Chapter 1: Spandex Dilemma

Waking up in an unfamiliar place is always weird. Anyone who's ever been on a vacation for the first time knows that.

Not a lot of people wake up in a forest.

I blink, slowly, trying to get my bearings. I could hear the sounds of a city, maybe a long walk away. I felt the dirt scrunch as I slowly lifted my head off the floor. A small bit of spit drooled from my mouth, landing on my shirt before I could wipe it off.

I looked around. I was still tired, and unlike the movies it was taking me a while to get my bearings. I mean, I knew I was in a forest, but I didn't know I was in a forest. When it registered, I found myself scrambling to my feet, trying not to throw up at the wave of dizziness that followed.

"What the fu-?" I stopped before cussing, long habit from religious upbringing stopping me through the word. I slowly rubbed my head, reaching to crack my back. My hand stopped at the feel of an orb at my belt.

Make that several.

Feeling at one of the small objects, my fingers traced a line carved along the surface, with a button that was in the center of the line. Curious, I pulled it off from where I could feel it was attached to my belt, then lifted it up for inspection.

Then my eyes bulged. Split into red and white halves with a thick black line separating them. A white button on the center. In a way, this little ball was one of the most iconic objects in the world. Hell, I'd even had a toy version as a kid.

I slowly, gently, placed it on the ground. Then I reached for my belt. One, two, three, four, five, plus the one I'd already pulled. Six balls, several different colors, but the same size.

Pokeballs.

"Oh no…" I shook my head. "What the fresh hell is this!?" I looked around, trying to hide my panic. I'd been kidnapped. Right? I'd been kidnapped by a guy with a sick sense of humor. Hell, this was just one obsession he could have been messing with me for. If he'd made another choice I could be holding a Lantern Ring, an N7 Lancer, a Chainsword, or a sandvwich.

I found myself reaching for the balls, suddenly a bit calmer. Yeah, that made sense. I was being messed with. These balls, though obviously made of heavy metal, were fake.

I held back disappointment at the thought.

With my breathing steady, I looked out into the distance, where I could see a city. I rubbed at my face, taking a bit of relief in feeling my familiar beard against my hand. Whoever had kidnapped me, at least they let me keep that.

"Okay… short term goal. Get out of the forest." I nodded, taking my first steps forward as I began to clasp the Poke'balls back to my belt. I adjusted the hat on my head as well, ignoring the fact I did not recognize either the clothes I was wearing or the bag I reflexively lifted to my shoulder.

Whatever was happening could wait until I got to the city.

PYJ

I stopped, far back from the sign in the distance. Others were walking on the sidewalk, and simply drifted around me. I was standing there for a while. Just… reading.

The signs words were simple. Nothing complex.

Welcome to Metropolis!

Underneath that, with a picture of a man in blue tight and red cape were more words.

Home of Superman!

"…Oh son of a…" For a moment, my religious upbringing kicked in again. The I realized the situation once more. "Son of a bitch! I've gone crazy!"

"I'll say." A business man mumbled as he walked past me.

"Fuck you too you motherfucking pansy ass, bitch ass, piece of shit! Why don't jack off with a chainsaw in your ass!" I yelled at him, shaking in horror as I yelled.

I winced when I noted people around me staring, then quickly moved on, walking as fast as I could.

I immediately felt like rationalizing. I felt like taking a deep breath and telling myself to just calm down and think things through. After all, Superman is a popular figure. There had to be at least one city actually named Metropolis in real life, and of course they'd make a Superman reference.

"Fudge that." My filter was back on, and I grabbed the brim of my hat. "I know how to check this."

Talking to yourself. First sign of insanity. Then again, maybe for me it was the balls that seemed to get heavier with every fear in my mind.

I steeled myself, then walked deep into the city.

Didn't take long. Even though it was a big city, Metropolis was actually pretty clear on the sidewalks. Maybe it was early or something. It was actually a nice place. Impressive actually. Of course, anyone who knows about Metropolis knows the most impressive sight there.

I found myself taking a picture of some nice Japanese tourists. I tried to give them a nice smile, even as my stomach dropped. I got low, to get the building behind them in the shot.

"Smile!"

I took the picture, then lowered the camera to stare at the image briefly. A smiling group of Japanese people, dressed in nice clothes and happily enjoying their day. And behind them, far up in the sky, so high it was barely visible, was a round globe on top of a building with the words, Daily Planet.

I handed the tourists the camera, using what little Japanese I knew to wish them a nice day. They smiled at me, walking off to me stare up at the building.

Damn. Damn, damn, damn.

I knew right then what was going on. I had thought I was crazy, but dealing with things from that perspective was just… well, crazy. My mind, though terrified, and really excited, felt clear. I still had my body, paunch and all. And besides that, things were just too randomized.

We don't realize it, but when we watch a movie that takes place in a setting with a lot of people, a lot of work has to go into making it feel natural. Extras have to be hired and told what to do in the backgrounds, little things that make a setting feel more real. And even then, it isn't perfect. People in real life drop things, cuss, laugh, bump into each other, argue.

That's what was happening around me. Real life, every few seconds. These weren't background sounds in a video game, these were people with homes and lives to go to.

Okay. So. Let's work from this platform. Not crazy. I'm in Metropolis, in the DC Comics. And I have Pokeballs on my waist…

Damn, still have no idea what to do with this.

At that moment, the spacebattler in me felt jealous of Zoat and WhiteEyes. They'd found themselves in space, with a Lantern Ring to show them the way. Then again, they hadn't really gone to another world, they weren't real-

Okay, not going down that road. Because if they aren't real, I'm not real, and someone is writing my words. Probably me. Goddamnit me, couldn't you, I mean I, have given myself something a bit more obvious a power then Pokeballs? Like a superfit body rather than the paunch I'd had for years?

"Then again…" I looked down at my waist, thinking.

Pokeballs. With Pokémon possibly inside them.

A ridiculous thought. One I was having while standing at the foot of the Daily Planet.

I hefted the bag on my shoulder, the one I hadn't looked into yet, thinking. As I did, I walked by a window, only to stop and look at myself.

Average height. I had gained some weight recently, but the marks of long hours wrestling and boxing had left their marks in some scars on my knuckles and muscles on my arms. My curly black hair popped out from a dark grey hat. I pulled at the black t-shirt I was wearing, noting the small Pokeball on the right breast. Then my jeans, pretty standard fare.

I looked like me. I took comfort in that. Maybe I wasn't some gorgeous supermodel, but I had my body, and I had long since learned how to throw a punch. Thank god.

Pokémon are some of the most dangerous being in fiction. In their attempts to create a cutesy world with cool monsters, Game Freak instead had created a death world, where humanity had been forced to work with weaker Pokémon to combat beings far and above their power.

And I had six balls at my waist, a full team. Even a baby Pokémon is nothing to sneeze at. This of course, depended on if there were even Pokémon in the balls at all.

"…short term goal. Find a place to check what's in these balls in private." I looked up at the building, thinking the next part to myself to avoid superhuman ears. 'Long term goal, get Superman's autograph.'

That of course, is when a nearby ringing, loud as heck and echoing in the air, turned on. I jumped with everyone else in the area, spinning to try and see what the problem was. Then I saw people running. And heard gunshots, an easy sound to recognize after being raised in the dark parts of Oakland and San Jose.

"Oh no. Don't tell me." In complete opposition to my natural instinct, I ran towards the alarms, the bag and balls bouncing as I did.

I found the commotion easily. A bank, a big one with marble columns. People were running away, clearly terrified.

"You have to be kidding!" I grabbed at my hat, feeling more exasperated by the second. "In Superman's hometown! Who is dumb enough to do this?"

"I know right?" Some hot dog vendor said nearby, idly adjusting his wares. "Granted, the big man apparently has something going on in Fiji. I doubt it will be enough for these guys to get away, but as it is."

I stared at the old man, a combination of horror and annoyance in me. He smiled.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Here," He put a hot dog on a bun and drizzled some ketchup on it, handing it to me. "Just sit back and enjoy the show kid. It's on the house."

I stared at the hot dog, idly wondering if it was kosher. Behind me, another gunshot sounded.

Whoever dropped me here is an asshole. A huge dick. It ain't necessary. I don't care what kind of tools you give me, I'm a lazy asshole who has never held a job for more than six months. I'm not the guy you trust with this shit.

But here I was, turning towards the bank and walking towards it, shoving the hot dog into my mouth as I went.

"H-Hey, kid! Come back, where are you going!?" The hot dog vendor yelled.

"To do something stupid!" I yelled back. As I did, I grabbed two of the balls on my belt. Gunshots. So bullets. I needed a tank. Someone who could handle the bullets. And from my instincts told me, I had two.

I was running now, the two balls in my hands. A click of the button and they expanded. I kicked the door, throwing the first ball as I did.

Four gunmen, fifteen hostages. The gunmen spun, aiming at me. The pokeballs landed on the ground, and bright red lights came from them as they opened.

Two beings came from the lights. Both were massive. One stood on four legs, its body slung low. The other was a biped, almost as tall as me.

As the bullet bounced off them with little effect, I found myself, for the first time since waking up, feeling pretty gosh-darned good about life.

PYJ

"What the hell are those things?" One of the gunmen said, shocked.

I was a bit shocked myself, but I focused on the figures. The first I focused on was the biped. He was… okay, I can't keep calling him a biped.

I am a nerd. That's a fact. And like any nerd, there are my favorites in every fictional universe. And the biped had become one of my favorite Pokémon from the moment I'd found out about it, so much so that my first competitive team was built around it.

Chesnaught, the Spiny Armor Pokémon. He stood a bit shorter than me, but his body was wide. Its back was covered in a stiff, cloak like armor, cream white like most of its body, and trimmed with red and green bands. Four spines jutted from the cloak, with two more at the shoulders. The rest of its body shared the same color scheme as the cloak, with green armor covering his arms. He curled his three fingered as he came into being, his ursine face gritted in determination that shouldn't have been possible for an animal.

The other Pokémon was just as familiar. Heatran, the Lava Dome. Reddish-brown, with orange and gray spots across her body, her most prominent traits were the metal protrusions and armor across her body, especially a massive mask that had her bright orange eyes burning fiercely.

By the way, I did not see all these details in the seconds of time after they appeared. I didn't even know Chesnaught was male, and Heatran was female. Later study let me figure out all the details.

My exact thought process actually went, 'Oh cool, I have Pokémon!' Followed by,'This can only end in pain.' Finally, 'Guns shooting!'

The last thought coincided with me ducking behind Chesnaught, trying to hold my bladder as the echoing boom of gunshots filled my ears, people screaming in the background. As the sounds combined, I prayed silently.

Then the bullets stopped. I peeked, eyes widening at the sight before me. They were reloading their guns.

I looked at Chesnaught. The bearlike Pokemon looked back at me, then grinned. A very impish grin at that.

Not a scratch.

I looked at Heatran, who simply waited, watching the gunmen, a few dents on her surface, but nothing else.

Then I realized what had happened.

Pokemon in the games have two passive things that can transform how they respond to battle. Their typing, and their abilities. Most pokemon can have a hidden ability, one that can only be found in rare individuals.

Chesnaught hidden ability is Bulletproof. As in completely. Bombs, bullets, they had no hold on a Pokemon with that ability.

Heatran was a Fire/Steel Pokemon. A Pokemon who was capable of taking attacks like small pieces of metal like nothing.

Both of them could no-sell bullets. My superpowered murder beasts can no-sell bullets.

"Oh heck yeah!" I snapped a hand out. "Heatran, get the ones on the left! Use-" A move shone brightly in my mind. "Hidden Power, Ice!"

The Lave Dome Pokemon let out a roar that sounded like metal cracking and melting with blast of power, then released a blast of power from its body. It arced out, slamming into a gunman and sending him spinning to slam into a glass panel.

"Chesnaught, Drain Punch!"

He rushed forward, massive bulk moving far faster than anyone would expect, and slammed an enormous fist into another man, who tried to run before he went flying with the sound of bones breaking. At the same time, a rush of red light went from the man to Chesnaught, who smiled in pleasure at the rush of energy.

The other two gun had reloaded, and seeing that their shots didn't work on my Pokemon, focused on the squishy human controlling them. I ducked behind Heatran, listening as the men backed off while trying to get a shot at me.

'Shit. Do I wait my turn?" My thoughts immediately slapped themselves as hard as they could. 'The fuck are you thinking!?'

"Heatran, Earth Power! Chesnaught, Leech Seed!"

The pair roared, Heatran that strange metal crunch, and Chesnaught releasing a boom of noise that would have left a polar bear feeling emasculated.

Chesnaught raised his right arm, and small bumps sprouted on the armor there, shooting out and sticking to the skin of a gunmen who was running towards the hostages. The green seeds sprouted in seconds, surrounding the man in vines and leaves that left him unharmed, but covered in plants.

My other Pokémon was more violent. She lifted herself on her front legs, roaring in a fiery rage, then slammed her feet onto the ground. The ground the other gunmen erupted in a yellow light, shattering the marble floor and sending him flying with a Wilheim scream.

"Huh, they really do that." I found myself musing.

"Don't move!" The three of us turned in unison. The final gunmen stared at us with frantic eyes through his ski mask, holding a terrified woman to him with an arm around her neck and a gun to her head. He spat out a leaf from his mouth, still wrapped in the Leech Seeds. "Don't you move! I'll blow her head off!"

"O-Okay! Okay man, just calm down bro!" I cried out, holding my hands out as I tried not to vomit in fear. I could taste a bit of stomach acid shot into my mouth, but I kept my cool as best I could.

"I mean it asshole! I'll kill the bitch!" He pressed the gun to the blondes temple, blinking rapidly as he did.

"Okay man, I got it. Just stay cool." I looked at the woman, who was wearing a pair of jeans and a Flash t-shirt. "You'll be okay. Just take a breath."

She nodded frantically, tears pouring from her blue eyes.

Seeing my placidness, the gunman grinned. "Okay. Just do what I say man. You… you need too…" His blinking sped up further. He shook his head, confused.

"Hey, you all right man?" I tried to hide a grin. Then I leaped behind my Pokémon when he pointed his gun at me.

"Shut up! I'm fine! Just… tired."

He fell, the Leech Seeds fading away as they pulled out the last of his energy. I ran over, checking his pulse as the blonde woman fell to the ground in tears. Alive.

I checked the woman next, who was in a daze, then spoke to the shellshocked hostages. "Get outside, and stay together! Go!"

They didn't need to be told twice. One man, a security guard with a bullet in his arm, took the blonde from me with a respectful nod, then leaned her against them as they left. I went outside next, followed by the Pokémon. I stared out at the crowd outside, who stared at me in shock.

Then I turned to Chesnaught and Heatran, who looked at me with confused eyes. "We'll talk later. But I want to be out of here soon. Come on."

Moving on instinct, I put them back in their balls, and reached in my bag. I blinked, then pulled out a flute.

"…Now I find this thing?" I ignored the reporters coming towards me, especially the black haired woman with purple eyes who was followed by a redhead kid. Instead, I blew into it.

A trilling sound filled the air. The crowd stopped, confused at my actions. Then the sound repeated. This time, from the distance. I stepped back, waiting with one eye closed as I tried to prepare for what was coming.

A red object flew towards me at extreme speed. I leaped, letting it fly beneath me, then landing on it's back. It let out a delighted trill as it looped around, then took off in a burst of speed.

As Latias, the Eon Pokemon, flew with me on her back, something in my bag glowed. I took it out, blinking at the familiar object. A silver bracelet, with a multicolored gem in the center, and carvings on the surface.

The red dragon under me trilled in sheer joy as the gem on the bracelet glowed fiercely, then we were surrounded in light and color. When it disappeared, Latias was purple, her body shaped like a jetplane and power roaring from her like a tidal wave from a faucet. She took off like a bullet, and I was left to hang on as I screamed in horror and tried to keep from hurling on the happily trilling Pokemon.

That was my first day. It did not bode well for whatever came next.

PYG

Author's Note: Made for Spacebattles