Chapter 3

AN: This chapter was ghost written by Wes Anderson.

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Naruto looked down at his bowl of Ichiraku Ramen, as always it was delicious and filling. Before he even call out to ask for another one he had a new bowl ready to eat. Throwing down his last pair of chopsticks he snapped open a new pair and looked towards the bowl. Before him the broth and the noodle became one as they swirled into an image of a face.

"Hey what's going on here" Naruto exclaimed confused by the shifting swirls.

As the ramen set into place it became clear his Ichiraku Ramen had become Ichi-Haku Ramen. He was stunned at visage of the young man appearing before him in the bowl. He leaned closer to the bowl to try check if it really was Haku in the Ramen. As his mouth came mere millimeters away from the mouth of the Ramen Hakus. Suddenly the face in the ramen flashed with a look of concern seconds before a hand reached up and pulled Naruto down into the bowl.

"Why the hell are you trying to kiss the air right now" Zabzuba was apparently still here and still trying to talk with Naruto.

Perhaps this was the time to try and just tell the truth and pour out his heart to the older man. If anyone could help him with the Haku situation it would be Zabzuba; and if this failed there would at least be the valuable lesson of never telling the truth.

"How do you deal with the sexual tension between you and Haku?" as soon as those words left his mouth, Naruto knew he had officially fucked up now.

"Now, we are gonna back up for a second, you're gonna not ask that question and I am going to leave" Zubzuba looked like a mixture of confusion and seething rage.

"No wait I really need your help with please I don't know what to do" Naruto had never really pleaded before, but he needed this.

"Well firstly, there is no sexual tension between myself and Haku, it's much more of a father-son dynamic if we're being honest" this was a bit of a strange exposition in the life of the murderous swordsman. "If you're trying to say you and Haku have some sexual tension forming between you two."

Naruto was now very acutely aware of how firm the older man's grip on him was and how much closer their faces had become. Most importantly he remembered how very much afraid of this man he was.

"As the previously mentioned father figure; I would most certainly frown upon you attempting to act upon this imagined tension" this definitely was the guy that almost killed Naruto and all of his friends a few days ago. "Is that clear?"

"It is very painfully clear, please don't murder me" best ways to sound both pathetic and like a punk by Naruto.

On the records, telling the truth is the fucking worst idea.