta's heart twisted. She looked up at her, seeing the guilt on the tall woman's face, and became irritated. "Congratulations." Her remark was devoid of any feeling. Happiness, sadness, anger, Marta exhibited none of those emotions.

"I'm sorry. I was…offered an apprenticeship by the Marshal." Sun-young didn't seem to know where to place her arms and decided to sit down and twiddle with them. She didn't quite look at Marta either. "Against Jack, I felt…hopeless. Utterly powerless. And for that, I'm so, so sorry, Marta."

"Don't blame yourself for what happened to me," Marta said.

"But…"

"Let's not overcomplicate it. I've been sitting here thinking about it over and over again. Jack…Jack…" Her metal fingers twitched. "It's his fault. It's all his fault. You saw the bodies. It's all him. It was all his fucking fault."

"Still…" Sun-young looked down at the floor. "I can't help but think I could have done better."

Marta snorted. "Who was it that beat Goliath single-handedly?" Sun-young refused to answer. Marta continued, "Who was it that got scared last minute and decided she couldn't fight him?"

Sun-young stayed quiet.

"I'm just a coward," Marta went on to say. "We spent days practicing team attacks but when the day came to fight him, I backed out. Because that's what I am, a coward. I leeched off the XP you worked so hard for."

"That's not true," Sun-young muttered.

"This was bound to happen." Her vision got blurry. "I'm lazy and weak and stupid. To think I actually thought I could change…it's pathetic, really." She let out a long breath, saliva spitting. "God, why am I saying this out loud? Anyway, if you're feeling guilty about leaving me, don't. It's not like we're friends anyway."

Sun-young stiffened. "That's not true," she said louder. "We are friends and I'm not leaving you. I just…I need to get stronger. The only way to do that is to train under Marshal Margaret. That's all. We'll still see each other."

"Will you? If you came here, it means you're probably going through a special training regiment. I doubt you'll have time to see limbless Marta."

"I'll do my best—"

"Sun-young, just go. You don't have to visit out of some weird sense of kinship."

"It's not weird," Sun-young replied. "When we were fighting, when I saw you get up one last time and chain him up, I was…I wanted to be like you. I wanted to fight like you."

Marta's left eye twitched. "And do you know what happened from that? I lost sight in my eye."

"But we won," Sun-young persisted. "Because of you and me and everyone else, we lived through the impossible and Kazi was able to beat him."

"But not kill him," Marta finished. Following a brief pause, Marta snorted. A sliver of emotion other than emptiness. The act, however, was anything but happy or mocking. "What an unfair world, isn't it? That piece of human garbage Jack is a damn monster, Kazi arrived like some sort of god and you…you got some new class, I bet. That's why you're going to the Marshal, right?" Marta shook her head. "Every time I see you and him, you become more and more incredible. I always want to ask…why me? Why do I have to be like this? Why am I the one that's stuck? Did I do something wrong?"

Sun-young didn't know what to say.

"You know, I was so happy you and Kazi wanted me around. For once, I felt…necessary. But it's clear to me that I—" Her voice cracked. "I have no place in your world. You and Kazi and William…you're all amazing and I'm…just…not."

"That's..." Sun-young pursed her lips together. "...not true. Not at all."

Empty. Emotionless. Her words were always so flat and lifeless. It irritated her. 

"Is it? Fine, you and Kazi aside, what happened with William? Did he gain a billion levels or something? A new weapon?"

The Korean woman looked away. "William is…"

"What? Training? Working out? I'm jealous. Not like I'd go in the first place." Marta grabbed heapfuls of her blanket. "Training…ha. Do you want to know how pathetic I was in my old life? I never went out. I stayed home and used fucking Discord all day. I didn't study. When I was teenager, I went to America for college and joined a sorority. Guess what happened? I was a loser outcast. I went back home because, well, there was nothing for me. No one wanted to talk to me. No one liked me. I used to listen to fucking ASMR videos. I imagined that I had a boyfriend and that someone—anyone—was comforting me."

Marta's anger surged like a tidal wave. Each word, each syllable, was a crash in her soul, darkening her. 

"And then what? I come to this world, hoping for a fresh start, and what do I get? More pain, more suffering, and a body that can't even fucking work!" Her voice rose into a scream. "I can't even do the simplest things anymore without struggling! I can't walk, I can't eat properly, I can't even see out of one eye! Improving…what for!? So I can be a burden to everyone around me!?"

Marta heaved, gripping the blanket so tight that it was prepared to tear. Her breathing grew haevy and Sun-young could only listen silently. 

"I...am sorry…"

"It's fine. I…just leave. You can go."

To the Templars, to somewhere else, just…just go, Marta thought.

Eventually, she did. Sun-young looked back once. Whatever she wanted to say or do, she couldn't get it out, so she left.