2/2

"Um," Neville said nervously, "Can I join you guys? I'm having trouble with Potions and History of Magic, but I can help with Herbology." Ron and Harry shrugged indifferently when Shikamaru looked at them.

"Pull up a chair," he said. Neville's face split in a relieved smile and he hurried to do so. When he sat down, Shikamaru asked, "So what are you having trouble with?"

A conglomerate of words that pretty much amounted to everything spilled out and had Shikamaru's mouth tilting up in amusement.

"Alright. No problem. We should start with Potions and work from there," he said patiently. He briefly redirected his attention from his work to helping Neville out, lending his notes and expertise as needed. It wasn't as often as he expected - apparently Neville just had to have some concepts explained in more detail than other people and he was good on theory. Which, considering they had no practical homework yet, was good for him. Halfway through their study pow wow, Hermione joined them by pulling up a chair and asking (demanding) that Shikamaru confer with her about their homework assignments. Even the ones she'd already done.

Deciding that surrender would cause less irritation, he reluctantly engaged in short concise sentences to give her small answers. Despite her initial forwardness, she was surprisingly amenable when it came to correcting her work or defending her position. She even spared him a compliment on his organized notes that had Harry snorting at his expression of somewhat bewildered gratification.

So, maybe it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Meh. He'd never admit it out loud.

…

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Madam Hooch asked, eyeing her class closely. "Everyone pick a broom and stand by it." Shikamaru looked at the sticks with twigs attached with no small amount of reservations. These things were supposed to be safe? He'd sooner trust Naruto not to go running off at the first sight of danger to the village. Which, considering the blond's personality…

He stepped up reluctantly, not willing to admit that he might be acting a little irrational about this. So, maybe a lot irrational. But he had reasons, namely, the laws of physics. Unfortunately, magic sort of took physics' laws and burned them, dancing happily on the ashes. He only hoped that the brooms had been enchanted to only go a certain height, or distance or…

And there went Neville. In the air. More than a safe distance, despite Madam Hooch's sharp reprimands and commands.

Damn his life.

He guessed it was too much to ask of the school to have some safety features installed on their choice of vehicle.

"Get down here, boy!" Madam Hooch ordered, making no move to get on her own broom and chase after him, or even help him with her wand. What was with the incompetence? At this rate Neville would -

Several people screamed as Neville slid off his broom from over one hundred feet in the air. Shikamaru swore violently in Japanese and had his wand out before anyone could do anything except move a little out of the way of the falling boy's path (and really, what happened to helping those in need? Maybe that wasn't a thing here though).

"Wingardium Leviosa!" he snapped, and Neville jerked to a halt not three feet above the ground. People gaped, the instructor included. Shikamaru breathed deeply and tried not to release any killing intent. No need to make some eleven year olds wet themselves, no need at all. He released the spell and Neville fell to the floor with a muffled thump. There was a moment of frozen surprise, and then Madam Hooch rushed briskly forward and bent down to pick the pale boy up. She didn't say anything to Shikamaru, but she gave him an approving nod, which was more than he could say about her at the moment.

"No one do anything while I get Mr. Longbottom to the medical wing. Anyone I see on their brooms will be faster than they can say 'Quidditch'," she ordered sternly. Then she hustled the still blinking boy away. There was silence for five blessed seconds, and then Malfoy started to laugh. Raucously and loudly, and rather unbecomingly of a noble's son.

"Did you see his face, the great lump?" he said with a sneer. Oh joy. Insecurity issues were about to resolve themselves as a pathetic form of bullying. Shikamaru had quite frankly had enough by this time in the day, and he hadn't even had lunch yet. Whatever karma was causing his life to do this to him, he would like to let it be known that he probably didn't deserve it. Maybe.

Before Malfoy could really get into the spirit of things, picking up Neville's remembrall in a way that made Harry tense (and oh, no, classic rival signs, God help him, Shikamaru was not prepared for another rendition of the Dramatic Duo of Fate and the Future of the World) and opening his mouth to say something snobbish and probably rude, Shikamaru stepped next to him and plucked it from his grasp. Hm. For a boy who claimed to be a Quidditch player, his grip needed work. Also? Shikamaru was not dealing with this now, or ever.

Please and thank you.

"I'm glad you picked that up, Malfoy," Shikamaru said. Malfoy gaped unattractively. "If you hadn't, it might have been smashed." He put it very pointedly into his pocket and started towards the castle.

"Where are you going?" Hermione asked. He didn't turn around.

"I'm going to find something more useful than standing around on the Quidditch pitch while Madam Hooch reassures herself that Neville isn't, in fact, hurt. That will take a while, so anyone who doesn't want to spend the next hour and half doing nothing might as well leave now. No one will know if you skive off," he replied. Bad influence? Maybe, but he was too busy being a little bit proud that he'd staved off the Epic Rival Showdown between Malfoy and Harry. He might make respected acquaintances of them yet.

…

"You what."

It wasn't even a question. Just a statement of complete and utter disbelief that this was the direction the year was going. Harry squirmed under his unimpressed stare. Good.

"He made Seeker on the Quidditch team!" Ron said, clearly feeling no such reservations. "Youngest in a century." The redhead beamed, forgetting about his food entirely.

"No, I heard that part," Shikamaru said, still flatly, "I just...how did this happen?" It was official - he couldn't leave these two alone for an hour. Ron shrugged.

"Malfoy said some stuff and Harry said some stuff back, and then they were racing. McGonagall came out and I thought that was the end of it, but apparently it wasn't," he said. Shikamaru tilted his head ever so slightly.

"You got a position on the team just because of some racing?" he asked in slight disbelief. Harry shook his head.

"No, we were racing to a tree and he pulled up sooner than I did. I was probably an inch away from running into it," he said with a slight grin. Of course he'd be excited about nearly braining himself. Bloody Gryffindors (not the last time he'd think that, he just knew it).

"Well, congratulations," Shikamaru said. He was supposed to offer those, right? He was still trying to process the logic behind the position offer.

"Well done," a voice said from behind them, and dammit, what was with his observational skills lacking lately. People were just sneaking up on him and he wasn't catching them. Clearly he needed to do some strenuous work to get his skills back up to par. But for the moment…

"We're on the team too, Beaters" Fred Weasley said with a grin. His twin, George, stood behind him with a similar expression of pleasure. "Wood told us - you've got to be good, he was almost skipping when he left to tell everyone else."

Harry looked a mixture of overwhelmed and pleased, pink with wide eyes. Ador-

No. Not again. Not going down that pathway ever.

"You're the castle's resident pranksters, right?" he asked to get his midnight away from those disturbing thoughts. Fred and George exchanged surprised glances.

"Yes," they chorused unsurely. He brushed aside a shudder of remembrance from two other menaces and stood up. He was done anyway.

"Good. I have a proposition for you, if you want to hear it," he said. He led them out of the noisy hall and stopped suddenly. He let them wonder as he pulled out a drawstring bag. "Careful, they're volatile," he warned as he handed them over. They curiously peaked inside.

"What're these?" Fred asked, pulling out one of the small grey pellets.

"Those are smoke pellets. Non-vanishable, scentless, trace-less, and ones that build effect with movement, in fact," he said. They're eyes widened comically. At least they didn't drop the bag. In fact, George - the one holding them - clutched them closer.

"And?" he asked. "Why are you handing them to us?"

"To give them to you," Shikamaru said, just because the could. It made them lose their looks of suspicion, so that was a win. "And because I want a favor."

"What kind of favor?" Maybe the returning suspicion was warranted.

"Nothing big. Just a prank to a target of my choice," he said. He gestured at the bag. "There are twenty pellets in there. They activate by being hit hard by something solid - like the ground - and have a ten meter radius of effect. Movement makes the radius increase and the smoke last longer. It generally sticks around for three to five minutes, but the longest has been twelve and a half, so there's lots of room for margin. They're indestructible, won't be set off by fire or ruined by water, and that bag has locked onto your magical signatures so now it'll only open for you two or me. The bag can't be destroyed or vanished either, by the way."

By the time he was done, they were looking at him like he was an angel from heaven.

"Yeah, o-of course we'll take them," Fred said, eyes already glazed with the ideas of future pranks.

"And we'll prank whoever you want too," George added quickly. At least he remembered the important things.

"Excellent," Shikamaru said briskly. "Good doing business with you, gentlemen. I'll be in touch for whenever I need that prank. Happy...pranking." He needed another word for that so that it wasn't so repetitive. Hm...something to consider in his downtime. He walked away and left them whispering furiously with each other, already wrapped up in whatever teacher's nightmare they were going to do next.

He rather looked forward to it, honestly. The people around here were too complacent. A good prank would shake the monotony a bit. It was sad that there was any in a magical school, but whatever.

When he returned to the table where Harry and Ron were sitting, he was instantly wary. The two of them looked guilty and determined in equal measure, and Hermione looked like she was on the verge of giving a very angry rant. Not good combinations.

"What happened," he asked the one person who would tell him without bias.

Neville hesitated and then gave in, "Malfoy came over and challenged Harry to a wizarding duel at midnight tonight in the trophy room because of something about his honor. Ron's going to be Harry's second, Crabbe Malfoy's, and Hermione doesn't think they should go."

Shikamaru was impressed at the concise report. He thanked Neville and turned to his two friends.

"I'm going to hope that you're not actually thinking of going to this very obvious trap," he said conversationally. They didn't answer for a minute. Right, Gryffindors. Which meant they had less logic than usual.

"What do you mean, 'trap'?" Ron asked. Children now. What were their parents teaching them? Clearly common sense was no longer a topic of import. It probably came with the life description of being a wizard. Use magic, make potions, and don't bother trying to make important life decisions that make sense.

Anyway.

"The one where Malfoy tells you where to go and has someone else waiting for you so that you can get caught out past curfew and either lose a lot of house points and get a few months of detention with either Filch, Professor McGonagall or Professor Snape, or you get expelled," Shikamaru replied. There was a sound of alarm as Harry choked on his juice.

"Expelled?" Ron asked faintly. Shikamaru nodded sagely.

"Yeah. If he tells Professor Snape, than probably most certainly," he said. Everyone knew by now that Snape had it out for Harry, and just didn't like Ron as a rule of existence, so he'd probably jump at the chance for expulsion. Which, just no. Things were so much better when they were around to make questionable decisions. Unless they directly affected him, then it was mostly irritating.

Harry and Ron were sufficiently pale through the rest of dinner, thinking over the implications of Malfoy ratting them out which, considering the love for passive-aggressive attacks that nobles seemed to have, weren't very nice at all.

"He would do that," Ron said at last as they were leaving the Great Hall.

"Hm?" Shikamaru asked, being brought out of his musings on the downsides to nobility.

"Malfoy," Ron clarified. "He's a sneaky rat like that." Now that seemed a tad harsh, but he supposed if the shoe fit.

"Exactly. Which is why you two will stay in the room tonight, right?" Shikamaru agreed. They nodded reluctantly. Harry looked like he wanted to argue, but seemed to decide against it at the last minute. Well, at least they were learning.

Or, so he believed.

…

"Psst! Harry! Get up!"

Shikamaru wanted to sigh in exasperation, he really did, but he felt that would defeat the purpose of appearing like he was sleeping. Ron and subtlety did not to hand in hand.

"Yes, I'm up. Now shut up, you'll wake everyone up!"

Neither, apparently, did subtlety and Harry. It was good for them that everyone in this dorm except for Shikamaru were heavy sleepers.

"Alright, let's go." Ron again. At least they were whispering.

"What if Shikamaru was right and it's a trap?" Harry asked shuffling around.

"Dunno. I suppose we book it," Ron replied. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and didn't sigh with effort. "I mean, but this way we know for sure."

Surely they wouldn't actually…

The door to the boy's dorm closed. They would. For a few minutes, he debated the morality of just letting things pan out and letting them learn from their mistakes. Unfortunately, that house loyalty took form of a very annoying thing that he thought he'd left behind.

His conscience.

That it sounded like the Sandaime did not help matters any.

Grumbling mentally, he got up and cast a charm over himself to get rid of any lingering scents and left the room. Where had they said they'd go? The trophy room? Well, if he didn't hurry he probably wouldn't get there in time.

With a stealth born from those who didn't want to be noticed, he made his way quickly to the trophy room in time to hear Filch and a terrified squeak that sounded a lot like... Hermione? What was she doing there? (1) Shaking his head, Shikamaru aimed his wand at a suit of armor away from where the Idiot Trio were and muttered a spell to make it move just slightly. It was enough to cause a sound and to draw attention away from them.

He got closer...closer…

Clank!

Shit.

Filch's head whirled around and his eyes honed in where the Idiot Trio were now trying to pick themselves up.

"Run for it!" That was Ron. What was he thinking? Filch would clearly recognize his voice. Shikamaru darted forward, careful to stay in the shadows to have some measure of cover, and heaved Harry and Hermione up.

"Shika-?" Harry started in surprise, but Shikamaru slammed a hand over his mouth. Almost gave him away there, and he did not need that, thanks.

"Move," he hissed. Then he ran after Ron and heard them start to follow. Ron didn't seem to know where he was going, making turns at random areas in the wild abandon of the panicked.

Finally, there weren't any more noises of pursuit and they stopped, three panting loudly, the other listening intently. They were near their Charms classroom, which was farther from the Gryffindor common room than was preferable.

"I think we lost him," Harry said through large gusty breaths. Shikamaru was about to tell him not to jinx it, when who should fly out of the classroom but Peeves.

Well. They were screwed. Shikamaru began to think of escape routes even as the others pleaded with the poltergeist to keep quiet. It didn't work, and as soon as Ron swiped through him in frustration, Peeves bellowed.

"STUDENTS OUT OF BED!"

Shikamaru swore and ducked underneath the ghost, quickly followed by his the Idiot Trio. They soon ran into a locked door.

"We're done for," Ron moaned, tugging fruitlessly at the handle. Shikamaru shoved him out of the way and unlocked it with a tap. Then, he herded everyone inside and shut it again. Instantly, his senses registered a danger, and he turned around while the other three listened at the door for Filch.

A three headed dog stared back at him. A part of him vaguely remembered it to be a Cerberus. The rest of him was just bemoaning everything he'd ever done to get to this point in his life. It wasn't rock bottom, nowhere close, but it was still terrible. The dog started to growl.

He frowned. If it was an aggressive dog, it would have attacked already. He noticed the slightly wagging tail and the lack of raised hackles. Wonderful. It wanted to play. Son of a blood leach, he was not equipped for this kind of situation.

"Oh," Hermione whimpered upon turning around. Harry and Ron followed suit and paled simultaneously. Harry scrabbled for the door.

"Out, get - get out!" he opened it and they all run out full tilt, just remembering to shut it behind them again on the Cerberus's protesting barks, all the way to the dorm room. Well. The Idiot Trio ran as fast as they could. Shikamaru just ran a little behind them all to make sure that no one heard the terrible racket they were surely making and came after them for it.

They got through the portrait hole and stopped for a moment. Then, Shikamaru sighed and drew himself up. Whatever expression he had or atmosphere he was exuding had the Idiot Trio stepping back to a safer distance.

Ha. No distance was safe from him at the moment. They'd done the one unforgivable thing (not really, but damn was he irritated about it): they'd motivated him into doing something. The world had better watch out because he was actually motivated to keeping these idiots alive through the years in Hogwarts. (2) Somehow he suspected it would end up being far harder than he could be think it could be.

(1): Neville isn't mentioned here because his wasn't injured; therefore he didn't have to stay in the Hospital Wing. Just assume that he returned earlier, even though it wasn't mentioned.

(2): A better reason for motivation, both plotwise and logically, then some feud with Malfoy, though he'll be talking to the little tart soon enough.

Guest Reviews (from bottom to top)

Guest: I'm very happy that you like it! Yes, Shikamaru will definitely be changing things. Hope you enjoyed this one.

Guest: I'm glad you loved it enough to review!

Guest: It is very out of place, thanks for noticing, but the adults of his orphanage are not large on logic. Thank you for the review.

Guest: See, someone else understands that Hermione was a tad annoying in the first part of the first book. Obvously she gets better, but Shikamaru would find her iritating at first I think. Anyway, thanks a lot for the review!

Nosy John: I understand that Sasuke's issues came from the slaughter of his clan and stuff, and I'm not trying to bash him or anything. Also, yeah, I don't think Shikamaru would mind him after all this time, but I don't know if they'd be friends or anything. Probably just amiable coworkers. Thanks for the input and review!

Jiggly Joe: Again, not to bash Sasuke, but I'm thinking that throughout the academy, Shikamaru would at least observe Sasuke. He probably doesn't care about him overly much until the retrieval mission, but from a distance I think he would see Sasuke as cold and condescending to his classmates, and honestly for good reason. Remember that whole, 'I do myself' mentality that he had when Team Seven was first formed? Naruto and he shared it, but it was there. And as for his goal for killing Itachi, I think that might have spread around after he ran off with Orochimaru. Maybe he didn't hear a rant, but he would probably know about it. That's just my thinking, thanks for the review and input.

Ake: Firstly, thank you for your review and kind words. Yes, he is a little too good at everything, which is part of the reason for this rewrite. I don't want to make him into a Gary Stue, so here we are. Sorry for the wait, and again thanks.

A/N: I'm infinitely sorry for how ridiculously long this has taken, good lord I didn't mean it to I swear. As you can see, I'm trying to take this a more introspective and humorous path, as seen with Shikamaru's dubbing of the Golden Trio as the Idiot Trio instead since they're all so troublesome and exasperating, but anyway. Big talk with them coming up, and I hope you like the changes. There's a list of the important ones that will probably affect the plot below for the first chapter.

I'm trying to make Shikamaru resemble a Gary Stue less since that was a problem both I and some reviewers had. Please leave a review, and peace out.

Changes to the story in Chapter 1 (forgive me if I miss some details, but I'm focusing on the big stuff for you who care):

Shikamaru isn't so antagonistic towards Malfoy and is much more mature with his situation in general on the train.

Shikamaru's going to try and get the hero worship towards Harry to go down a notch or five because he Does Not Approve.

Shikamaru is more laid back and more of a troll than I had him characterized as before. Still able to get serious, though it'll be a running gag about him bemoaning his lot in life.

Shikamaru's done lots of research on the wizarding world so he knows how to handle pure-bloods and stuff, and he's self taught himself a lot of basic spells that could be used for things related to ninja skills, and potions.

No shadows with his chakra. Sorry fans for it, I just didn't like where it was going, so no. His chakra just caused insomnia and more intense dreams. No evil battling for his soul.

Instead of the Fred and George thing at the end, I moved it to the second chapter and replaced it with some interaction with the Slytherin first years and Snape.